sins not tragedies (1/2)
Title: sins not tragedies
Fandom: exo
Pairing: kris/junmyeon
Word count: 16,850
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: sex, crack, kinda homophobia, overtly religious stuff
Summary: Junmyeon, president of the True Love’s Pure club, never thought something like a new exchange student showing up during his last semester of high school would have the ability to entirely turn his life upside down.
A/N: THIS IS THE LONGEST THING I’VE EVER WRITTEN AND IT’S SO DUMB OMG DON’T READ THIS
I think I actually read somewhere once that Junmyeon said he was an atheist…? Welp. this is just crack, please don’t take it seriously at all don’t take anything I write seriously please
Also I couldn’t for the life of me find anywhere that said what Junmyeon’s older brother’s name is, so I dub the Junsang just because it has a similar syllable which is something they seem to kinda do there so yeah.
~*~*~*~
“Junmyeon, my boy!” Pastor Hwang says as Junmyeon approaches the older man after service, smiling politely like always. “Happy new year.”
“Same to you, sir,” Junmyeon replies, shaking his hand and giving a small bow. “I just wanted to say that I thoroughly enjoyed the sermon today, sir.”
“Well, thank you, Junmyeon,” Pastor Hwang says gratefully, clapping Junmyeon on the shoulder. “TLP meetings will continue to take place over in the youth building this semester, correct?”
“As long as you’re still okay with us gathering there, then yes,” Junmyeon answers him, nodding. “Next meeting will be this upcoming Wednesday.”
“Of course I’m okay with it!” the pastor says forcefully. “I cannot tell you how great I think it is that you kids have a place to have good, clean fun and discussions. With all the temptation and negative influences out there in the world nowadays…” Pastor Hwang shakes his head in dismay. “Well, I know I don’t have to worry about that with you, young man.”
“The Lord gives me strength to resist, sir,” Junmyeon assures him with another smile.
“And He always will,” Pastor Hwang declares before going off to mingle with other members of the congregation.
~*~*~*~
Junmyeon had been rather pleased when he became president for the True Love’s Pure club during his senior year of high school. TLP was a originally started by a small group of students from his church a number of years back, as a way to promote abstinence and waiting for true love to come along in order to avoid engaging in such sinful acts before one was ready. Having grown up going to church, reading scripture and attending youth group, it was no surprise that Junmyeon had easily agreed to going to the first meeting during his freshman year of high school.
“Sex is for marriage,” the president at the time, a senior boy named Siwon, had said sternly to the young men listening intently to him in the room. The boys and girls had been separated for the night, due to slightly taboo subjects of discussion. “Sex within marriage is good, but any other sexual activity is a distortion of that goodness. That’s why activities such as adultery and casual sex are condemned.”
“Why the fuck did you drag me to this?” Junmyeon heard the boy next to him mumble to his friend on the other side. He was pretty sure this guy sitting next to him was another senior boy he’d seen around school a bit named Heechul.
“I thought you said you thought Siwon was really hot,” the other boy whispered back and Junmyeon started at the idea. A boy thinking Siwon was hot?
Well, now that he thought about it, Siwon was definitely conventionally attractive, even he could see that. Tall and broad, with definite muscle that could even be seen through his pastel yellow polo shirt he was wearing. Junmyeon tilted his head to the side and watched as Siwon’s strong jaw clenched and unclenched powerfully as he went on about the importance of suppressing the urge to masturbate.
“Perving at girls at school or at the beach or looking at pornography - these are the sorts of things that will fuel desire,” Siwon preached passionately, “and while masturbation can help find momentary sexual release when we cannot control our desire nor satisfy it through a martial relationship, that’s the thing - it’s only temporary. Engaging in this sinful, offensive act will only lead to further sinning.”
“At least ‘sinning’ is a hell of a lot more entertaining than this bullshit,” Heechul murmured, clearly annoyed. Junmyeon couldn’t help the fleeting thought of what sort of "sinning" Heechul had already engaged in, at such a young age.
Siwon finished up his speech and announced that it was time for a snack break. Junmyeon got up and couldn’t help but glance over at Heechul, who was begging his friend to let them leave already.
“Come on, Kyuhyun, you’re killing me here,” he pled, tugging at the other boys arm. That caused him to turn and face his direction, Junmyeon catching sight of the other student.
For some reason, Junmyeon’s heart started beating faster within his chest. He looked at Kyuhyun, all tall and lanky with hooded eyes and a bored look on his face, and something about him sent tingles to places in Junmyeon’s body that he never even realized could tingle.
He was confused. He couldn’t stop staring at Kyuhyun’s lips as they responded to Heechul, unable to make out what they were saying, just the way they were moving, languid and soft-looking. Junmyeon could hear his heart beating all the way in his head now, making it hard to hear anything else going on around him. He just watched as the older boy’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down while he spoke, skin so pale and soft looking, but that lead right down to strong-looking shoulders and thin but-
“Junmyeon, right?” he suddenly heard from behind, startling him out of his staring. He whipped around, heart racing in his chest, only to find Siwon standing behind him with a kind smile on his face.
“Hi, yes, I am…Junmyeon,” he answered, nodding vigorously and trying to shake whatever weird thoughts that had just been in his head away.
“Well, I’m glad to see you here at the meeting tonight,” Siwon told him earnestly, handing him a cup of punch. Junmyeon took it gratefully, realizing then how dry his throat had become. “I’ve seen you in church, and wondered if you’d be joining us once you entered high school.”
“Yep, well, here I am,” Junmyeon replied, nodding his head some more.
Siwon just smiled at him once more, saying they’d start back up again soon before going off to socialize with some other club members. Junmyeon glanced over his shoulder, watching as Heechul and Kyuhyun walked out of the door, something for which he was slightly grateful about, but also slightly disappointed about for some reason.
~*~*~*~
Junmyeon never saw Kyuhyun at another meeting after that night, and he never bothered to worry about whatever weird reaction he’d had at to the older boy at the time. He’d had the initial fleeting thought that what he’d felt towards Kyuhyun was…attraction, but quickly tossed that idea aside, knowing it was impossible.
Sure, Junmyeon knows that homosexuality is something that exists out there in the world (he still can’t help but wonder a little bit about that Heechul guy), especially nowadays. But it’s not like knowing that a guy is attractive makes him gay or anything, right? Just because he notices how nicely heart-shaped his fellow choir-member Kyungsoo’s lips are whenever he sings the toughest notes, or the fluid movements of Jongin’s long body when he’s doing his dancing, doesn’t mean anything. He’s just...noticing is all. He notices the high cheekbones on Jongdae’s face, and Baekhyun’s endless-looking fingers as they cascade gracefully over the piano keys, or Sehun’s weird but sort of cute and endearing tongue habit where he can’t seem to keep in in his mouth, like ever.
Nope, not gay. Just observations.
Because he also noticed just how pretty Pastor Hwang’s daughter, Miyoung, always looked, eyes crinkling enchantingly when she smiled, shiny hair always falling beautifully down her back. Or Yoona-noona’s gorgeous face whenever she graced him with a moment of her time before she’d graduated, as well as Sooyoung’s tall, slender body with legs that seemed to go on for days.
Not...not that he was ever lusting after these girls! Because Junmyeon knows that’s wrong, that having impure thoughts about women was offensive and heartbreaking to God.
“-Junmyeon,” he suddenly hears his anatomy teacher say, breaking him free from his overactive thoughts, “and Krystal are group three.”
“Lucky,” his friend Chanyeol grumbles beside him. “You get to work with two hot chicks while I’m stuck with Baekhyun and Jongdae.”
“But they’re your friends,” Junmyeon whispers back, confused. “Wait, who am I working with? I didn’t hear.”
“Krystal and Jinri,” Chanyeol tells him wistfully, jealously. “At least if I were working with them, I’d try to tap that-”
“Excuse me, Professor Lim,” comes a voice from the back of the classroom, and everyone immediately turns around, attention now on the class interruption that was Lee Jinki. “I have a new student of yours that I just finished showing around the school. This is his class for this period. His name is Kris.”
Behind Jinki, a tall student walks through the door, towering over the other boy’s frame. Junmyeon just stares, stomach twisting in on itself, at blonde hair and thick eyebrows and a brooding expression that he can’t help but suddenly wonder about.
Oh, no, Junmyeon thinks, realizing this is similar, only like ten times more intense to the feeling he’d had all those years ago with that Kyuhyun guy. His heart is suddenly pounding significantly louder and quicker as he continues looking at Kris, standing there all casually in his dark jeans and thin gray T-shirt, and wow his shoulders are nice and broad but not like too broad, like he doesn’t look too intimidating or anything-
“You can sit by Victoria, Kris,” Professor Lim tells him, waving her hand at the lab table behind Chanyeol and Junmyeon’s. “And I’ll also go ahead and put you in her group along with Minseok, alright?”
“Okay,” Kris’s low voice answers briefly, and Junmyeon feels the clenching in his stomach intensify. The tall boy goes over and takes his place next to Victoria, who greets him with a warm smile.
Junmyeon faces the front of the class again when he hears everyone else do the same, wiping his suddenly clammy palms on his jeans as he tries his hardest to focus on what the teacher is going on about now.
~*~*~*~
“...modesty leads to virtue and helps protect against immortality,” Sunyoung is explaining, having been chosen as the speaker for tonight’s topic at the TLP meeting. “The dress of a woman has a powerful impact upon the minds and passions of men.” Some of the boys hung their heads shamefully in response. “If it is too low or too high or too tight, it may prompt improper thoughts, even in the mind of a young man who is striving to stay pure. So girls, it is up to us to assist these thoughts from steering clear of boy’s minds by practicing modesty in our daily dress. And boys, it is up to you…”
Junmyeon’s mind suddenly starts to wander, thinking about necklines, not particularly in terms of female’s necklines, but the one he remembers seeing earlier that day on Kris’s plain gray t-shirt. It was sort of low, cut in a V-neck sort of style and showed off his collar bones quite pleasantly. Junmyeon couldn’t help but think about how nice his collar bones were, never really having thought about that particular part of a person before.
“...one physical representation of covenants that can be found in biblical history are rainbows,” Sunyoung is saying now, “which signify God’s promise to never destroy the Earth with floods...”
Junmyeon then starts thinking about rainbows. He likes rainbows...he always has. It’s always nice going out after a large bout of rain and seeing all the bright colors slashed through the sky and clouds.
Yeah. Junmyeon thinks that he’s definitely a rainbow kind of a guy.
~*~*~
“Anyone have any ideas for what disease we should do?” Jinri asks, sounding bored as she stirs the whip cream around in her mocha drink.
“I’m okay with anything,” Junmyeon says, willing to be lenient about this project. He figures they should just pick something common so there will be a lot of information on it and go with it.
“Let’s just do...pneumonia, like, who cares?” Krystal decides, standing up from her chair. “I’m gonna go grab a coffee.”
She walks away, and Junmyeon goes ahead and types in ‘pneumonia’ into his search engine on his laptop.
“I’m just gonna use her computer since I didn’t bring mine,” Jinri says, reaching over and grabbing Krystal’s computer from her spot on their table at the café they’d all decided to meet at. “Awwwww,” she coos when the screen is facing her. She turns it so Junmyeon can see. “Look at her cute little puppy."
Junmyeon smiles at the wallpaper picture of a small dog looking happy with its tongue hanging out of his mouth.
“Krystal, your dog is so cute!” Jinri gushes when Krystal returns with a covered cup in her hands.
“Isn’t he, though?” Krystal agrees, sipping her drink and not even commenting on the fact that Jinri took her computer without permission. Junmyeon just figures they’re close enough friends.
“Do you have any dogs, Junmyeon?” Jinri asks curiously, fiddling around on Krystal’s laptop as the other girl fiddles around on her phone instead.
“Yeah, my family has a couple of dogs,” he answers simply, skimming over one of the pneumonia articles he’d opened up.
“I think my dog is gay,” Jinri suddenly announces, sounding so calm and casual about the idea. “He only ever humps guy dogs at the park, not girls.”
Junmyeon feels his face heat up at the turn this conversation has suddenly taken.
“Is that even possible?” Krystal asks, not actually sounding all too interested.
“I’m about to find out,” Jinri replies, typing away on the laptop and taking a moment to look at the screen. “Well, here it says that 'while dogs can be gay, sometimes dogs will mount each other to express dominance, just for play, or because they are nervous or excited.'”
“I could make a gay guy comparison here,” Krystal snorts, “but that would be too easy.”
“Krystal, what if you made your dog gay?” Jinri suggests, smiling playfully at the idea. “Then our dogs could be boyfriends!”
“How am I supposed to ‘make my dog gay’?” Krystal questions, looking at Jinri like she’s stupid. “It’s not like I can rub the gay off of me onto him.”
“Maybe Amber-unnie could?” Jinri replies, shrugging. “She seems a lot gayer than you.”
“Even if it did work that way, we’re both into girls, so I don’t think it would effectively make my boy dog like other boy dogs,” Krystal finalizes, rolling her eyes. “Now hush, you’re making Junmyeon uncomfortable.”
“I’m not…” Junmyeon shakes his head, pretending to be totally cool and collected. “I’m just…reading up on pneumonia.”
“Oh, yeah, you’re like mega-religious or whatever, right?” Jinri suddenly recalls, nodding her head. “You run that abstinence club thingy or something.”
“True Love’s Pure,” Junmyeon clarifies, then takes the opportunity to publicize a little bit. “You guys are always welcome to come to one of our meetings if you’d like?”
Jinri laughs out loud, asking, “Don’t you have to be, like, a virgin, though?”
“Well, whoops,” Krystal shrugs, “Amber kinda messed up my chances of becoming a TLP member a long time ago, then.”
Junmyeon has the urge to ask her, but how can two girls have sex with each other?, but decides he doesn’t really want to get laughed at again tonight.
He turns back to the thrilling articles about pneumonia he’s been reading, and just hopes he can make it through the rest of this project meeting with these girls.
~*~*~
“Make sure to let it stand for a full five minutes before trying to determine the type,” Professor Lim reminds the class as she hands out the paper for the day’s lab. “And make sure not to stab yourselves too deep, you really only need a drop. Now get to it.”
The students all disperse to gather up the supplies for the lab. Chanyeol tells Junmyeon he has to run to the bathroom real quick, so Junmyeon goes ahead and gets everything he needs for their table. As lazy and troublesome Chanyeol can be sometimes, he’s grateful that he gets to continue being lab partners with him in class, instead of always having to work in their project groups. Jinri and Krystal are just…a little too much for him to handle.
Junmyeon has already gotten mostly everything they needs from the different stations at the room, and then goes to the back cabinet to grab one of the microscopes so that they will be able to determine what they’re blood types are. Basically everyone else has already gotten their microscopes, so the only ones left are on the very top shelf, just barely out of Junmyeon’s reach. He sighs and hopes that maybe he’ll have one final growth spurt left in him before his height it finalized.
Junmyeon gets onto his tiptoes, reaching over to try and pull the microscope towards him. He’s a little bit worried that even if he does move it closer to him, it will end up falling and shattering to a million very expensive little pieces that he’d end up having to repay to the school.
“Here,” a low voice says quietly before he feels a presence right next to him. He flattens his feet back down on the floor and looks over to see none other than Kris standing right next to him, like, only a few centimeters away, reaching to easily grab two microscopes out of the cabinet.
He hands one over to Junmyeon without another word. Junmyeon takes it, praying his shaking hands are not noticeable to the other boy.
“Thank you,” he says, then clears his voice when he hears it waver embarrassingly.
“No problem,” Kris replies, a small smile showing on his lips.
Junmyeon feels his entire body heat up at the sight.
Jeez, what is wrong with me? he thinks, wondering if his heartbeat is loud enough for Kris to hear, considering he’s not that far away from him.
The taller boy turns around and heads back to his lab table, microscope in hand. Junmyeon just stands there, frozen, trying to figure out why in the world he is reacting this way to his classmate. He doesn’t even know the guy for goodness sake! He just knows that he has a nice strong jawline and that his nose slopes quite pleasingly and that there was the smallest flex of a muscle that he noticed when Kris had been handing the microscope over to him.
Chanyeol suddenly calls over to him from their table, now returned from the bathroom, giving Junmyeon a confused look.
Junmyeon tries to act as normally as he can for the rest of the class period, but he can’t help thinking about the fact that Kris is right behind him the entire time.
Thankfully, his sweaty hands only cause him to break two microscope slides by the end of the lab. It definitely could have been worse.
~*~*~
“So a little girl and a little boy were at school one day, and the girl asked the boy, ‘wanna play house,’” Junsang’s fiancé is saying during dinner, claiming it was a hilarious joke she had just heard the other day. “The boy said ‘Sure! What do you want me to do?’ The girl replied, ‘I want you to communicate your feelings.’ ‘Communicate my feelings?’ said the bewildered boy, ‘I have no idea what that means.’ The little girl nodded and said ‘perfect, you can be the husband.”
Junmyeon’s parents both guffaw out loud at the punchline, and his older brother smiles and shakes his head, looking over at his soon-to-be wife good-naturedly.
“You definitely found a keeper, my son,” his father says, wiping the tears from his eyes with his thumb. “She’s beautiful, and funny.”
“And a committed child to the Lord,” his mother puts in helpfully.
“God really did bless me with her, huh?” Junsang agrees, looking over admiringly at his fiancé Nayoung. She blushes and looks down bashfully.
“I hope you’ll find a girl like her too one day, Junmyeon,” his father says, finishing off the rest of the rice that was on his plate.
“Oh, I’m positive he will,” his mother replies certainly, smiling at Junmyeon. “He’s a good, kind Christian boy. Any girl would be lucky to have him, and her parents will absolutely adore him.”
“We’ll see,” Junmyeon says, shrugging and suddenly feeling a bit awkward about this conversation. Because even though his older brother seems so happy with his Nayoung, he can’t help but wonder if that’s really something that he wants for his life. Junmyeon always just assumed that was the way he would do things: grow up, go to college, meet a nice girl, get married, have kids, etc. The basic, standard way of doing things, but that’s the problem…it’s just so basic and standard.
Not that he ever really had the urge to live some crazy and wild life, but he’s beginning to wonder if he really does have to do everything so by-the-books? It’s weird, he’s weird, and he can’t help all these weird thoughts that have been plaguing his mind for the past few days.
“Well, if we’re all done eating,” his mother proclaims, clapping her hands together once. “how about we go watch a movie together in the living room?”
“That sounds wonderful,” Nayoung says sweetly, smiling radiantly at the older woman.
“I…have homework,” Junmyeon admits. “Big essay due tomorrow.”
“Oh, well, school does come first, sweetie,” his mom says, nodding.
Junmyeon nods back. “Need any help with clean up?”
“It’s fine, you go get your homework done, Junmyeon,” she allows, and Junmyeon thanks them before excusing himself to his room.
Junmyeon sighs as he stares at the unchanging document, unsure how to wrap up his essay into just a few final sentences. He wanders onto his internet browser to check his email, and maybe look up a few more sites for his anatomy project. He finds one article that looks good, and goes to open it in a new tab. He accidentally clicks on another option, though, and it pops up in a new window with a sly looking mask up at the corner of it.
He knew there was a private browsing option available, but never really felt the need to use it. He never felt the need to look up anything incriminating, and even if he did, it wasn’t like anyone else ever used his laptop.
Junmyeon figures since it’s open, though, he might as well look something up that he’d been wondering about for the past few days anyway.
how do two girls have sex, he types into the address bar before clicking enter, turning around to make sure he’d locked his bedroom door, just in case.
LESBIANS EXPLAIN: How Two Girls Have Sex! the first link says, and he quickly clicks it before chickening out and exiting the window.
It was actually rather…fascinating, all of the information there was about lesbian sex. Even though Junmyeon knew that he was supposed to not be okay with this, that the church was against any sort of same-sex fornicating, he couldn’t help but be intrigued. There were all sorts of things to read about, from how to have fun with sex toys to whether or not tribbing was a real thing. He then looked up tribbing, never having heard the term before, and waited for the results to load.
Needless to say, Junmyeon wound up on a porn website, watching intently as two girls kissed and licked each other and then eventually repositioned themselves to begin rubbing their genitalia against one another's. Junmyeon felt himself blush at what he was watching, headphones in to make sure the sound didn’t carry beyond his room. He felt so dirty, but the thrill of doing something he knew was wrong was also kinda exciting.
After the two girls on his computer screen were done moaning and groaning from what he assumed must have been their orgasms, Junmyeon looks down, suddenly worried about how he may have reacted to what he just saw. He may be quite a bit more innocent and naïve than a lot of boys his age, but he is still in high school, and he still has friends who more than willingly talk about sex and porn and masturbation, so he can’t help but wonder.
But he isn’t...aroused. He places a palm to the front of his pants only to come in contact with his entirely flaccid penis. Junmyeon even unzips his jeans and looks into his underwear, just to be sure. He just can’t help but be curious, remembering a conversation where Chanyeol and Sehun were going on and on about how hot lesbian porn is, how it was their number one choice for what to ‘get off’ to.
But Junmyeon...is not affected. Which he realizes should be a good thing, because what he was doing was wrong, very wrong, and God is looking down on him now with a very heavy heart, that he knows.
Unfortunately, his curiosity is getting the best of him, and so he sends a quick apology to the Big Guy upstairs before clicking another link on the porn site.
~*~*~*~
Junmyeon has had…a lot on his mind lately, and as a result he completely spaced on the double date that he and his friend Jongdae planned with two sweet, pretty girls from TLP.
Thankfully, he managed to pull himself together, dressing up a little nicely with the help of Jongdae’s persistence, and is now currently holding the door open for Chorong, who smiles at him sweetly in gratitude.
The dinner goes great, and Junmyeon really likes Chorong. She’s cute and funny and seems genuinely interested in what he has to say. Similarly, it looks like Jongdae and Bomi are hitting it off quite nicely as well, and he can’t help but be happy for his friend.
And while Chorong is a wonderful girl, Junmyeon simply doesn’t feel that…spark. Isn’t that a thing that’s supposed to happen? He always thought that you were just ‘supposed to know,’ that the feeling would be there with that special someone. Junmyeon has a worrisome idea that he’s already felt said feelings in certain particular cases, but he tries to shake that thought from his head and focus on the story Bomi is telling everyone about her odd math professor.
But Junmyeon is a little lost, not having heard the beginning of the story, and ends up zoning out again. He hopes he still at least looks interested, instead glancing just beyond her shoulder, people-watching the other restaurant-goers.
After a few moments, his stomach suddenly drops, the food he just ate sitting unsettlingly in his stomach. None other than Kris comes walking towards a newly unoccupied table, dressed in all black with a black apron, carrying a black tub in his hands. Junmyeon fleetingly thinks that black really works for him.
And great, just great, his hands are suddenly clamming up and he feels his face get flushed because he’s watching the strong line of Kris’s body as he reaches over the table to gather the used dishes into his container. He’s just so long and graceful and fluid, but also tough and utilitarian and Junmyeon thinks it’s a really wonderful combination of things to be.
“Junmyeon?” Chorong is suddenly shaking his shoulder, breaking him free from his wandering thoughts, and Junmyeon jumps a bit in response. She gives him a questioning look and he tries to just smile normally at her.
“Are you ready to get going?” Jongdae asks him, giving him a questioning look as well. They must have already asked him at least once before this.
“Oh, yeah, I’m ready if you guys are,” he answers, nodding and working to put his sweater back on.
His gaze can’t help but keep drifting back to Kris’s form, moving onto their own table they’d just left to remove their dishes. Junmyeon knows it’s really, really stupid the second he thinks it, but he simply takes note of the fact that Kris is touching something he’d just had his mouth on not too long ago.
~*~*~
“I’ve been noticing an unsettling trend of extreme similarity between many table’s lab reports that you all turn in,” Professor Lim is saying during anatomy class the next day “which you are supposed to complete separately. So I think it’s time we shake things up a bit.”
Junmyeon bats away Chanyeol’s annoying finger poking into his side out of boredom.
“Everyone sitting on the right side of your lab table,” Professor Lim continues, “move one seat back. This will be your new lab partner arrangements for the rest of the year.”
“Later, bro,” Chanyeol says simply as Junmyeon’s heartbeat begins quickening.
The girl who’d been sitting in front of him is standing by his chair impatiently, waiting for him to move so she can sit down in her new spot. Junmyeon clears his throat as he gathers up his school supplies, not daring to steal a glance back at who he knows is his new lab partner.
Junmyeon still doesn’t know why the heck he’s reacting this way, he doesn’t even know Kris. So sure, he knows he has nice broad shoulders and this blonde thing going on with his hair that should be weird but actually works really well for him. But why in the world does he keep getting this weird fluttery feeling in his belly whenever he so much as thinks about the boy?
He quietly places himself into the chair next to Kris, wanting to move it as further away from the taller student as possible, but not wanting to look like he was being rude or anything of that sort.
“Junmyeon, right?” a low, smooth voice says beside him and he wills himself not to let the shiver threatening to run up his spine occur.
“Uh, yeah,” he answers, glancing over at Kris, who’s just sitting there normally, not freaking out like Junmyeon seems to be doing for no particular reason. “You’re…Kris?”
“Yep.” He nods. “Guess we’ll be working together from now on.”
“I guess so.”
Junmyeon thanks but also curses the Lord for making it so.
~*~*~*~
“…for the Lord knows all of his children’s innermost thoughts,” Pastor Hwang is saying during Sunday’s service, “all of our wants, our desires, our opinions that we are unwilling to express out loud.”
Junmyeon shifts uncomfortably in his place on the pew.
“But it is important to keep in mind that God is a forgiving lord,” the pastor reminds the congregation. “And that is why Jesus died on the cross…for the sins of man, for the sins of you…”
And thank God for that, Junmyeon thinks.
~*~*~*~
Why, oh why did I agree to this? Junmyeon thinks desperately as he takes another big swig of his latte, trying to moisten his continuously drying throat.
He blames Chanyeol for his current situation.
“Junmyeon, help me with this last math problem, it’s due next period,” Chanyeol had asked him earlier that day during anatomy when they had some free time at the end of class after lab work.
He willingly pulled a chair up next to his friend and explained it to him, because he was used to doing that for Chanyeol, and also because it meant not having to awkwardly sit next to Kris for the next ten minutes until the bell rang.
“So…does that make sense?” Junmyeon asked Chanyeol after explaining to him how to find the derivative of the equation he was working on.
“It…actually does.” Chanyeol nodded thoughtfully. “Damn, I wish you were my math teacher instead of annoying-ass Professor Song.”
Junmyeon just smiled at him then moved to gather his things when the bell for the end of class sounded. He avoided looking at Kris, having decided to simply keep a strict lab-partner only situation between them. What was the point of small talk when all it did was make Junmyeon all stuttery and blushy around him?
“You’re good at math, Junmyeon?” Kris suddenly said, throwing a wrench in his whole anatomy-lab-only plan.
“Oh, yeah,” Chanyeol answered for him, interfering in on their conversation, even if that wasn’t really what it was. “Junnie is ridiculously good at math, he took Calc-two his freshman year, the nerd.”
Junmyeon tried to hide the blush that resulted from the nickname and taunt Chanyeol was throwing out there.
“Would you maybe consider,” Kris wondered, looking down at Junmyeon curiously, “extending those services to others?”
“Uh…yes?” It came out sounding like a question when it shouldn’t have.
Which is why Junmyeon is now currently sitting at a table in Starbucks trying to keep his hands from shaking as he looks over Kris’s math homework.
“Uhm,” he says quietly when he spots the mistake in the problem. “You made a division error towards the end, but everything before that looks correct.”
“Damn,” Kris mutters, taking the paper back, and their fingers brush for just the briefest of seconds, making Junmyeon’s skin buzz. “Almost…”
“You’re getting there, though,” he tells him encouragingly, already having noticed improvement in what Kris has done so far.
Kris smiles gratefully at the compliment and Junmyeon feels his insides all go mushy.
“You could probably go into teaching or something someday,” Kris says as he erases the part of the problem he messed up to correct it. “You really are good at it.”
“I’ve thought about it,” Junmyeon replies, then clears his throat. “Both my parents are teachers, so…”
“Oh, nice.” Kris nods.
“What about you?” Junmyeon ventures carefully, for some reason awfully worried about the impression he might be leaving on Kris right now. “Know what you wanna do after high school?”
“Eh, I’m not that smart. Clearly.” Kris shrugs. “I’ll probably just continue bussing tables for the rest of my life.”
“Oh, you…are a busser?” Junmyeon asks, even though he kinda already knew, thanks to that one time he saw him doing said job during his date with Chorong. He briefly recalls that she texted him this morning and he hasn’t responded, but the thought passes the second Kris starts speaking again.
“Yeah, just at a restaurant downtown,” he replies, finishing up the problem and handing it back to Junmyeon. He looks over it and nods at the fixed solution, handing the paper right back. “But hey, I’m also pretty skilled at delivering pizzas too.”
“Oh wow, you work two jobs?” Junmyeon can’t even imagine having time for one part-time job, what with school and youth group commitments and choir practices and everything else he has going on.
Kris shrugs again and looks at Junmyeon. “Gotta help mom pay the bills, ya know?”
Junmyeon doesn’t know, but he nods anyway, wondering what that must be like at this age, having that sort of responsibility. It was interesting, seeing this guy who he thought had such a nonchalant, almost cold demeanor turn out to actually be really humble and sweet and it was making Junmyeon’s head spin because he doesn’t know how to deal with all these weird emotions he’s feeling.
“Hey, thanks a lot again for agreeing to help me,” Kris says, giving Junmyeon another small smile and Junmyeon wants to tell him to stop but at the same time he doesn’t. “I really do appreciate it.”
“My pleasure,” Junmyeon responds.
He doesn’t realize just how foreshadowing his words actually are.
~*~*~*~
Junmyeon doesn’t even realize it until he gets home from helping Kris with his math that he’d completely forgotten about the TLP meeting that night. This was the first time in his entire high school career that he missed a meeting, and as president no less. There are a number of missed calls and texts on his phone that he didn’t bother to check till just now, walking home from the café in such a daze. He quickly shoots Sunyoung an apology text that also thanks her for willingly taking over the topic discussion for that night.
Masturbation. Junmyeon was supposed to talk about masturbation tonight at TLP, just like how he remembered Siwon had done all those years ago. He was supposed to explain how sexual acts are intended to occur in a healthy marriage between husband and wife, in purity and holiness, and that masturbation contrasts this, being the point of sexual release without the gifting of a spouse. He was supposed to talk about how if masturbation involves sexual fantasies and/or pornography, then it is certainly not a pure act and is very sinful.
Junmyeon opens up his laptop, suddenly recalling the website he’d been on a while ago, his curiosity peaked.
He gets a private window up on his screen and types in the site address he thinks is right and pressing enter. After a few seconds, the page loads, a whole lot of bare flesh greeting him on the numerous thumbnails that appear.
He quickly just clicks on one of the options, not wanting to think about it too much, not wanting to think about what he’s doing because he knows it’s wrong, he really does, but for some reason just can’t really find it in him to care enough to stop.
Amateur teens vanilla sex, the video he pressed is titled, and Junmyeon adjust his earphones as the video buffers. It starts, and it appears to be a guy and a girl in this video, the camera quality a bit grainy.
Junmyeon watches the video, once again entranced. There’s all this touching and rubbing and at one point the girl has the boy’s penis in her mouth and Junmyeon feels himself get hot all over at the idea of that. And then she’s being penetrated by the boy and it almost looks like she’s hurt at first and Junmyeon is worried, but then she’s encouraging the boy to go, pain morphing to pleasure right before his eyes. He doesn’t even realize he has a palm pressed to the front of his pants until the video is over and he looks down to see what the weird pressure there is.
Junmyeon’s getting an erection and he’s freaking out over it. He’s woken up before with this strange feeling, but always was able to quickly wash it away with a cold shower, and there were those few times when he was younger when he’d wake up with sticky underwear which he later learned what it was thanks to locker room talk during gym classes, but he’d never willingly, personally done something to allow himself to get aroused this way.
He bites his lip as he presses a related video link.
Teen twinks suck each other off, this one is called, and Junmyeon wonders what a twink is as the video begins to play.
It immediately shows a close up of two youngish-looking boys kissing one another, running hands over bare shoulders and backs and one of them is straddled over the other, pale behind fully on display and Junmyeon puts a bit more pressure against himself with the palm of his hand.
And then they’re flipping around into a different position and the one who had been straddling the other is lying comfortably on his backside while the other crawls down his body and takes the other boy’s erection into his mouth and wow Junmyeon thinks, he REALLY looks like he’s enjoying that.
The boy with the penis in his mouth removes said organ from said mouth and smiles up at his partner before licking demurely at the skin around the tip. Junmyeon unbuttons his jeans and reaches a hand inside of his underwear, mimicking the movement of the boy’s tongue over the slit of the other boy by rubbing his thumb over his own slit.
“Ah,” Junmyeon cries out involuntarily, but catches himself and makes sure to keep quiet so as to not get caught by anyone who is home.
The boy returns to allowing the entire penis to slide into his mouth, making obscene slurping motions as he works his tongue around it, and it should be sorta gross, but it's only making Junmyeon squeeze himself harder.
It’s all built up so quickly, this intense, hot pleasure behind Junmyeon’s belly button, and it only takes a few tugs of his wrist and the look on the boy’s face when the boy working on his genitals moans around them before Junmyeon is coming, ejaculating all over the front of his underwear, some of it seeping down onto his tightened fist. He bites his lip to avoid making noise as the feeling washes over him, entirely unlike anything he’s ever experienced before in his life. He continues pumping himself a few times afterwards, breathing hard as the high descends, leaning back in his computer chair, feeling satisfied and a little bit tired all of a sudden.
Oh my GOD, Junmyeon thinks, that was really incredible.
A second later, he once again thinks, oh my GOD, I just masturbated, masturbating is a sin, this was so wrong of me, what am I going to do, I am a terrible Christian boy!!!
He quickly exits out of the porn site and types guilt after masturbation into his search engine. There’s a handy looking option, a site designed for Christian teens that he clicks on and begins to read about hormones and “natural urges.”
"While masturbation itself isn’t immoral," the passage says, "the sexual fantasies that usually go with it may be."
Junmyeon is pretty sure his definitely were immoral, because it was two boys doing naughty things with one another.
“And even worse, doing it while simultaneously looking at and/or watching porn makes it an unjustifiable act.”
Welp.
He goes back to the original results and clicks on another result link.
"No one should ever feel guilty about pleasuring oneself!" this one claims, and even that one sentence gives Junmyeon a small sense of relief already. "Self-loving is an entirely normal, natural, enjoyable and fun thing! "
Junmyeon feels somewhat better after reading this site’s article, realizing that it really is something that everyone seems to do. And wow, why had it taken him so long to do so? It was so very…releasing. Maybe that was the wrong word, he wasn’t sure.
He goes ahead and clicks on one of the discussion board links on the side to see what other people are saying.
great masturbation/prep two-in-one trick! it’s titled, and the first post reads:
before I go to see the bae, I always make sure to do an enema, because, well…ya know ;) last time I did it, I was shocked by a very pleasant surprise of getting it to hit just that right spot and HOLY SHIT it ended up being the best masturbation sessions of my entire life. any of you other fags got any other tips like this for us? ;)
Junmyeon is a little bit confused about some points of the post, so he opens another tab and looks up enema to see what it is.
An enema, he reads on his laptop screen, is a fluid injected into the lower bowel by way of rectum, most commonly used as a cleansing procedure.
Oh, Junmyeon thinks, realizing it’s pretty straightforward. But what did that guy mean then…
It doesn’t take long as he skims down the page to get his answer.
Enemas can be pleasurable to males in particular because they are able to stimulate the prostate gland.
He didn’t even know the prostate gland was something that felt pleasure. It made him a little bit curious…
An enema can also, Junmyeon continues reading, intrigued, be used prior to anal sex or anilingus in order to enhance the sensation of intercourse…
Junmyeon feels himself blush at the words “anal sex.” But he’s a little confused about the other word, so he opens another tab once again and types in anilingus.
He ends up on another porn site.
OH MY GOD, Junmyeon thinks as the video plays, because it’s so so dirty and filthy and wrong and he can’t believe that people actually do this but he can’t for the life of him tear his eyes away from the screen.
He suddenly understands what Chanyeol is actually crudely referring to when he tells Baekhyun to “eat his ass, douchebag.”
That guy’s mouth is on that other guy’s butthole!!! Junmyeon’s head is screaming in absolute shock and fascination and the brunette guy who is receiving the…action looks like it is so very enjoyable to him, seeing as he’s clutching the bed sheets below him and rocking back in his place on all fours into the blonde guys face.
“Fuck, yes, just like that,” the guy moans, and Junmyeon’s body starts tingling.
Junmyeon’s curious little mind wanders off to the idea that the one guy has brown hair and looks kinda short-ish while the other guy is blonde and looks taller and all of a sudden he’s picturing him and Kris in place of the boys on screen and OH NO ABORT MISSION THAT IS NOT OKAY THAT IS SO WRONG JUNMYEON WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM.
He looks down and whimpers at the sight of another tent forming in his underwear.
Junmyeon thinks of the quote from The Book of Matthew he’d been planning on reciting earlier tonight at TLP: “But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Well, he thinks feebly, reaching into his underwear with a still slightly sticky hand and gripping himself, at least it’s not a woman I’m looking at with lust then…
~*~*~*~
Junmyeon can’t even pretend that he’s listening to what Chanyeol is blabbering on about as they walk to their anatomy classroom, because he’s freaking out over the fact that he’s going to have to sit next to Kris for the next 55 minutes of his life, Kris, who he imagined while masturbating last night whilst also finally realizing/admitting to himself that he’s gay, he’s so, so gay and his world feels like it’s caving in on him and the last thing he wants is to be a stuttering, blushing, gay mess around Kris for the next class period, but he knows that’s exactly what is about to happen.
He sinks into his seat, grateful that Kris isn’t there yet, as Chanyeol continues speaking to him from his own seat.
But then Kris is placing himself in the seat next to Junmyeon and the boy’s entire body immediately catches fire because he’s has the most indecent thoughts about this guy and it’s really not okay, and he’s sure Kris would be entirely disgusted with him if he knew what sorts of ideas ran through his mind.
“Hello, Junmyeon?” Chanyeol’s voice says as he waves a hand in front of his face. He snaps out of it and looks at his friend.
“What?” he asks him, then clears his throat and tries to pretend Kris is not right there just mere centimeters away from him.
“Are you…okay?” Chanyeol is suddenly wondering, giving him a concerned look. “You look…like all weird, do you want me to take you to the nurse or something?”
“You do look sort of feverish or something,” Kris agrees and Junmyeon literally nearly has a heart attack when his lab partner reaches over and places a warm hand against his forehead.
“Nurse, yeah, nurse,” Junmyeon immediately decides, quickly standing up from his chair because if he’d allowed Kris’s hand on his skin for another second he might have lost it more than he already is losing it. “I…nurse.” He rushes out of the room, just barely catching sight of the completely perplexed looks on both Chanyeol’s and Kris’s faces.
He locks himself in the bathroom stall for the entire class period and tries to keep himself from crying.
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Part 2
Fandom: exo
Pairing: kris/junmyeon
Word count: 16,850
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: sex, crack, kinda homophobia, overtly religious stuff
Summary: Junmyeon, president of the True Love’s Pure club, never thought something like a new exchange student showing up during his last semester of high school would have the ability to entirely turn his life upside down.
A/N: THIS IS THE LONGEST THING I’VE EVER WRITTEN AND IT’S SO DUMB OMG DON’T READ THIS
I think I actually read somewhere once that Junmyeon said he was an atheist…? Welp. this is just crack, please don’t take it seriously at all don’t take anything I write seriously please
Also I couldn’t for the life of me find anywhere that said what Junmyeon’s older brother’s name is, so I dub the Junsang just because it has a similar syllable which is something they seem to kinda do there so yeah.
~*~*~*~
“Junmyeon, my boy!” Pastor Hwang says as Junmyeon approaches the older man after service, smiling politely like always. “Happy new year.”
“Same to you, sir,” Junmyeon replies, shaking his hand and giving a small bow. “I just wanted to say that I thoroughly enjoyed the sermon today, sir.”
“Well, thank you, Junmyeon,” Pastor Hwang says gratefully, clapping Junmyeon on the shoulder. “TLP meetings will continue to take place over in the youth building this semester, correct?”
“As long as you’re still okay with us gathering there, then yes,” Junmyeon answers him, nodding. “Next meeting will be this upcoming Wednesday.”
“Of course I’m okay with it!” the pastor says forcefully. “I cannot tell you how great I think it is that you kids have a place to have good, clean fun and discussions. With all the temptation and negative influences out there in the world nowadays…” Pastor Hwang shakes his head in dismay. “Well, I know I don’t have to worry about that with you, young man.”
“The Lord gives me strength to resist, sir,” Junmyeon assures him with another smile.
“And He always will,” Pastor Hwang declares before going off to mingle with other members of the congregation.
~*~*~*~
Junmyeon had been rather pleased when he became president for the True Love’s Pure club during his senior year of high school. TLP was a originally started by a small group of students from his church a number of years back, as a way to promote abstinence and waiting for true love to come along in order to avoid engaging in such sinful acts before one was ready. Having grown up going to church, reading scripture and attending youth group, it was no surprise that Junmyeon had easily agreed to going to the first meeting during his freshman year of high school.
“Sex is for marriage,” the president at the time, a senior boy named Siwon, had said sternly to the young men listening intently to him in the room. The boys and girls had been separated for the night, due to slightly taboo subjects of discussion. “Sex within marriage is good, but any other sexual activity is a distortion of that goodness. That’s why activities such as adultery and casual sex are condemned.”
“Why the fuck did you drag me to this?” Junmyeon heard the boy next to him mumble to his friend on the other side. He was pretty sure this guy sitting next to him was another senior boy he’d seen around school a bit named Heechul.
“I thought you said you thought Siwon was really hot,” the other boy whispered back and Junmyeon started at the idea. A boy thinking Siwon was hot?
Well, now that he thought about it, Siwon was definitely conventionally attractive, even he could see that. Tall and broad, with definite muscle that could even be seen through his pastel yellow polo shirt he was wearing. Junmyeon tilted his head to the side and watched as Siwon’s strong jaw clenched and unclenched powerfully as he went on about the importance of suppressing the urge to masturbate.
“Perving at girls at school or at the beach or looking at pornography - these are the sorts of things that will fuel desire,” Siwon preached passionately, “and while masturbation can help find momentary sexual release when we cannot control our desire nor satisfy it through a martial relationship, that’s the thing - it’s only temporary. Engaging in this sinful, offensive act will only lead to further sinning.”
“At least ‘sinning’ is a hell of a lot more entertaining than this bullshit,” Heechul murmured, clearly annoyed. Junmyeon couldn’t help the fleeting thought of what sort of "sinning" Heechul had already engaged in, at such a young age.
Siwon finished up his speech and announced that it was time for a snack break. Junmyeon got up and couldn’t help but glance over at Heechul, who was begging his friend to let them leave already.
“Come on, Kyuhyun, you’re killing me here,” he pled, tugging at the other boys arm. That caused him to turn and face his direction, Junmyeon catching sight of the other student.
For some reason, Junmyeon’s heart started beating faster within his chest. He looked at Kyuhyun, all tall and lanky with hooded eyes and a bored look on his face, and something about him sent tingles to places in Junmyeon’s body that he never even realized could tingle.
He was confused. He couldn’t stop staring at Kyuhyun’s lips as they responded to Heechul, unable to make out what they were saying, just the way they were moving, languid and soft-looking. Junmyeon could hear his heart beating all the way in his head now, making it hard to hear anything else going on around him. He just watched as the older boy’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down while he spoke, skin so pale and soft looking, but that lead right down to strong-looking shoulders and thin but-
“Junmyeon, right?” he suddenly heard from behind, startling him out of his staring. He whipped around, heart racing in his chest, only to find Siwon standing behind him with a kind smile on his face.
“Hi, yes, I am…Junmyeon,” he answered, nodding vigorously and trying to shake whatever weird thoughts that had just been in his head away.
“Well, I’m glad to see you here at the meeting tonight,” Siwon told him earnestly, handing him a cup of punch. Junmyeon took it gratefully, realizing then how dry his throat had become. “I’ve seen you in church, and wondered if you’d be joining us once you entered high school.”
“Yep, well, here I am,” Junmyeon replied, nodding his head some more.
Siwon just smiled at him once more, saying they’d start back up again soon before going off to socialize with some other club members. Junmyeon glanced over his shoulder, watching as Heechul and Kyuhyun walked out of the door, something for which he was slightly grateful about, but also slightly disappointed about for some reason.
~*~*~*~
Junmyeon never saw Kyuhyun at another meeting after that night, and he never bothered to worry about whatever weird reaction he’d had at to the older boy at the time. He’d had the initial fleeting thought that what he’d felt towards Kyuhyun was…attraction, but quickly tossed that idea aside, knowing it was impossible.
Sure, Junmyeon knows that homosexuality is something that exists out there in the world (he still can’t help but wonder a little bit about that Heechul guy), especially nowadays. But it’s not like knowing that a guy is attractive makes him gay or anything, right? Just because he notices how nicely heart-shaped his fellow choir-member Kyungsoo’s lips are whenever he sings the toughest notes, or the fluid movements of Jongin’s long body when he’s doing his dancing, doesn’t mean anything. He’s just...noticing is all. He notices the high cheekbones on Jongdae’s face, and Baekhyun’s endless-looking fingers as they cascade gracefully over the piano keys, or Sehun’s weird but sort of cute and endearing tongue habit where he can’t seem to keep in in his mouth, like ever.
Nope, not gay. Just observations.
Because he also noticed just how pretty Pastor Hwang’s daughter, Miyoung, always looked, eyes crinkling enchantingly when she smiled, shiny hair always falling beautifully down her back. Or Yoona-noona’s gorgeous face whenever she graced him with a moment of her time before she’d graduated, as well as Sooyoung’s tall, slender body with legs that seemed to go on for days.
Not...not that he was ever lusting after these girls! Because Junmyeon knows that’s wrong, that having impure thoughts about women was offensive and heartbreaking to God.
“-Junmyeon,” he suddenly hears his anatomy teacher say, breaking him free from his overactive thoughts, “and Krystal are group three.”
“Lucky,” his friend Chanyeol grumbles beside him. “You get to work with two hot chicks while I’m stuck with Baekhyun and Jongdae.”
“But they’re your friends,” Junmyeon whispers back, confused. “Wait, who am I working with? I didn’t hear.”
“Krystal and Jinri,” Chanyeol tells him wistfully, jealously. “At least if I were working with them, I’d try to tap that-”
“Excuse me, Professor Lim,” comes a voice from the back of the classroom, and everyone immediately turns around, attention now on the class interruption that was Lee Jinki. “I have a new student of yours that I just finished showing around the school. This is his class for this period. His name is Kris.”
Behind Jinki, a tall student walks through the door, towering over the other boy’s frame. Junmyeon just stares, stomach twisting in on itself, at blonde hair and thick eyebrows and a brooding expression that he can’t help but suddenly wonder about.
Oh, no, Junmyeon thinks, realizing this is similar, only like ten times more intense to the feeling he’d had all those years ago with that Kyuhyun guy. His heart is suddenly pounding significantly louder and quicker as he continues looking at Kris, standing there all casually in his dark jeans and thin gray T-shirt, and wow his shoulders are nice and broad but not like too broad, like he doesn’t look too intimidating or anything-
“You can sit by Victoria, Kris,” Professor Lim tells him, waving her hand at the lab table behind Chanyeol and Junmyeon’s. “And I’ll also go ahead and put you in her group along with Minseok, alright?”
“Okay,” Kris’s low voice answers briefly, and Junmyeon feels the clenching in his stomach intensify. The tall boy goes over and takes his place next to Victoria, who greets him with a warm smile.
Junmyeon faces the front of the class again when he hears everyone else do the same, wiping his suddenly clammy palms on his jeans as he tries his hardest to focus on what the teacher is going on about now.
~*~*~*~
“...modesty leads to virtue and helps protect against immortality,” Sunyoung is explaining, having been chosen as the speaker for tonight’s topic at the TLP meeting. “The dress of a woman has a powerful impact upon the minds and passions of men.” Some of the boys hung their heads shamefully in response. “If it is too low or too high or too tight, it may prompt improper thoughts, even in the mind of a young man who is striving to stay pure. So girls, it is up to us to assist these thoughts from steering clear of boy’s minds by practicing modesty in our daily dress. And boys, it is up to you…”
Junmyeon’s mind suddenly starts to wander, thinking about necklines, not particularly in terms of female’s necklines, but the one he remembers seeing earlier that day on Kris’s plain gray t-shirt. It was sort of low, cut in a V-neck sort of style and showed off his collar bones quite pleasantly. Junmyeon couldn’t help but think about how nice his collar bones were, never really having thought about that particular part of a person before.
“...one physical representation of covenants that can be found in biblical history are rainbows,” Sunyoung is saying now, “which signify God’s promise to never destroy the Earth with floods...”
Junmyeon then starts thinking about rainbows. He likes rainbows...he always has. It’s always nice going out after a large bout of rain and seeing all the bright colors slashed through the sky and clouds.
Yeah. Junmyeon thinks that he’s definitely a rainbow kind of a guy.
~*~*~
“Anyone have any ideas for what disease we should do?” Jinri asks, sounding bored as she stirs the whip cream around in her mocha drink.
“I’m okay with anything,” Junmyeon says, willing to be lenient about this project. He figures they should just pick something common so there will be a lot of information on it and go with it.
“Let’s just do...pneumonia, like, who cares?” Krystal decides, standing up from her chair. “I’m gonna go grab a coffee.”
She walks away, and Junmyeon goes ahead and types in ‘pneumonia’ into his search engine on his laptop.
“I’m just gonna use her computer since I didn’t bring mine,” Jinri says, reaching over and grabbing Krystal’s computer from her spot on their table at the café they’d all decided to meet at. “Awwwww,” she coos when the screen is facing her. She turns it so Junmyeon can see. “Look at her cute little puppy."
Junmyeon smiles at the wallpaper picture of a small dog looking happy with its tongue hanging out of his mouth.
“Krystal, your dog is so cute!” Jinri gushes when Krystal returns with a covered cup in her hands.
“Isn’t he, though?” Krystal agrees, sipping her drink and not even commenting on the fact that Jinri took her computer without permission. Junmyeon just figures they’re close enough friends.
“Do you have any dogs, Junmyeon?” Jinri asks curiously, fiddling around on Krystal’s laptop as the other girl fiddles around on her phone instead.
“Yeah, my family has a couple of dogs,” he answers simply, skimming over one of the pneumonia articles he’d opened up.
“I think my dog is gay,” Jinri suddenly announces, sounding so calm and casual about the idea. “He only ever humps guy dogs at the park, not girls.”
Junmyeon feels his face heat up at the turn this conversation has suddenly taken.
“Is that even possible?” Krystal asks, not actually sounding all too interested.
“I’m about to find out,” Jinri replies, typing away on the laptop and taking a moment to look at the screen. “Well, here it says that 'while dogs can be gay, sometimes dogs will mount each other to express dominance, just for play, or because they are nervous or excited.'”
“I could make a gay guy comparison here,” Krystal snorts, “but that would be too easy.”
“Krystal, what if you made your dog gay?” Jinri suggests, smiling playfully at the idea. “Then our dogs could be boyfriends!”
“How am I supposed to ‘make my dog gay’?” Krystal questions, looking at Jinri like she’s stupid. “It’s not like I can rub the gay off of me onto him.”
“Maybe Amber-unnie could?” Jinri replies, shrugging. “She seems a lot gayer than you.”
“Even if it did work that way, we’re both into girls, so I don’t think it would effectively make my boy dog like other boy dogs,” Krystal finalizes, rolling her eyes. “Now hush, you’re making Junmyeon uncomfortable.”
“I’m not…” Junmyeon shakes his head, pretending to be totally cool and collected. “I’m just…reading up on pneumonia.”
“Oh, yeah, you’re like mega-religious or whatever, right?” Jinri suddenly recalls, nodding her head. “You run that abstinence club thingy or something.”
“True Love’s Pure,” Junmyeon clarifies, then takes the opportunity to publicize a little bit. “You guys are always welcome to come to one of our meetings if you’d like?”
Jinri laughs out loud, asking, “Don’t you have to be, like, a virgin, though?”
“Well, whoops,” Krystal shrugs, “Amber kinda messed up my chances of becoming a TLP member a long time ago, then.”
Junmyeon has the urge to ask her, but how can two girls have sex with each other?, but decides he doesn’t really want to get laughed at again tonight.
He turns back to the thrilling articles about pneumonia he’s been reading, and just hopes he can make it through the rest of this project meeting with these girls.
~*~*~
“Make sure to let it stand for a full five minutes before trying to determine the type,” Professor Lim reminds the class as she hands out the paper for the day’s lab. “And make sure not to stab yourselves too deep, you really only need a drop. Now get to it.”
The students all disperse to gather up the supplies for the lab. Chanyeol tells Junmyeon he has to run to the bathroom real quick, so Junmyeon goes ahead and gets everything he needs for their table. As lazy and troublesome Chanyeol can be sometimes, he’s grateful that he gets to continue being lab partners with him in class, instead of always having to work in their project groups. Jinri and Krystal are just…a little too much for him to handle.
Junmyeon has already gotten mostly everything they needs from the different stations at the room, and then goes to the back cabinet to grab one of the microscopes so that they will be able to determine what they’re blood types are. Basically everyone else has already gotten their microscopes, so the only ones left are on the very top shelf, just barely out of Junmyeon’s reach. He sighs and hopes that maybe he’ll have one final growth spurt left in him before his height it finalized.
Junmyeon gets onto his tiptoes, reaching over to try and pull the microscope towards him. He’s a little bit worried that even if he does move it closer to him, it will end up falling and shattering to a million very expensive little pieces that he’d end up having to repay to the school.
“Here,” a low voice says quietly before he feels a presence right next to him. He flattens his feet back down on the floor and looks over to see none other than Kris standing right next to him, like, only a few centimeters away, reaching to easily grab two microscopes out of the cabinet.
He hands one over to Junmyeon without another word. Junmyeon takes it, praying his shaking hands are not noticeable to the other boy.
“Thank you,” he says, then clears his voice when he hears it waver embarrassingly.
“No problem,” Kris replies, a small smile showing on his lips.
Junmyeon feels his entire body heat up at the sight.
Jeez, what is wrong with me? he thinks, wondering if his heartbeat is loud enough for Kris to hear, considering he’s not that far away from him.
The taller boy turns around and heads back to his lab table, microscope in hand. Junmyeon just stands there, frozen, trying to figure out why in the world he is reacting this way to his classmate. He doesn’t even know the guy for goodness sake! He just knows that he has a nice strong jawline and that his nose slopes quite pleasingly and that there was the smallest flex of a muscle that he noticed when Kris had been handing the microscope over to him.
Chanyeol suddenly calls over to him from their table, now returned from the bathroom, giving Junmyeon a confused look.
Junmyeon tries to act as normally as he can for the rest of the class period, but he can’t help thinking about the fact that Kris is right behind him the entire time.
Thankfully, his sweaty hands only cause him to break two microscope slides by the end of the lab. It definitely could have been worse.
~*~*~
“So a little girl and a little boy were at school one day, and the girl asked the boy, ‘wanna play house,’” Junsang’s fiancé is saying during dinner, claiming it was a hilarious joke she had just heard the other day. “The boy said ‘Sure! What do you want me to do?’ The girl replied, ‘I want you to communicate your feelings.’ ‘Communicate my feelings?’ said the bewildered boy, ‘I have no idea what that means.’ The little girl nodded and said ‘perfect, you can be the husband.”
Junmyeon’s parents both guffaw out loud at the punchline, and his older brother smiles and shakes his head, looking over at his soon-to-be wife good-naturedly.
“You definitely found a keeper, my son,” his father says, wiping the tears from his eyes with his thumb. “She’s beautiful, and funny.”
“And a committed child to the Lord,” his mother puts in helpfully.
“God really did bless me with her, huh?” Junsang agrees, looking over admiringly at his fiancé Nayoung. She blushes and looks down bashfully.
“I hope you’ll find a girl like her too one day, Junmyeon,” his father says, finishing off the rest of the rice that was on his plate.
“Oh, I’m positive he will,” his mother replies certainly, smiling at Junmyeon. “He’s a good, kind Christian boy. Any girl would be lucky to have him, and her parents will absolutely adore him.”
“We’ll see,” Junmyeon says, shrugging and suddenly feeling a bit awkward about this conversation. Because even though his older brother seems so happy with his Nayoung, he can’t help but wonder if that’s really something that he wants for his life. Junmyeon always just assumed that was the way he would do things: grow up, go to college, meet a nice girl, get married, have kids, etc. The basic, standard way of doing things, but that’s the problem…it’s just so basic and standard.
Not that he ever really had the urge to live some crazy and wild life, but he’s beginning to wonder if he really does have to do everything so by-the-books? It’s weird, he’s weird, and he can’t help all these weird thoughts that have been plaguing his mind for the past few days.
“Well, if we’re all done eating,” his mother proclaims, clapping her hands together once. “how about we go watch a movie together in the living room?”
“That sounds wonderful,” Nayoung says sweetly, smiling radiantly at the older woman.
“I…have homework,” Junmyeon admits. “Big essay due tomorrow.”
“Oh, well, school does come first, sweetie,” his mom says, nodding.
Junmyeon nods back. “Need any help with clean up?”
“It’s fine, you go get your homework done, Junmyeon,” she allows, and Junmyeon thanks them before excusing himself to his room.
Junmyeon sighs as he stares at the unchanging document, unsure how to wrap up his essay into just a few final sentences. He wanders onto his internet browser to check his email, and maybe look up a few more sites for his anatomy project. He finds one article that looks good, and goes to open it in a new tab. He accidentally clicks on another option, though, and it pops up in a new window with a sly looking mask up at the corner of it.
He knew there was a private browsing option available, but never really felt the need to use it. He never felt the need to look up anything incriminating, and even if he did, it wasn’t like anyone else ever used his laptop.
Junmyeon figures since it’s open, though, he might as well look something up that he’d been wondering about for the past few days anyway.
how do two girls have sex, he types into the address bar before clicking enter, turning around to make sure he’d locked his bedroom door, just in case.
LESBIANS EXPLAIN: How Two Girls Have Sex! the first link says, and he quickly clicks it before chickening out and exiting the window.
It was actually rather…fascinating, all of the information there was about lesbian sex. Even though Junmyeon knew that he was supposed to not be okay with this, that the church was against any sort of same-sex fornicating, he couldn’t help but be intrigued. There were all sorts of things to read about, from how to have fun with sex toys to whether or not tribbing was a real thing. He then looked up tribbing, never having heard the term before, and waited for the results to load.
Needless to say, Junmyeon wound up on a porn website, watching intently as two girls kissed and licked each other and then eventually repositioned themselves to begin rubbing their genitalia against one another's. Junmyeon felt himself blush at what he was watching, headphones in to make sure the sound didn’t carry beyond his room. He felt so dirty, but the thrill of doing something he knew was wrong was also kinda exciting.
After the two girls on his computer screen were done moaning and groaning from what he assumed must have been their orgasms, Junmyeon looks down, suddenly worried about how he may have reacted to what he just saw. He may be quite a bit more innocent and naïve than a lot of boys his age, but he is still in high school, and he still has friends who more than willingly talk about sex and porn and masturbation, so he can’t help but wonder.
But he isn’t...aroused. He places a palm to the front of his pants only to come in contact with his entirely flaccid penis. Junmyeon even unzips his jeans and looks into his underwear, just to be sure. He just can’t help but be curious, remembering a conversation where Chanyeol and Sehun were going on and on about how hot lesbian porn is, how it was their number one choice for what to ‘get off’ to.
But Junmyeon...is not affected. Which he realizes should be a good thing, because what he was doing was wrong, very wrong, and God is looking down on him now with a very heavy heart, that he knows.
Unfortunately, his curiosity is getting the best of him, and so he sends a quick apology to the Big Guy upstairs before clicking another link on the porn site.
~*~*~*~
Junmyeon has had…a lot on his mind lately, and as a result he completely spaced on the double date that he and his friend Jongdae planned with two sweet, pretty girls from TLP.
Thankfully, he managed to pull himself together, dressing up a little nicely with the help of Jongdae’s persistence, and is now currently holding the door open for Chorong, who smiles at him sweetly in gratitude.
The dinner goes great, and Junmyeon really likes Chorong. She’s cute and funny and seems genuinely interested in what he has to say. Similarly, it looks like Jongdae and Bomi are hitting it off quite nicely as well, and he can’t help but be happy for his friend.
And while Chorong is a wonderful girl, Junmyeon simply doesn’t feel that…spark. Isn’t that a thing that’s supposed to happen? He always thought that you were just ‘supposed to know,’ that the feeling would be there with that special someone. Junmyeon has a worrisome idea that he’s already felt said feelings in certain particular cases, but he tries to shake that thought from his head and focus on the story Bomi is telling everyone about her odd math professor.
But Junmyeon is a little lost, not having heard the beginning of the story, and ends up zoning out again. He hopes he still at least looks interested, instead glancing just beyond her shoulder, people-watching the other restaurant-goers.
After a few moments, his stomach suddenly drops, the food he just ate sitting unsettlingly in his stomach. None other than Kris comes walking towards a newly unoccupied table, dressed in all black with a black apron, carrying a black tub in his hands. Junmyeon fleetingly thinks that black really works for him.
And great, just great, his hands are suddenly clamming up and he feels his face get flushed because he’s watching the strong line of Kris’s body as he reaches over the table to gather the used dishes into his container. He’s just so long and graceful and fluid, but also tough and utilitarian and Junmyeon thinks it’s a really wonderful combination of things to be.
“Junmyeon?” Chorong is suddenly shaking his shoulder, breaking him free from his wandering thoughts, and Junmyeon jumps a bit in response. She gives him a questioning look and he tries to just smile normally at her.
“Are you ready to get going?” Jongdae asks him, giving him a questioning look as well. They must have already asked him at least once before this.
“Oh, yeah, I’m ready if you guys are,” he answers, nodding and working to put his sweater back on.
His gaze can’t help but keep drifting back to Kris’s form, moving onto their own table they’d just left to remove their dishes. Junmyeon knows it’s really, really stupid the second he thinks it, but he simply takes note of the fact that Kris is touching something he’d just had his mouth on not too long ago.
~*~*~
“I’ve been noticing an unsettling trend of extreme similarity between many table’s lab reports that you all turn in,” Professor Lim is saying during anatomy class the next day “which you are supposed to complete separately. So I think it’s time we shake things up a bit.”
Junmyeon bats away Chanyeol’s annoying finger poking into his side out of boredom.
“Everyone sitting on the right side of your lab table,” Professor Lim continues, “move one seat back. This will be your new lab partner arrangements for the rest of the year.”
“Later, bro,” Chanyeol says simply as Junmyeon’s heartbeat begins quickening.
The girl who’d been sitting in front of him is standing by his chair impatiently, waiting for him to move so she can sit down in her new spot. Junmyeon clears his throat as he gathers up his school supplies, not daring to steal a glance back at who he knows is his new lab partner.
Junmyeon still doesn’t know why the heck he’s reacting this way, he doesn’t even know Kris. So sure, he knows he has nice broad shoulders and this blonde thing going on with his hair that should be weird but actually works really well for him. But why in the world does he keep getting this weird fluttery feeling in his belly whenever he so much as thinks about the boy?
He quietly places himself into the chair next to Kris, wanting to move it as further away from the taller student as possible, but not wanting to look like he was being rude or anything of that sort.
“Junmyeon, right?” a low, smooth voice says beside him and he wills himself not to let the shiver threatening to run up his spine occur.
“Uh, yeah,” he answers, glancing over at Kris, who’s just sitting there normally, not freaking out like Junmyeon seems to be doing for no particular reason. “You’re…Kris?”
“Yep.” He nods. “Guess we’ll be working together from now on.”
“I guess so.”
Junmyeon thanks but also curses the Lord for making it so.
~*~*~*~
“…for the Lord knows all of his children’s innermost thoughts,” Pastor Hwang is saying during Sunday’s service, “all of our wants, our desires, our opinions that we are unwilling to express out loud.”
Junmyeon shifts uncomfortably in his place on the pew.
“But it is important to keep in mind that God is a forgiving lord,” the pastor reminds the congregation. “And that is why Jesus died on the cross…for the sins of man, for the sins of you…”
And thank God for that, Junmyeon thinks.
~*~*~*~
Why, oh why did I agree to this? Junmyeon thinks desperately as he takes another big swig of his latte, trying to moisten his continuously drying throat.
He blames Chanyeol for his current situation.
“Junmyeon, help me with this last math problem, it’s due next period,” Chanyeol had asked him earlier that day during anatomy when they had some free time at the end of class after lab work.
He willingly pulled a chair up next to his friend and explained it to him, because he was used to doing that for Chanyeol, and also because it meant not having to awkwardly sit next to Kris for the next ten minutes until the bell rang.
“So…does that make sense?” Junmyeon asked Chanyeol after explaining to him how to find the derivative of the equation he was working on.
“It…actually does.” Chanyeol nodded thoughtfully. “Damn, I wish you were my math teacher instead of annoying-ass Professor Song.”
Junmyeon just smiled at him then moved to gather his things when the bell for the end of class sounded. He avoided looking at Kris, having decided to simply keep a strict lab-partner only situation between them. What was the point of small talk when all it did was make Junmyeon all stuttery and blushy around him?
“You’re good at math, Junmyeon?” Kris suddenly said, throwing a wrench in his whole anatomy-lab-only plan.
“Oh, yeah,” Chanyeol answered for him, interfering in on their conversation, even if that wasn’t really what it was. “Junnie is ridiculously good at math, he took Calc-two his freshman year, the nerd.”
Junmyeon tried to hide the blush that resulted from the nickname and taunt Chanyeol was throwing out there.
“Would you maybe consider,” Kris wondered, looking down at Junmyeon curiously, “extending those services to others?”
“Uh…yes?” It came out sounding like a question when it shouldn’t have.
Which is why Junmyeon is now currently sitting at a table in Starbucks trying to keep his hands from shaking as he looks over Kris’s math homework.
“Uhm,” he says quietly when he spots the mistake in the problem. “You made a division error towards the end, but everything before that looks correct.”
“Damn,” Kris mutters, taking the paper back, and their fingers brush for just the briefest of seconds, making Junmyeon’s skin buzz. “Almost…”
“You’re getting there, though,” he tells him encouragingly, already having noticed improvement in what Kris has done so far.
Kris smiles gratefully at the compliment and Junmyeon feels his insides all go mushy.
“You could probably go into teaching or something someday,” Kris says as he erases the part of the problem he messed up to correct it. “You really are good at it.”
“I’ve thought about it,” Junmyeon replies, then clears his throat. “Both my parents are teachers, so…”
“Oh, nice.” Kris nods.
“What about you?” Junmyeon ventures carefully, for some reason awfully worried about the impression he might be leaving on Kris right now. “Know what you wanna do after high school?”
“Eh, I’m not that smart. Clearly.” Kris shrugs. “I’ll probably just continue bussing tables for the rest of my life.”
“Oh, you…are a busser?” Junmyeon asks, even though he kinda already knew, thanks to that one time he saw him doing said job during his date with Chorong. He briefly recalls that she texted him this morning and he hasn’t responded, but the thought passes the second Kris starts speaking again.
“Yeah, just at a restaurant downtown,” he replies, finishing up the problem and handing it back to Junmyeon. He looks over it and nods at the fixed solution, handing the paper right back. “But hey, I’m also pretty skilled at delivering pizzas too.”
“Oh wow, you work two jobs?” Junmyeon can’t even imagine having time for one part-time job, what with school and youth group commitments and choir practices and everything else he has going on.
Kris shrugs again and looks at Junmyeon. “Gotta help mom pay the bills, ya know?”
Junmyeon doesn’t know, but he nods anyway, wondering what that must be like at this age, having that sort of responsibility. It was interesting, seeing this guy who he thought had such a nonchalant, almost cold demeanor turn out to actually be really humble and sweet and it was making Junmyeon’s head spin because he doesn’t know how to deal with all these weird emotions he’s feeling.
“Hey, thanks a lot again for agreeing to help me,” Kris says, giving Junmyeon another small smile and Junmyeon wants to tell him to stop but at the same time he doesn’t. “I really do appreciate it.”
“My pleasure,” Junmyeon responds.
He doesn’t realize just how foreshadowing his words actually are.
~*~*~*~
Junmyeon doesn’t even realize it until he gets home from helping Kris with his math that he’d completely forgotten about the TLP meeting that night. This was the first time in his entire high school career that he missed a meeting, and as president no less. There are a number of missed calls and texts on his phone that he didn’t bother to check till just now, walking home from the café in such a daze. He quickly shoots Sunyoung an apology text that also thanks her for willingly taking over the topic discussion for that night.
Masturbation. Junmyeon was supposed to talk about masturbation tonight at TLP, just like how he remembered Siwon had done all those years ago. He was supposed to explain how sexual acts are intended to occur in a healthy marriage between husband and wife, in purity and holiness, and that masturbation contrasts this, being the point of sexual release without the gifting of a spouse. He was supposed to talk about how if masturbation involves sexual fantasies and/or pornography, then it is certainly not a pure act and is very sinful.
Junmyeon opens up his laptop, suddenly recalling the website he’d been on a while ago, his curiosity peaked.
He gets a private window up on his screen and types in the site address he thinks is right and pressing enter. After a few seconds, the page loads, a whole lot of bare flesh greeting him on the numerous thumbnails that appear.
He quickly just clicks on one of the options, not wanting to think about it too much, not wanting to think about what he’s doing because he knows it’s wrong, he really does, but for some reason just can’t really find it in him to care enough to stop.
Amateur teens vanilla sex, the video he pressed is titled, and Junmyeon adjust his earphones as the video buffers. It starts, and it appears to be a guy and a girl in this video, the camera quality a bit grainy.
Junmyeon watches the video, once again entranced. There’s all this touching and rubbing and at one point the girl has the boy’s penis in her mouth and Junmyeon feels himself get hot all over at the idea of that. And then she’s being penetrated by the boy and it almost looks like she’s hurt at first and Junmyeon is worried, but then she’s encouraging the boy to go, pain morphing to pleasure right before his eyes. He doesn’t even realize he has a palm pressed to the front of his pants until the video is over and he looks down to see what the weird pressure there is.
Junmyeon’s getting an erection and he’s freaking out over it. He’s woken up before with this strange feeling, but always was able to quickly wash it away with a cold shower, and there were those few times when he was younger when he’d wake up with sticky underwear which he later learned what it was thanks to locker room talk during gym classes, but he’d never willingly, personally done something to allow himself to get aroused this way.
He bites his lip as he presses a related video link.
Teen twinks suck each other off, this one is called, and Junmyeon wonders what a twink is as the video begins to play.
It immediately shows a close up of two youngish-looking boys kissing one another, running hands over bare shoulders and backs and one of them is straddled over the other, pale behind fully on display and Junmyeon puts a bit more pressure against himself with the palm of his hand.
And then they’re flipping around into a different position and the one who had been straddling the other is lying comfortably on his backside while the other crawls down his body and takes the other boy’s erection into his mouth and wow Junmyeon thinks, he REALLY looks like he’s enjoying that.
The boy with the penis in his mouth removes said organ from said mouth and smiles up at his partner before licking demurely at the skin around the tip. Junmyeon unbuttons his jeans and reaches a hand inside of his underwear, mimicking the movement of the boy’s tongue over the slit of the other boy by rubbing his thumb over his own slit.
“Ah,” Junmyeon cries out involuntarily, but catches himself and makes sure to keep quiet so as to not get caught by anyone who is home.
The boy returns to allowing the entire penis to slide into his mouth, making obscene slurping motions as he works his tongue around it, and it should be sorta gross, but it's only making Junmyeon squeeze himself harder.
It’s all built up so quickly, this intense, hot pleasure behind Junmyeon’s belly button, and it only takes a few tugs of his wrist and the look on the boy’s face when the boy working on his genitals moans around them before Junmyeon is coming, ejaculating all over the front of his underwear, some of it seeping down onto his tightened fist. He bites his lip to avoid making noise as the feeling washes over him, entirely unlike anything he’s ever experienced before in his life. He continues pumping himself a few times afterwards, breathing hard as the high descends, leaning back in his computer chair, feeling satisfied and a little bit tired all of a sudden.
Oh my GOD, Junmyeon thinks, that was really incredible.
A second later, he once again thinks, oh my GOD, I just masturbated, masturbating is a sin, this was so wrong of me, what am I going to do, I am a terrible Christian boy!!!
He quickly exits out of the porn site and types guilt after masturbation into his search engine. There’s a handy looking option, a site designed for Christian teens that he clicks on and begins to read about hormones and “natural urges.”
"While masturbation itself isn’t immoral," the passage says, "the sexual fantasies that usually go with it may be."
Junmyeon is pretty sure his definitely were immoral, because it was two boys doing naughty things with one another.
“And even worse, doing it while simultaneously looking at and/or watching porn makes it an unjustifiable act.”
Welp.
He goes back to the original results and clicks on another result link.
"No one should ever feel guilty about pleasuring oneself!" this one claims, and even that one sentence gives Junmyeon a small sense of relief already. "Self-loving is an entirely normal, natural, enjoyable and fun thing! "
Junmyeon feels somewhat better after reading this site’s article, realizing that it really is something that everyone seems to do. And wow, why had it taken him so long to do so? It was so very…releasing. Maybe that was the wrong word, he wasn’t sure.
He goes ahead and clicks on one of the discussion board links on the side to see what other people are saying.
great masturbation/prep two-in-one trick! it’s titled, and the first post reads:
before I go to see the bae, I always make sure to do an enema, because, well…ya know ;) last time I did it, I was shocked by a very pleasant surprise of getting it to hit just that right spot and HOLY SHIT it ended up being the best masturbation sessions of my entire life. any of you other fags got any other tips like this for us? ;)
Junmyeon is a little bit confused about some points of the post, so he opens another tab and looks up enema to see what it is.
An enema, he reads on his laptop screen, is a fluid injected into the lower bowel by way of rectum, most commonly used as a cleansing procedure.
Oh, Junmyeon thinks, realizing it’s pretty straightforward. But what did that guy mean then…
It doesn’t take long as he skims down the page to get his answer.
Enemas can be pleasurable to males in particular because they are able to stimulate the prostate gland.
He didn’t even know the prostate gland was something that felt pleasure. It made him a little bit curious…
An enema can also, Junmyeon continues reading, intrigued, be used prior to anal sex or anilingus in order to enhance the sensation of intercourse…
Junmyeon feels himself blush at the words “anal sex.” But he’s a little confused about the other word, so he opens another tab once again and types in anilingus.
He ends up on another porn site.
OH MY GOD, Junmyeon thinks as the video plays, because it’s so so dirty and filthy and wrong and he can’t believe that people actually do this but he can’t for the life of him tear his eyes away from the screen.
He suddenly understands what Chanyeol is actually crudely referring to when he tells Baekhyun to “eat his ass, douchebag.”
That guy’s mouth is on that other guy’s butthole!!! Junmyeon’s head is screaming in absolute shock and fascination and the brunette guy who is receiving the…action looks like it is so very enjoyable to him, seeing as he’s clutching the bed sheets below him and rocking back in his place on all fours into the blonde guys face.
“Fuck, yes, just like that,” the guy moans, and Junmyeon’s body starts tingling.
Junmyeon’s curious little mind wanders off to the idea that the one guy has brown hair and looks kinda short-ish while the other guy is blonde and looks taller and all of a sudden he’s picturing him and Kris in place of the boys on screen and OH NO ABORT MISSION THAT IS NOT OKAY THAT IS SO WRONG JUNMYEON WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM.
He looks down and whimpers at the sight of another tent forming in his underwear.
Junmyeon thinks of the quote from The Book of Matthew he’d been planning on reciting earlier tonight at TLP: “But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Well, he thinks feebly, reaching into his underwear with a still slightly sticky hand and gripping himself, at least it’s not a woman I’m looking at with lust then…
~*~*~*~
Junmyeon can’t even pretend that he’s listening to what Chanyeol is blabbering on about as they walk to their anatomy classroom, because he’s freaking out over the fact that he’s going to have to sit next to Kris for the next 55 minutes of his life, Kris, who he imagined while masturbating last night whilst also finally realizing/admitting to himself that he’s gay, he’s so, so gay and his world feels like it’s caving in on him and the last thing he wants is to be a stuttering, blushing, gay mess around Kris for the next class period, but he knows that’s exactly what is about to happen.
He sinks into his seat, grateful that Kris isn’t there yet, as Chanyeol continues speaking to him from his own seat.
But then Kris is placing himself in the seat next to Junmyeon and the boy’s entire body immediately catches fire because he’s has the most indecent thoughts about this guy and it’s really not okay, and he’s sure Kris would be entirely disgusted with him if he knew what sorts of ideas ran through his mind.
“Hello, Junmyeon?” Chanyeol’s voice says as he waves a hand in front of his face. He snaps out of it and looks at his friend.
“What?” he asks him, then clears his throat and tries to pretend Kris is not right there just mere centimeters away from him.
“Are you…okay?” Chanyeol is suddenly wondering, giving him a concerned look. “You look…like all weird, do you want me to take you to the nurse or something?”
“You do look sort of feverish or something,” Kris agrees and Junmyeon literally nearly has a heart attack when his lab partner reaches over and places a warm hand against his forehead.
“Nurse, yeah, nurse,” Junmyeon immediately decides, quickly standing up from his chair because if he’d allowed Kris’s hand on his skin for another second he might have lost it more than he already is losing it. “I…nurse.” He rushes out of the room, just barely catching sight of the completely perplexed looks on both Chanyeol’s and Kris’s faces.
He locks himself in the bathroom stall for the entire class period and tries to keep himself from crying.
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Part 2