I FINALLY KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE

[djswifty]

MY NEW FIVE-YEAR PLAN

1. Steal the world's first known real unicorn.
2. Over the course of several months, or perhaps years, gain the unicorn's trust, until we are bonded for life.
3. Overtake, through some means, legitimate or no, Sealand.
4. Utilize both Sealand's self-funding infrastructure and the unicorn horn's known magical illness-curing properties to live

Comments

[fhwqhgads]

If that had been the real plot of Bioshock, I would have liked it a lot more.

[djswifty]

OK, ok, revised plan:
0.5) Play Bioshock.

[plitter]

Okay, you DO know that you can purchase royalty on Sealand, right? A few years ago, my bro-in-law bought my sis-in-law the title of Baroness of Sealand. So, you could be a little closer to accomplishing goal #2 is you find a legal means to first gain the Sealanders' trust.

The unicorn...that I'm not so sure about.

[djswifty]

I seriously bought myself the title of Duke earlier tonight. I figured it was time.

[iusetheinternet]

Okay I would help you take over sealand. I owe you at lest that much.
What do unicorns love to eat? Is there a way we can travel back in time to when you were a virgin?

[djswifty]

Maybe if I tuck it up, the unicorn will mistake me for a weird-looking girl and just assume, like, "Oh god okay neigh there's no way she's gotten it." Then when it's confused I start brushing its mane and singing to it; I figure that'll get me started. Better yet: You hold the boombox, get some accompaniment going, we'll really wow the shit out of it, then we both ride it back to civilization.

[iusetheinternet]

works everytime.

[katura]

You reminded me of this:

[bainard]

Stalin would be proud.