“I am so utterly lonely, but I also have such a fear that my isolation be broken through, and I no longer be the head and ruler of my universe. I am in great terror of your understanding by which you penetrate into my world; and then I stand revealed and I have to share my kingdom with you ( Read more... )

“Loneliness is a strange sort of thing ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

A day after I posted that I felt oddly relaxed these days,

I feel triggered.

How nice.

Everything is tangled.

I've been feeling okay these days, it feels kind of odd. I feel relaxed, I enjoy my time, I keep on laughing, I don't feel triggered, etc etc. Whoa, great, isn't it? But because it's so serene that it makes me suspicious (LOL). Maybe some part of me just don't like it when I'm not feeling miserable ( Read more... )

“I stopped going to therapy ( Read more... )

I think it's about time for me to withdraw from people.

Socializing is such a scary thing.

I want to cut. So badly.

I have been running away.
So it chased me.
As if reminding,
that I must not
forget about it.

Nightmares come.
Paranoia haunts me.
I am unsettled.
I know what to do,
but I act as if I don't know.

Why am I not moving...?

I don't scream for help.

Because I know they can't help me.

Don't touch me.

So National Exams are (finally) over.
I'm free.
I don't have to go to school anymore.
I don't have to study weird shits anymore.

The thing is,
now I have to
entirely focus on
battling my demons.

That is not something I look forward to.

I always, always, have a mental breakdown after exams ( Read more... )

I'm beginning to question myself a lot. I used to think that I'm the one who understands myself the best. But now... I'm not sure. However, I don't think there's anyone else who can understand me either ( Read more... )