Actual interaction with an ex friend on Facebook.

[djmayhem_aubrey]

So I got a message on Facebook today from an ex-friend. I haven't actually heard from him since end of January, so I was a little surprised to hear from him again. Anyway, here's the message:

Hi Beth, I was just wondering why you don't talk to me anymore, did I do something, did something happen? What's the matter?
Normally I'd be explaining what

Comments

[reina_ursa]

I'm a big fan of "going with the gut". Usually, it's right. I say if it's telling you to leave things alone and put the past behind you when it comes to him, then I say listen to it.

[ex_c_hrista]

This was my first thought, too.

[rebel]

Mine too!

[bluemermaid]

Yes, I agree with this.

[evening12]

Obviously, I'm in no position to tell you what to do but here are a few things I'd consider before making my decision either way.

-do/have you missed him?
-did you enjoy spending time with him (when his attitude wasn't so prominent)?
-do you think you'd regret it if you gave him a 2nd chance and things went not so great again?
-do you think you'd regret NOT giving him a 2nd chance?
-does he actually understand why you stopped the friendship? (I think this might be a big one) It's good that he is feeling better and is no longer in a dark place...but that doesn't necessarily mean that his misogynist attitude changed but it could have also changed. I don't know.

[bergeronprocess]

First of all, why doesn't homie ever use periods to end his paragraphs? Haha, that's the copy editing instinct in me--always seek out the errors. But that just struck me as weird.

PAST THE PUNCTUATION THING, those were some really crappy attitudes he espoused--I hate when people make fun of people for what music they like because I like all sorts of stuff that people tend to hate (rap, Nicki Minaj, Macklemore etc.) and it just seems so snotty and rude when people disparage something that makes you feel good. Same goes for any other media thing or anything else that makes someone happy.

That's to say nothing of the cruddy misogyny, which makes me frown immediately and immensely.

He doesn't really own up to any of his old attitudes or promise to change them. He just kind of tries to guilt-trip you into being by him because everyone else has been driven away by his attitudes. I'm not a big fan of that, personally...

[coolceruleanblu]

Ugh, it's like his thoughts are always ongoing, and he is always unsure of everything or he has commitment issues, and he can't firmly finish anything.

[erinm_4600]

Having been in a same-but-not position.. I'd have to agree with the above: If you don't miss his company, you're better off. Folks can say they've changed.. but I'm a bitter cynic (blamed on the same-but-not position, mind you)

In the end, it's your call. Just trust yourself. <3

[coolceruleanblu]

I think evening12 has the gist of it.

It comes down to, whether you've missed them, and or if you'd regret not talking to them or not doing it.

I'm a softie, so I give people second chances. If they matter enough, I'll give them multiple chances, because everything takes work. But if I could live without them in my life, then I forget about it.

It already sounds like you haven't given them another thought, so it looks like it might be the last for you, but I wouldn't want to presume I know the whole situation or you, so I wouldn't want to say yes do this.

I think really it ends up being how much he matters as a friend to you.

People can change, with a lot of effort, though, someone's temperament is hard to change. But someone's opinions are much more malleable.