Comments | doinitwitrythem: Wind beneath my wings

doinitwitrythem

Wind beneath my wings

Mar 31, 2006 01:28

I just got back from the hospital!Please dont ask how im doing.Please dont even so much as fucking CARE how IM doing.Because at this point..I could really give a shit less ( Read more... )

Comments 17

_xonikkiox_ March 31 2006, 10:24:03 UTC

omg...Zac... you didnt leave tay alone did you? tell me you didnt because thats not good. i think he'll end up doing something BAD. god. i cant get a hold of Ike and tay wont answer his cell. jesus. im flipping out and i cant go find him because i have the twins and i dont think they should see him liek this. Zac... why is she gone? she can't be gone. im sitting here sobbing... the twins are looking at me in wonder... jesus. Zac. what are we gonig to do. i know how taylor was before now hes going to be gone. i know he is. the light has gone completely from his eyes. god. we need to help him. i know he wont talk to me so i dont think i should even try. god. im speechless. this makes me want to go and cuddle with my babies. Zac.. what if he does something bad? i mean... what would i tell the twins? ya no? he can't leave them. i mean he lost Juliet yes but he has 2 other kids. how do you think theywould feel? now im really worried. god. im going to go and sit with my babies. get better hon. whos gunna take care of her funeral and stuff? ( ... )

doinitwitrythem March 31 2006, 23:37:55 UTC

Yeah.....I did ( ... )

_xonikkiox_ April 1 2006, 08:50:16 UTC

Zac he REALLY shouldn't be alone. im worried. i still havent been able to get through to him and i dont think he'd even wanna talk or see me either so i dont know what to do. ZAC! its not your fault she died. ITS NOT. she just couldn't hold on any longer. it was no ones fault. Zac nothing you do will make this better so dont talk liek that. shes gone and theres nothing anyone can do it about it. he might be for a little while but Zac it really wasn't your fault. you need to stop beating yourself up over this because its not good. Zac you cant just stop going around him. you cant that wouldn't be good for either of you. i know your sad and you think its your fault right now but its not. truely. god has a special place for children ( ... )

doinitwitrythem April 1 2006, 09:46:32 UTC

Im worried to.Lord only knows im worried for my brother.But someone else should be with him...not me.I dont deserve his good company, I no longer no what it takes to get his heart back to whole or if that is even a possibility at this point.That is why im doing this.I love my brother and that's why, why I dont want to be a constant reminder of what he lost.And I could have saved her,I should have saved her!If i'd only gotten there sooner.You cant say she'd still be gone..she wouldnt have had to hold out any longer,because her body would have had what it needed.I have no doubt she's with god,but I cant say its a better place.Taylor needed her and deserved her more,she was a special little girl but still it was selfish to take her away from him..damn it.Try explaining it to him that she's in a "better" place.There is no "better" place when your a grieving parent..when you OUT LIVE your very own child,there is no "better place" when you just want to hold them in your arms..to see them experience everything..because to you...the ONLY ( ... )

Thread 7

tj_h April 1 2006, 09:17:31 UTC

how can it be ur fault? u didn't kill her, there was no murder weapon. The only person at fault is god.

doinitwitrythem April 1 2006, 09:48:47 UTC

Its okay Tay!..I mean...its not okay she's ...she's..not here, with us...with you!...But I accept that its my fault.You were right, it was just words.All of it!!!If i'd have went in sooner, she'd still be here.Im sorry Taylor!Im a horrible person!I know this and ill never forgive myself so I most certainly dont expect you to.

Know that I love you Tay.Your my brother.I've always just wanted what you wanted.

tj_h April 1 2006, 09:59:42 UTC

STOP FUCKING SAYING THAT!! STOP BEING STUPID AND SELFISH..... MY PAIN ZAC... MY FUCKING LOSS.... U FUCKING DID ANYTHING!! IT WAS MY FAULT!! I DIDN'T PROTECT HER ENOUGH!

doinitwitrythem April 1 2006, 10:07:07 UTC

IM NOT BEING SELFISH!!DAMN IT!!IM TAKING THE BLAME!!IM ACCEPTING THIS.

IM NOT SAYING THIS IS HARDER FOR ME THEN IT IS YOU!!!I KNOW ITS NOT!!!

BUT ONE THING I KNOW FOR DAMN FUCKING SURE IS THAT IT WASNT YOU TAYLOR *falls to the ground crying and punching the wall* IT WASNT YOU!!YOU WERE THERE FOR HER FOR HER VERY LAST FIGHTING BREATH,YOU WERE THERE FOR HER EVERY SINGLE SECOND.YOU'D NEVER LEAVE HER, NEVER ONCE.YOU STEPPED AWAY FROM THE WORLD.NOBODY ELSE EXISTED TO YOU BUT HER TAY!!!YOU...did anything BUT fail her.

........................I only wish I could be as good of a father as you.

Thread 10