Chronicles (1/2)
(taohun, nc17, 11,810wc, non!au, fluff, romance, drama)
The true story of how Sehun falls in love with Tao.
warning: for those who have read the parts to this fanfiction I uploaded before: if you still remember what happened, you can skip this part I because it's basically all of the chapters I uploaded before combined into one longer version. You can start reading the rest here
disclaimer: iI tried to make this as realistic as possible but I know that some deaitls may not be right, like how long each member was a trainee and room-arrangements. I didn't change anything really important, though.
__
part I
The day Sehun decided to become a dancer was hot and humid and he had just been splashed with half a bottle of water by his friend, school-uniform soaking wet and Sehun's voice roaring loudly when he saw a boy, all in black, running past him. It was the bag of the boy, leopard print, all glimmer and glitter, that had caught his attention even before it threatened to hit him in the side and Sehun had to jump back.
"Sorry," the boy cried in broken Korean but did not stop while turning his head to look at Sehun, the person he'd almost run over. Just a few seconds later, the most beautiful human-being Oh Sehun had ever seen in his fifteen short years of living vanished into the closest building just as fast as he had smacked Sehun in the heart with his so beautiful face, his tall-slender body wrapped in dark tight clothes and the skin that was so tanned, unlike his.
"Who is that," Sehun asked his friend who obviously didn't know him either, but his head was already filled with thoughts of the boy and he was yet to grasp the severity of the effect it would have on his whole life.
"I don't know but he seems to be one of those kids," and the way his friend was raising his eyebrow and pointing his finger to the logo that garnishing the modern building told him exactly what those kids meant.
S.M. Entertaiment, Sehun read.
He was a trainee. The kind of people Sehun and his friends liked to laugh about because the guys had to wear make-up, embarrass themselves on national TV and had no private life. He was something Sehun had never wanted to become, something that had never even crossed his mind up until that point.
"I think," he started, looking at the huge entrance of the building and then back at his friend "I want to give this a try."
And Sehun really hadn't thought about it first when he ignored his friend's confused shouts and entered the fancy looking entrance, aiming right at the counter to sign up for the next audition.
Sehun knew that he didn't have any talents that would qualify him to join S.M. Entertaiment, but he wrote down good at dancing anyway in the section he had to list the reason they should let him join the company. Hurriedly, he filled out the form and gave it to the lady, already having turned around to leave when she called after him. "You missed something," she said and handed him back a sheet of paper.
Why do you want to join S.M.? And he didn't even have to look at it twice before he wrote down because I belong here.
Because at that time, even before finding out the boy's name, his heart had already understood that he belonged to his side.
Auditioning was way scarier than Sehun had thought and the moment the stood in front of the five strangers who were facing him with a bored expression and waiting for him to start doing something, he questioned his decision for the first time. He was doing this for a boy he had never even spoken to, someone he didn't even know he'd ever meet again and honestly, he hadn't given this any further thoughts whatsoever, and yet there he was wanting this so bad. So when they told him that he had passed and would be able to start training just a week later, he felt relieved and happy but at the same time he had no idea where this was even leading. The hugeness of signing up to be a trainee under S.M. Only really made itself noticeable when they smacked a huge pile of papers in front of his face, squeezing a pen to his and his parent's hands, for them to sign.
In the future he would often look back to that day and imagine what his life would have become if he hadn't signed those documents. Would he have met Zi Tao some way or another anyway? In the end, Sehun was sure that whatever decision he would have made, his life would have ended up being about Zi Tao anyway. Maybe he would have met him on the streets again, maybe Zi Tao would have walked into the shop he would have been working part-time at and Sehun would have fallen for him then. Or maybe, and that was the likeliest way it would have happened, Sehun would have one day switched on the TV after coming home from a long day of exhausting and probably boring work and see Zi Tao performing together with EXO on some music show.
So even later when everything got too much and Sehun was starting to lose his mind over his unrequited feelings, he never doubted his decision because after all he was sure that him and Tao being together was their destiny.
It was his very first day as a trainee when he finally met him again. He had arrived at the building late, running through the unfamiliar halls to arrive for his first dance lesson just in time. The teacher had shot him a strict glance but then Sehun and the other three boys and two girls whom some of them he had seen at the audition before, had introduced themselves and the training had begun. It had been a lot of fun and to his surprise Sehun had found himself being the best dancer among the group, but despite that he could not quite help staring out of the glassed-walls everytime someone walked past them. With the hours passing he had started growing more and more nervous when the thought of never seeing the boy again had started creeping up on him. Maybe he wasn't a trainee after all. Maybe he had just been there to pick someone up... maybe he had failed the audition. Maybe Sehun would never see him again and everything had been for nothing, and just when their teacher ended the class and Sehun reached down to grasp the towel lying by his side to dry his sweat, he saw him.
His heart started bumping in his chest like crazy when the boy - again, all in black - stopped right in front of the wall and looked right back at him. His face was expressionless and the boy's eyes were soon on someone else again.
"Zi Tao," the dance teacher suddenly shouted and Sehun looked at the boy outside, starting to grin.
Zi Tao... was that his name?
"Come in, you are late." And Sehun didn't quite understand what was happening when the boy entered their room, taking a second glance at him and then standing right next to the teacher to look at the group of trainees watching him with curious eyes, including Sehun.
"This is Huang Zi Tao. He is one of the Chinese trainees. I asked him to show you guys around today," and at that point Sehun was so sure that something like destiny did exist after all. From the hundreds of trainees their teacher had picked him to show Sehun around. "Zi Tao, those are the few kids you'll be looking after. In case you guys have any questions in the future, just make sure to give Zi Tao a call. He's been a trainee for a year now and knows his way around here. Make sure to give them your number later," he said now facing Zi Tao and the boy nodded. The teacher left and the introduction started again and Sehun only noticed that it was his turn when he felt his face growing a shade of pink with Zi Tao staring right at him and waiting for him to say something.
"Sehun... I am Oh Sehun," and the way the Chinese boy suddenly smiled at him made him want to shout out to the world that this kid was his and nobody would ever be allowed to take him away from him.
"Nice to meet you, Oh Sehun."
That day Sehun had spent most of the time together with Zi Tao thinking about what to say and when he had come up with the perfect conversation topic - which was bubble tea because hey, everyone liked bubble tea - their tour had been over with Zi Tao typing his cell-phone number to the new kid's phones.
"Call me if you need anything," he had said and then disappeared around the corner. Sehun had considered calling him right that second, but being all weird and clingy after just one proper meeting would probably make Zi Tao hate him, so he didn't. Instead he held his phone in his hands, staring at the new contact with a wide grin on his face.
"Panda?", he read out the moment he realized that the boy had saved his name like that.
"It's his name," one of the boys suddenly said and Sehun looked at him, remembering that he was called Do- something. "Tao is Chinese for panda."
"Is it?," Sehun asked and suddenly thought how perfect that name fit the boy.
"It is," Do-something answered with a bored expression on his face and then he turned around leaving Sehun behind who still had that wide grin on his face.
It did not take Sehun long to make a bunch of friends at S.M. Entertaiment. With intense training four times a week he hardly had any time left for his friends from school and to his disappointment they didn't let go about harassing him because he was one of those kids now and Sehun had soon become tired of hearing it. Unconsciously, he had started to spend less time with them and even more with his new friends. He had become buddies with the genius-dancer kid called Kim Jongin who was the same age as him, Lu Han a Chinese kid he had approached while recognizing his face at the bubble tea shop close to their company, and to his surprise Do-something, who was really called Do Kyungsoo, had turned out to be quite the fun guy to be around as well. With Zi Tao, though, he had made little progress.
They would meet by coincidence maybe once or twice a week, but their meeting would just last a few seconds of them passing by each other and exchanging greetings without stopping. Sometimes Lu Han would make him and some other Chinese kids join them for bubble tea but most of the time Zi Tao would be all over that tall weird kid with the thick eyebrows and Sehun knew that it wasn't fair to him, but he had secretly started hating on the guy called Wu Yifan.
In his desperation, Sehun had once made up his mind and called Zi Tao but when the boy had picked up and said hello? with his cute little accent, Sehun had hung up before saying anything, head turning as read as a tomato. Sehun felt helpless because everytime he was near Tao his head would turn mush and he would act like an idiot and he hated himself for that, but apart from that Sehun had began to like the life as a trainee. The training was hard and exhausting, yes, but he had made a bunch of great friends and dancing had become a great passion to him. Sometimes he even thought that if it wouldn't go anywhere with Zi Tao he would still not give up and try to debut as soon as possible. That didn't mean that he was giving up on Tao though. Sehun had just decided that he would have to learn how to act like a normal human being around him before actually approaching.
"Sehun, hey Sehun," Zi Tao suddenly shouted, turning into the hallway and waving his hand and Sehun was so surprised at the sight of him that he ended up choking on his spit and coughing like a mad men.
So much for not embarrassing himself in front of Tao.
"Sehun, do you have a second?", the boy said and his accent was so cute, Sehun wanted to squeeze his cheeks hard just to kiss them well again. But before he could even imagine it, he noticed something way more important.
Weeks had passed since their first and only proper meeting and Zi Tao still knew his name.
"Teacher Choi told me that you're already done with his new choreography, is that true?" and for a short moment Sehun felt a bit disappointed. So this was about training.
"Yes," he answered though, having stopped coughing finally and nodding in approval.
"Would you teach me? I can't visit his afternoon classes because of my Korean lessons and his morning classes are already packed, he told me that I should find someone good to teach me instead.. You are a good dancer, aren't you?"
"I guess," Sehun spat out insecurely and his brain had not quite grasped yet that Zi Tao was making a proposal for the two of them to be alone together. When it did though, Sehun's eyes widened and he looked at Tao in shock who was surprised at Sehun#s strange reaction and just stared back at him in confusion. "I can help you, yes. Of course."
"Are you sure?", the boy asked uncertainly "I don't want to force you it's just that I really can't work with Jongin and he told me that you are as good as him so.."
"Yes, I am sure. I will teach you." His heart was beating like crazy, Sehun was afraid that Zi Tao would hear it so he stepped back a little. "I only have time on the weekends, though, because of school", oh how much he hated school at that moment. He would have liked to tell Tao that he would make time for him whenever he wanted to but the sad reality was that his parents had only approved of him becoming a trainee if he would at least finish high school.
"Weekends are fine. Should I come over to your place, or...?"
"My place?", Sehun asked surprised "We can train here, can't we."
"Have you ever actually been here on a Sunday? The rooms are packed, you need to book them a month in advance otherwise you'll be training in the hallways," Zi Tao laughed at first "so your place is no good?" and the way he was making a pouty face - and he must have done this on fucking purpose, there was no way a boy could look that cute without trying - hit Sehun in the heart hard and he just ended up approving anyway.
Sehun told Tao his address and how to get their and then the boy was already waving him goodbye and shouting a see you at your place before he disappeared as suddenly as he had appeared.
It took Sehun about twenty minutes of standing still and calming his heartbeat down before he could safely make his way home and realize that hell, he needed to tidy up that room of his.
Their first meeting at Sehun's house went way smoother than he had thought. Sehun managed to only embarrass himself twice. The first time, he tripped over his own feet, falling on his face and having a nosebleed which resulted into a worried Zi Tao running off to get tissues and press them to his nose. The second embarrassment happened right after, when Zi Tao was stroking Sehun's neck worriedly with one hand, the other one still holding on to the bloody tissue, while Sehun got lost in thoughts and only caught himself looking at Zi Tao dreamily after the Chinese boy had already started laughing and asked Sehun if he had lost his mind while hitting his head. But apart from those two little accidents, Sehun had done well teaching Zi Tao and was glad to see him with a wide grin on his lips while putting on his shoes.
"Thank you so much, Sehun. Helping out a total stranger like that, you're really a good guy."
"You're not a total stranger. Anyone would have done it," Sehun said because he was sure that he was right, he found Zi Tao shaking his head, though.
"Jongin wouldn't do it and he calls himself my friend. You and me haven't even talked to each other that much but you still agreed to help me."
Sehun was about to say that, of course, he would help him, since he was more or less trying to get into his pants, but he kept his mouth shut and just smiled back at the grinning guy.
"We should get together more often," Zi Tao suddenly said and Sehun answered with a strong nod, making Tao grin even harder at him. "I just knew it, from the first time I saw you that we'd become friends."
Those words made Sehun's heart skip a beat. He felt himself blush a little but was too happy to do anything about it "Me too."
"Really?" the Chinese boy answered laughing with a surprised look on his face "And I thought that nearly running someone over wouldn't leave that good of a first impression."
"You knew that it was me?", Sehun asked surprised because really, he hadn't thought that Zi Tao remembered him. He felt both extremely excited but at the same time uneasy because it suddenly felt like there was a possibility that Zi Tao knew what he had done to Sehun's heart that day.
"Of course I knew, I rarely come across someone who is so-" and it was like Zi Tao suddenly remembered something very important when he stopped talking all of a sudden, looking at Sehun with huge eyes for only a second and then smiling again, this time, though, it looked troubled and somehow fake. "You have a not so common face, after all."
"Yea, I guess."
Sehun felt a bit awkward afterwards, just standing there and waiting for Zi Tao to leave even though he wanted him to stay so much but didn't have the courage to tell him.
"Well, I guess I will get going then. See you... tomorrow maybe?" Zi Tao finally asked, moving his body forward a bit and for a second Sehun thought that he was going to get hugged and oh god, his heart was starting to race like crazy, but then Zi Tao just swung back the same way he had swung forward, and Sehun had obviously been wrong.
"Yes, see you tomorrow."
"Tomorrow," Zi Tao repeated, smiling sincerely again and then turned around to leave.
Sehun stayed in front of his house to watch Zi Tao walk down the street until he had to turn at a corner. He caught the Chinese boy looking back at him twice while smiling and waving.
At that moment, Sehun realized that his feelings probably weren't as one-sided as he had thought they were. Even if it was just a little bit, Sehun thought that he could feel Zi Tao getting nervous and maybe even a little bit excited in his presence, just like himself.
It made him feel like the happiest boy alive.
When his mother had called him for dinner a few hours after Tao had left, later that day, Sehun hadn't been able to swallow a single bite. His stomach was full of butterflies and all he could still think about was Zi Tao Zi Tao Zi Tao while sitting on his bed and pressing a pillow to his face. He had wished for tomorrow to come fast so he'd be able to see Tao again, talk to him, and maybe even touch him somehow.
That's why on Monday, Sehun had run from school to S.M. Entertainment, not even changing out of his uniform first. He knew that Zi Tao had vocal training that afternoon and he wanted to make sure to coincidentally run into him in the practice room before that. So without greeting his teacher and ignoring Lu Han and Yixing in the hallway, he run to the elevator, pressing the button like a mad man. He had managed to go exactly twenty hours without seeing a bit of the Chinese boy and it felt like he'd implode if that didn't change soon.
He arrived on the sixth floor just in time, when the doors of the practice room opened and a bunch of trainees, one of them Chanyeol, came out.
"Ah, Sehun," the tall boy called out and Sehun stood still, but his eyes were searching for the Chinese boy.
"Yes?"
"Your schedule changed. Kyungsoo told me to make sure you know. Monday's singing lessons were cancelled, because of the teacher's schedule problems. You gotta join our team from now on," and Sehun had only been half listening before he realized that in our team there was Huang Zi Tao.
"Your team?", Sehun asked to make sure he had heard right.
"Yes. It'll start in an hour, want to grab something to eat before that?" the tall boy asked and Sehun was about to say no because he had to make sure to tell Zi Tao about the good news, but before he could answer, Chanyeol continued "Baekhyun and Tao are coming too, by the way." And just then, the two of them came out of the practice room, laughing and walking in their direction.
Sehun felt disgusted in himself because the moment his eyes caught sight of the Chinese boy, he felt so relived and excited at the same time. He hated feeling like a lovesick schoolgirl, but honestly speaking, he knew that he was exactly that when it came to Zi Tao, and having the boy look right back at him with a similar expression was everything he needed.
"Hi Sehun," Baekhyun called out and grinned at him in a weird way, waving "You coming with us, grab something to eat and maybe a bubble tea?"
"Bubble tea?"
"Yes, bubble tea."
"Bubble tea."
"Oh my, I think you were right Tao, it seems like he lost his mind," and Sehun immediately knew that Tao must have told them about his embarrassing tripping accident but he was too excited about Zi Tao and bubble tea to even care. "Let's go then."
With Zi Tao becoming a proper part of his life, Sehun's feelings had blossomed into something real and into something way stronger than the delusional kind of love he had felt up until that point. He hadn't thought it possible, but Sehun was soon to experience that he could only fall deeper for Zi Tao and there was no stopping it from happening.
And for a span of a few months, Sehun was loving his life like that. School didn't stress him out at all, he had gotten used to being a trainee, he enjoyed dancing and hanging out with his new friends after practice and he especially loved the way his and Zi Tao's relationship had developed into something strong and exciting.
At first, the two of them would meet every Sunday at Sehun's house to practice, but soon they'd started talking at S.M. between classes, hang out together with a bunch of friends afterwards and only spent half of their Sundays practising, the other playing video games or basketball together.
And like that weeks and months passed and Sehun was falling in love more with Tao every time he saw him. And at the beginning, Sehun had had no problems with just being friends because for a while that was more than he had thought he would ever get. He had been satisfied with just meeting Zi Tao as a friend and the occasional weirdly-long hugs Tao would give him from time to time. But after months of them spending more and more time together and the two of them getting more comfortable around each other, to a point where Tao would even decide to sleep over at Sehun's place and drop down next to him in bed, just wearing those tiny pieces of fabric he liked to call "his panties", Sehun was starting to feel that controlling his pubertal needs was getting harder and harder. Soon he had to wait until Zi Tao had fallen asleep beside him and then hurry to the bathroom to jerk himself off hard, panting into one of his arms and biting down at his climax while thinking about Zi Tao' smooth dark skin pressed against his. And sometimes he even had to repeat the same thing in the morning.
And at some point, the sleepovers he'd always been looking forward to had become one of the most stressful days in his life. And while it was getting more and more clear for him, that he would not be able to continue like this for a long time, Sehun had no idea how to get himself out of this mess. Confessing his feelings to Zi Tao first was totally out of the question, but waiting for Zi Tao to do something Sehun wasn't even sure he was ever going to do, didn't seem to be so clever either.
But the solution came on a cold and rainy day, sometime in April, the way Sehun had least expected it.
Zi Tao and him had been invited to Joonmyeon's gathering at his huge house, together with probably half of the other S.M. trainees. At some point, some of the boys had gotten bored and decided to start playing that fatal game, that would change everything for the two of them and officially make Byun Baekhyun not their love cupid but an annoying asshole.
Zi Tao and Sehun, who had been happily playing on the rich boy's new gaming device, were suddenly dragged into the next room by Kim Jongdae and forced to participate in their drunk mess of a game which Baekhyun had called Homosexual Spin The Bottle in his defence.
“Just the game for the two of you," Baekhyun shouted after Jongdae had successfully separated Sehun from Zi Tao and forced the two of them to sit down opposite of each other in the circle of half drunken boys and giggling girls. Sehun already knew the moment Lu Han pressed his drunk-ass self against Minseok, snuggling at his neck, that this would probably not be as much fun as Baekhyun was making it sound.
"As far as I know, this boy here is unkissed," Baekhyun suddenly announced to the group of twenty-something people, pointing at Sehun and he could only blush in embarrassment because Zi Tao was looking at him from the other side of the circle, having that really surprised look on his face "and we need to change that!"
"Oh, I really don't think we do," Sehun just answered quietly but Chanyeol who was seated beside him just slung his arm around the boy's shoulders.
"It's time, Sehun. You just turned seventeen and believe me, it's time!"
"I think I can chose when it's time for me to ki-"
"Oh stop it with the bitching. Just spin the fricking bottle," Jongdae shouted through the whole room and Sehun was really not up for this kind of crap but he knew that there was no arguing with those crazy kids, so he did as he was told and spun the bottle. With the end pointing at Baekhyun and the older boy starting to grin, Sehun finally realized that even just touching the bottle had been a major mistake.
"Wait, I am not kissing Baekhyun."
"Why?", Baekhyun shouted and it was obvious that he had had one too many beers when he came crawling towards him. "Am I not pretty enough?"
"In fact, yes, you aren't," Sehun said and he was starting to get a little bit scared, because Chanyeol's arm was suddenly pressing down on him so hard, Sehun realized that he was actually holding on to him so he wouldn't be able to leave. "I don't want to kiss just anyone."
"Then who do you want to kiss?", Baekhyun asked and there was no way Sehun was going to say Zi Tao, but all of a sudden Baekhyun was grinning at him and then he was turning around again, sitting back down on his spot. "Well, since the baby doesn't want to kiss me, I will just choose someone to kiss him instead, what do you think?", the evil boy asked the crowd and the others started cheering. "Someone who is good friends with Sehun. Someone he likes to spend time with. That someone he even shares his bubble tea with," and at that point everyone who knew him a little, was aware of that someone being Zi Tao.
"No," Sehun just answered strongly, before he could even think about how much he really wanted to kiss Zi Tao. God yes, he wanted to do that and way more, but not like this. He didn't want it to be forced. He didn't want Zi Tao to be forced. "I'm not kissing Zi Tao. No way."
"Tao or me, you have the choice," Baekhyun said giggling like a crazy drunkhead and before they could ruin this night any more for him, Sehun crawled over and pressed his lips to Baekhyun's hard for a few horrible seconds.
When Sehun pulled back, he found the majority of the group looking at him somehow shocked because they surely hadn't expected him to be so forward all of a sudden, but Sehun couldn't care less. He was just glad that it was over and that he had been able to prevent the worst from happening.
"What a great first kiss this was, I hope you guys are happy," Sehun said and he didn't know why but all of a sudden he felt like crying, so he got to his feet fast and left for the door. Grasping his jacket and scarf on the way, he stormed out of the house. He was almost at the bus station when someone grabbed him by the arm, turning him around with force.
"Baekhyun?" Zi Tao asked him, his voice a bit louder than usual. "Am I that bad? I thought we were best friends."
"We are best friends!"
"So you chose someone else to kiss?"
"Why would you care who I kiss?" Sehun asked desperately. He was feeling so disgusted, he just wanted to wash his mouth clean and looking at Tao made it even worse because he was having a bad conscience but at the same time he hated the boy because he hadn't stopped him from kissing Baekhyun.
"I don't understand. Why would you choose someone over me?"
"I didn't choose him over you."
"Yes, you did. It was your precious first kiss and you chose him," and Zi Tao sounded so hurt, Sehun wished it was because after all he liked him too.
"My first kiss is not that precious."
"Yes, it is."
"Not for me."
"Maybe not for you." And the way the older boy said those words, made Sehun's stomach twist and turn in a very uncomfortable way "You made a mistake. You should have given it to me."
"Why?" Sehun asked even though he knew so many true answers to that one simple question himself.
"Because we are best friends."
"Best friends don't share kisses."
"We could," Zi Tao said in a quiet tone, having calmed down and looking at Sehun with those beautiful eyes and waiting for him to say something back. Sehun could feel his body starting to shake at Tao's intense gaze, before he opened his own lips, trying hard to stop them from quivering.
"But... that wouldn't make us best friends."
And Zi Tao was so close all of a sudden, Sehun was about to pass out with his heart beating like crazy in his chest, when the Chinese boy murmured:
"I know."
part II
The true story of how Sehun falls in love with Tao.
warning: for those who have read the parts to this fanfiction I uploaded before: if you still remember what happened, you can skip this part I because it's basically all of the chapters I uploaded before combined into one longer version. You can start reading the rest here
disclaimer: iI tried to make this as realistic as possible but I know that some deaitls may not be right, like how long each member was a trainee and room-arrangements. I didn't change anything really important, though.
__
part I
The day Sehun decided to become a dancer was hot and humid and he had just been splashed with half a bottle of water by his friend, school-uniform soaking wet and Sehun's voice roaring loudly when he saw a boy, all in black, running past him. It was the bag of the boy, leopard print, all glimmer and glitter, that had caught his attention even before it threatened to hit him in the side and Sehun had to jump back.
"Sorry," the boy cried in broken Korean but did not stop while turning his head to look at Sehun, the person he'd almost run over. Just a few seconds later, the most beautiful human-being Oh Sehun had ever seen in his fifteen short years of living vanished into the closest building just as fast as he had smacked Sehun in the heart with his so beautiful face, his tall-slender body wrapped in dark tight clothes and the skin that was so tanned, unlike his.
"Who is that," Sehun asked his friend who obviously didn't know him either, but his head was already filled with thoughts of the boy and he was yet to grasp the severity of the effect it would have on his whole life.
"I don't know but he seems to be one of those kids," and the way his friend was raising his eyebrow and pointing his finger to the logo that garnishing the modern building told him exactly what those kids meant.
S.M. Entertaiment, Sehun read.
He was a trainee. The kind of people Sehun and his friends liked to laugh about because the guys had to wear make-up, embarrass themselves on national TV and had no private life. He was something Sehun had never wanted to become, something that had never even crossed his mind up until that point.
"I think," he started, looking at the huge entrance of the building and then back at his friend "I want to give this a try."
And Sehun really hadn't thought about it first when he ignored his friend's confused shouts and entered the fancy looking entrance, aiming right at the counter to sign up for the next audition.
Sehun knew that he didn't have any talents that would qualify him to join S.M. Entertaiment, but he wrote down good at dancing anyway in the section he had to list the reason they should let him join the company. Hurriedly, he filled out the form and gave it to the lady, already having turned around to leave when she called after him. "You missed something," she said and handed him back a sheet of paper.
Why do you want to join S.M.? And he didn't even have to look at it twice before he wrote down because I belong here.
Because at that time, even before finding out the boy's name, his heart had already understood that he belonged to his side.
Auditioning was way scarier than Sehun had thought and the moment the stood in front of the five strangers who were facing him with a bored expression and waiting for him to start doing something, he questioned his decision for the first time. He was doing this for a boy he had never even spoken to, someone he didn't even know he'd ever meet again and honestly, he hadn't given this any further thoughts whatsoever, and yet there he was wanting this so bad. So when they told him that he had passed and would be able to start training just a week later, he felt relieved and happy but at the same time he had no idea where this was even leading. The hugeness of signing up to be a trainee under S.M. Only really made itself noticeable when they smacked a huge pile of papers in front of his face, squeezing a pen to his and his parent's hands, for them to sign.
In the future he would often look back to that day and imagine what his life would have become if he hadn't signed those documents. Would he have met Zi Tao some way or another anyway? In the end, Sehun was sure that whatever decision he would have made, his life would have ended up being about Zi Tao anyway. Maybe he would have met him on the streets again, maybe Zi Tao would have walked into the shop he would have been working part-time at and Sehun would have fallen for him then. Or maybe, and that was the likeliest way it would have happened, Sehun would have one day switched on the TV after coming home from a long day of exhausting and probably boring work and see Zi Tao performing together with EXO on some music show.
So even later when everything got too much and Sehun was starting to lose his mind over his unrequited feelings, he never doubted his decision because after all he was sure that him and Tao being together was their destiny.
It was his very first day as a trainee when he finally met him again. He had arrived at the building late, running through the unfamiliar halls to arrive for his first dance lesson just in time. The teacher had shot him a strict glance but then Sehun and the other three boys and two girls whom some of them he had seen at the audition before, had introduced themselves and the training had begun. It had been a lot of fun and to his surprise Sehun had found himself being the best dancer among the group, but despite that he could not quite help staring out of the glassed-walls everytime someone walked past them. With the hours passing he had started growing more and more nervous when the thought of never seeing the boy again had started creeping up on him. Maybe he wasn't a trainee after all. Maybe he had just been there to pick someone up... maybe he had failed the audition. Maybe Sehun would never see him again and everything had been for nothing, and just when their teacher ended the class and Sehun reached down to grasp the towel lying by his side to dry his sweat, he saw him.
His heart started bumping in his chest like crazy when the boy - again, all in black - stopped right in front of the wall and looked right back at him. His face was expressionless and the boy's eyes were soon on someone else again.
"Zi Tao," the dance teacher suddenly shouted and Sehun looked at the boy outside, starting to grin.
Zi Tao... was that his name?
"Come in, you are late." And Sehun didn't quite understand what was happening when the boy entered their room, taking a second glance at him and then standing right next to the teacher to look at the group of trainees watching him with curious eyes, including Sehun.
"This is Huang Zi Tao. He is one of the Chinese trainees. I asked him to show you guys around today," and at that point Sehun was so sure that something like destiny did exist after all. From the hundreds of trainees their teacher had picked him to show Sehun around. "Zi Tao, those are the few kids you'll be looking after. In case you guys have any questions in the future, just make sure to give Zi Tao a call. He's been a trainee for a year now and knows his way around here. Make sure to give them your number later," he said now facing Zi Tao and the boy nodded. The teacher left and the introduction started again and Sehun only noticed that it was his turn when he felt his face growing a shade of pink with Zi Tao staring right at him and waiting for him to say something.
"Sehun... I am Oh Sehun," and the way the Chinese boy suddenly smiled at him made him want to shout out to the world that this kid was his and nobody would ever be allowed to take him away from him.
"Nice to meet you, Oh Sehun."
That day Sehun had spent most of the time together with Zi Tao thinking about what to say and when he had come up with the perfect conversation topic - which was bubble tea because hey, everyone liked bubble tea - their tour had been over with Zi Tao typing his cell-phone number to the new kid's phones.
"Call me if you need anything," he had said and then disappeared around the corner. Sehun had considered calling him right that second, but being all weird and clingy after just one proper meeting would probably make Zi Tao hate him, so he didn't. Instead he held his phone in his hands, staring at the new contact with a wide grin on his face.
"Panda?", he read out the moment he realized that the boy had saved his name like that.
"It's his name," one of the boys suddenly said and Sehun looked at him, remembering that he was called Do- something. "Tao is Chinese for panda."
"Is it?," Sehun asked and suddenly thought how perfect that name fit the boy.
"It is," Do-something answered with a bored expression on his face and then he turned around leaving Sehun behind who still had that wide grin on his face.
It did not take Sehun long to make a bunch of friends at S.M. Entertaiment. With intense training four times a week he hardly had any time left for his friends from school and to his disappointment they didn't let go about harassing him because he was one of those kids now and Sehun had soon become tired of hearing it. Unconsciously, he had started to spend less time with them and even more with his new friends. He had become buddies with the genius-dancer kid called Kim Jongin who was the same age as him, Lu Han a Chinese kid he had approached while recognizing his face at the bubble tea shop close to their company, and to his surprise Do-something, who was really called Do Kyungsoo, had turned out to be quite the fun guy to be around as well. With Zi Tao, though, he had made little progress.
They would meet by coincidence maybe once or twice a week, but their meeting would just last a few seconds of them passing by each other and exchanging greetings without stopping. Sometimes Lu Han would make him and some other Chinese kids join them for bubble tea but most of the time Zi Tao would be all over that tall weird kid with the thick eyebrows and Sehun knew that it wasn't fair to him, but he had secretly started hating on the guy called Wu Yifan.
In his desperation, Sehun had once made up his mind and called Zi Tao but when the boy had picked up and said hello? with his cute little accent, Sehun had hung up before saying anything, head turning as read as a tomato. Sehun felt helpless because everytime he was near Tao his head would turn mush and he would act like an idiot and he hated himself for that, but apart from that Sehun had began to like the life as a trainee. The training was hard and exhausting, yes, but he had made a bunch of great friends and dancing had become a great passion to him. Sometimes he even thought that if it wouldn't go anywhere with Zi Tao he would still not give up and try to debut as soon as possible. That didn't mean that he was giving up on Tao though. Sehun had just decided that he would have to learn how to act like a normal human being around him before actually approaching.
"Sehun, hey Sehun," Zi Tao suddenly shouted, turning into the hallway and waving his hand and Sehun was so surprised at the sight of him that he ended up choking on his spit and coughing like a mad men.
So much for not embarrassing himself in front of Tao.
"Sehun, do you have a second?", the boy said and his accent was so cute, Sehun wanted to squeeze his cheeks hard just to kiss them well again. But before he could even imagine it, he noticed something way more important.
Weeks had passed since their first and only proper meeting and Zi Tao still knew his name.
"Teacher Choi told me that you're already done with his new choreography, is that true?" and for a short moment Sehun felt a bit disappointed. So this was about training.
"Yes," he answered though, having stopped coughing finally and nodding in approval.
"Would you teach me? I can't visit his afternoon classes because of my Korean lessons and his morning classes are already packed, he told me that I should find someone good to teach me instead.. You are a good dancer, aren't you?"
"I guess," Sehun spat out insecurely and his brain had not quite grasped yet that Zi Tao was making a proposal for the two of them to be alone together. When it did though, Sehun's eyes widened and he looked at Tao in shock who was surprised at Sehun#s strange reaction and just stared back at him in confusion. "I can help you, yes. Of course."
"Are you sure?", the boy asked uncertainly "I don't want to force you it's just that I really can't work with Jongin and he told me that you are as good as him so.."
"Yes, I am sure. I will teach you." His heart was beating like crazy, Sehun was afraid that Zi Tao would hear it so he stepped back a little. "I only have time on the weekends, though, because of school", oh how much he hated school at that moment. He would have liked to tell Tao that he would make time for him whenever he wanted to but the sad reality was that his parents had only approved of him becoming a trainee if he would at least finish high school.
"Weekends are fine. Should I come over to your place, or...?"
"My place?", Sehun asked surprised "We can train here, can't we."
"Have you ever actually been here on a Sunday? The rooms are packed, you need to book them a month in advance otherwise you'll be training in the hallways," Zi Tao laughed at first "so your place is no good?" and the way he was making a pouty face - and he must have done this on fucking purpose, there was no way a boy could look that cute without trying - hit Sehun in the heart hard and he just ended up approving anyway.
Sehun told Tao his address and how to get their and then the boy was already waving him goodbye and shouting a see you at your place before he disappeared as suddenly as he had appeared.
It took Sehun about twenty minutes of standing still and calming his heartbeat down before he could safely make his way home and realize that hell, he needed to tidy up that room of his.
Their first meeting at Sehun's house went way smoother than he had thought. Sehun managed to only embarrass himself twice. The first time, he tripped over his own feet, falling on his face and having a nosebleed which resulted into a worried Zi Tao running off to get tissues and press them to his nose. The second embarrassment happened right after, when Zi Tao was stroking Sehun's neck worriedly with one hand, the other one still holding on to the bloody tissue, while Sehun got lost in thoughts and only caught himself looking at Zi Tao dreamily after the Chinese boy had already started laughing and asked Sehun if he had lost his mind while hitting his head. But apart from those two little accidents, Sehun had done well teaching Zi Tao and was glad to see him with a wide grin on his lips while putting on his shoes.
"Thank you so much, Sehun. Helping out a total stranger like that, you're really a good guy."
"You're not a total stranger. Anyone would have done it," Sehun said because he was sure that he was right, he found Zi Tao shaking his head, though.
"Jongin wouldn't do it and he calls himself my friend. You and me haven't even talked to each other that much but you still agreed to help me."
Sehun was about to say that, of course, he would help him, since he was more or less trying to get into his pants, but he kept his mouth shut and just smiled back at the grinning guy.
"We should get together more often," Zi Tao suddenly said and Sehun answered with a strong nod, making Tao grin even harder at him. "I just knew it, from the first time I saw you that we'd become friends."
Those words made Sehun's heart skip a beat. He felt himself blush a little but was too happy to do anything about it "Me too."
"Really?" the Chinese boy answered laughing with a surprised look on his face "And I thought that nearly running someone over wouldn't leave that good of a first impression."
"You knew that it was me?", Sehun asked surprised because really, he hadn't thought that Zi Tao remembered him. He felt both extremely excited but at the same time uneasy because it suddenly felt like there was a possibility that Zi Tao knew what he had done to Sehun's heart that day.
"Of course I knew, I rarely come across someone who is so-" and it was like Zi Tao suddenly remembered something very important when he stopped talking all of a sudden, looking at Sehun with huge eyes for only a second and then smiling again, this time, though, it looked troubled and somehow fake. "You have a not so common face, after all."
"Yea, I guess."
Sehun felt a bit awkward afterwards, just standing there and waiting for Zi Tao to leave even though he wanted him to stay so much but didn't have the courage to tell him.
"Well, I guess I will get going then. See you... tomorrow maybe?" Zi Tao finally asked, moving his body forward a bit and for a second Sehun thought that he was going to get hugged and oh god, his heart was starting to race like crazy, but then Zi Tao just swung back the same way he had swung forward, and Sehun had obviously been wrong.
"Yes, see you tomorrow."
"Tomorrow," Zi Tao repeated, smiling sincerely again and then turned around to leave.
Sehun stayed in front of his house to watch Zi Tao walk down the street until he had to turn at a corner. He caught the Chinese boy looking back at him twice while smiling and waving.
At that moment, Sehun realized that his feelings probably weren't as one-sided as he had thought they were. Even if it was just a little bit, Sehun thought that he could feel Zi Tao getting nervous and maybe even a little bit excited in his presence, just like himself.
It made him feel like the happiest boy alive.
When his mother had called him for dinner a few hours after Tao had left, later that day, Sehun hadn't been able to swallow a single bite. His stomach was full of butterflies and all he could still think about was Zi Tao Zi Tao Zi Tao while sitting on his bed and pressing a pillow to his face. He had wished for tomorrow to come fast so he'd be able to see Tao again, talk to him, and maybe even touch him somehow.
That's why on Monday, Sehun had run from school to S.M. Entertainment, not even changing out of his uniform first. He knew that Zi Tao had vocal training that afternoon and he wanted to make sure to coincidentally run into him in the practice room before that. So without greeting his teacher and ignoring Lu Han and Yixing in the hallway, he run to the elevator, pressing the button like a mad man. He had managed to go exactly twenty hours without seeing a bit of the Chinese boy and it felt like he'd implode if that didn't change soon.
He arrived on the sixth floor just in time, when the doors of the practice room opened and a bunch of trainees, one of them Chanyeol, came out.
"Ah, Sehun," the tall boy called out and Sehun stood still, but his eyes were searching for the Chinese boy.
"Yes?"
"Your schedule changed. Kyungsoo told me to make sure you know. Monday's singing lessons were cancelled, because of the teacher's schedule problems. You gotta join our team from now on," and Sehun had only been half listening before he realized that in our team there was Huang Zi Tao.
"Your team?", Sehun asked to make sure he had heard right.
"Yes. It'll start in an hour, want to grab something to eat before that?" the tall boy asked and Sehun was about to say no because he had to make sure to tell Zi Tao about the good news, but before he could answer, Chanyeol continued "Baekhyun and Tao are coming too, by the way." And just then, the two of them came out of the practice room, laughing and walking in their direction.
Sehun felt disgusted in himself because the moment his eyes caught sight of the Chinese boy, he felt so relived and excited at the same time. He hated feeling like a lovesick schoolgirl, but honestly speaking, he knew that he was exactly that when it came to Zi Tao, and having the boy look right back at him with a similar expression was everything he needed.
"Hi Sehun," Baekhyun called out and grinned at him in a weird way, waving "You coming with us, grab something to eat and maybe a bubble tea?"
"Bubble tea?"
"Yes, bubble tea."
"Bubble tea."
"Oh my, I think you were right Tao, it seems like he lost his mind," and Sehun immediately knew that Tao must have told them about his embarrassing tripping accident but he was too excited about Zi Tao and bubble tea to even care. "Let's go then."
With Zi Tao becoming a proper part of his life, Sehun's feelings had blossomed into something real and into something way stronger than the delusional kind of love he had felt up until that point. He hadn't thought it possible, but Sehun was soon to experience that he could only fall deeper for Zi Tao and there was no stopping it from happening.
And for a span of a few months, Sehun was loving his life like that. School didn't stress him out at all, he had gotten used to being a trainee, he enjoyed dancing and hanging out with his new friends after practice and he especially loved the way his and Zi Tao's relationship had developed into something strong and exciting.
At first, the two of them would meet every Sunday at Sehun's house to practice, but soon they'd started talking at S.M. between classes, hang out together with a bunch of friends afterwards and only spent half of their Sundays practising, the other playing video games or basketball together.
And like that weeks and months passed and Sehun was falling in love more with Tao every time he saw him. And at the beginning, Sehun had had no problems with just being friends because for a while that was more than he had thought he would ever get. He had been satisfied with just meeting Zi Tao as a friend and the occasional weirdly-long hugs Tao would give him from time to time. But after months of them spending more and more time together and the two of them getting more comfortable around each other, to a point where Tao would even decide to sleep over at Sehun's place and drop down next to him in bed, just wearing those tiny pieces of fabric he liked to call "his panties", Sehun was starting to feel that controlling his pubertal needs was getting harder and harder. Soon he had to wait until Zi Tao had fallen asleep beside him and then hurry to the bathroom to jerk himself off hard, panting into one of his arms and biting down at his climax while thinking about Zi Tao' smooth dark skin pressed against his. And sometimes he even had to repeat the same thing in the morning.
And at some point, the sleepovers he'd always been looking forward to had become one of the most stressful days in his life. And while it was getting more and more clear for him, that he would not be able to continue like this for a long time, Sehun had no idea how to get himself out of this mess. Confessing his feelings to Zi Tao first was totally out of the question, but waiting for Zi Tao to do something Sehun wasn't even sure he was ever going to do, didn't seem to be so clever either.
But the solution came on a cold and rainy day, sometime in April, the way Sehun had least expected it.
Zi Tao and him had been invited to Joonmyeon's gathering at his huge house, together with probably half of the other S.M. trainees. At some point, some of the boys had gotten bored and decided to start playing that fatal game, that would change everything for the two of them and officially make Byun Baekhyun not their love cupid but an annoying asshole.
Zi Tao and Sehun, who had been happily playing on the rich boy's new gaming device, were suddenly dragged into the next room by Kim Jongdae and forced to participate in their drunk mess of a game which Baekhyun had called Homosexual Spin The Bottle in his defence.
“Just the game for the two of you," Baekhyun shouted after Jongdae had successfully separated Sehun from Zi Tao and forced the two of them to sit down opposite of each other in the circle of half drunken boys and giggling girls. Sehun already knew the moment Lu Han pressed his drunk-ass self against Minseok, snuggling at his neck, that this would probably not be as much fun as Baekhyun was making it sound.
"As far as I know, this boy here is unkissed," Baekhyun suddenly announced to the group of twenty-something people, pointing at Sehun and he could only blush in embarrassment because Zi Tao was looking at him from the other side of the circle, having that really surprised look on his face "and we need to change that!"
"Oh, I really don't think we do," Sehun just answered quietly but Chanyeol who was seated beside him just slung his arm around the boy's shoulders.
"It's time, Sehun. You just turned seventeen and believe me, it's time!"
"I think I can chose when it's time for me to ki-"
"Oh stop it with the bitching. Just spin the fricking bottle," Jongdae shouted through the whole room and Sehun was really not up for this kind of crap but he knew that there was no arguing with those crazy kids, so he did as he was told and spun the bottle. With the end pointing at Baekhyun and the older boy starting to grin, Sehun finally realized that even just touching the bottle had been a major mistake.
"Wait, I am not kissing Baekhyun."
"Why?", Baekhyun shouted and it was obvious that he had had one too many beers when he came crawling towards him. "Am I not pretty enough?"
"In fact, yes, you aren't," Sehun said and he was starting to get a little bit scared, because Chanyeol's arm was suddenly pressing down on him so hard, Sehun realized that he was actually holding on to him so he wouldn't be able to leave. "I don't want to kiss just anyone."
"Then who do you want to kiss?", Baekhyun asked and there was no way Sehun was going to say Zi Tao, but all of a sudden Baekhyun was grinning at him and then he was turning around again, sitting back down on his spot. "Well, since the baby doesn't want to kiss me, I will just choose someone to kiss him instead, what do you think?", the evil boy asked the crowd and the others started cheering. "Someone who is good friends with Sehun. Someone he likes to spend time with. That someone he even shares his bubble tea with," and at that point everyone who knew him a little, was aware of that someone being Zi Tao.
"No," Sehun just answered strongly, before he could even think about how much he really wanted to kiss Zi Tao. God yes, he wanted to do that and way more, but not like this. He didn't want it to be forced. He didn't want Zi Tao to be forced. "I'm not kissing Zi Tao. No way."
"Tao or me, you have the choice," Baekhyun said giggling like a crazy drunkhead and before they could ruin this night any more for him, Sehun crawled over and pressed his lips to Baekhyun's hard for a few horrible seconds.
When Sehun pulled back, he found the majority of the group looking at him somehow shocked because they surely hadn't expected him to be so forward all of a sudden, but Sehun couldn't care less. He was just glad that it was over and that he had been able to prevent the worst from happening.
"What a great first kiss this was, I hope you guys are happy," Sehun said and he didn't know why but all of a sudden he felt like crying, so he got to his feet fast and left for the door. Grasping his jacket and scarf on the way, he stormed out of the house. He was almost at the bus station when someone grabbed him by the arm, turning him around with force.
"Baekhyun?" Zi Tao asked him, his voice a bit louder than usual. "Am I that bad? I thought we were best friends."
"We are best friends!"
"So you chose someone else to kiss?"
"Why would you care who I kiss?" Sehun asked desperately. He was feeling so disgusted, he just wanted to wash his mouth clean and looking at Tao made it even worse because he was having a bad conscience but at the same time he hated the boy because he hadn't stopped him from kissing Baekhyun.
"I don't understand. Why would you choose someone over me?"
"I didn't choose him over you."
"Yes, you did. It was your precious first kiss and you chose him," and Zi Tao sounded so hurt, Sehun wished it was because after all he liked him too.
"My first kiss is not that precious."
"Yes, it is."
"Not for me."
"Maybe not for you." And the way the older boy said those words, made Sehun's stomach twist and turn in a very uncomfortable way "You made a mistake. You should have given it to me."
"Why?" Sehun asked even though he knew so many true answers to that one simple question himself.
"Because we are best friends."
"Best friends don't share kisses."
"We could," Zi Tao said in a quiet tone, having calmed down and looking at Sehun with those beautiful eyes and waiting for him to say something back. Sehun could feel his body starting to shake at Tao's intense gaze, before he opened his own lips, trying hard to stop them from quivering.
"But... that wouldn't make us best friends."
And Zi Tao was so close all of a sudden, Sehun was about to pass out with his heart beating like crazy in his chest, when the Chinese boy murmured:
"I know."
part II