The First Time

[docbrite]

Due to going through a depressive episode now, I've been thinking about the first time I ever experienced chemical depression. I remember it very clearly, because it was so unlike anything else I'd ever felt. I was seventeen. I had just survived several terrible years at a school where other students told me daily how ugly, stupid, and worthless I

Comments

[georgiamagnolia]

wow, I think I was ten the first time I felt what I eventually understood to be depression, though at the time I just wanted to be dead and didn't fully understand why. Your entry is making me think about the history and expressions that illness has caused in my life and that is full of contemplative thoughts I might need to sift through, so thanks for that. I think. When I am doing energy work (i.e magical work) for others and I feel my own depression or something might interfere I put a mental circle of salt around my own emotions, I am not sure what form that will take for you or if that sort of visualization is helpful. We heal ourselves when we do work to heal others or the world. Brightest Blessings to you, Billy.

[suzycat]

I don't know how one can shield off depression in a candle-lighting context, but I can imagine how worrying it would be, NOT because it necessarily WILL affect the candles but because you will be feeling all this personal pressure to STOP BEING DEPRESSED and if you are anything like me, that feeling just makes it worse.

If there is some person you know, or maybe reading this blog or on FB, who is au fait with sympathetic magic, they might know some sort of technique to use that, by creating some kind of shield, could help reduce that part of the worry, and I am sure that will help enormously.

My depression/anxiety is minor, but not minor enough to ignore completely. You have my sympathies.

Pull from the Spirit:

[imariistarre]

Sounds easy, but I know it's not. It will be a challenge

[marlowe1]

Yeah. I remember not getting depression and thinking that those with depression should just snap out of it - not in those words - which is ironic considering that my mom was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was a kid and then did absolutely nothing about it (unless collecting and increasing amount of crap and yelling at the neighborhood kids counts).

I think I went through a lot of "goddamn it, just get your shit together" attitudes simply because I grew up dancing around an undiagnosed bipolar mother and never quite got that it didn't have to be that way (or that it was not something that everyone was doing).

I think as far as candles go, one of the things about ritual is that it is ritual (whether its prayer or candle lighting or bowing at the right times) no matter what you are going through at the time - whether you are in a depressive episode or feeling pretty good or worried - the ritual remains the same and provides a constant among variables.

[o_lucky_man]

Hey Billy,

Shoot me an email sometime when you feel up to it--I'd love to hear from you

michaelspencer1111(at)aol.com

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