"Wise Up" 3/?
Author's Note: Well, it didn't take two weeks this time! Much of this came to me while I was at the laundromat, lol. Oh yeah, I've also changed the summary, hopefully this one is a bit better. Thanks for reading and thanks for your support, enjoy!
Title: Wise Up ch. 3
Rating: PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.
Summary: Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to face their demons and be stronger or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.
Disclaimer: Fanfiction, only. No infrigement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own Grey's Anatomy.
Previous Chapters:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Derek Shepherd was beyond tired as he drove home that evening. Even though he didn't get into the hospital until a few hours after Addison had, he'd stayed late and just had a very exhaustive day. Anything and everything that could go wrong had gone wrong that day. Worst of all, he'd lost a patient on the table.
Pulling his Range Rover into the driveway, Derek saw Addison's silver Mercedes parked to the side of the trailer. It amazed him how she refused to give up the car and get something more practical for driving in the woods, but when he'd mentioned it to her, she just rolled her eyes and made comments about how impractical it was for a neurosurgeon who made millions a year to be living in a tiny trailer that housed an even tinier bathroom (not to mention no shoe space).
Shaking his head, Derek turned off the ignition, but remained seated in the car. He wasn't ready to go in yet and face Addison. They hadn't exchanged one word that day. Not even their typical pleasantries. No pecks on the cheek or forehead, no "Dr. Shepherd/Dr. Shepherd exchanges" nothing. Of course Derek had been the one to avoid his wife, so he figured he would sit and stew in the car for just a while longer.
Closing his eyes, Derek thought of the patient lost on the table. Even though the procedure had been a very difficult, risky, and delicate one, Derek still thought that he should have done something to save the man. After all, he was Derek Shepherd, top-notch in his field, a man people paid big bucks to be treated by. People expected him to perform miracles all the time and often he did, but he was, after all, a mere mortal. So on occasion, he lost patients.
Although losing a patient was never easy, Derek was usually accepting of the fact that losses were inevitable, it came with the territory as a doctor. Everyone couldn't be saved. He treated his patients with a level of care and concern, but unlike Addison, he was better at putting a measure of distance between himself and his patient. Addison had always cared. They weren't just patients to her. They were people. With names and faces and hopes and dreams. Her concern for her patients was part of what made her so good at her job, but it was also something that had the potential to twist her inside and out, especially when it involved the life of the tiniest of patients. Derek could still remember the first time Addison had lost a baby. She'd been completely devastated.
Derek had been in the OR with her, and he'd witnessed exactly how hard she fought to save the baby, but there was no miracle granted to Addison that day. No miracle for the child's parent or the child. The baby-a girl-had coded on the table after a battle and Addison had tried for far longer than anyone else would have, to revive her. Derek had watched the horrified look on his then-girlfriend's face when their chief resident, Richard Webber, told her to stop her efforts and call the time of death for the infant. Stuttering, Addison did as Richard instructed and then wordlessly walked to the scrub room where she threw out her gloves and then washed the blood off her hands. He noticed her hands shaking as she soaped them. Derek had followed her in, but hadn't said a word to her. She went to the ladies' room next, which Derek could not follow after her and Richard wanted to talk to him about another case, so the next time he'd seen Addison was in the locker room.
Addison was sitting on a bench with her back against a row of lockers, her face held in her hands as she tried to muffle her sobs, but at that point, it was to no avail. The pain needed to be released. As the sounds of her sobs rose, Derek's chest constricted tighter. He hated seeing this woman like this. This woman who was everything to him. She was his best friend (and yeah, he had Mark but that was different, Mark was his brother and he was a guy). She was his girlfriend, his lover. She was the woman he was hoping would say 'yes' when he proposed to her in the very near future (he already picked out the ring and it was hidden in a box in his closet for safe-keeping), and she was the woman he wanted to be the future mother of his children (and they would have beautiful children because they were Derek and Addison.). All his hopes and dreams were wrapped up in that one woman. Addison Forbes Montgomery. One of the strongest women he knew (the others being his mom and four sisters), and to see her so vulnerable like that, killed a piece of Derek's soul.
The tears kept falling. "Oh Addison," he had whispered softly, moving to sit behind her so he could wrap his arms around her slender waist.
At the movement, Addison looked up and Derek gave a distressed sigh at the sight of her read, tear-stained face and her bloodshot eyes.
"Derek?" she softly questioned.
"I'm here, Addie."
She nodded and he placed a kiss on the nape of her neck.
"Derek, I really should have…"
"Shh, you don't need to say anything, baby."
When Addison tensed at the word 'baby,' Derek wanted to smack himself for not thinking.
Addison hung her head down and dejectedly said, "It's all my fault. All. My. Fault. I should have saved her."
Raising an eyebrow, Derek shook his head and told her that it was not her fault, that there was nothing she could have done. She had tried her best to save the patient.
"Allison," was the warbled reply.
"What?" Derek asked, confused.
"Her name. It was Allison. She wasn't just a patient, Derek. She was an innocent little baby. She was the child of parents who wanted her very much and loved her even more. She had a name. Allison."
"Addison, I-" Derek began, but he quickly shut his mouth, realizing that there were no words of comfort for Addison at the moment. So he did the only thing he could think of. Alternating between rubbing her back and brushing her hair, he kept his hold tightly on her while she cried, until no more tears would come. The only words he'd uttered the entire time they were there were "I love you, Addison."
Eventually, Addison squeezed the hand that had been placed on her shoulder and then she stood up, composed herself, and walked hand-in-hand with her boyfriend to his car.
That night when they got to the apartment Addison shared with her best friend Savvy, Derek carried her into her bedroom (grateful that Sav was at Weiss' for the night), gently placed her on her queen-sized bed, and lovingly undressed her and put her in her nightgown. When Addison looked at him with those eyes of hers that had the ability to do many a thing to him, Derek asked her if she was sure and when she nodded, he took her in his arms and they made love. Their lovemaking was slow and gentle, Derek taking great care to make sure that Addison's needs were met, and when it was over, he held her as she exhaled, spent from the emotions of the day.
"I love you Derek," she whispered before clenching onto his shoulder.
"Shh, I know, Addison."
They hadn't talked about the incident since it happened. The next time Addison lost a patient, Derek wasn't there. Then Richard had "tested" her with that one case, because he'd seen how Addison had become so attached to her patients, and he didn't want to lose such a gifted (the most gifted student he'd come upon) doctor. Addison had been furious once she'd discovered what her beloved mentor had put her through and though Derek had been the supporting fiancée (they were engaged by that point), he was secretly glad it had happened, because he too worried about how much she could take when it came to losing babies.
Shaking his head of those memories, Derek finally decided to leave his car. He trudged slowly to the door and put his key in, unlocking it. When he got inside, he saw the light on in the bedroom and noted that Addison was in bed, reading a medical journal. Her dedication to her work was something that attracted Derek to her in the first place. Picking a beer out of the fridge, he drank it and then sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at the floor. Addison didn't look up at him until he moved, jerking them. "Derek, please," she said, her voice drained. Derek turned over and noticed that she was holding her stomach, looking queasy. And she also looked pale. Sighing, Derek realized she must still be sick. "Sorry," he said, and he stood up this time, taking his shoes off.
He saw her watching him and though she was sick, he thought that she looked beautiful in bed, no makeup, just reading her journal with her glasses on. He always thought she looked sexy in her glasses. He didn't say that though. He just undressed and wordlessly climbed in bed, turning his back from her.
Addison bit her lower lip, upset that not once had Derek asked her how she felt, not once had he asked how her day was, not once had he said more than a handful of words to her. And now here they were, another night, another back turned. Catching the sob in her throat, Addison hiccupped and then placed her book on the nightstand. She was about to turn the light off when suddenly Derek turned to face her. His expression was unreadable.
After a minute of staring at her, of soaking her in, Derek finally found his voice. "Do you ever think about Allison?"
Blinking, Addison couldn't believe he was bringing this up. "Allison," she said softly, her voice sounding the way it had years earlier.
"Yeah" was his reply.
"You, you remember?" Addison was disbelieving.
Her husband nodded. "I remember her, Addison. I remember the surgery and everything afterwards." His voice was low and Addison stared at him in shock. After not speaking to her all day, when he finally does it's to bring up such a painful memory.
"Why are you bringing this up, Derek? Are you trying to use her memory to hurt-"
Derek didn't let her finish, "No! Of course not!" He was firm and a bit taken back that she thought he was trying to use her-their-past to hurt her like that.
"Then why are you bringing her up?"
Shrugging, Derek told her that he'd lost a patient that day and it got him thinking.
"Oh. I'm sorry you lost the patient. Losing Allison was difficult."
"She was the first baby you lost," Derek said.
"Yeah." Swallowing, Addison said, "I never told you.."
"Told me what?"
"Why it was so important to say her name, Allison. She was named after me."
Derek stared at her. "I didn't know that."
"I know. I just, after that day I didn't want to think about it again. But after I'd delivered her, her mother told me that she wanted to name her baby after the woman who saved her. She was originally going to name her daughter Alana, after her husband Alan, but then she decided that she wanted to honor us both so their daughter would have Al for her father and the rest for Addison. Allison."
Derek reached out and he placed a hand on hers. "I wish I had known," he told her with all sincerity.
"You know now," she whispered.
Nodding, Derek scooted closer to his wife and pulled her against his chest. Surprised at his touching move, Addison softly cried and Derek held her against him as he had many years earlier. She only cried for about a minute, but he kissed her forehead after and continued to hold her. It was the first time in a long time that he didn't have his back to her, and Addison felt more than a glimmer of hope inside her for them.
Title: Wise Up ch. 3
Rating: PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.
Summary: Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to face their demons and be stronger or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.
Disclaimer: Fanfiction, only. No infrigement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own Grey's Anatomy.
Previous Chapters:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Derek Shepherd was beyond tired as he drove home that evening. Even though he didn't get into the hospital until a few hours after Addison had, he'd stayed late and just had a very exhaustive day. Anything and everything that could go wrong had gone wrong that day. Worst of all, he'd lost a patient on the table.
Pulling his Range Rover into the driveway, Derek saw Addison's silver Mercedes parked to the side of the trailer. It amazed him how she refused to give up the car and get something more practical for driving in the woods, but when he'd mentioned it to her, she just rolled her eyes and made comments about how impractical it was for a neurosurgeon who made millions a year to be living in a tiny trailer that housed an even tinier bathroom (not to mention no shoe space).
Shaking his head, Derek turned off the ignition, but remained seated in the car. He wasn't ready to go in yet and face Addison. They hadn't exchanged one word that day. Not even their typical pleasantries. No pecks on the cheek or forehead, no "Dr. Shepherd/Dr. Shepherd exchanges" nothing. Of course Derek had been the one to avoid his wife, so he figured he would sit and stew in the car for just a while longer.
Closing his eyes, Derek thought of the patient lost on the table. Even though the procedure had been a very difficult, risky, and delicate one, Derek still thought that he should have done something to save the man. After all, he was Derek Shepherd, top-notch in his field, a man people paid big bucks to be treated by. People expected him to perform miracles all the time and often he did, but he was, after all, a mere mortal. So on occasion, he lost patients.
Although losing a patient was never easy, Derek was usually accepting of the fact that losses were inevitable, it came with the territory as a doctor. Everyone couldn't be saved. He treated his patients with a level of care and concern, but unlike Addison, he was better at putting a measure of distance between himself and his patient. Addison had always cared. They weren't just patients to her. They were people. With names and faces and hopes and dreams. Her concern for her patients was part of what made her so good at her job, but it was also something that had the potential to twist her inside and out, especially when it involved the life of the tiniest of patients. Derek could still remember the first time Addison had lost a baby. She'd been completely devastated.
Derek had been in the OR with her, and he'd witnessed exactly how hard she fought to save the baby, but there was no miracle granted to Addison that day. No miracle for the child's parent or the child. The baby-a girl-had coded on the table after a battle and Addison had tried for far longer than anyone else would have, to revive her. Derek had watched the horrified look on his then-girlfriend's face when their chief resident, Richard Webber, told her to stop her efforts and call the time of death for the infant. Stuttering, Addison did as Richard instructed and then wordlessly walked to the scrub room where she threw out her gloves and then washed the blood off her hands. He noticed her hands shaking as she soaped them. Derek had followed her in, but hadn't said a word to her. She went to the ladies' room next, which Derek could not follow after her and Richard wanted to talk to him about another case, so the next time he'd seen Addison was in the locker room.
Addison was sitting on a bench with her back against a row of lockers, her face held in her hands as she tried to muffle her sobs, but at that point, it was to no avail. The pain needed to be released. As the sounds of her sobs rose, Derek's chest constricted tighter. He hated seeing this woman like this. This woman who was everything to him. She was his best friend (and yeah, he had Mark but that was different, Mark was his brother and he was a guy). She was his girlfriend, his lover. She was the woman he was hoping would say 'yes' when he proposed to her in the very near future (he already picked out the ring and it was hidden in a box in his closet for safe-keeping), and she was the woman he wanted to be the future mother of his children (and they would have beautiful children because they were Derek and Addison.). All his hopes and dreams were wrapped up in that one woman. Addison Forbes Montgomery. One of the strongest women he knew (the others being his mom and four sisters), and to see her so vulnerable like that, killed a piece of Derek's soul.
The tears kept falling. "Oh Addison," he had whispered softly, moving to sit behind her so he could wrap his arms around her slender waist.
At the movement, Addison looked up and Derek gave a distressed sigh at the sight of her read, tear-stained face and her bloodshot eyes.
"Derek?" she softly questioned.
"I'm here, Addie."
She nodded and he placed a kiss on the nape of her neck.
"Derek, I really should have…"
"Shh, you don't need to say anything, baby."
When Addison tensed at the word 'baby,' Derek wanted to smack himself for not thinking.
Addison hung her head down and dejectedly said, "It's all my fault. All. My. Fault. I should have saved her."
Raising an eyebrow, Derek shook his head and told her that it was not her fault, that there was nothing she could have done. She had tried her best to save the patient.
"Allison," was the warbled reply.
"What?" Derek asked, confused.
"Her name. It was Allison. She wasn't just a patient, Derek. She was an innocent little baby. She was the child of parents who wanted her very much and loved her even more. She had a name. Allison."
"Addison, I-" Derek began, but he quickly shut his mouth, realizing that there were no words of comfort for Addison at the moment. So he did the only thing he could think of. Alternating between rubbing her back and brushing her hair, he kept his hold tightly on her while she cried, until no more tears would come. The only words he'd uttered the entire time they were there were "I love you, Addison."
Eventually, Addison squeezed the hand that had been placed on her shoulder and then she stood up, composed herself, and walked hand-in-hand with her boyfriend to his car.
That night when they got to the apartment Addison shared with her best friend Savvy, Derek carried her into her bedroom (grateful that Sav was at Weiss' for the night), gently placed her on her queen-sized bed, and lovingly undressed her and put her in her nightgown. When Addison looked at him with those eyes of hers that had the ability to do many a thing to him, Derek asked her if she was sure and when she nodded, he took her in his arms and they made love. Their lovemaking was slow and gentle, Derek taking great care to make sure that Addison's needs were met, and when it was over, he held her as she exhaled, spent from the emotions of the day.
"I love you Derek," she whispered before clenching onto his shoulder.
"Shh, I know, Addison."
They hadn't talked about the incident since it happened. The next time Addison lost a patient, Derek wasn't there. Then Richard had "tested" her with that one case, because he'd seen how Addison had become so attached to her patients, and he didn't want to lose such a gifted (the most gifted student he'd come upon) doctor. Addison had been furious once she'd discovered what her beloved mentor had put her through and though Derek had been the supporting fiancée (they were engaged by that point), he was secretly glad it had happened, because he too worried about how much she could take when it came to losing babies.
Shaking his head of those memories, Derek finally decided to leave his car. He trudged slowly to the door and put his key in, unlocking it. When he got inside, he saw the light on in the bedroom and noted that Addison was in bed, reading a medical journal. Her dedication to her work was something that attracted Derek to her in the first place. Picking a beer out of the fridge, he drank it and then sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at the floor. Addison didn't look up at him until he moved, jerking them. "Derek, please," she said, her voice drained. Derek turned over and noticed that she was holding her stomach, looking queasy. And she also looked pale. Sighing, Derek realized she must still be sick. "Sorry," he said, and he stood up this time, taking his shoes off.
He saw her watching him and though she was sick, he thought that she looked beautiful in bed, no makeup, just reading her journal with her glasses on. He always thought she looked sexy in her glasses. He didn't say that though. He just undressed and wordlessly climbed in bed, turning his back from her.
Addison bit her lower lip, upset that not once had Derek asked her how she felt, not once had he asked how her day was, not once had he said more than a handful of words to her. And now here they were, another night, another back turned. Catching the sob in her throat, Addison hiccupped and then placed her book on the nightstand. She was about to turn the light off when suddenly Derek turned to face her. His expression was unreadable.
After a minute of staring at her, of soaking her in, Derek finally found his voice. "Do you ever think about Allison?"
Blinking, Addison couldn't believe he was bringing this up. "Allison," she said softly, her voice sounding the way it had years earlier.
"Yeah" was his reply.
"You, you remember?" Addison was disbelieving.
Her husband nodded. "I remember her, Addison. I remember the surgery and everything afterwards." His voice was low and Addison stared at him in shock. After not speaking to her all day, when he finally does it's to bring up such a painful memory.
"Why are you bringing this up, Derek? Are you trying to use her memory to hurt-"
Derek didn't let her finish, "No! Of course not!" He was firm and a bit taken back that she thought he was trying to use her-their-past to hurt her like that.
"Then why are you bringing her up?"
Shrugging, Derek told her that he'd lost a patient that day and it got him thinking.
"Oh. I'm sorry you lost the patient. Losing Allison was difficult."
"She was the first baby you lost," Derek said.
"Yeah." Swallowing, Addison said, "I never told you.."
"Told me what?"
"Why it was so important to say her name, Allison. She was named after me."
Derek stared at her. "I didn't know that."
"I know. I just, after that day I didn't want to think about it again. But after I'd delivered her, her mother told me that she wanted to name her baby after the woman who saved her. She was originally going to name her daughter Alana, after her husband Alan, but then she decided that she wanted to honor us both so their daughter would have Al for her father and the rest for Addison. Allison."
Derek reached out and he placed a hand on hers. "I wish I had known," he told her with all sincerity.
"You know now," she whispered.
Nodding, Derek scooted closer to his wife and pulled her against his chest. Surprised at his touching move, Addison softly cried and Derek held her against him as he had many years earlier. She only cried for about a minute, but he kissed her forehead after and continued to hold her. It was the first time in a long time that he didn't have his back to her, and Addison felt more than a glimmer of hope inside her for them.