DJ got me falling in Love- Thirty Five
"Madam Park passed away yesterday evening. The funeral is going to be held tomorrow."
Baekhyun catches hold of Kyungsoo during the night.
"I heard about what happened." His voice sounds a bit delayed through the long distanced call.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know she's a..." Kyungsoo trails off, the mere mention of you is like a stab to his heart.
"Nah... It's alright. Has the press called you yet?"
"I've got a few missed calls. You know I don't entertain unknown numbers. But yeah, quite a few."
Baekhyun hums and Kyungsoo can almost picture the kohl-eyed singer nodding in thoughtfulness.
"How is Gaeun?"
That name strikes home hard.
"She..." Kyungsoo swallows and tries again. "She's gone."
"Gone? What happened?"
"I told her to leave." Kyungsoo starts fiddling with his fingers. Baekhyun sighs.
"Well, does your grandma know about this?"
"No. I told the others not to inform her."
"And how about you?"
"What about me?"
"How are you handling it?"
Kyungsoo is quiet for a while.
"I'll manage."
____________________
You wake up with an aching body.
Sleeping on the hard floor of the office isn't exactly ideal to one's bones. You groan and peer at the clock. It's only 5:40 am.
About two hours from now, people will start trickling in.
You stand up and feel your head spinning.
Ah... You haven't eaten the whole night.
Plodding to the pantry, you pick up a packet of instant coffee and brew yourself a cup.
It should last you for a while before you leave for your house. You'll just take a quick breakfast and shower.
After downing the beverage, you head to the washroom to freshen up.
The face that looks you back in the mirror has swollen eyes and puffy cheeks.
You look like shit.
Splashing the cool water on your face, you shiver.
The last time you felt this way, Kyungsoo has pampered you in his warmth.
You miss it.
You miss him.
Before you can break down again, you dry yourself off with some tissues and moves to get your luggage.
You'll be late for a while when you come back, but Kris probably won't mind.
_______________
It's 9:30 a.m. when you check your phone. Still nothing.
You bite on your bottom lip.
What do you expect? He has all the right to be angry. And you deserve it for being a horrible liar.
That, however, doesn't lessen the disappointment that's eating you up inside your heart.
Do you mean anything to him?
You can't bear to know the truth, so you do what you do best- Throw yourself into work.
When Kris calls you into the office a few minutes later, you sit, quiet, until he breaks the silence.
"Gaeun, I think you know about Kwanghee's incident already."
You nod mutely.
"About your resignation..."
"I'm serious about it." You interrupt.
Kris lets out a sigh.
"Tiffany just left, and Kwanghee resigned. You're all we've got, Gaeun. And I know you have been following Chen's case when I distinctly told you not to..."
You remain tight lipped at that. Zitao must have slipped his tongue somehow.
"So even though it's against all my better instincts, I think you're the best person on this. Besides..." He leans forward in his chair, tone sombre. "ES Entertainment's case is huge. And you know how gossips work."
You look up to eye him.
He's right. You know what he's trying to say. If Chen's case is exposed, it will take over headlines, including Baekhyun and Kyungsoo's.
A bigger gossip, to overshadow a smaller one.
Brilliant.
"What... Do you want me to do?" You breathe.
"I'll accept your letter of resignation, after you finish up this case. Deal?"
You peer at him with tired eyes.
His gaze softens.
"You need the distraction."
You look down to hide the brimming tears and nods.
______________
If the break up with Jongdae is bad, this is worse.
On the third day, you stop checking your phone altogether when you realize he's probably not going to call.
You don't talk to anybody.
Zitao is careful to phrase his words around you, opting to place the case files on your desk when you are away instead of handing them to you directly.
The weather is getting colder, but you don't have enough money to buy yourself some new winter clothes.
You've still got that operation to think about. Now that Madam Park knows about your true occupation, you aren't sure whether she's going through with the promise of sponsoring Youngjae's operation again.
You get insomnia at night, too preoccupied with pushing unwanted thoughts at bay. But you can't drink yourself silly, it'll just remind you of the night you became intimate with him. So you drink more coffee during the day to keep you awake.
It's a vicious cycle.
You're like a walking corpse. And the hours at the office are getting longer and longer. Until you are ordering Chinese take-outs for dinner so you can stay another several hours in front of the computer writing and re-writing words that doesn't mean anything to you.
Shinae tried asking you out. Your brother messages you more often. Even Kris, who's usually distant and aloof, reminds you to eat.
You do eat. When you remember. Which is not often.
Everyone tries to help.
They always do.
But like always, they can't.
_____________
"Gaeun ah..."
The figure is hazy but you know it's him.
You're on some rooftop much like the one at Madam Park's mansion. Or maybe Kyungsoo's. You can't really tell.
"Kyungsoo..." When you utter his name, you feel your heart breaking.
"Why? Why would you do this? To us? To me?" It's the same pained stare, and your throat chokes up.
"I'm... Sorry..."
He turns to leave.
"No! Please! Please come back!" You scream.
And suddenly, you're not the adult Choi Gaeun anymore.
You're back to being a helpless 11 year old, hand reaching out to grab at the apparition, which has morphed into your dead parents.
They are walking towards the edge of the rooftop, and you are shrieking, but your grandmother is holding you back, muttering assurances of, "it's okay, Gaeun, it's okay..."
When you turn around to ask her to do something, she suddenly releases your hand and backs away.
"Grandma? Grandma!" You run towards her but she seems so far away. Both your parents and your grandmother.
She's holding little Youngjae's hand, and they are disappearing bit by bit.
You panic, swiveling to see your parents doing the same.
They are all disappearing.
Mustering your last attempts, you run to grab your parents, but they are gone in a mist. You switch your attention to Youngjae and your grandmother, but they too, are gone.
Standing all alone on the rooftop, you feel cold. Very cold.
You hug yourself and trembles in the dark.
Sobbing, you feel the world getting lighter and lighter under your feet.
When you look down, the rooftop is crumbling from the edges and it's not long before you'll fall down through the cracks.
You scream, hoping someone will come and save you.
But nothing happens, and the earth is falling apart faster and faster.
So you scream some more, louder and louder...
You jolt.
There's a faint ringing in your ears, and it's getting louder as you struggle to open your eyes.
You're in the office, sitting in front of the computer, face wet with tears and body covered in perspiration. Breath coming out hard and fast.
It's a dream.
A nightmare, to be concise.
And you realize the ringing is from your phone.
Wiping away your tears, you gather the rest of your sanity and picks up the device. It's Saturday, 11:20 p.m, and the person is calling from an unknown number.
Expectation swells, and you answer with a shaky, "H-Hello?"
"Hello? Is this Choi Gaeun ssi?"
The voice is a male's. But he's not Kyungsoo.
Your hope deflates.
"Yes, speaking." You sigh.
"Gaeun ssi?" You can detect a lilt in his tone. "It's Baekhyun."
"B-Baekhyun ssi?"
"I know it's pretty late now but I've got a schedule just now and you know people like us don't usually have regular timings like normal human beings." He chuckles, the laugh coming out pleasant and easy. But you can't help but think Kyungsoo's sound nicer.
"Anyway, how are you?"
The question is vague and you're not exactly on such close terms you can tell him how horrible your week has just been, so you just answer with a plain, "I'm fine."
He sighs.
"That's what Kyungsoo told me as well but look, you two are anything but fine."
The mere mention of the male's voice prickles your tear glands again. When did you become so melodramatic?
"You're probably not expecting this call from me because hey, you're the person who literally helped jeopardized our careers and my relationship with Chanyeol..."
"I'm really sorry..."
"Yeah yeah..." He cuts you off. "But I'm not calling you because I wanna tell you off or anything because that's not me, and I know it's not your doing. I'm easy with things like that. But Kyungsoo... He's different, you know. He values his relationships very much and he can be very, very skeptical, but once he gives you his trust, it's all and everything. He doesn't hold back. So it's safe to say, he's really hurt this time."
"I.." You don't know what to say, except to apologize.
"What I'm trying to say is, when he's hurt, he will close himself off despite of his real feelings. So even though he said not to tell you, but I'm going to tell you anyway."
"Tell me...? About what?"
"Madam Park passed away yesterday evening. The funeral is going to be held tomorrow."
You blank for a second. Suddenly, the images of her kind smile, the way she holds your hand in the car, her joy when she told you and Kyungsoo "you look stunning, both of you", come rushing back like a tidal wave and you want to sob.
And if it hurts even for you, how much so for the deejay?
"He said... You probably won't want to come. But she asked for you before she went into a coma on Tuesday. You will come, won't you?" Baekhyun's voice is quiet and contemplative.
"Yes, I will. Of course." You answer with resolve.
He sighs again.
"Look, I don't know you well enough especially since we've only met a grand total of one time. However, I pride myself on being a good judge of character. It comes with experience, you know, being in this line? I'm sure you know what I mean."
You think of Hyemi for a second there and you nod dumbly, then realizing belatedly he can't see you over the phone.
"Yeah."
"So I can tell you're not the conniving type. You truly like Kyungsoo and he likes you too. Heck, the way he's behaving now, he's most definitely in love. But knowing him, stuff like reconciliation is not going to happen anytime soon. He needs time to think. And I don't know how long that will be, but I hope you'll still be around when he makes up his mind."
It's not exactly positive, but still, reassuring enough for you.
"Yes, I understand."
"So, even though I told you this, just... Try not to appear in front of him tomorrow okay? It's not... Going to help things."
"Yeah, thanks." You breathe. "And Baekhyun ssi?"
"Yes?"
"I'm really sorry."
He snickers.
"You don't have to apologize. If anything, I'm glad the news is out in the open. The agency is trying all means to suppress it, and we're not going to admit to anything ever. But let's just say, I'm glad we don't have to keep tiptoeing around the issue. It's damn tiring, if you ask me."
"I... Don't know what to say."
"You don't have to. Just remember, the day when you are Kyungsoo get back together, the two of you owe us a meal." You can hear his grin over the phone.
You finally understand why this guy is Kyungsoo's best friend, despite his loudness and blunt humor.
"Thank you, Baekhyun ssi."
Chapter 36
Baekhyun catches hold of Kyungsoo during the night.
"I heard about what happened." His voice sounds a bit delayed through the long distanced call.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know she's a..." Kyungsoo trails off, the mere mention of you is like a stab to his heart.
"Nah... It's alright. Has the press called you yet?"
"I've got a few missed calls. You know I don't entertain unknown numbers. But yeah, quite a few."
Baekhyun hums and Kyungsoo can almost picture the kohl-eyed singer nodding in thoughtfulness.
"How is Gaeun?"
That name strikes home hard.
"She..." Kyungsoo swallows and tries again. "She's gone."
"Gone? What happened?"
"I told her to leave." Kyungsoo starts fiddling with his fingers. Baekhyun sighs.
"Well, does your grandma know about this?"
"No. I told the others not to inform her."
"And how about you?"
"What about me?"
"How are you handling it?"
Kyungsoo is quiet for a while.
"I'll manage."
____________________
You wake up with an aching body.
Sleeping on the hard floor of the office isn't exactly ideal to one's bones. You groan and peer at the clock. It's only 5:40 am.
About two hours from now, people will start trickling in.
You stand up and feel your head spinning.
Ah... You haven't eaten the whole night.
Plodding to the pantry, you pick up a packet of instant coffee and brew yourself a cup.
It should last you for a while before you leave for your house. You'll just take a quick breakfast and shower.
After downing the beverage, you head to the washroom to freshen up.
The face that looks you back in the mirror has swollen eyes and puffy cheeks.
You look like shit.
Splashing the cool water on your face, you shiver.
The last time you felt this way, Kyungsoo has pampered you in his warmth.
You miss it.
You miss him.
Before you can break down again, you dry yourself off with some tissues and moves to get your luggage.
You'll be late for a while when you come back, but Kris probably won't mind.
_______________
It's 9:30 a.m. when you check your phone. Still nothing.
You bite on your bottom lip.
What do you expect? He has all the right to be angry. And you deserve it for being a horrible liar.
That, however, doesn't lessen the disappointment that's eating you up inside your heart.
Do you mean anything to him?
You can't bear to know the truth, so you do what you do best- Throw yourself into work.
When Kris calls you into the office a few minutes later, you sit, quiet, until he breaks the silence.
"Gaeun, I think you know about Kwanghee's incident already."
You nod mutely.
"About your resignation..."
"I'm serious about it." You interrupt.
Kris lets out a sigh.
"Tiffany just left, and Kwanghee resigned. You're all we've got, Gaeun. And I know you have been following Chen's case when I distinctly told you not to..."
You remain tight lipped at that. Zitao must have slipped his tongue somehow.
"So even though it's against all my better instincts, I think you're the best person on this. Besides..." He leans forward in his chair, tone sombre. "ES Entertainment's case is huge. And you know how gossips work."
You look up to eye him.
He's right. You know what he's trying to say. If Chen's case is exposed, it will take over headlines, including Baekhyun and Kyungsoo's.
A bigger gossip, to overshadow a smaller one.
Brilliant.
"What... Do you want me to do?" You breathe.
"I'll accept your letter of resignation, after you finish up this case. Deal?"
You peer at him with tired eyes.
His gaze softens.
"You need the distraction."
You look down to hide the brimming tears and nods.
______________
If the break up with Jongdae is bad, this is worse.
On the third day, you stop checking your phone altogether when you realize he's probably not going to call.
You don't talk to anybody.
Zitao is careful to phrase his words around you, opting to place the case files on your desk when you are away instead of handing them to you directly.
The weather is getting colder, but you don't have enough money to buy yourself some new winter clothes.
You've still got that operation to think about. Now that Madam Park knows about your true occupation, you aren't sure whether she's going through with the promise of sponsoring Youngjae's operation again.
You get insomnia at night, too preoccupied with pushing unwanted thoughts at bay. But you can't drink yourself silly, it'll just remind you of the night you became intimate with him. So you drink more coffee during the day to keep you awake.
It's a vicious cycle.
You're like a walking corpse. And the hours at the office are getting longer and longer. Until you are ordering Chinese take-outs for dinner so you can stay another several hours in front of the computer writing and re-writing words that doesn't mean anything to you.
Shinae tried asking you out. Your brother messages you more often. Even Kris, who's usually distant and aloof, reminds you to eat.
You do eat. When you remember. Which is not often.
Everyone tries to help.
They always do.
But like always, they can't.
_____________
"Gaeun ah..."
The figure is hazy but you know it's him.
You're on some rooftop much like the one at Madam Park's mansion. Or maybe Kyungsoo's. You can't really tell.
"Kyungsoo..." When you utter his name, you feel your heart breaking.
"Why? Why would you do this? To us? To me?" It's the same pained stare, and your throat chokes up.
"I'm... Sorry..."
He turns to leave.
"No! Please! Please come back!" You scream.
And suddenly, you're not the adult Choi Gaeun anymore.
You're back to being a helpless 11 year old, hand reaching out to grab at the apparition, which has morphed into your dead parents.
They are walking towards the edge of the rooftop, and you are shrieking, but your grandmother is holding you back, muttering assurances of, "it's okay, Gaeun, it's okay..."
When you turn around to ask her to do something, she suddenly releases your hand and backs away.
"Grandma? Grandma!" You run towards her but she seems so far away. Both your parents and your grandmother.
She's holding little Youngjae's hand, and they are disappearing bit by bit.
You panic, swiveling to see your parents doing the same.
They are all disappearing.
Mustering your last attempts, you run to grab your parents, but they are gone in a mist. You switch your attention to Youngjae and your grandmother, but they too, are gone.
Standing all alone on the rooftop, you feel cold. Very cold.
You hug yourself and trembles in the dark.
Sobbing, you feel the world getting lighter and lighter under your feet.
When you look down, the rooftop is crumbling from the edges and it's not long before you'll fall down through the cracks.
You scream, hoping someone will come and save you.
But nothing happens, and the earth is falling apart faster and faster.
So you scream some more, louder and louder...
You jolt.
There's a faint ringing in your ears, and it's getting louder as you struggle to open your eyes.
You're in the office, sitting in front of the computer, face wet with tears and body covered in perspiration. Breath coming out hard and fast.
It's a dream.
A nightmare, to be concise.
And you realize the ringing is from your phone.
Wiping away your tears, you gather the rest of your sanity and picks up the device. It's Saturday, 11:20 p.m, and the person is calling from an unknown number.
Expectation swells, and you answer with a shaky, "H-Hello?"
"Hello? Is this Choi Gaeun ssi?"
The voice is a male's. But he's not Kyungsoo.
Your hope deflates.
"Yes, speaking." You sigh.
"Gaeun ssi?" You can detect a lilt in his tone. "It's Baekhyun."
"B-Baekhyun ssi?"
"I know it's pretty late now but I've got a schedule just now and you know people like us don't usually have regular timings like normal human beings." He chuckles, the laugh coming out pleasant and easy. But you can't help but think Kyungsoo's sound nicer.
"Anyway, how are you?"
The question is vague and you're not exactly on such close terms you can tell him how horrible your week has just been, so you just answer with a plain, "I'm fine."
He sighs.
"That's what Kyungsoo told me as well but look, you two are anything but fine."
The mere mention of the male's voice prickles your tear glands again. When did you become so melodramatic?
"You're probably not expecting this call from me because hey, you're the person who literally helped jeopardized our careers and my relationship with Chanyeol..."
"I'm really sorry..."
"Yeah yeah..." He cuts you off. "But I'm not calling you because I wanna tell you off or anything because that's not me, and I know it's not your doing. I'm easy with things like that. But Kyungsoo... He's different, you know. He values his relationships very much and he can be very, very skeptical, but once he gives you his trust, it's all and everything. He doesn't hold back. So it's safe to say, he's really hurt this time."
"I.." You don't know what to say, except to apologize.
"What I'm trying to say is, when he's hurt, he will close himself off despite of his real feelings. So even though he said not to tell you, but I'm going to tell you anyway."
"Tell me...? About what?"
"Madam Park passed away yesterday evening. The funeral is going to be held tomorrow."
You blank for a second. Suddenly, the images of her kind smile, the way she holds your hand in the car, her joy when she told you and Kyungsoo "you look stunning, both of you", come rushing back like a tidal wave and you want to sob.
And if it hurts even for you, how much so for the deejay?
"He said... You probably won't want to come. But she asked for you before she went into a coma on Tuesday. You will come, won't you?" Baekhyun's voice is quiet and contemplative.
"Yes, I will. Of course." You answer with resolve.
He sighs again.
"Look, I don't know you well enough especially since we've only met a grand total of one time. However, I pride myself on being a good judge of character. It comes with experience, you know, being in this line? I'm sure you know what I mean."
You think of Hyemi for a second there and you nod dumbly, then realizing belatedly he can't see you over the phone.
"Yeah."
"So I can tell you're not the conniving type. You truly like Kyungsoo and he likes you too. Heck, the way he's behaving now, he's most definitely in love. But knowing him, stuff like reconciliation is not going to happen anytime soon. He needs time to think. And I don't know how long that will be, but I hope you'll still be around when he makes up his mind."
It's not exactly positive, but still, reassuring enough for you.
"Yes, I understand."
"So, even though I told you this, just... Try not to appear in front of him tomorrow okay? It's not... Going to help things."
"Yeah, thanks." You breathe. "And Baekhyun ssi?"
"Yes?"
"I'm really sorry."
He snickers.
"You don't have to apologize. If anything, I'm glad the news is out in the open. The agency is trying all means to suppress it, and we're not going to admit to anything ever. But let's just say, I'm glad we don't have to keep tiptoeing around the issue. It's damn tiring, if you ask me."
"I... Don't know what to say."
"You don't have to. Just remember, the day when you are Kyungsoo get back together, the two of you owe us a meal." You can hear his grin over the phone.
You finally understand why this guy is Kyungsoo's best friend, despite his loudness and blunt humor.
"Thank you, Baekhyun ssi."
Chapter 36