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[divinydistant]

I am unsure how to move forward. For the last few years I have been so completely focused on the past, reminiscing about things, mistakes made, people lost, opportunities lost, my youth lost, etc., etc. I am not saying I have been depressed all of the time; a lot of times it was about fond memories passing through my thoughts but it is/was always

Comments

[jorjedatoy]

hrm... I know I used to spend too much time thinking about losing my dad. I was trying too hard to cherish every moment together so that I was stuck in a morbid loop. I'm not sure what clicked for me, but that was just 1 thing. I'm not sure how you switch gears entirely to start thinking about the future... except maybe to start planning SOMETHING for the future. Maybe take a class?

[divinydistant]

Yeah, losing my StepDad is definitely one of the few known things that led me this direction. You worded it well with trying to cherish every moment but it is to the point that I'm thinking about it being the last moments while it is happening which then makes me sad and yes, a vicious cycle is born with trying to enjoy it and being distraught and sad of the possibility of that actually being true that it is the last moment and then sad at fact that I'm wasting it by thinking that way and then trying to be happy again. Ugh! I will work on some plans and/or goals to see if that works. Thank you.

[jorjedatoy]

Exactly! I was spending too much thought and energy / emotion on cherishing this last moment (just in case) that I was forgetting to actually enjoy the moments!

[raisinbottom]

From my point of view, this looks like a fear of the future. More apt, a fear that there is no future. What this thinking does is lock someone into inaction which does no good when action will break the cycle