i wish i hadn't found it.

august posts totally ruined my night.

still broke
1) my heart
2) my wallet
3)my mind

i'm sick. i've had a cold on and off since mid-october a couple days on advil cold & sinus then a couple days off...monday morning about 4am i woke up more congested than i have been at all during these last few months. my face throbs and feels like it's going to burst. i've been having the worst sinus ( Read more... )

    it was victoria's birthday weekend, it was good. i can't believe she's 7. andrew's birthday is next and he's going to be 2, it just seems so impossible ( Read more... )

being mean to jake, sucked ( Read more... )

the worst is that i have nothing to do. i haven't been able to find a job despite looking. retail is out of the question with my back, not that it pays well...but i've got experience as a manager so it could potentially pay enough.

driving alone gives me too much time to think, and heart wrenching conversations with friends are so exhausting.
love ( Read more... )

why is it as a woman, i can not leave well enough alone?

first day of no crying, although i'm at jake's now. brooke and brad are watching football...so i may cry when i have to go home to my lonely bed at my grandma's. 3 days ago i would have given ANYTHING to put things back to the way they were 3 months ago...now...i'd only give most things. i think that's a pretty serious step in the right direction.

15 days ago i said it's good to know the person you love, loves you right back.

still true, it just hurts a lot worse now.

2 weeks ago i would have said i'd rather just be upset than to second guess every second of happiness.

man have my views changed.

i'm alone. i hate it. i'm still in love and so is he. but when no future can be seen, it's just not fair.
i have never ever in my life hurt this much. ever.

i have seriously got to do something with my life. i woke up at 9, forced myself to sleep or at least lay there for another 2 hours because i have no motivation to do otherwise. i've still got cleaning to do, which went unappreciated yesterday so why be in a rush to complete those chores? i've got to sit down and start documenting the way i feel in ( Read more... )