Say It Out Loud (4/12)
Pairing: Liam/Zayn
Word Count: this chapter, 1566
Rating: NC17 as there will be future smut
Based on this prompt
Lying in Zayn’s bed half naked with an also half naked Zayn sleeping on his chest was a position Liam thought he would never find himself in. He pushes his worry of missing class tomorrow to the back of his brain and focuses on the boy draped across him.
He buries his face in Zayn’s hair when he glances down at the dark body, spotting several marks Liam had left across him.
In an effort to try and fall asleep Liam hums a song to himself, stroking Zayn’s arm in time to the song. He stops when he feels Zayn stir and feels guilty when his eyes flutter open. The guilt is replaced with something warmer when Zayn grins lazily up at him.
‘I could feel you talking or something’ Zayn signs, looking at where his head had been resting on Liam’s chest.
‘I was singing’ Liam admits and Zayn’s expression is one Liam finds hard to decipher.
‘I wish I could hear you sing’ Zayn looks sad and Liam feels his heart tug painfully in his chest. He wraps Zayn up in his arms and holds him tight, the two of them falling asleep after a long amount of time.
~~
Liam barely makes it to the train again the following day when Zayn decides to attack him against the car, kissing Liam until he has to pull away for air.
The faint colour of pink has not left Zayn’s cheeks since yesterday and Liam rubs the pad of his thumb gently across Zayn’s cheekbones.
‘You keep blushing’ Liam grins and Zayn looks down at his feet, almost nervous.
He shrugs and pulls Liam down for another kiss and Liam forgets what he was going to say at all.
‘My train is nearly here’ Liam grabs his bag from the car and starts to make his way over to the platform.
‘See you soon?’ Zayn looks like he trying to appear to be cool but the familiar blush and the way he shuffles his feet tells Liam different.
‘I’ll text you later’ Liam offers Zayn a kind smile and he loses himself in Zayn’s brown eyes until the trains whistle startles him back to reality.
‘Thanks for coming to the party’ Zayn looks shy and Liam can’t think of an appropriate response so gently kisses Zayn goodbye instead and waves out the window until Zayn is a small dot on the platform.
~~
It continues like that for some time, they text, they meet up, they kiss, they do a little more than kiss. And yet Liam feels disgruntled. He wants more than what they are doing. He wants all of Zayn. He wants more than the fun and sometimes awkward weekend nights. He wants more than the one kiss Zayn puts at the end of his text messages. He definitely wants more than what him and Zayn do in his bedroom late at night.
Zayn graduates St. Mary’s and is finally free, more time to spend with Liam really. And Liam thinks that now is the time to talk about it. He tries and fails for at least two weeks to mention it to Zayn. Zayn seems to be fine with their dynamic, casual as ever and never looks even slightly unsure about what they are doing.
One night however, after sharing a large pizza with Niall who was not satisfied with his four slices and left to go get a take away at home, Liam decides to bring it up. Well, Zayn drags it out of him more like.
‘You are acting strange’ Zayn points out when Liam stares off into space for what feels like the millionth time that night. Liam tries to act nonchalant, signalling that he is fine but Zayn’s frown only deepens. He stares at Liam over the rim of his glass until Liam turns to face him on the sofa. He stares at a bit of the cushion on the sofa with a frayed piece of fabric hanging off it and really wants to cut it off with some scissors. He is filing that to memory when Zayn’s hand waves in front of his eyes.
He snaps his head up and grins sheepishly in apology.
‘Am I doing something to bother you?’ Zayn questions, looking genuinely confused. Liam almost dies on the spot from guilt. His own problem is making Zayn think it his fault. He shakes his head vehemently.
‘I’m just kind of confused’ Liam admits and Zayn cocks his head, wanting Liam to tell him more.
‘I mean, I don’t know where this is going really’ he wants nothing more than to run into his bedroom and hide under his covers and for Zayn to come in after him and fix everything. He avoids looking at Zayn’s face, afraid of what his expression will reveal.
‘Can you explain a bit more’ he sees Zayn sign and Liam’s stomach jostles nervously. He actually has no idea what to say and he marvels at Zayn’s patience whilst he sits there staring into space like a buffoon.
‘I just, I really like you Zayn and I don’t know what we are doing? I mean, I just don’t know what you want’
He looks at Zayn then and Zayn looks at his hands. He looks sad or regretful and Liam thinks with a sinking stomach that this is when Zayn is finally going to tell him to clear off and leave him alone.
‘What do you want?’ Zayn asks him, eyes flitting across Liam’s face.
Liam bites his lip but realises that he has already embarrassed himself enough; he might as well be honest.
‘I want you. To be with me. Officially’ he can feel how hot his face is and groans at the image he has of himself right now. Zayn’s lips quirk up slightly. Liam groans again. He is laughing at Liam and Liam feels so ashamed.
‘Liam I am so confused’ Zayn tells him and Liam feels frustrated. What does Zayn want him to do? Write it out for him? Go in front of an audience to announce it? Zayn must notice Liam’s reaction and hurries into an explanation.
‘I mean why do you want to go out with me? I really like you too but to be honest, you deserve better’
Liam nearly chokes on the last remaining bit of spit in his mouth. Zayn is bright red and that sad expression is back in his eyes and Liam wants to claw his own skin off. He just looks at Zayn with a bewildered expression, wanting Zayn to explain himself. Zayn takes a few moments and does not look at Liam’s eyes as he starts to explain.
‘I mean, don’t you want someone who can actually hear you laugh? I know what it looks like and it’s… it’s beautiful. But I am sure it sounds ten times more beautiful than that. I can’t even imagine. Someone who should hear you sing, I can only feel it trembling through you, I can only see the veins in your neck pulsing but I can’t hear it. Don’t you want someone who you don’t have to go through so much effort for just to speak to?!’
Zayn looks angry and sad, his hands speed up more and more with every sentence and Liam’s throat clenches tight as a lump forms in it.
‘I just, I don’t understand why you are even still bothering with me’
Zayn slumps down then, clearly embarrassed by what he just admitted and can’t even bring his eyes up to meet Liam’s. Liam wants to wail. He wants to cry and scream and slap Zayn for being so stupid.
He reaches over and lifts Zayn’s chin up with his thumb. Their eyes meet and they both have tears welling in them. Liam is lost for words but he wants Zayn to know that none of that matters to him. All he wants is Zayn.
He breaches the gap between them and kisses the older boy in a way that he hopes conveys everything he is feeling. He keeps pressing his lips to Zayn’s, alternating between gentle and rough, desperate for Zayn to know what Liam is trying to do. Zayn’s hands reach around his waist and rest on his lower back, kissing Liam back and his usual small moans that he never knows he makes fill Liam’s ears.
He breaks away and the way Zayn looks at him makes his heart flutter and his stomach tighten. When he looks back on this moment, he thinks this is the moment he fell in love with him.
‘I want you too’ Zayn releases Liam to say and lets the growing smile morph into a full one ‘Officially’.
Liam feels ridiculous with the way he smiles back, almost like his face could split in two. He just launches himself at Zayn and attacks him with a dozen peck to the lips making them both laugh like a couple of kids.
‘Louis is going to be so smug’ Zayn rolls his eyes to heaven and Liam snorts in agreement.
‘Niall will cry’
‘Harry will write a song, no, a ballad’
‘Oh God please shut up and just sort me out already’ Liam finally interrupts, looking down between their bodies with a raised eyebrow.
Zayn grins wickedly up at him.
‘Cheeky’ he manages to add before unbuttoning Liam’s trousers.
//
l part five l
Word Count: this chapter, 1566
Rating: NC17 as there will be future smut
Based on this prompt
Lying in Zayn’s bed half naked with an also half naked Zayn sleeping on his chest was a position Liam thought he would never find himself in. He pushes his worry of missing class tomorrow to the back of his brain and focuses on the boy draped across him.
He buries his face in Zayn’s hair when he glances down at the dark body, spotting several marks Liam had left across him.
In an effort to try and fall asleep Liam hums a song to himself, stroking Zayn’s arm in time to the song. He stops when he feels Zayn stir and feels guilty when his eyes flutter open. The guilt is replaced with something warmer when Zayn grins lazily up at him.
‘I could feel you talking or something’ Zayn signs, looking at where his head had been resting on Liam’s chest.
‘I was singing’ Liam admits and Zayn’s expression is one Liam finds hard to decipher.
‘I wish I could hear you sing’ Zayn looks sad and Liam feels his heart tug painfully in his chest. He wraps Zayn up in his arms and holds him tight, the two of them falling asleep after a long amount of time.
~~
Liam barely makes it to the train again the following day when Zayn decides to attack him against the car, kissing Liam until he has to pull away for air.
The faint colour of pink has not left Zayn’s cheeks since yesterday and Liam rubs the pad of his thumb gently across Zayn’s cheekbones.
‘You keep blushing’ Liam grins and Zayn looks down at his feet, almost nervous.
He shrugs and pulls Liam down for another kiss and Liam forgets what he was going to say at all.
‘My train is nearly here’ Liam grabs his bag from the car and starts to make his way over to the platform.
‘See you soon?’ Zayn looks like he trying to appear to be cool but the familiar blush and the way he shuffles his feet tells Liam different.
‘I’ll text you later’ Liam offers Zayn a kind smile and he loses himself in Zayn’s brown eyes until the trains whistle startles him back to reality.
‘Thanks for coming to the party’ Zayn looks shy and Liam can’t think of an appropriate response so gently kisses Zayn goodbye instead and waves out the window until Zayn is a small dot on the platform.
~~
It continues like that for some time, they text, they meet up, they kiss, they do a little more than kiss. And yet Liam feels disgruntled. He wants more than what they are doing. He wants all of Zayn. He wants more than the fun and sometimes awkward weekend nights. He wants more than the one kiss Zayn puts at the end of his text messages. He definitely wants more than what him and Zayn do in his bedroom late at night.
Zayn graduates St. Mary’s and is finally free, more time to spend with Liam really. And Liam thinks that now is the time to talk about it. He tries and fails for at least two weeks to mention it to Zayn. Zayn seems to be fine with their dynamic, casual as ever and never looks even slightly unsure about what they are doing.
One night however, after sharing a large pizza with Niall who was not satisfied with his four slices and left to go get a take away at home, Liam decides to bring it up. Well, Zayn drags it out of him more like.
‘You are acting strange’ Zayn points out when Liam stares off into space for what feels like the millionth time that night. Liam tries to act nonchalant, signalling that he is fine but Zayn’s frown only deepens. He stares at Liam over the rim of his glass until Liam turns to face him on the sofa. He stares at a bit of the cushion on the sofa with a frayed piece of fabric hanging off it and really wants to cut it off with some scissors. He is filing that to memory when Zayn’s hand waves in front of his eyes.
He snaps his head up and grins sheepishly in apology.
‘Am I doing something to bother you?’ Zayn questions, looking genuinely confused. Liam almost dies on the spot from guilt. His own problem is making Zayn think it his fault. He shakes his head vehemently.
‘I’m just kind of confused’ Liam admits and Zayn cocks his head, wanting Liam to tell him more.
‘I mean, I don’t know where this is going really’ he wants nothing more than to run into his bedroom and hide under his covers and for Zayn to come in after him and fix everything. He avoids looking at Zayn’s face, afraid of what his expression will reveal.
‘Can you explain a bit more’ he sees Zayn sign and Liam’s stomach jostles nervously. He actually has no idea what to say and he marvels at Zayn’s patience whilst he sits there staring into space like a buffoon.
‘I just, I really like you Zayn and I don’t know what we are doing? I mean, I just don’t know what you want’
He looks at Zayn then and Zayn looks at his hands. He looks sad or regretful and Liam thinks with a sinking stomach that this is when Zayn is finally going to tell him to clear off and leave him alone.
‘What do you want?’ Zayn asks him, eyes flitting across Liam’s face.
Liam bites his lip but realises that he has already embarrassed himself enough; he might as well be honest.
‘I want you. To be with me. Officially’ he can feel how hot his face is and groans at the image he has of himself right now. Zayn’s lips quirk up slightly. Liam groans again. He is laughing at Liam and Liam feels so ashamed.
‘Liam I am so confused’ Zayn tells him and Liam feels frustrated. What does Zayn want him to do? Write it out for him? Go in front of an audience to announce it? Zayn must notice Liam’s reaction and hurries into an explanation.
‘I mean why do you want to go out with me? I really like you too but to be honest, you deserve better’
Liam nearly chokes on the last remaining bit of spit in his mouth. Zayn is bright red and that sad expression is back in his eyes and Liam wants to claw his own skin off. He just looks at Zayn with a bewildered expression, wanting Zayn to explain himself. Zayn takes a few moments and does not look at Liam’s eyes as he starts to explain.
‘I mean, don’t you want someone who can actually hear you laugh? I know what it looks like and it’s… it’s beautiful. But I am sure it sounds ten times more beautiful than that. I can’t even imagine. Someone who should hear you sing, I can only feel it trembling through you, I can only see the veins in your neck pulsing but I can’t hear it. Don’t you want someone who you don’t have to go through so much effort for just to speak to?!’
Zayn looks angry and sad, his hands speed up more and more with every sentence and Liam’s throat clenches tight as a lump forms in it.
‘I just, I don’t understand why you are even still bothering with me’
Zayn slumps down then, clearly embarrassed by what he just admitted and can’t even bring his eyes up to meet Liam’s. Liam wants to wail. He wants to cry and scream and slap Zayn for being so stupid.
He reaches over and lifts Zayn’s chin up with his thumb. Their eyes meet and they both have tears welling in them. Liam is lost for words but he wants Zayn to know that none of that matters to him. All he wants is Zayn.
He breaches the gap between them and kisses the older boy in a way that he hopes conveys everything he is feeling. He keeps pressing his lips to Zayn’s, alternating between gentle and rough, desperate for Zayn to know what Liam is trying to do. Zayn’s hands reach around his waist and rest on his lower back, kissing Liam back and his usual small moans that he never knows he makes fill Liam’s ears.
He breaks away and the way Zayn looks at him makes his heart flutter and his stomach tighten. When he looks back on this moment, he thinks this is the moment he fell in love with him.
‘I want you too’ Zayn releases Liam to say and lets the growing smile morph into a full one ‘Officially’.
Liam feels ridiculous with the way he smiles back, almost like his face could split in two. He just launches himself at Zayn and attacks him with a dozen peck to the lips making them both laugh like a couple of kids.
‘Louis is going to be so smug’ Zayn rolls his eyes to heaven and Liam snorts in agreement.
‘Niall will cry’
‘Harry will write a song, no, a ballad’
‘Oh God please shut up and just sort me out already’ Liam finally interrupts, looking down between their bodies with a raised eyebrow.
Zayn grins wickedly up at him.
‘Cheeky’ he manages to add before unbuttoning Liam’s trousers.
//
l part five l