I shaved Yerger's head tonight into a mohawk. Briefly considered giving Vince that fade I will most likely give him at some point, perhaps when he is not such a jiggly water baby. He did not cry when he met Yerger so it's NOT beards that make him cry. I think babies know when you are trying too hard to make them smile, they smell the desperation, ( Read more... )

I am currently watching you sleep. I can't say I do that a lot. Sure, I pop into the room occasionally to check on you and I have a powerful urge to put a mirror under your nose every time you make a weird noise in the wee hours of the night, but I fight it. I wasn't quite sure if I would be one of those moms--completely memorized by your babiness ( Read more... )

But the program of action, though entirely sensible, was pretty drastic. It meant I would have to throw several lifelong conceptions out the window. --AA Big Book ( Read more... )

Dear Baby ( Read more... )

I have always wanted a little girl. This is a natural bi-product of living in a girls-only household, i.e. an open-door nudist utopia where everyone says how they feel and cries at the drop of a hat. So it doesn't surprise me that I grew up to want a little baby girl, a tiny me to whom I would say "I'm your mother, not your fucking buddy," but ( Read more... )

One thing in life I have always feared, and feared alike my reaction to it, is pressure. It seems every time I start to succeed and the fruits of that success become apparent to me, I am as close to stumbling as I will ever be, if not already there. I panic every time I take a new job. I know I freaked out as soon as I realized my future husband ( Read more... )

I have always hated the word "spiritual." Mainly because I tied it to lazy people who want to believe in god but can't make up their fucking minds on which one. Even though this was shitty and ignorant of me, I still feel like a giant hypocrite now that I find myself "gaining spiritual weight." Yes, they actually say that.

Today, I find myself to be ( Read more... )

Yesterday was my 30th day of program and I celebrated by going to a meeting, which is not typical for my Tuesdays. Mark is slated to attend his first Al-Anon this weekend which I think should really help both of us adjust to my being in program. I find that I am asking certain things of him and while he is always willing to do them, he still doesn' ( Read more... )

Moving on to phase two of step one. This is something I think I have been putting off. This is the time I am supposed to admit that my life had become unmanageable because of my addiction. What I find so challenging about this part is how it will proceed to take the blindfolds off and force me to look at my life as a list of missed opportunities ( Read more... )

I am really chickening out on the whole kids thing. Today, I had to take a pregnancy test and when it came out negative, I was almost more relieved than sad, which is weird. The last time I had to test, I was equally sad and relieved. I thought I would get progressively sadder with every negative test. However, since we've taken a break so I can go ( Read more... )