ugh...just..ugh.

With dirty fingernails, I'll claw at your eyes until you can see the truth that's painted all over my face.

I don't know exactly what to say...my head is so fucked up right now, and I've got a heart to match.

ever feel like each breath you take will never be deep enough to keep you alive? it's hard ( Read more... )

well, Tobin's gone now. He's burried in my front yard under the big tree, where I always sit and smoke or talk with friends, so I'll be visiting him quite frequently...I kept telling myself that I'd stay with him when they gave him the injection but I couldn't do it. I didn't want my last memory of his little face to be of him gasping and twitching ( Read more... )

I set an appointment for Tobin at 7:15 tonight. I cried all during lunch today. I broke down when I called to ask my dad if 7:15 was okay and he asked me if I wanted to have Tobin cremated and put in a little ern to keep. It's horrible of me to say this, but Tobin was always my favorite, my little baby boy, and now he's gonna be gone by 7:30. I don ( Read more... )

I went to clean out my rat cages...and tobin's paw has fallen off. from the fucking tumor. it's not fair, in the least bit. I know it happens and rats tend to get tumors quite regularly but I'm so angry right now, like it shouldn't have happened to him. I feel like such a coawrd cause I could barely touch him. things like that scare me so badly, ( Read more... )

I made a greatest journal for my Id character. http://www.greatestjournal.com/users/a_sweet_goodbye/ yay. there it goes.

I've decided that I'm gonna quit smoking cigs. I'm gonna stop drinking caffeine, no more soda, nothing bad for me. I'm gonna excercise more and get healthy. it's gonna be so fucking hard..more the cigs than anything. I love them but they're bad. so I'm gonna stop, and that's that. I'll write more later. Jesmicka is here.

ARGH!! god...god, god, god. this is so fucking gay. I shouldn't be like this. not now, not ever, under any circumstances. I should be happy and frollic through a ton of poppies and yeah. -_- fuck this. bed time is now.

my dad makes me so fucking angry...it's like I want to run until my legs break into pieces and then just scream at him...