Last Cigarette: two minutes ago ( Read more... )

mom: there's something wrong with my husband and i don't know what to do.
bartender: well, didn't he just have open heart surgery?
mom: yes, about a month ago. and i'm afraid...i'm afraid they took out a piece of his heart.

it was supposed to be a laid back dinner party, but instead i went the whole nine with the food. and wore an apron. and i drank too much. and i have these huge bruises on the backs of my calves from lugging grocery bags around dorchester. and i woke up early this morning because that's what i always do with a hangover. but i had a great time. ( Read more... )

you only find an antique working typewriter for $14 and a great pair of culottes when you're looking for a rain slicker.

i just wept watching the latest six feet under o.d. (that's on demand, for all you lamens), and i thought maybe it was just a really touching episode, but then i cried while watching seventh heaven, which was also a touching episode, but really! maybe i can blame it on hormones ( Read more... )

into harvest for one or two pieces of handfruit. an apple or a peach or maybe a pear - ideally a pear, but only if it's the kind i like. they never have that kind ( Read more... )

i had this weird dream last night:

someone who was supposed to be an oracle (ok ok, it mary kate olsen) said to me, "your skin is clear, but your eyes are clouded."

i wash my hair every day because i hate the smell of scalp above all things.

OK. I HAVE A LOT OF ANGER AND IT'S AT MYSELF AND EVERYONE IN THIS WORLD, BUT MOSTLY APPLE. FUCK YOU APPLE FOR SELLING ME THE WRONG THING: HOPE THAT I COULD GET WIRELESS ACCESS ON MY FREE DINOSAUR IMAC CIRCA 1998. YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST TOLD ME THAT IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO STEAL INTERNET FROM MY UPSTAIRS NEIGHBORS! (IT'S NOT STEALING, THEY'RE SHARING, ( Read more... )

my new favorite movie is save the last dance.

shut up!
no, shut up!