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[dragonladyflame]

A recent conversation I had with a friend left me feeling guilty. It went like this

Comments

[arisrabkin]

It's a hard situation. Maybe say "I'm glad you want to fix it, anything I can do to help? It makes me sad to see you in this state..."

[diablerist]

This actually has the potential to cause feelings of helplessness in the person we are discussing "I don't need/want your pitty". Not to say it will not help, but if you and the other are really good friends, lovers or of that sort it could do little more than make this person sad, defensive and/or emberrased to the point of avoiding you.

[dragonladyflame]

I used this, and I think it helped. Thank you!

[cogshiftingman]

I don't think there is a way of mentioning such things without major risk of causing offence. If you feel you have to mention it, then maybe doing so in a humorous way is about as safe as you can get?

[diablerist]

This too will most likely still cause embarrassment and feelings of guilt and helplessness in the person in question, but you have a point in that it will be less of a blow. This would probably be the best approach if you think that the person wants to quit, but has not taken steps to do so. Still, with this you risk the person inverting what you mean by it and think you enjoy the overindulgance.

[cogshiftingman]

Yes, precisely. It's like treading on eggshells.

[dragonladyflame]

Well, I guess it didn't come across in the above example since tone of voice doesn't translate well to text, but I was being kinda sarcastic / funny at the time. ... Then again, sarcasm is sort of its own, rather hostile form of humour that may not be quite the same as other sorts.

[heliograph]

I agree with arisrabkin. Because you're concerned you want to do whatever you can to help reduce it, and if they know this is a problem they won't be offended. Maybe.

You shouldn't feel guilty about trying to help somebody, and interventions are popular (and occasionally effective) for a reason.

[diablerist]

I have never found interventions in the popular sence, ineffective. The person will sometimes get very defensive, will say anything to get out of the situation just to start right back up again or just simply ignore everyone around them and just sink into oneself. For some this approach will work, I do not doubt. For the people I know, including myself, feeling surrounded and badgered will do nothing but put the person on the defencive.

[dragonladyflame]

I guess when I do feel guilty, it's because I'm in the situation where their overuse of Factor X is affecting me, and I don't like to feel as though I'm placing my desires above theirs. Does that make sense?

When broaching difficult topics...

[worldnamer]

It's often a good idea to mention why you're bringing it up. In other words, simply reassuring the person in question that you care about them can help keep them from becoming as defensive.

Re: When broaching difficult topics...

[diablerist]

Though I do not particularly like this bit, it can work if you are really good friends/lovers. If you say it in a way that they understand that you and others are being hurt by thier abuse of Factor X this person may come to realize that you and the others are more important. It can also backfire quite explosively with the pitty factor so be very careful.

[dragonladyflame]

Good call!

[dvitol]

The offer to help is a good idea. Ask if they want you to bug them about it. Get them to talk about why they want to cut back. Suggest it might be easier to just stop factor x all together instead of cutting back. Get them to think of you as somebody who they can talk about their feelings about factor x to. Don't take on the burden of sponsorship unless you're willing to be available and responsive. I'd avoid the intervention route unless puppies/babies are dying or close friendships are being destroyed. Addicts don't like talking about their own fears concerning factor x because talking about it makes it real and legitimizes the fears that other people have.

And you really have no reason to feel guilty.

[diablerist]

This so far is the best option I have seen here, except for the quiting altogether bit. Addicts are funny people, they will do up to and including nearly anything to get away with thier addiction wether they will admit it or not.

Here is my two cents on this since the breach has already been made, this person has talked to you about it and they claim to want to cut back/quit. Get a group of friends together with similar interests to this persons as well as wanting to help them and spend as much time with them as possable. The best way to kick a problem is to not have it around and have people around that they know will not be fond of the fact they are doing FX.

This is all just suggestion and insight on my part of course, different things work on different people and since you are the one that knows this person and not I, it is you that will be able to make the best decision to how to handle the situation and from what I have read of your posts, you should do quite well.

Good luck.

[dragonladyflame]

Awww, thanks for the vote of confidence.

[dragonladyflame]

What does sponsorship mean? If it means what I think it means, how can you avoid being a sponsor, in some sense at least, if you're concerned enough to bring it up?