i have found my voice and it is because of him. yet i know i can't hold him if he decides to go and if that is his choice then i support him in it. i will not be his reason for staying. i won't take that blame or his hatred when he realizes it as a mistake. but god will it hurt. i can't even go an hour w/o my thoughts returning to him and i wish i ( Read more... )

delusionals...gotta love 'em....

nice to have a simple problem for once. I don't know what story to submit to the short short contest. I have three options: Confirmation, Reeducation, and All to the Better. Anyone interested in reading them and letting me know which they like best let me know and I'll email them to you. I don't want to post them. They're super shorts. Under 600 ( Read more... )

Acceptance really is the best thing. I accepted my brother's nonexistance, mostly because he told me to. This may seem odd but I did have a 'vision' of sorts. It was more verbal than visual and he told me to not mourn anymore and let the hatred go. I slept well for the first time in a long time after that. I accept the possiblity that I may be ( Read more... )

Ok, i left work early today because i was an emotional time bomb. i can't understand it. Maybe i got to the point of acceptance and now that it's gone i'm empty. This doen't make sense. For three months my life has been a roller coaster because of this ordeal and now its supposed to be over. i have never felt so much hatred and anger toward anyone ( Read more... )

well, if I write one thing well, its smut....

Today was better. Part of it I think was Chris's email. I emailed him apologizing for my behavior yesterday. He said it was ok and everyone has days like that and that I know him and I are all good. Then he told me to take care of my finger. I'm using poor man's stiches-- super glue. Another night of sitting at the library. I can't believe I can't ( Read more... )

lets see, what's been going on w/ me. Work. I just sliced my thumb open this morning. It's probably still bleeding and it really hurts to hit the spacebar but I'm used to typing a certain way and for some reason that way includes using my left thumb for hitting the spacebar. At least it wasn't my right thumb because then I couldn't write and that ( Read more... )

Lesley I figured it out: John Charlton

i'm going paint balling w/ Lindsay today. I keep putting her off and she always asks me to do things. I never know the friends I have...