Milly has been neutered and is now lampshade-bound.

Allow me to illustrate:


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Go to google.com and type "(your name) needs ( Read more... )

Bad moods are so yesterday.

really... if i take any longer getting ready, the colly will be closed by the time me and dru get there!

Okay, to be honest, I'm kind of getting used to seeing washed up actors at the Belgrade. They sit in the bar after a show and drink the posh red wine, but they're either too old for me to know their work or, if it's late, I'm just dying to get home.

However, last night I met this guy:


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Work last night was a killer. 5pm until 3am: a non-stop barrage of VIP's who all thought they were better than the rest, a queue the size of a small country, a DJ who thought he was headlining at Woodstock, and not one minute break throughout the whole evening. However, I did make £7 tips which I am admittedly proud of ( Read more... )

Little girl: "Mummy, what do teenagers do?"

Exasperated mother: "Nothing, they're just teenagers, sweetheart."

"Frankly, I would rather live in Dawn's arse."

If it meant never cleaning out a litter tray again, I would.

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I was sitting at my computer and scratching my eyebrow one day when my housemate, who was dancing erratically next to me, thrust his derrier in my direction. My finger slipped and I suffered severe eyebrow whiplash.

Thanks to Injury Lawyers 4 U, I received a Tic Tac.