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[discounttherapy]

Everything feels like failure today and I'm crying at my desk. It seems like the old damage gets closer to the surface as I get older. Of all the things I tell myself, the thing that's easiest to hear and believe is I deserve to be abandoned. It just feels true and probably always will. Maybe when your universal truths are programmed in so young,

Comments

[victorine]

It's times like this I wish I had more insight to share, something more helpful than "you're good enough, you're smart enough and doggone it people like you!" I do wish I could give you a hug and a cocktail, and then regale you with my pseudo-psychological theories.

[discounttherapy]

Thank you. It's easing up now. Your theories are very insightful and I always appreciate your feedback. You're a good friend, even from far away!

[beerkitty]

for me, old damage re-surfaces in different and deeper ways the more safe and secure i get in my current life - i have a safety net so that i am in a safe place to deal with new aspects of the old crap. in a way, i think, the deeper and more painful the surfacing damage is, is an indication of the security that i have created in my life through my circumstances and the through the people with whom i surround myself. if i didn;t think i had safe people to talk to, or just lean on even for a moment, without the threat or any sort of abandonment, then i don't think my psyche would even allow the deep crap to surface. i really hate that the better i am doing, the crappier are the things that emerge, which means that i feel strong enough to deal with them

[discounttherapy]

I really think you're right. I've been pondering that too. That the subconscious only gives us as much as we can handle, and as we're able to handle more, we have to process more. It's hard to remember sometimes that it's not directly related to the present and my current situation. It's been making me question whether my life is working, if this much pain is coming up, but you're reminding me that the pain might be a sign that it IS working.

I also definitely agree that there's something reassuring about acknowledging that it's not something that can be cured, just something that can always be worked on and gradually transcended to reach higher levels of awareness and functioning.

Thank you for your compassionate insight and reminders. You are also a very wonderful individual despite any momentary inner voices to the contrary. Let's listen to each other, not them!

[beerkitty]

>the deeper and more painful the surfacing damage is, is an indication of the security that i have created in my life

Brilliant, as is the rest. Here here.

[rentravler]

*hugs*