(Untitled)

[dissembler]

Have you ever felt like you really weren't good enough for someone else? like you didn't deserve them? like they were 'better' than you? anything related to this? Were you able to change how you felt? What did it take? What would it take

Comments

[hyarrostar]

This is the main thing I have been working on for the last few days. I haven't decided how strange it is that you are asking these questions.
My thinking/feeling is shifting regarding what I deserve.
It's a whole new story, and I've had the same stories for ever.

Are you curious enough for my personal answer?

[dissembler]

What do you mean am I curious enough for your personal answer? I asked the question and said I really am asking people for personal answers.

[hyarrostar]

I'm sorry. I knew what you were asking, I just didn't know who you were asking. Sometimes you include everyone, sometimes not.
And I don't want to say anything you don't want to hear. And it's been a long time since you seemed interested in what I have to say.

I'll answer once I get it straight in my head.

Though I do have questions, such as:
Does this kind of not being good enough apply to anyone, including friends and family?

[dissembler]

I'll probably finish my entry about this tonight...and it will explain where I am coming from exactly, but I don't think that matters. I don't know that it would be different depending on who it is you feel not good enough for...or maybe it is different...interesting as well.

[dace]

I've always had an inferiority complex. When I was a kid, especially, I was terrified of other people, mostly. There were a handful of people that seemed lonely or awkward enough for me to actually talk to. And of course the "cool kid" caste that I didn't dare temp with my social ineptitude

[dissembler]

thanks for this response.
so, does what you learned then still apply to things know?
Do you still use the skill about watching someone doing something and realize "oh, they aren't that cool, or they aren't even that funny I could do that?" or do you still take risks becoming friends with new people or is it different outside of the context of high school or different for some other reason? do you feel like you start over all the time or is it a continual growing process?

I love you.

not a skill so much as a habbit

[dace]

I always get Glen Close and Meryl Streep mixxed up, but it was one of them who said "you go to college for 4 years, and then you go out into the real world, and you realize it's not like College. It's like highschool

[ajpu]

I'm at work, so more later, but I'm thinking about this. It feels familiar, but there are always deeper layers of things in interpersonal relationships. If I felt like I didn't deserve someone it was due to unresolved issues I felt within myself, and maybe the more correct thing to say would be that I wasn't "ready". And changing it is just a matter of time and confronting fears and other monsters within. But, I think timing is significant... in that 2 people might be great for one another, but don't meet up at the right time...

more

[ajpu]

I remember telling my first girlfriend that I wanted her to be with someone who could treat her as well as she treated me, and that we couldn't be together anymore because I couldn't give her what I thought she deserved.

If I had been patient, I think I could have gotten over that, but there are reasons, and it's good we broke up in the end. It was supposed to happen.

I'm interpreting this question to be issues in dating type relationships... but I'm sure I've felt like a failure and cause of great emotional pain for my family. And that may never go away completely... progress though

Re: more

[dissembler]

Right. I mean maybe when you love someone and you feel like you don't deserve them, it's actually you seeing that you aren't compatible in some way? I don't know...in my case. I'm not sure it was anything besides self-loathing. Was yours out of kindness for her or meanness towards yourself...if that makes sense?

self-fulfilling

[dace]

If someone insists they're not good enough to be around, I find that attitude completely exhausting, and it makes me not want to be around them, even when I overwise quite like the person. And that's the twisted truth of that. A testament to self-fulfilling fears.

I'm sure I've been on both ends of it, though.

Re: more

[ajpu]

There may have been some meanness toward myself... there was this ongoing struggle with us, she really wanted to understand what had happened to me, what I had gone through with insanity and hospitals and all that, because she completely loved me and wanted to show that she loved "all" of me. And as much as she tried to understand we both knew she never really did and it was a gaping barrier to just "being" with each other...

[hyarrostar]

Here is my response: http://hyarrostar.livejournal.com/10754.html
It's kind of inverted.