heart in my hand (2/3)
1
*~*~*
TURN THE FUCK AROUND, Kris’s rational part of his brain was telling him. DON’T BE A FUCKING IDIOT.
Instead of listening, he knocked on the door and waited patiently for the answer.
After a few seconds Junmyeon pulled the door open, smiling sweetly at Kris, as if nothing about this little trip to her place was any different from any of the other times he’d been there.
As if he wasn’t about to strip her of her innocence at her request.
As if he wasn’t about to get his heart ripped out of his chest but also fulfill this perfect fantasy of his at the same time.
“Hey,” she greeted, stepping aside so he could enter.
“Hey,” he responded, then cleared his throat.
“My mom just left about an hour ago for work,” she told him, even though he’d already known that was a part of the plan. Junmyeon set everything up, picking a night where her mom would be at the hospital on a graveyard shift so that they would have the apartment all to themselves for this fucked up little rendezvous.
“There are leftovers from dinner…are you hungry?” Junmyeon asked, shutting and locking the front door before turning to Kris.
“Uh, nah, I just ate,” he told her, shaking his head.
“Okay,” Junmyeon responded, nodding.
They both just stood there in silence for a moment, not really sure how to go about this.
“I’m sort of nervous,” Junmyeon suddenly admitted, tugging at the sleeve of her shirt.
“Are you sure this is what you want?” Kris asked for what felt like the thousandth time, praying that she would say no while simultaneously hoping for her to say yes.
“Yeah, I do,” Junmyeon answered, sounding sure.
Kris just nodded.
“So…” Junmyeon giggled. “Should we…like, go to my room or something?”
Kris gave her what he hoped was a not-forced-looking smile and said, “Yeah your…room.”
Junmyeon turned around and headed down the hallway to her bedroom, and Kris followed behind, a heavy feeling settling in the pit of his stomach.
He was about to take Junmyeon’s virginity, the virginity of the girl he’d been in love with since he’d met her on the playground all those years ago.
This was a terrible fucking idea.
Yet he wanted it so fucking badly.
Junmyeon closed her bedroom door after Kris stepped inside, despite the two of them being the only ones in the apartment.
“Can we first just like…kiss a little bit or something so I can calm down?” Junmyeon requested, looking up at Kris with her curious innocent eyes, and fuck, as if Kris could ever say no to those.
“Sure,” he agreed easily, and was then hit by the realization that he was about to kiss Junmyeon.
Junmyeon motioned her arms in the direction of her small twin sized bed, and Kris realized she wanted him to get on it. He did so, sitting himself up against her headboard. She smiled shyly at him before whoa all of a sudden she swung a leg over his waist, straddling herself comfortably atop his lap.
Kris gulped.
This was such a fucking terrible idea.
Junmyeon had the audacity to remain looking all sweet and innocent and shy as she wrapped her arms around his neck and tugged mindlessly at the hair on the top of Kris’s neck. He tried to make it seem like he was totally cool and comfortable with all of this, resting the palms of his hands against her hips. It was difficult, resisting the urge to hold her even tighter against him, pull her as close to him as possible in hopes of never having to let go.
Junmyeon’s tongue seemed to unconsciously slip out of her mouth and run along her bottom lip before she suddenly leaned forward and pressed her mouth softly against Kris’s. The initial shock over the fact that Kim fucking Junmyeon’s lips were against his own was shaken off easily, and Kris began kissing her back just as gently, not wanting to push her too hard too fast.
They continued like that for a little while, just kissing sweetly, hands and everything else remaining relatively motionless. It was when Junmyeon’s mouth parted slightly, signifying she was ready to take it a little further, that Kris’s already messy clusterfuck of thoughts went into overdrive once more. The feeling of her smooth little tongue licking against his bottom lip flushed all the blood from his head, causing a little bout of dizziness. He barely even had time to recover when she slipped her tongue into his mouth, sliding it against his own.
Fuck, Junmyeon was the inexperienced one here, yet Kris felt like a fumbling little virgin, not sure what the fuck to do.
He willed himself to just go with the fucking flow. This was Junmyeon, the girl of his fucking dreams, straddling his hips and sticking her tongue down his throat, dammit; he needed to enjoy this. Consequences be damned, he was going to just fucking take what he was getting at the time being and deal with whatever shitstorm this was bound to cause afterwards.
With that new plan of action in place, Kris began to kiss Junmyeon back more fervently than before. He still knew not to push her too much, let her have the most control here, but he was going to take as much as he could, that was for sure.
“Is this weird for you?” Junmyeon suddenly asked when she pulled away, giving Kris a questioning look.
“No,” he answered immediately, honestly. “You?”
“No,” she agreed, and then resumed their kissing, reacting positively to that news as she shifted her hips closer to his. She let out a soft gasp against his lips when her jean-covered core rubbed lightly against Kris’s already hardened arousal.
“That’s…all it takes?” she questioned, sounding genuinely surprised, and so fucking naïve and innocent, it was driving him crazy.
He just shrugged and tried not to blush…Junmyeon didn’t need to know that even just thinking about her could get Kris ridiculously hard ridiculously fast, kissing not required (though appreciated and preferred).
Junmyeon nodded for some reason, Kris wasn’t sure why. Maybe she was answering her own question, or reassuring herself or something, it really didn’t matter because she leaned forward again and molded their lips together once more. Her hands slipped from around his neck, followed a few seconds by her lips unlatching from his. He opened his eyes and watched as she pulled her long-sleeve top over her head, tossing it to the side of the bed before looking straight at Kris. He felt his mouth go dry at the sight of Junmyeon’s top half clad in only a simple navy bra, embellished with just a little silver heart charm in the middle where the cups met. Her breasts looked so plump and soft and warm and Kris wanted nothing more than to find out for himself if those predictions were true.
“Well, you too,” Junmyeon pushed, breaking Kris away from his feverish thoughts.
“Oh,” he replied stupidly, but managed to pull his own t-shirt up and over his head. It joined Junmyeon’s on her bedroom floor.
“Hmmm,” Junmyeon hummed, smiling slightly as she traced the faint outlines of muscle on Kris’s abdomen. Kris’s stomach knotted, not necessarily uncomfortably, in reaction to her perfect little fingers.
Junmyeon decided to keep exploring a little bit, moving more down south until her hand was resting on the tent in Kris’s jeans. She pressed her palm down just slightly, and Kris squirmed a bit and suppressed the groan he had the urge to let out.
“Do they hurt?” she asked curiously.
“Uhm…no,” Kris responded, finding it hard to think straight considering all the blood in his head was exactly where Junmyeon’s teasing little hand was pressing against. “It’s just like…a lot of pressure I guess. And it hurts if it doesn’t…well, ya know.”
Junmyeon nodded, lips pursed cutely in thought before she was suddenly unbuttoning the top of Kris’s jeans. He kept up with his cool and calm façade as she worked on getting the zipper down and then brought her hands to his hips, tugging at the fabric there. Kris assisted, lifting his butt off her bed as she pulled the jeans from his body.
She immediately returned to straddling his hips and her hand found its place once more against his erection, his boxers now the only thing in the way of skin to skin contact.
“I’ve never seen one in real life before,” she mentioned, so casual about it.
Kris chuckled awkwardly, not really sure how else to respond to that.
Junmyeon suddenly climbed off of Kris, off of her bed, and began making her way out of her own jeans. Kris watched as she wriggled them down past her hips, revealing a mismatching pair of hot pink panties with bright yellow pineapples patterned across the front. He thought it was stupidly cute and even sort of a turn on that her undergarment choice was so simple and carefree. Junmyeon really didn’t need any of that lacey frilly crap to be honest.
She stepped out of the jeans and once again climbed right back on top of Kris, leaning forward and placing a quick, unexpected kiss against his lips.
“Still nervous?” he asked her when she pulled away and started fiddling with the hem of his boxers.
“No,” she shook her head. “I’m really comfortable about all this with you. I’m glad it’s you, Kris.”
He swallowed and put on his best trooper smile. “If it’s what you want, Jun.”
“It is,” she said, wrapping her arms around his neck once more and resuming the kissing once more.
They just kissed and kissed for a while, and it was perfect, Junmyeon was so fucking perfect. Her perfect little lips and her perfect little hands and the perfect feeling of all of it against Kris.
And then Junmyeon suddenly shifted forward, pressing herself lightly against Kris’s straining erection, and fuck she started grinding just the slightest bit against it.
Kris bucked his hips forward in response, and Junmyeon let out a little whimper of surprise at the action. He could feel the heat of her core right against his own arousal and had the desperate desire to feel it with his own fingers. He needed to let Junmyeon remain in control, though, so he settled for running his fingers through her silky locks as she continued to circle her hips lightly on top of him.
“I…I don’t know what to do next,” Junmyeon admitted, pulling away and looking Kris in the eyes.
“Just…whatever feels right?” Kris replied, shrugging. “I mean, don’t overthink it, Jun.”
“Help me out here, Kris,” she begged.
Kris sighed but willingly did what she asked. He managed to flip them over on her small bed so that she was now settled below him, his knees and arms keeping him hovered above her body. Leaning down, Kris was finally the one to initiate this kiss, albeit a quick one, before pulling back and saying, “Just relax, baby.”
He stiffened the second the word slipped from his mouth. He wasn’t supposed to say that. Junmyeon wasn’t his baby, she wasn’t even his. This was all essentially happening for someone else's sake, anyone other than Kris.
Junmyeon either didn’t notice or just didn’t care to react to the name though, because she just nodded and grabbed the back of Kris’s head to pull him down so she could rejoin their lips.
The kissing became more and more passionate, leaving Junmyeon literally breathless as she turned her head to the side to take in air. Kris continued kissing down her neck, making it all the way to the tops of her breasts, still confined in her simple blue bra. He placed a few kisses on the cleavage of both her breasts, liking the pillowy feeling of them against his lips. One of his hands kept him propped over her when he brought the other one around and wriggled it under her back, finding the clasp of her bra and toying with it.
“Wait,” Junmyeon suddenly gasped, still sounding out of breath. “L-leave it on.”
He looked up at her and nodded, pulling his hand out from under her back, her bra remaining in place against her chest. He didn’t bother to question why, it really didn’t even matter, as long as it was what made Junmyeon most comfortable was all that mattered.
Kris kept his eyes fixed on Junmyeon’s as he trailed his hand that had been at the back of her bra down past her stomach to the edge of her panties. He dipped a single finger underneath the elastic, stroking lightly against the hair down there, asking her, “Okay?”
She nodded. “Okay.”
Kris leaned back on his knees a bit to reposition himself. He removed his finger from inside her underwear and brought it down instead to rub her through the front of her panties. Junmyeon’s little moans were encouragement enough for him to continue tracing the little wet spot that had formed at the center of her underwear.
“Ah,” Junmyeon panted when Kris applied a bit more pressure with his index finger right against where he assumed her clit would be. Her hips arched slightly off the bed, trying to add to the pressure. Kris was suddenly reminded of just how fucking raging his hard-on was within his boxers, but knew that it would get taken care of later; right now, it was all about Junmyeon.
Kris once again moved his fingers to the elastic settled over Junmyeon’s hip, tugging it down just the slightest to let her know what he wanted to do. She didn’t protest, so he continued pulling them down, over her butt and her plump thighs and down past her feet. Kris dropped the bright pair of panties on the floor along with the rest of their discarded garments, and then looked back to take in a sight he only ever thought he’d see in his dreams. Junmyeon was almost entirely bare, save for her bra, spread out on her bed waiting for Kris. He had to take a minute to just admire the image, the absolute perfection that was Kim Junmyeon.
“Kris…” Junmyeon complained, seeming to suddenly become self-conscious as she tried to close her legs together.
Kris leaned forward and placed a hand at the top of her thigh to keep her from doing so, then leaned down and pressed a kiss right against where his hand rested, telling her, “Don’t be shy.”
Junmyeon let out a breathless laugh in response.
Fuck, Kris wanted to taste her, like, so fucking badly. He wasn’t sure what exactly Junmyeon was okay with and what she wasn’t, if this would be too much for her. But he continued to place kisses up her thigh, getting dangerously close to her center with each peck. He wanted to suck on her smooth skin, wanted to leave a hickey on one of her fleshy thighs, just a little reminder of what he was doing to her for when the night was over. But he wasn’t sure if she would appreciate it, and so he kept his lips under control for the most part.
“Okay?” Kris mumbled when his mouth was just centimeters from where he really wanted it to be.
“Okay,” Junmyeon reassured, entirely breathless at this point, panting hard in response to Kris’s actions.
Kris settled himself directly in front of Junmyeon’s moistened core, and he darted his tongue out, licking a stripe from the middle of her slit towards the top.
“Oh my god,” Junmyeon moaned from above, legs trembling on either side of Kris’s head.
Kris’s tongue made its way to her clit, circling it lightly once, causing Junmyeon to yelp and buck her hips up against his face. She was so damn sensitive and Kris was loving every damn second of it. He continued to very gently play at her nub with the tip of his tongue, and could feel her body quivering in response.
One of his hands came up and began massaging the top of her right thigh before he slipped it further up, working a single finger against her entrance. Junmyeon merely whimpered as his finger made its way slowly inside of her.
“Too…too much,” Junmyeon suddenly gasped when Kris began stroking his finger against the moist warmth of her inner walls. One of her hands was against his head, pushing him away. Kris followed her demands, pulling his finger out from inside of her and leaning back on his knees to put a bit of distance between the two of them.
“I…I was gonna come if you kept going,” Junmyeon explained, cheeks stained red, chest heaving in time with her heavy breathing. Kris didn’t point out the fact that he’d been trying to make her come, and instead just nodded and waited for her to give him the go sign.
“I just…can we…” Junmyeon seemed a little out of it, and Kris liked the fact that it was a result of him. She reached to her bedside table and grabbed the strip of condoms that Kris hadn’t even noticed were sitting there, shoving them towards him.
“You’re ready?” Kris asked, ripping one of the condoms off and opening it up. He pushed his boxers down over his hips and let them fall off the end of the bed before rolling the condom down over his throbbing length, suddenly realizing his need to take care of this little situation.
Junmyeon was looking straight at his erection when she gulped then nodded, answering, “Ready.”
Kris leaned forward and lined himself up against Junmyeon’s entrance. She gripped his shoulders when the tip of his cock was just barely settled in between her lips and he looked at her to ask, “Are you sure?”
She nodded again, “Yeah, positive.”
Kris used a hand to help guide himself inside of her, and he felt Junmyeon’s hands grip more tightly against his shoulders as he pushed his way forward.
“Okay?” he asked once more when he was fully settled inside of her, the warm pulsating walls of her pussy feeling like he was being sucked further and further in, and fuck did it feel good.
“Okay,” Junmyeon agreed. He still gave her a minute to adjust before he began pulling back, only about halfway before slowly pushing back in.
“Don’t go so slow,” Junmyeon pled, wriggling her hips a bit in adjustment.
Kris followed directions and picked up the pace a bit, not going too slow but also not allowing to himself to plow in and out of her. Junmyeon, however, didn’t seem to be reacting positively to it.
“Are you okay, Jun?” he asked her. “It is…alright?”
“I…yeah,” she answered, sounding a bit strained.
“Is it good at all?”
“Honestly…not really,” she admitted.
Kris didn’t let that get to him, just wanting to make sure, “Does it hurt?”
“No it’s just…I don’t know, it’s just…”
“Here,” Kris said, moving to readjust them to see if it would help her. He pulled out and rolled them over so that Junmyeon was settled over his hips once more on top. Junmyeon scooted back a bit down his torso until she was in line with his erection once more and wiggled back onto it slowly. Kris took both of her hands in his own, lacing their fingers together to encourage her, shifting his own hips to help her out. Junmyeon finally settled fully on top of him and circled her hips around a few times, creating a delicious friction on Kris’s cock inside of her. She made a little gaspy sound at the back of her throat and her eyes widened in surprised.
“Better?” Kris asked her hopefully.
She nodded and smiled shyly. “Better.”
Kris kept their hands interlocked as she began using her knees to slowly lift higher off the bed and then back down again, setting a steady rhythm. Kris continued to watch her, to make sure she was still doing okay, but he was also more than enjoying the view of her rocking up and down against his dick. The pressure was beginning to build quickly, and he wasn’t sure how long he would last.
He untwined one of their hands, but kept the others together, and moved his hand to press his fingers to Junmyeon’s swollen clit.
“Oh,” she reacted when he began tracing small rings around it. Her speed picked up a bit, in response to what he hoped was her impending orgasm. “Ah…Kris?” Junmyeon moaned, and for some reason it came out sounding like a question.
He groaned in response and continued his task at hand, applying pressure to her button and thrusting up off the bed into Junmyeon, feeling her walls begin to close in tighter around his cock.
“Mmmmm,” Junmyeon bit her bottom lip and squeezed her eyes shut as she continued bouncing on top of Kris. “Ahhh...Kris...”
After a few more thrusts Junmyeon started repeatedly chanting “ah, ah, ah” as her walls throbbed tightly around Kris, and he rubbed harder against her clit as she rode out her orgasm on top of him.
Kris allowed himself to let go as well, hot white pleasure shooting through his entire body at the sight of a thoroughly wrecked Junmyeon on top of him. His erection continued sliding deliciously inside of her as he spilled into the condom before letting his hips fall back against the bed in exhaustion.
Junmyeon slowly lifted her hips off of Kris’s, separating them from one another. Kris willed himself not to pout at the loss of contact. She removed herself from the bed and picked her panties up off the floor, slipping them back up over her hips before silently walking out of her room. Kris listened as he heard the familiar sound of the bathroom door clicking shut before he dragged a palm down his face and groaned, “Fuck.”
He just had sex with Junmyeon.
He just willingly went along with her request of him taking her virginity and fuck had he enjoy it.
Which seriously sucked, because this was a onetime fucking deal.
Why the fuck had he agreed to this again?
Kris sighed and tried not to think about this fucked up situation as he gathered his clothes from the floor and redressed himself. He knew this whole night meant absolutely nothing to Junmyeon, that all she wanted was to get rid of her virginity and not be entirely inexperienced for the future. But to Kris, all it did was strengthen the ridiculous feelings he’d always had for the girl and given him a weirdly possessive feeling over her, knowing he was the first guy she’d ever been with in this way.
Fuck, this was not good.
Junmyeon returned to her room, shutting the door behind her and watching as Kris buttoned and zipped the fly of his jeans.
“You...can stay over tonight,” she told him, looking up at him with wide eyes.
Kris looked away from her gaze and shook his head, explaining, “Early practice tomorrow…my bag’s at my house so…”
“Oh,” Junmyeon said simply. “Okay.”
Kris looked back over at her, standing there in her undergarments, head turned down towards the floor. She looked a little bit…upset almost? Kris wasn’t quite sure.
“Hey, you okay?” he asked her.
Junmyeon looked up at him and smiled, but it was just a little too forced. “Yeah.”
“This was all…alright with you?” he questioned.
“Mhmm,” Junmyeon nodded.
Kris sighed and walked over in front of her, leaning down to press a quick kiss to her forehead. “I’ll see you at school on Monday.”
“Okay,” Junmyeon agreed, and Kris walked passed her and out of her room, needing to leave so he could clear his head.
He made it out the front door and over to his car, dropping his head forward against the steering wheel once he was inside.
Kris tried to ignore the heavy feeling in his chest.
He wasn’t doing a very good job of it, though.
*~*~*
Junmyeon tossed and turned in her bed, trying to will herself to fall asleep, but she just couldn’t. Her thoughts were all screwy and she couldn’t shake this weird feeling she had in her chest.
Kris had done what she’d asked him to do. Done deal. Period. End of story.
But for some reason, Junmyeon wasn’t quite sure if she wanted that to be the case.
*~*~*
Kris drove and drove, not really sure where he was going. He didn’t want to go home, he didn’t want to go to any of his friends’ houses, he didn’t even want to go to the park and get high with Baekhyun to try and take his mind off this shit, because he knew it wouldn’t work.
He just wanted to leave, he wanted to get away from all of this. He knew he was being an annoying overly dramatic teenager, but these stupid emotions inside of him were causing him to be this way. He wished he was like his friends who didn’t care about feelings and shit, just wanting to get off in a fit of hormonal frustration, but he just couldn’t. He couldn’t think that way, though, because he was just so grossly in love with Junmyeon. If Kris could just get over these feelings, he’d do it in a second, no questions asked. But the question was how? How the fuck was he just supposed to get over this all-consuming obsession he had over his best friend?
He wasn’t. It wasn’t going to happen and he knew that. He could try everything to keep his mind off her, he could try and date other girls, he could move all the way across the globe, but it wouldn’t change anything, and that was what just downright fucking sucked.
Kris laughed humorlessly at what a fucking chump he was, and just continued to drive not only the car but himself crazy with his thoughts.
*~*~*
Junmyeon woke up the next morning with the same odd sensation in her chest that she'd finally eventually fallen asleep with. Her stomach was now also in knots and she didn't feel like moving from the comfort of her bed.
But she'd gone to bed without washing up after...everything last night, and wasn't sure how obvious that sort of a thing was. She knew her mom must be home from her shift now and sleeping, so Junmyeon dragged herself out of bed and into the shower before her mother woke up and used her mom senses to feel out what exactly Junmyeon had been up to last night.
As much as Junmyeon didn't want to think about last night...it wasn’t exactly an easy thing to clear her mind of. For some reason the entire situation just felt...off. She hadn't expected to feel the way she did last night, and she was having a hard time admitting it to herself.
Junmyeon groaned as the warm water washed over her sticky skin, because she couldn't deny it. Last night...the way Kris had looked at her, the way he'd continually made sure she was okay with everything and just the way he made her feel overall, physically and emotionally...it was a lot for her to try and sort out.
The problem was that he was her best friend - they’d been through so much together over the years, he was the one person she knew she could confide in for anything and everything. Which was exactly why she'd asked him to do this for her, but now it seemed like this little request might end up backfiring horribly on her.
Junmyeon didn't want to like Kris. She didn't want these butterflies that were fluttering around in her stomach at the mere thought of him to end up ruining their friendship. She wished that she'd never asked Kris for such a stupid favor, because now she was scared that things weren't going to be able to ever be the same for them. They obviously wouldn't be, what with these newfound feelings for him consuming her brain...but in the end, she just didn't want to lose him. She didn't want one stupid night of inexperienced fooling around to make her lose her best friend.
Junmyeon tried to pretend the tears running down her face were actually just droplets of water from the showerhead.
~*~*~*~
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