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on days like today; weekends like this weekend; months like this month; i worry. i worry that i've cheated the fates. i worry that i've pushed the limits of fantasy vs. reality. i worry, mostly, that i've got exactly what i've fucking asked for -- and that it's not what i really wanted ( Read more... ) -
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for the first time in a long time, i feel really alone. maybe deployment is finally setting in. maybe it's been too long since i've seen him for a reasonable amount of time. maybe i am just sick of trying to make this lifestyle try to work when it clearly isn't. all i know is that for the first time in a long time, running home felt like an option ( Read more... ) -
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i am just not happy. and i don't know what to do about it or where to even begin. -
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i hate my fucking job. seriously, i am amazed no one saw their collapse a'comin' cause that bank was fucked two ways from tuesday. it is a piece of shit job that is not going to get me anywhere in life. i don't understand how someone could be with the company for twenty years and not own the damn thing. i work with a bunch of bitches; i can only ( Read more... ) -
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads no where...?
i dropped corey off at the airport this morning and i miss him already. it sucks. (and yes, i dropped him off-- i had to drive home in the rain/snow/wind from an airport {something i've never done} in a city i don't know; my exit for the 5 south was closed so i had to figure it out from some little town; i'm pretty sure i had small hydro-planing ( Read more... ) -
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i feel like tearing my hair out on a daily basis. if i don't have a lead on a job by the end of the month, i think i'm going to officially lose my fucking mind. -
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sometimes i can't help but feel like a total fucking failure. -
My Sweet Baby Meaty
I am so sorry I wasn't with you for the last few months. I'm sorry I wasn't with you last night. I hope it was peaceful and that you didn't suffer at all. The last year and a half I had with you were wonderful; you brought a light to my life I don't think any human ever has or will. It's hard but I will try not to be angry that I didn't get to see ( Read more... ) -
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moving to washington in seven days: scared-excited-nervous; would love it if the military got their collective shit together and answered phones/had more answers to all of my questions. corey made staff sergeant -- six ranks in four years is pretty good, if you ask me. i need a job, a home, and my puppy back (it's been about five weeks since we ( Read more... ) -
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the last month has been an utter blur. he came home, after three weeks, checked his email, and discovered we had orders. a year early. virtually unheard of, in military terms. but i -- we -- couldn't be happier. ft. lewis washington -- an hour or so from seattle, half an hour from olympia, twelve hours from home. i am nervous about shipping the ( Read more... )