Stayc's Play: A story in three parts
Part 1
Part 2
Success was so close we could almost taste it. We’d survived magical Christmas spirits, dinosaurs, and even death itself. Jeff, Doug, and I had finally made it to the TCNJ campus and defeated its uniquely effective security system. The only thing left to do was locate the theater. Also, we really had to pee.
Wary of possible surviving velociraptors, we finally managed to find the building. Stayc had given us the clue that we would have to use an entrance besides the front. After a quick circumnavigation of the building’s perimeter, we’d found the front entrance, along with what seemed to be a little-used side door.
Lacking options, we opened the side door and entered a long hallway. Immediately, my senses started to tingle. There was something otherworldly about the place. The air seemed to crackle with barely constrained energy. At the other end of the corridor, shadowy figures appeared and disappeared, shuffling from door to door. Their clothing was odd and their manner even more so. Paintings on the walls shifted, offering glimpses into the past, the present, the future, showing some events that could eventually become possible, others showing impossible images, perhaps visions of alternate realities. The very fabric of the universe seemed to be unstable, constantly ripping and mending.
Jeff knocked on the first door we came to. It opened and a queer man emerged. He stood a full head shorter than I did, with patchy, unkempt hair and a timeless gaze.
“We’re looking for the black box theater. We’re here to see a show,” Jeff told the strange man.
“You can’t reach it from here,” he replied.
“Not a problem, just point us in the right direction,” Doug offered.
“You misunderstand me,” the man stated. “The entrance you seek cannot be found on this plane. I advise you to return from whence you came.”
“Not going to happen,” I declared. “You wouldn’t believe what we’ve been through. We’re not stopping now.”
“I know more than you could imagine. Again, I advise you to turn back.”
I looked to my companions. Their answering glances told me all I needed to know. “We’re making that show.”
The man narrowed his eyes and examined us each in turn. “So be it, but realize that for you three, your perils have only just begun.” He drew a rectangle in the air using his finger. Upon completing the shape, it materialized into the form of a wooden door. He drew a small circle near the middle, which materialized into a knob.
“What’s inside?” Jeff asked.
“That which you seek. The journey, however, will not be easy. You will have to leap-frog through several different dimensions to arrive at your destination.” He placed his hand on the knob. “Good luck. And be wary of the devil.” He opened the door, and pushed us through.
***
We went on a freefall through realities. Things both beautiful and horrendous shot by us as we descended from one plane of existence to another. As we passed between them, the effect was like falling through a giant sheet of paper, each plane tearing as we passed through it.
At last, we hit bottom.
***
We landed on plush cushions. Around us were several tables filled with an exotic variety of fruits and beverages. There were two doors.
One of them opened. Inside, a dozen scantily-clad women beckoned to us, promising a scintillating cornucopia of delights.
Doug rose toward the door.
I placed a hand on his arm. “Hold on,” I told him. “It might be a trick, meant to lure us away from our goal.”
I went to the other door and opened it. It opened into nothingness, a long fall. Far down though, I could see other realities.
In the other room, the women’s faces contorted and changed. Their faces became serpentine and feral. They hissed and started toward us.
“Moving on then,” Jeff said before jumping through the dimensional door. Doug and I quickly followed.
We fell through realities again.
***
This time we landed on shrimp, a sea of shrimp that extended as far as the eye could see. It smelled horrible.
I began to fall through it like quicksand. I could see that Jeff and Doug were doing likewise. I did my best to counter my descent, but it barely slowed my path downward.
I moved my arms and legs through the same motions one would use to tread water. It did nothing. Doug was already below the shrimp’s surface and Jeff was nearly under.
I sunk further and further downward. Finally, I went under. I could feel their tiny bodies scribbling against my skin, my nose, my ears, my eyelids. It makes my skin crawl. I scream. They flood down my throat. It burns.
I die.
***
I awaken. The light is bright. I don’t have shrimp in my breathing passages. Jeff and Doug are beside me. I’m on a cloud.
Before me, is Optimus Prime.
“What? Where? How?” The questions pour out of me like a torrential downpour.
Optimus opens his arms wide, an inviting and comforting gesture. “You are in the afterlife.” He pauses. “Well, an afterlife. I am God. Your vision of me is gathered from your conception of ultimate power, wisdom, and goodness.
“This is the third time in nearly as many hours that I have come upon you, Jeff Blomquist, Doug Jones, and Brian Theurer. You have faced great danger thus far, and it is only going to increase in magnitude. Reality as you know it exists as merely one piece in an infinite tapestry of universes, dimensions, and probabilities. You have temporarily left this tapestry, yet I will return you to it once again.
“You were deceived, used as pawns in a scheme to unravel this patchwork of the universe by agents of chaos. They seek to destroy the barriers between these realities in order to destroy them all, eventually plunging each universe into boundless carnage.
“The three of you are not only instrumental to the present, but also saviors of the future. By removing you from the timestream, they have all but guaranteed their success and the destruction of everything. I have the power to undo what they have done, but in doing so, I will expose you to greater danger than any mortal being has ever been able to withstand.
“I must pit you against the embodiment of Chaos itself. You will have to fight the ultimate Evil, what various cultures have labeled “Satan”, “Iblis”, “Kali”, “The Destroyer”, and countless other names that are whispered in terror when the sun goes down and the world is no longer a safe place to be. I must ask you to do what I am incapable of doing directly. You must wage war upon my foe and his armies.
“I will give you new bodies, and new powers to command. Jeff, you shall be my herald.” As he said this, Jeff began to glow in radiance. Wings erupted from his shoulders and his sweater/blazer combination became golden armor. His hands crackled with energy. “Your voice will be as powerful as mine own, able to smite the armies of darkness.
“Doug, you shall be my body.” At this, Doug also began to glow. His armor had the appearance of iron, and wings also erupted from his back. He remained the same size, but seemed infinitely more powerful. “The forces of darkness will break against you as if water against rock.”
“Brian, you shall be my hands.” I felt instantly energized. I wore silver armor and also had wings. “Your fists will bring justice to the legions of darkness.”
“Now, go. Upon completing your task, you will find yourself at the end of your journey. Good luck.” With a gesture, a door appeared in the air in front of us. Jeff, Doug, and I looked at each other and nodded, then entered.
***
We emerged in front of a river. It was grey and dirty, a rickety old pier jutted out into it. A boatman waited at the end of it. We approached him. The other side of the river was concealed by fog.
The boatman was an emaciated old man, his physical features barely visible beneath the heavy folds of his cloak. “Coins,” he rasped.
We all fumbled through our pockets. Jeff and I both turned up empty. Doug produced a handful of silver coins with beavers on them.
“Do you take Canadian nickels?” he asked.
“They are the currency of the damned,” the boatman hissed and snatched them away from his hands.
He paddled us across the river.
A giant devil waited for us on the opposite side. It was easily fifty feet tall, with massive wings and charred skin. Wings of smoke emerged from its back and it held a flaming sword.
Thousands of demons were arrayed behind it.
“YOU ARE THE CHAMPIONS?” it questioned mockingly. “YOU THINK TO FACE US IN BATTLE?”
“I don’t suppose we can settle this with a fiddling contest?” I asked.
“FIDDLES ARE FOR PUSSIES.”
“For once, Devil, we agree,” I declared, narrowing my eyes. “Now, prepare to die. Doug, you’ve got the demon armies. Jeff and I will handle the big guy.”
Doug nodded and charged toward the waiting legions. He disappeared in their midst and the only hints to his continued survival were the occasional splatter of demon entrails,
Jeff struck first, shooting a blast of energy at the devil. I launched myself into the air, narrowly missing the flaming sword that landed where I’d just been. I flew closer toward the creature and punched him in the ankle.
It laughed, a booming cackle that shook the very air.
It kicked me and I went flying into a mass of demons, rolling end over end until I landed on my back. The demons swarmed me.
I stood up and punched to clear a space around me. A dozen demons’ heads exploded into a shower of gore. I was covered in demon viscera.
“Damn you, Devil, Lord of Darkness, Prince of Flies, Beezelbub, Mephistopheles, whatever the hell your name du jour is, damn you…”
I charged the behemoth. “Jeff, aim for the balls!” I yelled.
Jeff blasted a ray of energy at the devil’s balls, which doubled him to the ground in pain. I leapt for the flaming sword and hefted it over my head, despite the fact that it was nearly twice my size. “I’ll see you in hell,” I said.
I brought the sword down, decapitating it.
The thousands of devils disappeared in a cloud of smoke.
The air shimmered around us.
***
We were once more in front of God. “You done good, kids, you done good,” he told us. “There are still a few problems related to inter-dimensional bleed-through, but you managed to save the fabric of the universe. Now, for your reward.” A door materialized in front of us. “Enjoy You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown.”
***
We did.
***
The show was done and we opened the theater doors. From outside, a sea of shrimp deluged into the building. We drowned in the crustaceans.
We appeared again in front of God. He was holding a can cocktail sauce and some WetNaps.
“I have one more task for you,” he told us.
Jeff, Doug, and I looked at each other and exclaimed, “Here we go again!”
We all chuckled.
FADE OUT
Part 2
Success was so close we could almost taste it. We’d survived magical Christmas spirits, dinosaurs, and even death itself. Jeff, Doug, and I had finally made it to the TCNJ campus and defeated its uniquely effective security system. The only thing left to do was locate the theater. Also, we really had to pee.
Wary of possible surviving velociraptors, we finally managed to find the building. Stayc had given us the clue that we would have to use an entrance besides the front. After a quick circumnavigation of the building’s perimeter, we’d found the front entrance, along with what seemed to be a little-used side door.
Lacking options, we opened the side door and entered a long hallway. Immediately, my senses started to tingle. There was something otherworldly about the place. The air seemed to crackle with barely constrained energy. At the other end of the corridor, shadowy figures appeared and disappeared, shuffling from door to door. Their clothing was odd and their manner even more so. Paintings on the walls shifted, offering glimpses into the past, the present, the future, showing some events that could eventually become possible, others showing impossible images, perhaps visions of alternate realities. The very fabric of the universe seemed to be unstable, constantly ripping and mending.
Jeff knocked on the first door we came to. It opened and a queer man emerged. He stood a full head shorter than I did, with patchy, unkempt hair and a timeless gaze.
“We’re looking for the black box theater. We’re here to see a show,” Jeff told the strange man.
“You can’t reach it from here,” he replied.
“Not a problem, just point us in the right direction,” Doug offered.
“You misunderstand me,” the man stated. “The entrance you seek cannot be found on this plane. I advise you to return from whence you came.”
“Not going to happen,” I declared. “You wouldn’t believe what we’ve been through. We’re not stopping now.”
“I know more than you could imagine. Again, I advise you to turn back.”
I looked to my companions. Their answering glances told me all I needed to know. “We’re making that show.”
The man narrowed his eyes and examined us each in turn. “So be it, but realize that for you three, your perils have only just begun.” He drew a rectangle in the air using his finger. Upon completing the shape, it materialized into the form of a wooden door. He drew a small circle near the middle, which materialized into a knob.
“What’s inside?” Jeff asked.
“That which you seek. The journey, however, will not be easy. You will have to leap-frog through several different dimensions to arrive at your destination.” He placed his hand on the knob. “Good luck. And be wary of the devil.” He opened the door, and pushed us through.
***
We went on a freefall through realities. Things both beautiful and horrendous shot by us as we descended from one plane of existence to another. As we passed between them, the effect was like falling through a giant sheet of paper, each plane tearing as we passed through it.
At last, we hit bottom.
***
We landed on plush cushions. Around us were several tables filled with an exotic variety of fruits and beverages. There were two doors.
One of them opened. Inside, a dozen scantily-clad women beckoned to us, promising a scintillating cornucopia of delights.
Doug rose toward the door.
I placed a hand on his arm. “Hold on,” I told him. “It might be a trick, meant to lure us away from our goal.”
I went to the other door and opened it. It opened into nothingness, a long fall. Far down though, I could see other realities.
In the other room, the women’s faces contorted and changed. Their faces became serpentine and feral. They hissed and started toward us.
“Moving on then,” Jeff said before jumping through the dimensional door. Doug and I quickly followed.
We fell through realities again.
***
This time we landed on shrimp, a sea of shrimp that extended as far as the eye could see. It smelled horrible.
I began to fall through it like quicksand. I could see that Jeff and Doug were doing likewise. I did my best to counter my descent, but it barely slowed my path downward.
I moved my arms and legs through the same motions one would use to tread water. It did nothing. Doug was already below the shrimp’s surface and Jeff was nearly under.
I sunk further and further downward. Finally, I went under. I could feel their tiny bodies scribbling against my skin, my nose, my ears, my eyelids. It makes my skin crawl. I scream. They flood down my throat. It burns.
I die.
***
I awaken. The light is bright. I don’t have shrimp in my breathing passages. Jeff and Doug are beside me. I’m on a cloud.
Before me, is Optimus Prime.
“What? Where? How?” The questions pour out of me like a torrential downpour.
Optimus opens his arms wide, an inviting and comforting gesture. “You are in the afterlife.” He pauses. “Well, an afterlife. I am God. Your vision of me is gathered from your conception of ultimate power, wisdom, and goodness.
“This is the third time in nearly as many hours that I have come upon you, Jeff Blomquist, Doug Jones, and Brian Theurer. You have faced great danger thus far, and it is only going to increase in magnitude. Reality as you know it exists as merely one piece in an infinite tapestry of universes, dimensions, and probabilities. You have temporarily left this tapestry, yet I will return you to it once again.
“You were deceived, used as pawns in a scheme to unravel this patchwork of the universe by agents of chaos. They seek to destroy the barriers between these realities in order to destroy them all, eventually plunging each universe into boundless carnage.
“The three of you are not only instrumental to the present, but also saviors of the future. By removing you from the timestream, they have all but guaranteed their success and the destruction of everything. I have the power to undo what they have done, but in doing so, I will expose you to greater danger than any mortal being has ever been able to withstand.
“I must pit you against the embodiment of Chaos itself. You will have to fight the ultimate Evil, what various cultures have labeled “Satan”, “Iblis”, “Kali”, “The Destroyer”, and countless other names that are whispered in terror when the sun goes down and the world is no longer a safe place to be. I must ask you to do what I am incapable of doing directly. You must wage war upon my foe and his armies.
“I will give you new bodies, and new powers to command. Jeff, you shall be my herald.” As he said this, Jeff began to glow in radiance. Wings erupted from his shoulders and his sweater/blazer combination became golden armor. His hands crackled with energy. “Your voice will be as powerful as mine own, able to smite the armies of darkness.
“Doug, you shall be my body.” At this, Doug also began to glow. His armor had the appearance of iron, and wings also erupted from his back. He remained the same size, but seemed infinitely more powerful. “The forces of darkness will break against you as if water against rock.”
“Brian, you shall be my hands.” I felt instantly energized. I wore silver armor and also had wings. “Your fists will bring justice to the legions of darkness.”
“Now, go. Upon completing your task, you will find yourself at the end of your journey. Good luck.” With a gesture, a door appeared in the air in front of us. Jeff, Doug, and I looked at each other and nodded, then entered.
***
We emerged in front of a river. It was grey and dirty, a rickety old pier jutted out into it. A boatman waited at the end of it. We approached him. The other side of the river was concealed by fog.
The boatman was an emaciated old man, his physical features barely visible beneath the heavy folds of his cloak. “Coins,” he rasped.
We all fumbled through our pockets. Jeff and I both turned up empty. Doug produced a handful of silver coins with beavers on them.
“Do you take Canadian nickels?” he asked.
“They are the currency of the damned,” the boatman hissed and snatched them away from his hands.
He paddled us across the river.
A giant devil waited for us on the opposite side. It was easily fifty feet tall, with massive wings and charred skin. Wings of smoke emerged from its back and it held a flaming sword.
Thousands of demons were arrayed behind it.
“YOU ARE THE CHAMPIONS?” it questioned mockingly. “YOU THINK TO FACE US IN BATTLE?”
“I don’t suppose we can settle this with a fiddling contest?” I asked.
“FIDDLES ARE FOR PUSSIES.”
“For once, Devil, we agree,” I declared, narrowing my eyes. “Now, prepare to die. Doug, you’ve got the demon armies. Jeff and I will handle the big guy.”
Doug nodded and charged toward the waiting legions. He disappeared in their midst and the only hints to his continued survival were the occasional splatter of demon entrails,
Jeff struck first, shooting a blast of energy at the devil. I launched myself into the air, narrowly missing the flaming sword that landed where I’d just been. I flew closer toward the creature and punched him in the ankle.
It laughed, a booming cackle that shook the very air.
It kicked me and I went flying into a mass of demons, rolling end over end until I landed on my back. The demons swarmed me.
I stood up and punched to clear a space around me. A dozen demons’ heads exploded into a shower of gore. I was covered in demon viscera.
“Damn you, Devil, Lord of Darkness, Prince of Flies, Beezelbub, Mephistopheles, whatever the hell your name du jour is, damn you…”
I charged the behemoth. “Jeff, aim for the balls!” I yelled.
Jeff blasted a ray of energy at the devil’s balls, which doubled him to the ground in pain. I leapt for the flaming sword and hefted it over my head, despite the fact that it was nearly twice my size. “I’ll see you in hell,” I said.
I brought the sword down, decapitating it.
The thousands of devils disappeared in a cloud of smoke.
The air shimmered around us.
***
We were once more in front of God. “You done good, kids, you done good,” he told us. “There are still a few problems related to inter-dimensional bleed-through, but you managed to save the fabric of the universe. Now, for your reward.” A door materialized in front of us. “Enjoy You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown.”
***
We did.
***
The show was done and we opened the theater doors. From outside, a sea of shrimp deluged into the building. We drowned in the crustaceans.
We appeared again in front of God. He was holding a can cocktail sauce and some WetNaps.
“I have one more task for you,” he told us.
Jeff, Doug, and I looked at each other and exclaimed, “Here we go again!”
We all chuckled.
FADE OUT