Dying Inside Part III
Title: Dying Inside
Author: Legolas
Pairing: Kradam
Rating: G
Disclaimer: 100% fiction, all characters are fake and in no way related to any real life person
Summary: His heart skip a bit when he spotted Katy standing next to Kris's bed...
Part I: community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/217667.html#cutid1
Part II: community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/226933.html
The sight of the hospital.
As Adam pulled up the parking lot, he thought to himself that there is no place else he would rather be than to be in the hospital, literally.
Walking up to the hospital entrance, Adam was trying hard to scan around to check if any reporters or paparazzi are hanging around, ready to pounce and bombard him with ridiculous questions. Noticing there is none, apart from a few SUVs with black tinted windows suspiciously parked just outside of the hospital compound. Adam make quick pace towards the entrance, got himself to the elevator and disappeared.
***
Level 8: Intensive Care Unit Ward
Suddenly, it all came flooding back to his mind and it made his heart sank a bit. However, he clenched his fist, try to shake off the nonsense running in his head and reminded himself to toughen up because Kris needs him. Adam knows there is more pain and explanations and confusion installed for the coming days or weeks or months, that things are not going to be resolved in a blink of an eye, that the situation might get even more complicated than it is now. But at this moment, he didn’t care. He just needed to see that one person whose face will most definitely make him the happiest person on earth. He wanted nothing more than to wrap his fingers around Kris’s hands and feel his warmth breath upon his face. He wished he could control that hope that flared within his heart, but he couldn’t. He didn’t even know how to begin to try.
He reached the room door, which reads, “Ward 25: _____”. Adam felt his heart pounding against his rib cage as he slowly turns the doorknob and entered. The room was empty, except for Kris lying on the bed. Adam half-expected Kris’s parents and brother to be sitting by the bedside, waiting for him to open his eyes. “Fucking hell,” as Adam cursed within his head. He just does not understand how a beautiful human can turn into an unrecognizable person with the thousands of tubes attached on the face and body. Adam blinked, dazed, desperately trying to drag his eyes away from Kris’s still form. He wanted to turn and leave the room.
Adam could have slapped his head for his own cowardliness. He had to get a grip of himself. Kris couldn’t afford for him to come undone now. He could do this; he needed him. Or maybe he needed Katy. Adam is doubting the entire situation again. But he snapped out of it immediately. “Stop being a bitch,” Adam cursed himself. He tells himself that he is the only one here and he will not let anyone stop him from caring for the person he loves.
Slowly but surely, Adam approaches the bed. The room is big and cold. How he wishes for them to be in the cozy room they shared in the mansion. Adam reached the bedside, knelt down and scoop up Kris’s left hand. It was dry and cold, so cold it sent a shiver through Adam’s spine. And when Adam finally lay his sight on Kris’s pale lifeless face, he could feel the tears trickling down from the corner of his eyes. After the whole night’s debacle and soreness, Adam finally let it all out. Wiping away his tears, he stares intently at Kris’s face. Beyond the pale face and the loud puffing sound of the tubes, he can see the sunshine inside, he can hear the laughter and feel the warmth breath of the once joyful Arkansas boy. Kris is going to be all right, Adam assured himself. He refused to let his mind consider the alternative. He had to be.
................................................................................................................................
Four days had passed since the incident. 19E somehow manage to keep the events under wrap from the media, with no real pictures or proof leak. Of course, rumors were flying around and the public has been talking about it. Press release only mentioned one of the idols was taken ill during rehearsals and hence, taken to the hospital for observation.
The life support system had been removed and that brought smiles back to everyone, especially Adam. However, Kris has not found his consciousness due to the overdose of multiple drugs, which causes hypoxia, where his body was deprived of adequate oxygen supply.
All the idols and Kris’s family visited everyday. Event though no one talks about it, everyone knew what is going on, with Kris and Adam and of course, Katy. Katy arrived in L.A. the day after the incident. She was surprisingly strong and did not even break down or shed a tear. She had, however, been by Kris’s bedside. Adam had caught a few glances of Katy and felt the awkwardness between them. She did not embrace Adam when they met at the hospital and every time they cross path, she would give Adam a cold stare before walking away. Deep down, Adam has already reach to the conclusion that Katy knew about his relationship with her husband. “Damn you,” Adam cursed himself. What relationship? He very well knows nothing really happen between him and Kris. It has always been a one-sided fantasy. There were hugs and kisses on the face, there were fooling around in the mansion, there were jabbing of each other’s ribs and of course, those late night heart-to-heart talks while staring intently at each other’s eyes. Nothing more and nothing intimate. But Adam was at one point, convinced that Kris felt something. Adam can tell from his facial expression and his eyes. Kris’s gorgeous face just could not lie, at least not to Adam.
***
Adam turns the doorknob to Kris’s ward. His heart skip a beat when he spotted Katy standing next to Kris’s bed, holding his hands with her fingers all curled between Kris’s.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were in here. I’ll leave you alone,” Adam said quickly and turns to leave.
“Stay, please. We need to talk,” whispered Katy.
This is the last thing Adam wanted. The guilt, which had enveloped him for the past few months, is not going to make it any easier for him to face the wife of the man he had fallen in love with.
“Adam.... Kris drop me a message on the night he committed suicide and I’m even going to pretend that I’m all right with all these things going on here. For Christ sake, Adam. Kris had fallen out of love with me because of you. He told me even if there is no future with you, he is never going to be the same husband anymore. He said I deserves better and he wants me to walk away from him,” Kris spoke as tears stream down her face.
“I know Kris all my life and I know what brought him to hurt himself. I know he was trapped. He no longer loves me and he felt guilty about it. He loves you but he is doubting the consequences. Oh gosh........ how did we even end up in this mess?” Katy speaking softly amidst her sobs.
Adam wanted to speak but struggled to find his words. When he looks at Katy’s face, he felt like he just murdered someone. Perhaps, he felt like he just murdered Katy, taking away her cheerful soul forever.
“Katy..... I don’t know what to say to you or that I’m sorry I’ve caused you pain....I,” Adam continued speaking while trembling all over but Katy interrupts.
“No!” That one word coming out from Katy sent shivers down his spine. Adam will never forget the look on her face. It was unforgiving. If he didn’t know Katy as a sweet and chatty girl, he would have taken her as a psycho murderer. Katy words came out slow, intense, clear as crystal and Adam knows she wanted him to hear every single words she said, “It is nobody’s fault but him,” Katy said while pointing at Kris’s motionless body on the bed. “Nobody......,” Katy’s anger trailing off.
As guilty as Adam is feeling now towards Katy, he felt anger bursting in his chest from that accusation she made on Kris. “Katy, you can put him at fault for all these. Whatever happens, happens. We are human, we have emotions and sometimes, it is beyond our control to......,” Adam spoke so fast, feeling every need to defend Kris but Katy stopped him.
“You think I can continue living my life with a husband who is in love with another man?” Katy said with a raised voice. At that point, Adam was glad that Kris is still unconscious.
***
Silence.
“Adam, I’m gonna go.”
“What? Wait, we need to talk through this. If you want to go now, I can understand. I know it is getting late. You will come back to see him right? I mean..........,” Adam spoke frantically and trying his best to make Katy understand.
“No, Adam. I’m gonna go.”
Silence.
Their eyes met and it is at this very moment, Adam finally understood what she meant.
Adam did not move as he watches Katy walked past him. He just froze.
Just before she turns the doorknob to exit, she turned back and said, “Kris said his goodbye to me four days ago. The Kris I know is dead. Goodbye Adam.”
Author: Legolas
Pairing: Kradam
Rating: G
Disclaimer: 100% fiction, all characters are fake and in no way related to any real life person
Summary: His heart skip a bit when he spotted Katy standing next to Kris's bed...
Part I: community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/217667.html#cutid1
Part II: community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/226933.html
The sight of the hospital.
As Adam pulled up the parking lot, he thought to himself that there is no place else he would rather be than to be in the hospital, literally.
Walking up to the hospital entrance, Adam was trying hard to scan around to check if any reporters or paparazzi are hanging around, ready to pounce and bombard him with ridiculous questions. Noticing there is none, apart from a few SUVs with black tinted windows suspiciously parked just outside of the hospital compound. Adam make quick pace towards the entrance, got himself to the elevator and disappeared.
***
Level 8: Intensive Care Unit Ward
Suddenly, it all came flooding back to his mind and it made his heart sank a bit. However, he clenched his fist, try to shake off the nonsense running in his head and reminded himself to toughen up because Kris needs him. Adam knows there is more pain and explanations and confusion installed for the coming days or weeks or months, that things are not going to be resolved in a blink of an eye, that the situation might get even more complicated than it is now. But at this moment, he didn’t care. He just needed to see that one person whose face will most definitely make him the happiest person on earth. He wanted nothing more than to wrap his fingers around Kris’s hands and feel his warmth breath upon his face. He wished he could control that hope that flared within his heart, but he couldn’t. He didn’t even know how to begin to try.
He reached the room door, which reads, “Ward 25: _____”. Adam felt his heart pounding against his rib cage as he slowly turns the doorknob and entered. The room was empty, except for Kris lying on the bed. Adam half-expected Kris’s parents and brother to be sitting by the bedside, waiting for him to open his eyes. “Fucking hell,” as Adam cursed within his head. He just does not understand how a beautiful human can turn into an unrecognizable person with the thousands of tubes attached on the face and body. Adam blinked, dazed, desperately trying to drag his eyes away from Kris’s still form. He wanted to turn and leave the room.
Adam could have slapped his head for his own cowardliness. He had to get a grip of himself. Kris couldn’t afford for him to come undone now. He could do this; he needed him. Or maybe he needed Katy. Adam is doubting the entire situation again. But he snapped out of it immediately. “Stop being a bitch,” Adam cursed himself. He tells himself that he is the only one here and he will not let anyone stop him from caring for the person he loves.
Slowly but surely, Adam approaches the bed. The room is big and cold. How he wishes for them to be in the cozy room they shared in the mansion. Adam reached the bedside, knelt down and scoop up Kris’s left hand. It was dry and cold, so cold it sent a shiver through Adam’s spine. And when Adam finally lay his sight on Kris’s pale lifeless face, he could feel the tears trickling down from the corner of his eyes. After the whole night’s debacle and soreness, Adam finally let it all out. Wiping away his tears, he stares intently at Kris’s face. Beyond the pale face and the loud puffing sound of the tubes, he can see the sunshine inside, he can hear the laughter and feel the warmth breath of the once joyful Arkansas boy. Kris is going to be all right, Adam assured himself. He refused to let his mind consider the alternative. He had to be.
................................................................................................................................
Four days had passed since the incident. 19E somehow manage to keep the events under wrap from the media, with no real pictures or proof leak. Of course, rumors were flying around and the public has been talking about it. Press release only mentioned one of the idols was taken ill during rehearsals and hence, taken to the hospital for observation.
The life support system had been removed and that brought smiles back to everyone, especially Adam. However, Kris has not found his consciousness due to the overdose of multiple drugs, which causes hypoxia, where his body was deprived of adequate oxygen supply.
All the idols and Kris’s family visited everyday. Event though no one talks about it, everyone knew what is going on, with Kris and Adam and of course, Katy. Katy arrived in L.A. the day after the incident. She was surprisingly strong and did not even break down or shed a tear. She had, however, been by Kris’s bedside. Adam had caught a few glances of Katy and felt the awkwardness between them. She did not embrace Adam when they met at the hospital and every time they cross path, she would give Adam a cold stare before walking away. Deep down, Adam has already reach to the conclusion that Katy knew about his relationship with her husband. “Damn you,” Adam cursed himself. What relationship? He very well knows nothing really happen between him and Kris. It has always been a one-sided fantasy. There were hugs and kisses on the face, there were fooling around in the mansion, there were jabbing of each other’s ribs and of course, those late night heart-to-heart talks while staring intently at each other’s eyes. Nothing more and nothing intimate. But Adam was at one point, convinced that Kris felt something. Adam can tell from his facial expression and his eyes. Kris’s gorgeous face just could not lie, at least not to Adam.
***
Adam turns the doorknob to Kris’s ward. His heart skip a beat when he spotted Katy standing next to Kris’s bed, holding his hands with her fingers all curled between Kris’s.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were in here. I’ll leave you alone,” Adam said quickly and turns to leave.
“Stay, please. We need to talk,” whispered Katy.
This is the last thing Adam wanted. The guilt, which had enveloped him for the past few months, is not going to make it any easier for him to face the wife of the man he had fallen in love with.
“Adam.... Kris drop me a message on the night he committed suicide and I’m even going to pretend that I’m all right with all these things going on here. For Christ sake, Adam. Kris had fallen out of love with me because of you. He told me even if there is no future with you, he is never going to be the same husband anymore. He said I deserves better and he wants me to walk away from him,” Kris spoke as tears stream down her face.
“I know Kris all my life and I know what brought him to hurt himself. I know he was trapped. He no longer loves me and he felt guilty about it. He loves you but he is doubting the consequences. Oh gosh........ how did we even end up in this mess?” Katy speaking softly amidst her sobs.
Adam wanted to speak but struggled to find his words. When he looks at Katy’s face, he felt like he just murdered someone. Perhaps, he felt like he just murdered Katy, taking away her cheerful soul forever.
“Katy..... I don’t know what to say to you or that I’m sorry I’ve caused you pain....I,” Adam continued speaking while trembling all over but Katy interrupts.
“No!” That one word coming out from Katy sent shivers down his spine. Adam will never forget the look on her face. It was unforgiving. If he didn’t know Katy as a sweet and chatty girl, he would have taken her as a psycho murderer. Katy words came out slow, intense, clear as crystal and Adam knows she wanted him to hear every single words she said, “It is nobody’s fault but him,” Katy said while pointing at Kris’s motionless body on the bed. “Nobody......,” Katy’s anger trailing off.
As guilty as Adam is feeling now towards Katy, he felt anger bursting in his chest from that accusation she made on Kris. “Katy, you can put him at fault for all these. Whatever happens, happens. We are human, we have emotions and sometimes, it is beyond our control to......,” Adam spoke so fast, feeling every need to defend Kris but Katy stopped him.
“You think I can continue living my life with a husband who is in love with another man?” Katy said with a raised voice. At that point, Adam was glad that Kris is still unconscious.
***
Silence.
“Adam, I’m gonna go.”
“What? Wait, we need to talk through this. If you want to go now, I can understand. I know it is getting late. You will come back to see him right? I mean..........,” Adam spoke frantically and trying his best to make Katy understand.
“No, Adam. I’m gonna go.”
Silence.
Their eyes met and it is at this very moment, Adam finally understood what she meant.
Adam did not move as he watches Katy walked past him. He just froze.
Just before she turns the doorknob to exit, she turned back and said, “Kris said his goodbye to me four days ago. The Kris I know is dead. Goodbye Adam.”