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Welcome to the Death Note Anonymous Kink Meme! (#2)
How it works:
* Comment anonymously with a kinkfic request. All requests must contain a character or pairing/threesome/moresome (any combination of guys/girls/shinigami/whatever are OK, crossovers are fine too), and at least one kink. If you need inspiration, check out this huge list of kinks by eliade. ( Read more... )
How it works:
* Comment anonymously with a kinkfic request. All requests must contain a character or pairing/threesome/moresome (any combination of guys/girls/shinigami/whatever are OK, crossovers are fine too), and at least one kink. If you need inspiration, check out this huge list of kinks by eliade. ( Read more... )
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Well, it’s not like I didn’t volunteer for it myself.
But... after searching - god, we searched for so long, and I was the one that found him dead-
“I’ll... contact Sachiko. Someone needs to tell Misa,” Aizawa had said quietly into the heel of his hand as he placed his palm over his face. “...Mogi, you’re close with her, right? Do you think you could...?”
Mogi stood frozen, looking away. Through all his stoicism, I could tell he was in pain. He’d also been the one to take care of L after he’d died, hadn’t he?
Finally he spoke up. “I... am not good at expressing sympathy. There’s no way she would feel any comfort if I...”
“I’ll do it, Mogi-san, please don’t worry,” I interrupted. They all looked at me, asking if I was sure - I was an absolute mess when I found him, I was screaming, horrified - but I was sure I wanted to be the one to tell her. I’d lost control earlier, and I had to be strong. And if it was painful, then maybe I deserved it for shooting him like that; god, there was no need for anything except ( ... )
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“Matsu!! It’s been so long!!” She squeezed me and I felt my eyes get warm. She hesitated, probably realizing I hadn’t done much to reciprocate the hug. “...Is something wrong?” She looked at me, her eyes deep in thought. “Is Mochi okay? It’s not that I’m not glad to see you, it’s just usually Mochi is the one to come visit now... did something happen to him?”
“Mogi-san is fine,” I said quietly. “It’s...” Suddenly, it truly dawned on me why Mogi did not want to be the one do this. I hadn’t fully started crying yet; I wasn’t sobbing, I had to keep my calm, but Misa seemed to go pale when she saw that I had tears streaming down my face. “Light-kun...” My voice cracked, despite my efforts to stop it.
The last thing I expected to see from her was a sweet smile. But her eyes were completely blank. “Matsu, stop lying to me. Is this some sort of police thing? Are you testing me? Does this have something to do with whatever reason they ( ... )
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“You don’t understand, I just want to see him again, why won’t you let me...”
“First of all, I really don’t have a weapon with me. Really. Second, you’re hysterical, and you’re not thinking straight.”
“I need him. I need him more than anyone else needs me. Only my fans would care.”
“Misa, stop it. That’s not true.”
“Yes it is. I don’t have any family anymore. And even though the fans would care, it’d be better this way. Think about it. If I leave now, I’ll be irreplaceable. They’ll try and hire other actresses to replace me and nobody will be as good. And doesn’t everyone love a tragic celebrity ( ... )
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Her eyes widened. “Don’t go. I can’t.” She slumped away and walked toward the couch, taking an orange from the fruit bowl on the table, peeling it with her thumbnail. “I’m fine with this. If we get hungry later, there’s always room service. I don’t want to leave. He called me this morning and told me to stay here until he called back. I can’t go home.”
I sat next to her on the couch and put my arm around her, squeezing her arm, telling her she could stay here as long as she liked. She asked about her bird, and I called Mogi right then to make sure he would take care of it. I’d pay for the hotel, if no one else would. I didn’t mind. That night, I didn’t bother ordering dinner, as neither of us were very hungry, and we fell asleep on the couch. For the rest of that week, I visited her regularly, to make sure she was okay. I could only go at night, though, because of work - well, we had the first few ( ... )
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I didn’t even fully realize that she’d removed my shirt until I felt the chill of the air.
“...Misa, we really shouldn’t. It’s not my place.”
“Don’t try to change my mind!” She snapped. She swallowed, and tears started to flow from her eyes. What was I supposed to do? “Please, he... he didn’t leave me with anything to cherish. It’s not his fault, how could he have known he would never come back here? He was just so busy, he never... ( ... )
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And as I made sure her dream wasn’t interrupted, I began to understand the girl more. I would never actively seek a situation where I would be used. I could never tolerate a woman who wouldn’t take me seriously, who would drain my wallet and self-esteem, or lie to my face - I could never tolerate cruelty. But Misa was anything but cruel, and if she was using me, it was because she needed me, even if I wasn’t the one on her mind during all of this. I was doing for her what she’d done for Light - I’d helped her live out her fantasy, just... well, her fantasy was certainly more physical, for sure, especially if her request for me to remain silent so she could pretend was any indication of what Light actually wanted (or didn’t want) from her.
There is such a fine line between being useful and being used that I’m not sure ( ... )
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Probably, he never bothered to tell her never to see anyone else. Her function for him had nothing to do with that. As long as she followed his orders, as long as she served her purpose to him as Kira and kept up appearances, there was no attachment.
If nothing else, being with Misa helped me really know what kind of a person Light was behind his hypocritically caring exterior, and I started to question myself less and less about what I’d done to him.
There were some nights when we would just sit together and watch her movies. She’d tell me stories about them - what it was like to work on a particular scene, who was a pain in her neck on a given day, how upset the director was with her counterpart - it was like turning on ( ... )
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I pressed her shoulders into the bed, but it felt wrong. I didn’t want to trap her like that. Why on earth would she want to feel trapped after what he’d done to her?
...But that was what he’d done to her. It was never discussed, but it was painfully obvious. I wasn’t supposed to be me. I was supposed to be him.
The fact that she thought me worthy to stand in his place still amazes me.
“Matsu, don’t be afraid to be rough,” she smiled.
I thought I was. Despite being trained in defense, I guess I’m really not all that strong. Or I’m just afraid to use my strength. I can’t wrap my head around hurting people that have done nothing wrong. I try to remind myself how much I’ve liked it if a girl decides to play rough. But it doesn’t work the other way. I know I can take it. I had a hard time believing Misa could.
I undressed her as she’d requested, but probably too politely. She gave me a condom - she had a box ready, of course - and I put it on. I was in the middle ( ... )
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...The problem with mind-numbingly intense sex is that it’s usually intense for reasons that make you want to throw up once it’s over.
But she was smiling, even clinging to me. I guess in some cases, the ends really do justify the means.
Months continued like this. On and off. She’d call and I’d be there for whatever she wanted to relive. I feel sort of pathetic looking back on it, realizing how much she blatantly used me, and that I had such little respect for myself that making her feel better in that way was the only way I could know that I hadn’t completely ruined everything. There was still a chance to help. Something to save. And, again, seeing her always reminded me of how cold of a person Light truly was. I needed to remember that. I never killed my best friend, because he wasn’t a friend to begin with. I needed her, too.
Time flew uncomfortably fast, and out of nowhere, the anniversary of his death arrived. Out of nowhere.
It ( ... )
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...I’m pretty sure you can’t hear me, though. That’s part of how it all works, isn’t it? I read the rules. Unless they’re all out to trick us... which wouldn’t surprise me... then there’s nothing. I’m just talking to a tombstone, and I would have lost you on Monday no matter what I said, or didn’t say.
Still.
Misa, I’m so sorry.
February 14, 2011
fin
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Fantastic piece. You really caught Misa's messed-up qualities while still making her sympathetic, and I loved the way you wrote Matsuda - vulnerable and sad but strong in some ways as well. I loved that you showed how the relationship had hurt her, and how that actually helped Matsuda to come to terms with stuff. And the bit about the director's commentary, you really caught some nostalgia there! Great fill.
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