It's not easy to quiet down, free yourself of everything and just focus on interactions with god in praying. It's similar to receiving gifts from others. You have to learn to accept without burden, without worries how you are going to repay. I remember the uneasiness i felt when others treated me nicely and i knew i didn't repay them in the same
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but you are absolutely right there too, that way too often, the act of taking is so often neglected, that taking is not necessarily submission, nor is it to kowtow, or to give oneself up, or to place oneself at a lower or more subservient position as compared to others.
taking, ultimately, is about humility, amongst other things.
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nevertheless, humility needs to be controlled subtly or else we would just end up being trempled all over, but i suppose the key is not total humility, but ulimately, humility of the soul, and accept the fact that we are one in six billions drones and we are only as special as the next person, and as plain as the other six billions, and what matters most is we follow our calling and path while not hurt others, inclusive of derisive glares (which i am so fond of giving)
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i guess all this while, i was trying too hard to tolerate. but it didn't help. the key is to accept. as how we should accept our own.
i could be one who's very sarcastic and sinister sometimes, but i realise when i was so there was no humility and love in me, but proud.
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