(Untitled)

[historyandblood]

THE WHAT IF I TOLD YOU? MEME

Your character suddenly has the urge to tell their deepest, darkest secret. Here's how it works:

1 Post with your character's journal.
2 Other characters reply with their secrets: "What if I told you ________?" - and fill in the blank!
3 Watch the magic unfold!
4. Penguins.
5 PROFIT!

Comments

[historyandblood]

[Nosing in front behind.] What if I told you I wanted t'remember?

[historyandblood]

[Brings a hand up to tap the side of his own head a couple times. It's a rather mocking gesture.]

["Yeah. Sure you don't."]

[selfdeluded]

[Not... the best gesture to make, Lavi. Allen is overly sensitive about his messed up head, and the comments about buzzing and the mocking gesture....

There's a lot of pent up anger in there now. But fear as well. Don't use his head against him - please?]

...You don't know what goes on in my head. Don't pretend you do.

[historyandblood]

[He was really only gesturing to his head in reference to his ability to hear, but the sudden internal shift perks his interest.]

Know enough from the other Allens, don't I? [Might be bluffing. Maybe.]

[selfdeluded]

Shut up.

[There's venom in his tone this time, and though his voice is even his posture is rigid, hands balled into fists at his sides. If he had a beating heart, it would be pounding away in his chest right now.

Lavi will probably be able to hear him shutting down. Trying to disconnect from the conversation and ignore it to the best of his ability.]

If I'm so much like other Allens, go harass one of them.

[historyandblood]

Never really been good at that.

[Leaning in close, expression darkening. He hears the disconnect.]

Why, when you're much more interestin'?

[selfdeluded]

[He's trying so desperately to disconnect. To not pay attention, to just say enough to get Lavi drop the damn subject. He doesn't want to talk about this, not now, or ever.]

Make up your mind. Am I like other Allens or not?

[historyandblood]

[You're not doing a good job. Leaning closer.]

I don't need ya to be just like one ta get a general idea.

[selfdeluded]

[And in turn, leaning away.]

That wasn't an answer. [tilting his head. He may not be doing a good job of getting out of the conversation, but he's doing a damn good job of disconnecting from it.]

If I'm just another Allen to you, then I'm not interested in being near you.

[Question is, can you tell if that was the truth or a lie?]

[historyandblood]

[Following.]

Or it's an answer y'don't like. [You're enough of an Allen for him to know what may be going on in that head of yours. But you're also not enough of an Allen to be intriguing - for him to want to get closer.]

[Lovers, and all. That barrs some room for intrigue.]

Except you're terrible at stayin' away.

[He's... not really thinking about it.]

[selfdeluded]

[Stepping back. This... this was probably the worst possible thing you could mess around with when it came to Allen. Especially because it's You, Vampvi, the first person he ever actually called Lavi. The first person he ever wanted to be with, and the one he still wanted to be with, and this game was just-- too much--

If he's paying attention, as Allen's stepping back, Lavi will probably hear what sounds like a cracking sound, or at least a metaphorical one.]

I... I'm not... [He takes another step back, and bumps into the wall, sliding down it with a slightly choked sound. And he buries his face in his knees. He wanted his roommate. He wanted to not be there. He...

God, he wanted his pills.]

[historyandblood]

[When will you notice that the more you shut down, the more he shuts down, Allen? He hears it, but he does well to ignore it enough. He does hear the sounds, and yet he doesn't quite know what to do with it.]

[And so he turns, giving Allen a smirk over his shoulder, and takes a few steps away, measuring. As if trying to figure out if Allen will follow him or not.]

[selfdeluded]

[He's trying to continue shutting down, but it's not working now. There's just that busted, cracking sound.

Allen can practically hear the smirk, but he isn't sure if it's real or if Lavi's just messing with him more. But there's a brief flicker of panic with the third or fourth step, and Allen digs his nails into his palms, before lifting a hand and reaching out. His voice comes out choked and shaky when he finally speaks.]

...Lavi, please.. ["Don't go."]

[historyandblood]

[He stops and pauses, gaze focused on the cracks in the floor. It's difficult to tell what he's thinking, if he's thinking anything at all.]

[Shut down. Shut down. Shutdownshutdownshutdown.]

[Finally, he turns on his heel and approaches again, crouching down in front of the other boy and leaning into his line of vision again.]

What?

[selfdeluded]

[He drags in a ragged breath, and as soon as Lavi is close enough Allen lifts his good arm, wrapping it around the other boy's neck and tugging him down so that their foreheads are pressed together.]

There's too much in my head, and I can't... I don't know how to think about it, let alone... [He sucks in another breath, and tucks his face back down against his knees, still holding Lavi in place.] Just... don't go, okay?

[historyandblood]

[He isn't really surprised by the tug, and he allows it, but there's very little signaling that he is going to reach out.]

[But he isn't leaving, if it means anything.]