Halp

[alextiefling]

I'm so tempted to respond to this post with "You're an emotionally neglectful, selfish, small-minded, pretentious, semi-literate moron", but while that would help me, it might not help the OP.

ETA: And now he's answering the commenters by responding to his OP, rather than to the comments.

Comments

[friend_of_tofu]

Yes, it would. Hitting them with a clue stick would help them. And hitting them with any heavy, blunt object would help the rest of humanity.

[redbird]

"For intensive reasons" is an interesting shift in usage (a further mangling from "for all intents and purposes") but if I rewrote that in something a lot closer to standard English, it would still be a problem.

[friend_of_tofu]

I noticed that right away. I can understand why people say "for intensive purposes", it's a mildly amusing malapropism, but adding "reasons" in there just makes NO sense. Boggle.

[leastconcern]

I am just glad I am not the only person that found that mind boggling. I thought I was somehow being uber anally retentive.

And no, tofu, you may not make a dirty joke from what I just said.

[friend_of_tofu]

You're no fun anymore! :-p

[inaurolillium]

"Pretentious, semi-literate moron" I'm on board with (I hate it when people use "intensive" when they mean "intents and". I dunno about neglectful or selfish. The guy(?) didn't sign up to be a parent, didn't want to be a parent, was manipulated into being the birth partner. Now he wants some space, and that's not necessarily selfishness.

[cu_sith]

There's a mention of taking paternity leave, so I think it's a guy.

[friend_of_tofu]

But he says he didn't ever mention any of this to his partner. He keeps suggesting that he doesn't feel able to discuss things with his 'primary' but doesn't say why. How much does she know about any of this?

I don't think it's fair to say he was "manipulated"; she asked him twice because her original plans had fallen through and, presumably, she wanted someone close to her there. It seems as though they both have very different ideas of what their relationship involves, and that's a bad situation to have got into.

It's just unrealistic of him to expect similar levels of free movement, sex and dating stuff when a small child is involved in your life, even if it's not one you chose.

[n0b0dys_angel]

If he didn't want to be a parent, he shouldn't be seriously involved with someone who has kids. He knew she was planning on getting pregnant and he still went along with everything, instead of being clear with her at the time.

He wasn't manipulated. He stated that he couldn't bring himself to say no, which is selfish and cowardly. He could have offered to help her find a doula, or a midwife, to be her birthing coach/partner. Single parents with no close family do it all the time.

He wants to escape from a situation that he allowed to occur, because he can't handle the reality of what he signed on for.

[n0b0dys_angel]

I don't understand 3/4 of what he is on about. He doesn't want to parent the kid or have any part of it, but still wants to have a relationship with the mum. He wants to build a family style relationship, but not the kind where he has to have any responsibility and can stay at his own place far away from her and the kid as much as he wants.

Plus I get that she is tired/emotionally drained/dealing with an infant (or toddler, I am unclear as to the age of the child) and isn't as much fun any more and he's all butthurt about that.

WTF?

[friend_of_tofu]

Also, I learnt something new today - apparently, if you are in a primary relationship and don't see anyone else for a while, you are monogamous! Darn it, I have become monogamous by default, I just wish I knew what the cut-off was. 3 months? 3 days?

[n0b0dys_angel]

I think it outlines the cut-off on page 17 of the "How To Be Poly" booklet we all got. Did you lose yours already?

[kdsorceress]

Yes. :(

[arabwel]

i kind of pity the bastard. Doesnt mean he is not a jackass, tho.