08 - In the lab, off the wagon

[doofenstrudel]

[Action A, 457 Stone Street, Morning]

[Moments after the mailman arrived, Doofenshmirtz was bolting out the front door and rummaging through the mailbox, certain that THIS TIME, something would have been given back to him. He had done the same thing yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, and come up empty-handed except for

Comments

B

[nosoul_nomind]

[Not!daughter was coming into the garage to get some of her own work done. Doof may have noticed a lot of scraps, plans, parts, tools and other things in her own little corner of the garage. She finds the noises and lights coming from the place a concern for her works' safety, so he comes in quietly, watching him work, a disapproving look on her face.]

[doofenstrudel]

[Doof has certainly noticed all of Barton's nice things in the corner, and he was polite enough to leave them there. His enthusiastic madness could be accomplished with his own tools, after all.

And he noticed her passing through, and lit up with additional delight.]

Barton! Barton, come here! Have a look at this!

[He appeared to be assembling some sort of weapon. He had taken apart a vacuum cleaner, and the insides of... whatever he was doing were splayed out for all to see. There are a lot of spaghetti'd wires. There were thin, fine strips of what appeared to be waxed paper pinned and positioned into several key-looking places. And was that the faint smell of oranges, over the scent of burnt plastic?]

[nosoul_nomind]

[She walks over, blinking at the project, trying to figure it out.] Yeah? What it is? Or what's it gonna be, I guess.

[doofenstrudel]

[Oh, he is excited to share...]

This will be my BALD-INATOR! One blast from this device will make EVERY HAIR ON YOUR HEAD fall out!

[His gleeful grin suddenly becomes wicked and faintly unhinged.]

I have promises to keep.

C

[myblimpisbigger]

[Doof. Doof, honey.

Look at your life, look at your choices.]

You know, as death-rays go, this one is rather... benign.

[doofenstrudel]

[There is no time to look back and consider the shameful events that have brought him to this moment! There is only SWEET VENGEANCE!

He is nice enough to not aim it at Klaus, when he turns to regard the man.]

That is because it is not a death-ray! What would I do with a death-ray? That's no fun.

This is my BALD-INATOR!

[myblimpisbigger]

Oh.

[Why is that adorable, that shouldn't be adorable... only Doof is acting very much like Bill right now. Bill was never really one for death rays either.]

I suppose its purpose is plain, then. If I may ask... why hair removal?

[doofenstrudel]

Because humiliation is my goal, Klaus! Humiliation of those that have wronged me. It is shameful for a man to be bald! And a woman's pride is her hair, yes? Yes?!

[For as vicious as his smile gets when he says that last bit, you'd think that the invention did something much, much more terrible.]

C

[doctor_tyrant]

You're doing well for yourself, Doof.

[And look who decided to drop by. There he is, floating in mid-air... The Doctor.]

[doofenstrudel]

Ahaha! I am, am I not?

[Heinz turns himself around, Bald-Inator not quite pointed at The Doctor. He's grinning, and there's more manic delight there than malice.

Although he was wondering just how much hair there was beneath that helmet.]

You do not TRULY APPRECIATE what you have until it is GONE!

[....Eeeh, making his eyebrows fall out would be satisfying enough. ZAP!]

[doctor_tyrant]

[The Doctor just takes the shot to see for himself what the beam does. He figures that it can't hurt much especially not against the protection the Demon Crown offers him. Heinz fires and the Doctor braces himself for it. Oddly enough, though, he expected some pain, but... nothing.

It didn't even feel like anything. All he notices are his green eyebrows falling out.]

... You plucked out my eyebrows?

[And the Doctor begins clapping all the while laughing a little.]

Congratulations, Doof. You've invented baldness. The world will be pleased at your discovery as you pluck out each and every lock of hair from it.

[doofenstrudel]

Yes! You are now EYEBROWLESS!

They... I am pretty sure they serve some sort of valuable biological function....

[He shifts the Inator awkwardly. Oh dear, he's losing his patter...]

I did not invent baldness, I have invented the BALD-INATOR! It makes things bald. Things have been going bald all on their own for as long as hair has existed, you know.

[lunawolves10th]

[ Garviel is staring at the weapon with confusion. ]

What are you doing?

[doofenstrudel]

THIS!!!

[Yes. Yes, he is pointing and aiming his Bald-Inator at the intimidatingly large man. Yes, he is firing. Yes, he has partially taken leave of his senses.]

[lunawolves10th]

.... What have you done?

[doofenstrudel]

[Having fired the Bald-Inator at the man, a beam of extremely improbable energy was shot at him. It can be dodged, of course. If it isn't, well, there goes all of Garviel's hair.]

I strike at you with my BALD-INATOR!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

B

[a_crazygirl]

[Opens door to retrieve something from garage.

Stands there and listens to Doof rant.

Closes door, deciding it's not worth it.]

B

[doofenstrudel]

[Oh no, you're not getting away that easily. When he hears Toni open the door, his head snaps around. He's grinning wildly, and also trying to hold some particularly stubborn plastic bits apart.]

Toni! Ah! Your timing is EXCELLENT! Would you be so kind as to hold this? For just a moment?

B

[a_crazygirl]

[Just this face.]

Why.

[doofenstrudel]

Because I only have two hands, and did not have the foresight to create myself a Hand-Inator before I started this project?

[Why such exasperation, he wonders? This was hardly the most exasperating he could be, he knew...]