Every time I think about the things my Dad wont be here for in the future - my wedding, grandchildren, birthdays - I feel as if my heart is breaking. I can't stop thinking about it and reminders seem to be everywhere at the moment. It still just doesn't seem real when I really stop and think about it. When I think about the fact that he is dead. ( Read more... )

4 years. I cannot stop crying.

Today in a lecture we were talking about all the possible causes of a patients lower back pain and one was prostate cancer. The first place it spreads to is the lower back. Exactly like my Dads did although I didn't know why at the time. I was so close to losing it and breaking down in front of everyone. Which would have been slightly awkward and ( Read more... )

I wrote an entry quite a while ago about how everytime I made a wish it was that my Dad would come back, even though I knew that couldn't happen ( Read more... )

I've literally never felt like this before. I feel COMPLETELY alone.

So, I haven't updated for a while. I'm not even sure that anyone reads these. I just have a lot of stuff i need to get out, whether anyone reads it or not ( Read more... )

I hate feeling like this. Just when I thought I couldn't possibly miss him anymore.

I hate how much things have changed.

I did the Race for Life today, with my Mum and Aunt. It was really good and we raised about £1200 for Cancer Research ( Read more... )

Rubbish day.
And it's nearly May again, unfortunately.