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A great many months ago, I was sitting around smoking weed. You know, just me, a couch, a televison tuned to Comedy Central, and a big old bag of ganja. Go ahead, think about that; me, a full-time ancient wizard with a Harvard degree in Ninjadom, watching Colbert Report with a katana/magic staff in one hand and a magic 8-ball that I modified into ( Read more... )

Yesterday, I ate twelve twinkies, a Milky Way bar, sixteen orders of breadsticks, a box of pepperoni, three pumpkins, a ten-speed bike, a "Dr. Mario" Gameboy cartridge, and a large chipmunk. All of this I washed down with a two liter of Mountain Dew, four pots of coffee, two vanillia shakes, a bottle of Jack, and two cases of Miller Light ( Read more... )

As I walked home from work yesterday, I found something magical. I don't know where it came from, who it's previous owner was, and why it was laying atop a huge pile of corpses. I didn't care. When you find something this fan-fucking-tastic, you don't bother with details, like dead people and SWAT teams. I found this:

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I worked on the first of the month, the one magical day when a giant red, white, and blue eagle shits out a welfare check on the porch of every dumbass in America. Normally, these people (or whatever you call them) cannot afford such luxuries such as Pizza Hut, but the first brings them untold possibilities; a meat-lover's pizza being one ( Read more... )

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Started my adventures into the illustrious world of Pizza earlier this week. Yeah, I work in a hut. Jealous much? You should be. It's better than not working, you know ( Read more... )

Woke up quick at about noon, just thought that I had to be in Lake Station soon. Well, not really. It was either that or sit by myself. So me and Mike, right, went and saw some metal music. I slammed, and got my shit (insulin pump) ripped out. Music sucked, but slamming was cool ( Read more... )

Went to drop off Tyler's game (Guitar Heroes) and he lent me another game (THPS American Wasteland). I thought it would be fun to play online, but I guess not, I guess ( Read more... )

The term juggernaut is used to describe any literal or metaphorical force regarded as unstoppable; that will crush all in its path ( Read more... )