Happiness is Buckle $%#&ing a Raptor -or- Stayc's Play: A story in 3 Parts. (Part 2)
Be sure to read Part 1 first!
I park the car. It's the TCNJ that I've always known, same lot that I always use. However, I can't shake the fact that something is different this time. I don't think it was the harrowing journey here either.
Jeff, Brian, and I get out of my car and head towards the main part of campus. It's a crisp fall day and all the leaves have left their trees, hinting that winter is soon to be had. As we approach the campus, we see that a bandstand has been erected and a crowd a people are gathered around, attentively listening. A man can be heard, speaking from the bandstand.
As we approach closer to the bandstand, another man can be seen rising to the podium at the center of the platform. I squint, trying to make out the face. It seems very familiar to me.
Suddenly I recognize the man and proclaim, "I could be crazy, but I think that's John Hammond at the stage up there."
"Holy shit, I think you're right," exclaims Jeff.
We approach and join the crowd. Just then, the speaker beings his speech.
Good afternoon, esteemed students. While the tragic death of your former dean of students has affected us all greatly, I am happy to have been given the honor of continuing his work. I'm sure many of the students here are familiar with my research in the field of biogenetics, specifically my work with recreating extinct life.
Many times I have been criticized for my work, especially after the failure of my first attempt of opening a park to exhibit my beautiful creations. Despite this, I don't see how the desire to experience an extinct species is at all sinister. It is true that, at times, many, many innocent people have needlessly died: entire cargo ships, small villages, and countless children, all dead. Nevertheless, the overwhelming sense of dread that these thoughts conjure up just melts away whenever I hold a tiny, baby dinosaur in my hands.
Just thinking that something that will grow into a creature with such amazing killing power but at birth can barely emerge from its egg on its own, makes me warm all over. At times, I've found the criticism to be discouraging, especially in the face of failure. Luckily, I have been fortunate enough to have wealth enough to convince some to believe in my vision. 'No expense spared', I always say. At least, I did, until my money failed me and I learned that loyalty could not be bought. However, I think that I have learned from the past and am happy to embrace the future.
This is why I am so happy to have the opportunity to invest in the minds of the young. Students, such as yourselves, will be the future of this planet. To take this lightly would be a tragic mistake. Together there is much to learn and much to explore. Math, science, language and the arts have the honor to mingle at this esteemed institution to great effect. I hope that together we can solve many of the worlds great problems: create medicines to treat debilitating and widespread disease, develop ways to better educate the young, understand the Universe's great mysteries, and expand the body of human knowledge.
However, I do feel that there is a problem that needs to be overcome. Every great institution is subject to infestation by those who would just take and return nothing. In short those who have no hope of contributing appreciably to humanity. Which is why I'd like to make a special announcement today, on my first day as your new dean. I am happy to announce that The College of New Jersey will be the first free-range velociraptor farm. The raptors have already been brought to campus and are ready to be released. To celebrate this monumental day and to better this institute, there will be a campus wide Running of the Raptors, to take place immediately at the end of this speech. The Running of the Raptors, the weak will be eaten. Good luck and God speed.
Simultaneously, Brian, Jeff and I turn to each other "Oooh, shit!"
Immediately, the crowd around us begins to panic. People scream and begin running for the closest buildings. We can see a few at the outskirts of the crowd desperately trying the doors of a nearby building, frantically pulling as hard as they can. The look of desperation on their faces when they realized the doors are locked was horrifying.
Quickly, the three of us realized that we have to do something immediately, less we come face to face with untold horrors. Almost instinctual, we head toward the main quad. Perhaps we had hoped to find some sort of rescue here. We quickly realize our mistake, when in the distance, we can see the raptors rushing toward us. At first it was almost majestic to watch as these creatures effortlessly closed the considerable distance between them and us.
Jeff, Brian, and I turn to one another and, without uttering a word, resolve to fighting until the bitter end. Looking to my right, I see Brian produce a small sword from his jacket. Next to him, I see Jeff is at the ready with a buckled shoe in hand. I reach into my jacket and remove my favorite club. Fondly, I look upon its many notches as the fear sets in that this may be our last adventure together.
By now, the raptors are all but right on top of us. Holding our ground, we brace for the imminent brutality.
The first raptors reach us. I sidestep my raptor and give a quick blow to the side of its head, nearest to where I would guess a raptor's temple would be. To my surprise, the raptor falls with a satisfyingly dead sounding thump. A quick glance to my side I see a headless raptor beside Brian and one on ground next to Jeff with an unnaturally concave skull. So far, we seem to be holding our own.
Still, three raptors are nothing compared to the many that are flooding campus. I take a quick survey and behold the unimaginable carnage taking place all around us. Everywhere students lie in pools of their own blood, as the raptors feast to their stomach's content.
Suddenly, Jeff shouts, "We'll have a better chance away from the open quad."
Agreeing, we all head to a treed in area just about 100 yards away from the quad. By time we reach the edge of the trees, a group of raptors closes the distance behind us. We turn and prepare to face our foes.
Suddenly, the raptor closest to me, vaults into the air with amazing agility. I take the full force of the impact and land on my back. Desperately, I use my club to keep the raptor's razor sharp teeth away from my body. Doing the only thing that I think could possibly free me from the raptor's death grip, I give the raptor the hardest ball-shot I could manage. The raptor flips over onto the ground beside me. I rise to my feet and look down at my foe. I wasn't sure if dinosaurs were able to convey emotion on their face, but it was clear that this raptor was wearing its pain face. I decide to end its suffering and smiled as the raptor's skull gives way to the heel of my boot.
Free from danger for the moment, I look to my friends and watch as Brian skillfully dodges a raptor's attack and removes one of its legs. With a quick motion of his sword, the falling raptor is dispatched from this life.
Changing my attention to Jeff, I witness as he headlocks a raptor and repeatedly smashes his shoe/weapon into its face.
"Hoooo! I just buckle fucked that raptor!"
"Hell ya!" shouts Brian.
I smile in satisfaction.
I've read that raptors were incredibly smart. Until this moment, however, it didn't really mean that much to me. As we stood in celebration of our, perhaps, trivial wins, raptors approach from our backs. With barely enough time to react, I turn around and smack a raptor in the face. The blow causes the beast to hesitate some, but it quickly recovers with a more than determined look in its eyes. Immediately, the raptor lunges again. I quickly dodge and kick my foot backward, connecting at the ankle joint, forcing it in a direction that nature hadn't intended. I lift my club high above my head and bring it down swiftly at the base of its skull.
I look to my compatriots and see that Brian still seems to be holding his own. However, Jeff appears to be in trouble. With every swing of his shoe, the raptor deftly bobs and weaves his head to avoid the blow, all the while closing the gap. I try to come to Jeff's aid, but I'm too late. The raptor bites at Jeff's chest. I look closer, and to my surprise Jeff managed to shove his shoe in the raptor's mouth. As I approach, Jeff pummels the raptor's skull with his fist until it drops to the ground, lifelessly. Not satisfied with the kill, Jeff continues to punch the raptor while it lies on the ground. Suddenly, another raptor leaps from the shadow and hits Jeff in the back. The raptor and Jeff fly a number of feet before they both hit the ground, with Jeff pinned under the raptor's deadly claws.
I move to Jeff as fast as possible. I swing my club up and into the raptor's gut. It flies into the air and off of Jeff. Another kick to the stomach and the raptor is finished. But I'm too late. The damage is done. Looking at Jeff I see the puncture wounds to his chest and try to think of something to say. Instead Jeff acts first, handing me his bloody, sinewy, buckle bound shoe.
"Buckle fuck 'em all," he manages as he draws his final breath.
Knowing there's nothing I can do now, I shout to Brian, "We've gotta move!"
I point to the back of a nearby building. We both sprint to the building and press our backs against it. For the moment, no raptors can be seen. We desperately try to catch our breaths.
Brian turns and says, "We should find a building to hole up in."
I agree and look up at the barred windows on the building to our back and think that this one might do. I tell Brian that we should head for the door. Brian starts moving first and turns the corner of the building. Before I can turn the corner, I hear the sound of clawed feet. I look around the corner and as if by magic, Brian is suddenly surrounded. Helplessly, I watch as two of the five raptors fall in quick succession. However it is not enough. A shower of blood erupts into the air and a sword lands, blade down, into the ground not far from me. I grab it quickly and hope the raptors are too distracted to notice.
I move back along the side of the building and around to the front. As I pass by a window I hear a thud and look as a waterfall of blood and, what looks like, human flesh streak down the window. I decide that, perhaps, the building is a bad idea.
I move away from the building and suddenly am confronted by four large raptors. One in the center of the pack lifts his head and makes a sound that I can best describe as a mix between a power drill and some sort of demonic bird.
Simultaneously, the raptors charge. Using Brian's sword, I deflect the first raptor's bite and slit his throat. Using my off hand and Jeff's shoe, I uppercut a second raptor. A third raptor has managed to make it to my back and, with a leaping kick, sends me face first to the ground. The shoe and the sword fly from my hands. Somehow, I manage to get up before the raptor can attack again. I brandish my club and prepare for the raptor's next move. The two raptors left from the original four both split up and approach from either side. They close and both strike at the same moment. I manage to club the one, but the second catches my arm in its mouth.
I hear bone crunch and feel numbness as my arm is torn into. The club drops from my now useless hand. Using my other arm, I elbow the raptor in the eye. Its grip loosens, but I still can't free my arm. The first raptor begins to recover from its clubbing and leaps at my free side. It tears into the flesh of my upper arm and I fall to the ground from the blow.
I look down and I can see the raptor begin to tear into my chest. I feel a wet warmth spread over my body and my eyes begin to haze over. There are a lot of things from this day that will probably not be easy to forget, but I know for certain that the image of the raptor ripping my still beating heart from my chest will be burnt into my mind for all eternity.
"Damn you, John Hammond, damn you!"
Then nothing.
...
I wake up and grab my chest, surprised to find it whole. As I open my eyes, I am overcome by the surprising pure white quality of the light. As I begin to gain conciousness, I realize that I am sitting in a chair. From my surroundings, it seems that I'm in a waiting room outside of an exquisite office. I look and Brian and Jeff are seated to my side. A, I assume, secretary is seated at a desk next to the door. Everything seems absurdly surreal. Just as I begin to take things in, the secretary speaks.
"He will see you now."
We all rise and enter through the double doors next to the secretary's desk. As we enter the office, I notice that it is furnished with items made from various exquisite looking wood. Each item looks as if it was crafted by the finest of craftsmen.
We stand together before the man behind the desk. He is an elderly man, yet appears to have a sharp edge to him. His hair is short, grey, and neatly parted. He has a short grey beard that is trimmed close to the face. He is wearing a three-piece suit, also grey, and black bow-tie.
"Hummmm, back so soon?" he speaks slowly yet assuredly.
"Still, I must admit you lasted longer than I would have expected. It was never intended for man to face dinosaur in such a manner."
"Unfortunately, your work is not finished, more is yet to be accomplished. For this reason, I am sending you back; and I do hope that you will not continue to return at such short intervals."
"That will be all."
Suddenly, everything fades to white, then to black.
...
The saga continues (Part 3)...
I park the car. It's the TCNJ that I've always known, same lot that I always use. However, I can't shake the fact that something is different this time. I don't think it was the harrowing journey here either.
Jeff, Brian, and I get out of my car and head towards the main part of campus. It's a crisp fall day and all the leaves have left their trees, hinting that winter is soon to be had. As we approach the campus, we see that a bandstand has been erected and a crowd a people are gathered around, attentively listening. A man can be heard, speaking from the bandstand.
As we approach closer to the bandstand, another man can be seen rising to the podium at the center of the platform. I squint, trying to make out the face. It seems very familiar to me.
Suddenly I recognize the man and proclaim, "I could be crazy, but I think that's John Hammond at the stage up there."
"Holy shit, I think you're right," exclaims Jeff.
We approach and join the crowd. Just then, the speaker beings his speech.
Good afternoon, esteemed students. While the tragic death of your former dean of students has affected us all greatly, I am happy to have been given the honor of continuing his work. I'm sure many of the students here are familiar with my research in the field of biogenetics, specifically my work with recreating extinct life.
Many times I have been criticized for my work, especially after the failure of my first attempt of opening a park to exhibit my beautiful creations. Despite this, I don't see how the desire to experience an extinct species is at all sinister. It is true that, at times, many, many innocent people have needlessly died: entire cargo ships, small villages, and countless children, all dead. Nevertheless, the overwhelming sense of dread that these thoughts conjure up just melts away whenever I hold a tiny, baby dinosaur in my hands.
Just thinking that something that will grow into a creature with such amazing killing power but at birth can barely emerge from its egg on its own, makes me warm all over. At times, I've found the criticism to be discouraging, especially in the face of failure. Luckily, I have been fortunate enough to have wealth enough to convince some to believe in my vision. 'No expense spared', I always say. At least, I did, until my money failed me and I learned that loyalty could not be bought. However, I think that I have learned from the past and am happy to embrace the future.
This is why I am so happy to have the opportunity to invest in the minds of the young. Students, such as yourselves, will be the future of this planet. To take this lightly would be a tragic mistake. Together there is much to learn and much to explore. Math, science, language and the arts have the honor to mingle at this esteemed institution to great effect. I hope that together we can solve many of the worlds great problems: create medicines to treat debilitating and widespread disease, develop ways to better educate the young, understand the Universe's great mysteries, and expand the body of human knowledge.
However, I do feel that there is a problem that needs to be overcome. Every great institution is subject to infestation by those who would just take and return nothing. In short those who have no hope of contributing appreciably to humanity. Which is why I'd like to make a special announcement today, on my first day as your new dean. I am happy to announce that The College of New Jersey will be the first free-range velociraptor farm. The raptors have already been brought to campus and are ready to be released. To celebrate this monumental day and to better this institute, there will be a campus wide Running of the Raptors, to take place immediately at the end of this speech. The Running of the Raptors, the weak will be eaten. Good luck and God speed.
Simultaneously, Brian, Jeff and I turn to each other "Oooh, shit!"
Immediately, the crowd around us begins to panic. People scream and begin running for the closest buildings. We can see a few at the outskirts of the crowd desperately trying the doors of a nearby building, frantically pulling as hard as they can. The look of desperation on their faces when they realized the doors are locked was horrifying.
Quickly, the three of us realized that we have to do something immediately, less we come face to face with untold horrors. Almost instinctual, we head toward the main quad. Perhaps we had hoped to find some sort of rescue here. We quickly realize our mistake, when in the distance, we can see the raptors rushing toward us. At first it was almost majestic to watch as these creatures effortlessly closed the considerable distance between them and us.
Jeff, Brian, and I turn to one another and, without uttering a word, resolve to fighting until the bitter end. Looking to my right, I see Brian produce a small sword from his jacket. Next to him, I see Jeff is at the ready with a buckled shoe in hand. I reach into my jacket and remove my favorite club. Fondly, I look upon its many notches as the fear sets in that this may be our last adventure together.
By now, the raptors are all but right on top of us. Holding our ground, we brace for the imminent brutality.
The first raptors reach us. I sidestep my raptor and give a quick blow to the side of its head, nearest to where I would guess a raptor's temple would be. To my surprise, the raptor falls with a satisfyingly dead sounding thump. A quick glance to my side I see a headless raptor beside Brian and one on ground next to Jeff with an unnaturally concave skull. So far, we seem to be holding our own.
Still, three raptors are nothing compared to the many that are flooding campus. I take a quick survey and behold the unimaginable carnage taking place all around us. Everywhere students lie in pools of their own blood, as the raptors feast to their stomach's content.
Suddenly, Jeff shouts, "We'll have a better chance away from the open quad."
Agreeing, we all head to a treed in area just about 100 yards away from the quad. By time we reach the edge of the trees, a group of raptors closes the distance behind us. We turn and prepare to face our foes.
Suddenly, the raptor closest to me, vaults into the air with amazing agility. I take the full force of the impact and land on my back. Desperately, I use my club to keep the raptor's razor sharp teeth away from my body. Doing the only thing that I think could possibly free me from the raptor's death grip, I give the raptor the hardest ball-shot I could manage. The raptor flips over onto the ground beside me. I rise to my feet and look down at my foe. I wasn't sure if dinosaurs were able to convey emotion on their face, but it was clear that this raptor was wearing its pain face. I decide to end its suffering and smiled as the raptor's skull gives way to the heel of my boot.
Free from danger for the moment, I look to my friends and watch as Brian skillfully dodges a raptor's attack and removes one of its legs. With a quick motion of his sword, the falling raptor is dispatched from this life.
Changing my attention to Jeff, I witness as he headlocks a raptor and repeatedly smashes his shoe/weapon into its face.
"Hoooo! I just buckle fucked that raptor!"
"Hell ya!" shouts Brian.
I smile in satisfaction.
I've read that raptors were incredibly smart. Until this moment, however, it didn't really mean that much to me. As we stood in celebration of our, perhaps, trivial wins, raptors approach from our backs. With barely enough time to react, I turn around and smack a raptor in the face. The blow causes the beast to hesitate some, but it quickly recovers with a more than determined look in its eyes. Immediately, the raptor lunges again. I quickly dodge and kick my foot backward, connecting at the ankle joint, forcing it in a direction that nature hadn't intended. I lift my club high above my head and bring it down swiftly at the base of its skull.
I look to my compatriots and see that Brian still seems to be holding his own. However, Jeff appears to be in trouble. With every swing of his shoe, the raptor deftly bobs and weaves his head to avoid the blow, all the while closing the gap. I try to come to Jeff's aid, but I'm too late. The raptor bites at Jeff's chest. I look closer, and to my surprise Jeff managed to shove his shoe in the raptor's mouth. As I approach, Jeff pummels the raptor's skull with his fist until it drops to the ground, lifelessly. Not satisfied with the kill, Jeff continues to punch the raptor while it lies on the ground. Suddenly, another raptor leaps from the shadow and hits Jeff in the back. The raptor and Jeff fly a number of feet before they both hit the ground, with Jeff pinned under the raptor's deadly claws.
I move to Jeff as fast as possible. I swing my club up and into the raptor's gut. It flies into the air and off of Jeff. Another kick to the stomach and the raptor is finished. But I'm too late. The damage is done. Looking at Jeff I see the puncture wounds to his chest and try to think of something to say. Instead Jeff acts first, handing me his bloody, sinewy, buckle bound shoe.
"Buckle fuck 'em all," he manages as he draws his final breath.
Knowing there's nothing I can do now, I shout to Brian, "We've gotta move!"
I point to the back of a nearby building. We both sprint to the building and press our backs against it. For the moment, no raptors can be seen. We desperately try to catch our breaths.
Brian turns and says, "We should find a building to hole up in."
I agree and look up at the barred windows on the building to our back and think that this one might do. I tell Brian that we should head for the door. Brian starts moving first and turns the corner of the building. Before I can turn the corner, I hear the sound of clawed feet. I look around the corner and as if by magic, Brian is suddenly surrounded. Helplessly, I watch as two of the five raptors fall in quick succession. However it is not enough. A shower of blood erupts into the air and a sword lands, blade down, into the ground not far from me. I grab it quickly and hope the raptors are too distracted to notice.
I move back along the side of the building and around to the front. As I pass by a window I hear a thud and look as a waterfall of blood and, what looks like, human flesh streak down the window. I decide that, perhaps, the building is a bad idea.
I move away from the building and suddenly am confronted by four large raptors. One in the center of the pack lifts his head and makes a sound that I can best describe as a mix between a power drill and some sort of demonic bird.
Simultaneously, the raptors charge. Using Brian's sword, I deflect the first raptor's bite and slit his throat. Using my off hand and Jeff's shoe, I uppercut a second raptor. A third raptor has managed to make it to my back and, with a leaping kick, sends me face first to the ground. The shoe and the sword fly from my hands. Somehow, I manage to get up before the raptor can attack again. I brandish my club and prepare for the raptor's next move. The two raptors left from the original four both split up and approach from either side. They close and both strike at the same moment. I manage to club the one, but the second catches my arm in its mouth.
I hear bone crunch and feel numbness as my arm is torn into. The club drops from my now useless hand. Using my other arm, I elbow the raptor in the eye. Its grip loosens, but I still can't free my arm. The first raptor begins to recover from its clubbing and leaps at my free side. It tears into the flesh of my upper arm and I fall to the ground from the blow.
I look down and I can see the raptor begin to tear into my chest. I feel a wet warmth spread over my body and my eyes begin to haze over. There are a lot of things from this day that will probably not be easy to forget, but I know for certain that the image of the raptor ripping my still beating heart from my chest will be burnt into my mind for all eternity.
"Damn you, John Hammond, damn you!"
Then nothing.
...
I wake up and grab my chest, surprised to find it whole. As I open my eyes, I am overcome by the surprising pure white quality of the light. As I begin to gain conciousness, I realize that I am sitting in a chair. From my surroundings, it seems that I'm in a waiting room outside of an exquisite office. I look and Brian and Jeff are seated to my side. A, I assume, secretary is seated at a desk next to the door. Everything seems absurdly surreal. Just as I begin to take things in, the secretary speaks.
"He will see you now."
We all rise and enter through the double doors next to the secretary's desk. As we enter the office, I notice that it is furnished with items made from various exquisite looking wood. Each item looks as if it was crafted by the finest of craftsmen.
We stand together before the man behind the desk. He is an elderly man, yet appears to have a sharp edge to him. His hair is short, grey, and neatly parted. He has a short grey beard that is trimmed close to the face. He is wearing a three-piece suit, also grey, and black bow-tie.
"Hummmm, back so soon?" he speaks slowly yet assuredly.
"Still, I must admit you lasted longer than I would have expected. It was never intended for man to face dinosaur in such a manner."
"Unfortunately, your work is not finished, more is yet to be accomplished. For this reason, I am sending you back; and I do hope that you will not continue to return at such short intervals."
"That will be all."
Suddenly, everything fades to white, then to black.
...
The saga continues (Part 3)...