Fic: RPS (Jared/Jensen): In It for Love [17 / 18] | NC-17 | 7150 words
Title: In It for Love [ 17 / 18 ]
Author: dragonspell
Fandom: RPS
Pairing: Jared/Jensen (and Jared/a slew of other characters including Misha Collins, Tom Welling, Mike Rosenbaum, Danneel Harris, Sandy McCoy and some OMCs and OFCs)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: AU. Cheesiness. Fandom cliches. The usual drill.
Summary (fic): After a drunken dare, award-winning writer Jensen agreed to on a reality television show to vie for the attention of megastar Jared Padalecki who he's had a crush on for years. Only Jensen doesn't know how he's going to be able to tolerate all the other contestants and their widely varying personalities and he's pretty sure that you're not supposed to be able to get used to somebody filming you 24/7.
Summary (part): Three months is a very long time.
Word Count: 7150
Disclaimer: Never happened, no affiliation.
Master Post: Master Post
A/N: ...It's been over a month since I posted a chapter of this. D: RL and the ReverseBB getting in the way. On a related note: if you posted a comment about an update to this fic, I really didn't mean to ignore you. I just felt really guilty and wanted my reply to you totally to be "Next chapter is up!" Forgive me? ^^ I have no idea how long the next chapter will be but I really don't care how big it is, it will be all posted as one.
Part 16 | Master Post | Part 18
Hiatus - Second Half
He didn’t mean to do it. He really didn’t know what he’d been thinking. He knew that he hadn’t had much business with keeping it and yet, there it was the next day when he’d picked his pants up off the floor where he’d thrown them, fluttering out onto the floor. Jensen had stared at the little, innocent looking card with the abstract graphic splashed over the front though he hadn’t been thinking about anything all. Hadn’t let himself.
Eventually, he’d bent over and picked it up, shoving it into the pocket of his jeans. Just because. There was no sense in letting something sit on the floor, after all. That would be just silly. If he didn’t pick it up, who would?
He wandered out into the living room, bare feet padding along the carpet as quiet as a ghost. The answering machine on the kitchen counter brazenly declared a red accusing zero but that would be exactly why Jensen had deleted everything the night before-he hadn’t wanted to risk caving during the light of day.
He’d really love to hear a familiar voice right about now. With that in mind, he pushed past the telephone entirely.
His wanderings finally took him into the little guest room that he’d reserved for his laptop. He supposed that, yeah, he probably should try to write. If he didn’t, assurances to his editor aside, he’d blow right on past his deadline.
The only problem was, Jensen thought after he’d brought up the word document of the latest chapter, that it was complete shit. The flow wasn’t there like it should be and the plot…the plot had left the train station a few miles back and Jensen definitely hadn’t been on it.
Still. It was worth a shot. Studying the last few lines, he reacquainted himself again and typed a few sentences. But that reminded him-had he added in the part with Meghan and the dream in the beginning of the chapter? He should probably do that. And, since he was doing that, that second paragraph was really kind of rough-particularly the third and fourth sentences. And he’d forgotten that he’d really wanted Paul in the second scene, too…
Jensen highlighted the entire chapter with the blinking cursor and checked the word count. Just over 21,000. Then he pressed delete.
That was probably much better.
When he exited out of the program, though, he didn’t bother to save. It was, after all, always better to edit shit than to be just writing it and having to edit it later on.
He wandered back out into the kitchen, past the answering machine with its red zero and to the refrigerator. There wasn’t anything inside, of course, but that didn’t stop him from looking-a block of cheese, a stick of butter, a head of lettuce and two bottles of beer-the overpriced import that only Chris seemed to like-stared back. So he closed the door but he didn’t move anyway. Instead, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the card again.
Jean Claude Girard
Photographer
A cell phone number ran across the bottom, just above a studio address. Jensen flipped the card over, looking at the back-a black and white picture of a waterfall with a splash of green-and then put it up on the fridge, holding it in place with a letter magnet shaped like a J. He should probably throw it out. He knew what Jean Claude wanted-or at least had a hint. But yet-there was nothing wrong with keeping the man’s phone number, right?
Nothing wrong at all.
“We don’t have to watch if you don’t want to.” Jensen turned his head to look at Chris, ignoring the commercial for Tide that was now exploding across the TV screen. “The show,” Chris said. “We don’t have to watch. Granted, I love watching you squirm but we don’t have to.”
It was a thought-especially having to watch the nice little editing job at the beginning of the episode where it looked like both Mike and Misha had followed Jensen into the shower instead of just randomly showing up like they had. That had been awesome. And they were currently making their way through the clusterfuck that had been the fashion show that they’d put on for Jared so Jensen knew exactly what was next.
He was pretty sure that he didn’t want to watch it but, then again, he was also pretty sure that he did. It would be his first chance at getting to see a hint of how close Jared and Sandy might have gotten. Jensen was really hoping that Ben and Misha hadn’t gotten too far, not with how they went out-with a shrug instead of a bang-so that would just mean that Sandy was the only one that he had to care about during this episode.
But there was no way that he could honestly answer Chris’s question, so Jensen just shrugged and turned back towards the screen. If he didn’t actively say yes or no, it would almost be like he wasn’t buying into it. “Alright man,” Chris said quietly. “Your choice.”
Honestly, Jensen didn’t know what he’d be doing if he wasn’t watching the show. It wasn’t as if he had anything pressing. Sure, he hadn’t talked to Jared in a week after just about hanging up on him last Sunday and seeing Jared on the screen, laughing and happy and just being a gigantic shooting star streaking through everyone’s lives was hitting just a little too close to home but Jensen couldn’t look away either. He had to be here.
He just wanted to know. In just a little while, he knew that he’d be regretting it. He didn’t need to see Sandy giggling and happy and hanging off of Jared’s arm. He didn’t need to see Jared practically panting after Ben the way that he did the entire length of the show. He didn’t need to see Jared laughing at every little comment that Misha made. Even if Jared had ultimately picked him, Jensen didn’t need to see all the ways that he was coming up short.
Chris had tried to talk him out of watching two more times but Jensen had just shaken his head. He was going to try something new: If he didn’t let it bother him, then maybe it wouldn’t bother him.
Even if the only thing he could think about at the moment was the damn phone. He twirled the cordless in his hands, hoping that it would ring though he didn’t know if he’d pick it up or not. He’d already blown Jared off three times this week-there was a definite chance that Jared wouldn’t call.
And then, there was always the phone number that was still hanging up on the refrigerator door, right where Jensen had put it.
Jensen stared at the phone, hating himself for letting it dictate his life at the moment. Chris was gone, having left just shortly after the show had ended, and the phone was definitely not ringing.
Jared always called within a few minutes of the end credits. Sometimes even before. Jensen bit his lip-this wasn’t good, was it?
If Jared called, Jensen would pick up the phone. He just needed Jared to call first.
Would that appear weak, though? And what excuses could he give for not answering Jared’s calls all week? That he’d just been “busy”? No one in their right mind would buy that and Jared wasn’t exactly stupid.
No, Jensen couldn’t talk to Jared. If Jared called, Jensen couldn’t pick up.
Except that he really wanted to. He’d gotten used to talking to Jared, gotten used to having Jared there for him. This? Right here? This was like jonsing for another hit of crack. Jensen twirled the phone again wondering what number he would get if he just tried to call back the last number that had dialed him.
Probably his editor. He didn’t want to talk to her.
He didn’t want to talk to anyone, really-had barely even talked to Chris and Chris had actually been in his damn living room. That was stupid. So much for actually having a fucking life beyond Jared. Wasn’t that what he was supposed to do now that the show had ended? Wasn’t he supposed to “return to his real life”? And not sit around waiting for freaking Jared Padalecki to decide to call him? Jensen had thought he’d had a raw deal on the show but that was nothing compared to this. Here he was, supposed to be living his own life, and all he could do was sit around and wait for Jared to cross his path again-just like he’d been doing on the show.
Angry at himself, Jensen jumped up and stalked to where the base for the cordless was sitting by the answering machine. He slammed the phone down-he wasn’t waiting for Jared fucking Padalecki to call him. If he ever did. No, Jensen had other things to do with his time. He had other…
Jensen glanced over at the refrigerator, at the neatly scrawled name and number. He could do that.
…Except for the fact that he had no interest in doing so. God fucking damn it. Jensen snarled at himself. Jared had apparently ruined him. Jean Claude was someone that Jensen should be leaping at: gorgeous, successful, confident, sexy, and, for some crazy reason, interested in Jensen. But yet here Jensen was, with absolutely zero interest in calling him back besides some vague melodrama about making Jared jealous or some such thing.
“Doesn’t fucking work that way,” Jensen growled to himself. Sure, Jensen could be jealous because all of Jared’s escapades were being broadcasted into Jensen’s living room on a weekly basis. What the fuck would going out with Jean Claude Girard accomplish?
And how sad was it that, as awesome of a man as Jensen was sure that Jean Claude was, all Jensen could think of doing with him was using him to get back at Jared? He didn’t deserve that. Nobody deserved that.
He’d just get out of the house, that’s what he’d do. So he wouldn’t call Jean Claude to have an excuse, but he’d still…go for a walk. Or something. That was exactly what he’d do. Jensen snatched his coat up off the back of the chair and hauled open the front door, dead set on maybe going down to the park. He never even made it a step.
A tall man was standing at the door, nearly completely buried in an oversized hoodie but looking just about as startled as Jensen felt and it took Jensen a few long seconds to get it. In his defense, it wasn’t often that Jared wore a hoodie.
“Jensen?” Jensen gaped because he was pretty sure that he hadn’t just stepped into the Twilight Zone which meant one of two things: either he’d somehow nodded off somewhere or Jared was at his front door.
“What are doing here?” Jensen asked. It came out blunter than he’d intended but, Jesus, Jared was at his front door!
Jared flinched and Jensen felt instantly guilty. “I, uh, wanted to see you.” Jared ducked his head, dropping his eyes to the floor. “Can I come in?” he asked. “If nothing else, so nobody will see me? If I get caught here, I’ll owe Jeff three million dollars…”
“…Seriously?” Three million dollars? And Jared was here? Jensen thought that if there was a chance that he’d be fined three million dollars for being somewhere, he’d probably be on the opposite side of the world.
“Jen.”
Jensen shook himself and opened the door wider, stepping out of the way. “Yeah, sure,” he said. “Come in.” He was still kind of stuck on the fact that Jared was here, in Texas, standing in Jensen’s doorway and not out in L.A. where he should be, schmoozing with famous people.
Jared waited until Jensen shut the door behind him before he took off the hoodie-like people wouldn’t be able to recognize him from height alone, Jensen thought inanely. It was almost as if he’d forgotten just how tall Jared really was-he wasn’t used to looking up anymore. Jared walked to the middle of the living room before turning around. “You wouldn’t pick up your phone,” he told the floor.
Jensen nodded because there was no sense in denying it though, “I’ve been busy,” popped out all by itself despite his wince.
“Yeah,” Jared said, reaching into his hoodie. “I got that.” He pulled out a stack of glossy rolled paper and handed it to Jensen, waving it slowly when Jensen merely stared in confusion. The paper unfurled in Jensen’s hand, revealing the cover of Us Weekly with Angelina Jolie’s smiling face and a million and one scenarios flew through Jensen’s mind before one definite possibility came front and center and the bottom of his stomach dropped out. “It’s on page 17.”
The magazine felt alive in Jensen’s hand. He knew in his head that it wasn’t but he wanted to drop the glossy pages like a snake. Jared knew. Jensen hadn’t even done anything and Jared already knew. What did this mean?
“And I…” Jensen jerked his head up, preferring to stare at Jared than Angelina’s pitying grin but Jared was staring at the floor again, his hands in his pockets looking anything but Jared Padalecki. For the first time since Jensen had met the shooting star that was Jared, Jared looked completely unsure of himself. Like he didn’t know where he stood….like Jensen was about to tell him no.
The past few weeks were hitting hard and heavy, running through Jensen’s mind-the strange limbo that they’d been suspended in and all the various bits of jealousy, both warranted and unwarranted, and the exact reason why he’d stopped taking Jared’s calls. Why he’d tried to take his life back. And now Jared was here, right in front of him. What did he want to say? What did he need to say?
“I owe you an explanation, Jensen,” Jared said and then Jensen was staring at Jared’s all too earnest eyes again and he couldn’t think, couldn’t move, couldn’t even breathe. He was a deer caught in the headlights. Jared looked away. “After you hung up on me, I did some thinking. And I think I finally realized something.” He huffed a laugh. “I get paid the big bucks for my looks, Jen, not my smarts.”
Jensen blinked at the self-slam. Where was Jared going with this? “It’s all right,” he murmured, just because it was something to say, not that because he actually thought it made sense.
“No, it’s not alright, Jensen, and don’t pretend that it is.” Jared took a few steps forward and there hadn’t been a whole lot of room between them in the first place-not for Jared’s long legs. Jared stopped directly in front of Jensen, making Jensen have to tilt his head or end up staring at Jared’s chin. “If it was really alright, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t need to be here. Not that I didn’t want to see you again, but if it was alright, I could have waited the next month and a half.” When Jared paused, waiting for a response, Jensen nodded. “I’ve been a dick,” Jared confessed. “It’s just…there was just the show and me being me and all these normal rules that you operate under just don’t apply to our situation, do they?”
Jensen shook his head, his mind still blank as he stared downward at Jared’s shoulders, analyzing the dark blue seam line of Jared’s sweatshirt. “No, they don’t,” he answered by rote, though, because that was something that he’d figured out long before now.
“No, they don’t,” Jared repeated and then his arms were wrapping around Jensen and Jensen found himself getting pulled that last bit further to be pressed up against Jared. He took a deep breath, breathing in the scent of Jared’s shirt and felt a ball of emotions tumble through him. “I don’t want to lose you,” Jared mumbled, his face pressed against Jensen’s hair. Not knowing what else to do, not even pretending that he didn’t want to, Jensen raised his arms awkwardly and hugged Jared back.
Then, just as suddenly as he had stepped forward, Jared stepped back. He took a deep breath and leveled a look at Jensen. “I’m sorry, Jensen. You deserved this a long time ago and I just wasn’t thinking. Nothing happened with anyone, I swear. Nothing serious. There was a lot of kissing and making out and I know how they can make it look but I swear, Jen. I’m not…I’m not…you know. Because we were being filmed and, yeah, I forgot that sometimes but there are lines, I always knew that.”
Jensen closed his eyes, letting the words sink into the swirling hurt that he hadn’t let himself acknowledge. It still had an edge and the jealousy was still there but he couldn’t deny that it was exactly what he wanted to hear. Well, not exactly what he wanted but the only thing that would make sense-that would make Jared not a liar. “Sandy?” Because, yeah, Jensen remembered handjobs in the ocean-too far out to be filmed.
“Sandy has different rules,” Jared answered and Jensen jerked his head up, an uneasy thought crossing his mind. Jesus fucking Christ, had he unknowingly violated some kind of reality show rule? Had he been so tied up in how normal life would operate and how it was so different from the surreal fishtank that he’d been dropped in and then spun around by the whirlwind that was Jared Padalecki that he’d crossed a line that no one else would.
As if guessing his thoughts, Jared winced. “Not that I’m saying that you don’t and fuck, I’m screwing this all up. I showed up to fix it and Jeff is totally going to be suing me for $3 million just as I soon as I get home and I’m just fucking it up, aren’t I?” He pushed a hand through his hair, getting it out of his eyes. “It was a dating show, Jen. I was dating everyone on it.”
Jensen nodded slowly. “Okay…”
“No, not okay. I’m not saying that it’s normal for me. God, Jen, that wasn’t anywhere near normal for me-I’m not like that. I mean, I know that some guys, if you give that chance, there’re just going to go crazy but I wasn’t there looking for a good time, you know? Well,” he corrected, “not just a good time some people. I actually wanted something worthwhile out of it. Was hoping, anyway. And I did! Find something worthwhile. I hope.”
Jared was staring at Jensen again and it took Jensen a few beats to realize that, there at the end, Jared had been talking about him. Jared’s puppy dog hopefulness had been starting to crumble before Jensen managed to work himself up to an answer. “Me too,” he blurted and then winced. He picked up Jared’s words and pushed them back at him, because it was easier than coming up with his own. “I hoping it’s worthwhile, too.”
The tension left Jared’s shoulders, like the determination that had been holding him suddenly left and Jared breathed a deep sigh. Then he laughed. “I’m over here babbling, Jen. Scared that I might be…”
“You’re not,” Jensen said hurriedly, cutting Jared off. Whatever it was that Jared was scared that he thought that he might be doing, he wasn’t. Jensen was sure of that.
Jared nodded, letting a little smile pull at his mouth. “I’m not going to lie and say that Sandy didn’t mean anything to me but, Jen, I picked you. You’re the one that I wanted. And I’m pretty sure that I was getting close to knowing that when we decided to go to Tahiti. I mean, God, look at all the stuff I did with you! You make me stupid, Jen. My mother’s horrified watching the show and my little sister’s traumatized.”
Jensen allowed himself a small smile and ducked his head. “Yeah, mine too,” he admitted. His mother actually refused to even talk about the show due to the general uncomfortableness that she felt. Jensen noted that she was still watching faithfully, though.
“So,” Jared said. “Please go back to talking to me?” Jensen wasn’t sure how it was possible but 6’5 Jared Padalecki was managing to look all of five at the moment and there wasn’t anything that Jensen could do but nod helplessly. He couldn’t say no to that face, not with the pleading puppy dog eyes. And it was totally worth it for the grin that broke across Jared’s face. “Yes!” he shouted, fist pumping the air. He rushed toward Jensen before Jensen could even blink and scooped him up into a hug. “And then phone sex?”
Jensen froze, his hands clutching Jared’s shoulders as his face went red. All it took was Jared’s voice saying the word “sex” and he was stuck, his mind in a never-ending loop. “Or maybe just sex?” Jared asked with a grin and once again, Jensen was stuck nodding helplessly. Yes please?
Weeks with nothing but his right hand and seething jealousy and then suddenly Jared Padalecki showed up on his doorstep offering heartfelt apologies and orgasms? Somebody really should have told him that it was his birthday. Called, maybe. Something.
‘Cause Jensen was pretty damn sure that life didn’t get any better than this.
Jared seemed bound and determined to lick every inch of Jensen’s skin. Except, of course, exactly where Jensen needed that clever tongue the most. Jensen squirmed on the bed, arching upward despite Jared’s hands trying to hold him flat. Too much damn teasing… Jensen was dying over here.
Jared’s tongue licked down Jensen’s leg, flicking at his knee and Jensen moaned in frustration. Jared chuckled. “Just mappin’ out the territory, Jen…”
“Fuck…” Jensen replied. He couldn’t take it anymore. He reached down and buried his hands in Jared’s hair. “Show you mappin’ territory,” he muttered and pulled Jared upward. Jared went willing, grinning until their mouths met, wet and slick, and then he was all business again, pushing Jensen down against the bed as he licked inside his mouth. Jensen skated his hands down over Jared’s shoulders and past his chest to follow the fine line of hair that started about midway up his stomach. Jared hissed and squirmed as Jensen’s fist closed around his dick, his hips rocking forward.
“God, yeah,” Jared mumbled, pushing as close as he could possibly get and finally-fucking finally-moving his hand to Jensen’s dick, wrapping his long fingers around it and stroking with long, hard pulls. Jensen’s vision started to dim around the edges.
He kissed Jared harder, his own hand following Jared’s rhythm, trying to get Jared off and loving each moan and whimper Jared rewarded him with. He’d forgotten just how damn vocal Jared was during sex and it was making him shiver in response. “Fuck, Jen,” Jared was muttering in between hard, bruising kisses, “yeah, just like that, Jesus, so fucking good…” Jensen thought that he was going to explode from sensory overload long before he actually made it to orgasm.
With a shudder and a bitten off whine, Jared beat him there, his hips rocking into Jensen’s fist, pushing Jensen upward and Jensen didn’t even have time to brace himself before his was coming too, purely out of sympathetic response. His vision grayed and then went dark as pleasure flooded through his body.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” Jared was saying and Jensen hovered in a haze as Jared bent his head to nip and lick ruthlessly at Jensen’s neck. There was the faint worry about hickeys but it quickly slipped away, replaced by the sheer immediacy of Jared.
With one last shudder, Jared collapsed on top of Jensen, pressing him into the bed, nearly crushing him. It was hard to breathe but Jensen just wrapped his arms around Jared and held him there. Breathing was overrated anyway.
Jensen frowned as he slowly moved to wakefulness. He had no idea what time it was, but he knew that the sun wasn’t up yet and that meant that he wasn’t about to open his eyes let alone get out of bed.
Except he wasn’t alone. Jensen’s eyes snapped open, just in time to catch sight of Jared bending down before the world went fuzzy and a quick kiss was being pressed to his lips. “Sorry, Jen…” Jared whispered.
“Jared?” Jensen asked, confused for a few moments before the previous night came rushing back. His heart skipped a beat. Jared had stayed. He looked over at the clock. 4:34 A.M. He had no idea how much sleep he’d really gotten-Jared had woken him up several times. Jensen had vague recollections of that, though he couldn’t be sure how much he’d dreamed and how much had actually happened. The relaxed sprawl of his body, though, with the pleasant hum of contentedness told him it was probably more of the former than the later. Jensen’s dreams had never been able to achieve such an effect, no matter how good they were.
“I’ve got to go,” Jared said, staring down at Jensen regretfully.
“You do?” Jensen’s mind couldn’t quite fathom why at the moment. He wasn’t to that point yet. Coffee would probably help or, barring that, a couple more hours of sleep. Like twelve or so.
“Yeah. Jeff will kill me, remember? Can’t let anyone know that I’m here.”
And just like that, the pleasant little bubble that Jensen had been floating in popped. He felt a surge of disappointment and was too tired to fight it. But he nodded, slowly waking up. “Okay,” he said.
Jared nodded too. “Okay,” he repeated. “So, listen: I’ll call you in a little while. You know, when you’re more awake.” He smiled down at Jensen, his hand petting alone Jensen’s hairline. “And you’ll answer, right?”
Jensen nodded again, unable to understand at the moment why he wouldn’t. He scrubbed at his eyes and then pushed off the blankets. “I’ll walk you out,” he said.
Jared shook his head and pulled the covers back up. “No, stay here. You’re tired. Just…pick up when I call you.” He smiled, small and quick. “It’ll make the next six weeks go by faster.”
That was right. This was going to be the last time that he’d see Jared for awhile. And he wasn’t even supposed to be seeing him now. Jensen swallowed hard. Six weeks-a month and a half-without Jared. Sure, he’d done it before, but it wasn’t anything he particularly cared to repeat. But it wasn’t like they had a choice.
Jensen surged upward before Jared had the chance to move away and surprised him by pulling him back down and kissing him hard. If Jensen had to make it through the long weeks ahead, he was going to get his fill now, damn it. Jared gave in easily, submitting and letting Jensen take charge until Jensen finally let him go. They both breathed slow, looking at each other.
Jared licked his lips. “I’ll see you later,” he said and Jensen nodded one last time and then Jared was gone, moving out the door, hoping to get gone before any paparazzi managed to put two and two together.
Jensen watched him go and then snuggled back down into his blankets. Six more weeks. He could do that, right?
The next few days were a bit of a haze, though Jensen thought that he was entitled to it. It was a Jared-flavored haze, after all, and he should be allowed a little bit of self-indulgence. He had to relive the past Sunday night over and over so that he could commit it to memory. Hell, he’d write it down if he was shameless enough. Luckily, he flushed a solid red whenever he thought about doing so. That was all he needed-if he died, Chris would totally have to find it and hide it from his mother.
He’d also never been more productive, writing-wise. It was as if all his basic needs had finally been met so he could focus again. It was glorious, actually. He had the rough draft of the next two chapters done, banged out in the past few days. The only times that he bothered to stop was with the phone rang and then only if the caller ID listed Jared’s number. He’d talk with Jared for a few hours and then he’d be right back in front of his computer, fully recharged and ready to go for another ten hours or so. Matter of fact, he’d still probably be in his studio, typing away, if Chris hadn’t shown up with food.
Jensen hadn’t even realized that he was hungry. He did now, though. He was wolfing down the Chinese that Chris had brought like a starving man. Which, now that he thought about it, he pretty much was-he hadn’t eaten since early yesterday…
“Spill,” Chris said, leaning forward and Jensen stared at him in confusion because, um, no, he really didn’t want to spill any of the food-he’d prefer it to be in his mouth, thanks. Chris rolled his eyes at the protective way that Jensen was cradling the take-out box. “Not the food, jackass. You new lease on life. You finally give up on that jerkwad celebrity?” He snapped his fingers. “No, I know-you went out with that photographer guy from the party.” He grinned. “He give good head?”
Jensen made sure to actually swallow the food that he was deadset on choking on if Chris kept it up. “Jared’s not a jerkwad,” he said, deciding that, out of all that Chris had said, that was probably the safest to explore.
“Jerkwad for keeping you hanging like this, yeah,” Chris replied, taking a swig of his beer. “So you didn’t go out with what’s-his-name?”
Fuck. Sometimes Jensen really hated that Chris wasn’t as dumb as he liked to pretend he was. “No,” Jensen answered, trying to inject a note of finality into the word. The first thing that he’d done when he woken up after Jared had left was to throw Jean Claude’s card into the trash. He’d felt a little guilty afterward-everyone could use a good photographer, right?-but he’d felt that it was the right thing to do.
Chris sighed and let it drop with a “Your choice, man” and switched the topic over to his latest gig as Jensen concentrated on stuffing his face with more noodles.
Jensen thought that the episodes of In It for Love: Jared Padalecki were really starting to improve. Of course, he was probably biased and basing it entirely on how much screen time Jared seemed to spend with himself. Just like the Jared-induced haze of earlier in the week, though, Jensen thought that he was entitled to think so. He even confessed that to Jared, making him laugh.
“That’s probably true,” Jared said. “I think that the more the episode features you, the better it is. Especially if it features you on top of me in a bed. Now if only you had been shirtless…”
Jensen smiled happily to himself. “I don’t think that my mother would have appreciated that.”
“Mine either but I gotta confess, Jen, I really wasn’t thinking about anyone’s Momma there in that room.” Jared paused while Jensen suppressed his blush, thinking about the massage scene again, broadcasted in full glory to millions of viewers TV sets. “I’m not now, either. And I’m not wearing a shirt.”
Jensen blinked as his mind started to slowly connect the dots. Too slowly because Jared followed up his previous statement with, “I’m not wearing any pants, either, Jen.” Oh. Oh.
“That’s uh…” Jensen swallowed. Jared. Shirtless. With no pants. Dear God. “Aren’t you cold?”
Jared laughed. “Practical, aren’t you?” he teased. “I think the hand down my underwear is keeping me pretty warm.” And there went any hope of Jensen not being turned on. His brain sputtered and stopped, stalling on an image of Jared’s long body spread out over a bed with nothing but his underwear on as he slowly teased himself to hardness. “Well. It’s keeping my dick warm at any rate. How about yours, Jen?”
That was a cue, wasn’t it? Jensen was supposed to say something here. Unfortunately, the only thing he had at the moment was, “Uh…”
“Heh. I’d love to help you out of your clothes, Jensen. How about that? Picture that for me? I’d start by pulling down the collar of your shirt, just so I can lick at the junction of your neck-that little spot that makes you twitch. Would you like that?”
Yeah, Jensen was hard. Painfully. He leaned forward on the bed, folding himself over as he nodded desperately before remembering that Jared couldn’t see him. “Uh…” He cleared his throat. “Yeah…”
“Yeah?” Jared asked. “Then I’d run my hands down your chest until I reached your stomach. I’d hold them there, just feeling you underneath me, feeling you suck in that quick breath that you do right before I kiss you-like you’re afraid that I might not ever let you up for air. ‘Cause you know me too well. You with me, Jen?”
Jensen nodded again, but, this time, followed it more quickly with his vocal affirmation. “Yeah.” Oh yeah. He was definitely with Jared. His face was flaming with whatever left over blood wasn’t in his dick but he was definitely on the same page.
“Good. I’d slowly lift up your shirt, running my fingers underneath the hem, touching your skin… How about you do that for me? Wanna touch you so damn bad…”
Jensen bit his lip. God, he couldn’t believe that he was doing this. But yet he was obediently moving his right hand to his stomach, sliding his fingers underneath his shirt. He sighed and pushed them upwards, pretending that it was Jared the entire way. “Feel that?” Jared asked. “Me touching you?”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah. I’d lick my way up your chest because you taste so good, Jensen-stop to flick at your nipples because they’re just so damn perfect and I love how you shudder-” Jensen moaned, touching himself exactly the way that Jared was describing. “-and how you moan, just like that. So damn responsive, Jen… Time to take that shirt, off, right?”
Jensen sat up and pulled his shirt off, tossing it to a corner of the room and then collapsed back onto the bed, ready for Jared to continue purring instructions in his ear. God, they should have done this before. What the hell had Jensen been thinking? “I can see you, Jensen. You’re so gorgeous, spread out and waiting…” Jensen nodded again, even if Jared couldn’t see it. “What do you want to do next?”
Jensen groaned. Jared couldn’t expect him to actually talk right now, right? Except that talking was the only way to reciprocate here and Jensen mentally smacked himself for being a selfish bastard. But what could he say? “I, uh…”
“Do you want to touch me, Jensen?” Jared prompted. “Want me to touch you?”
Aw, to Hell with it. “I want to touch your chest,” Jensen said, closing his eyes.
“Yeah?” Jared asked interestedly. “How do you want to touch my chest, Jensen?”
“I want to run my hands over your ridiculous muscles,” Jensen confessed. With his eyes squeezed shut, this seemed easier-easier to picture Jared as right there instead of thousands of miles away.
“You think I got ridiculous muscles?” Jared asked.
“Yeah,” Jensen replied, getting into it. “Yeah, I do. And they’re so hard and firm but your skin’s so soft and I love feeling it when you flex-love feeling your body move.”
“Yeah,” Jared breathed.
“Yeah, and I like to cup your pecs and thumb over your nipples because it makes you twitch and your whole body ripples.”
“God, that’s good…”
“And then I like your hips, that little divot before your thigh starts-like to run my finger down that line because it leads right to…” Jensen sucked in a harsh breath. Jesus…
“Leads right to...?” Jensen didn’t want to answer that-couldn’t-so Jared answered for him. “Leads right to my dick, doesn’t it, Jen?” Jensen’s dick twitched in his pants, jumping up at the sound of Jared’s voice, and he was starting to pant.
“Yeah, I like it when you touch me there, too,” Jared said. “Can feel it right now. Feels so damn good… Can you feel me, Jen? Feel me pushing down your jeans? Getting my hand inside just so I can hold my hand over you? Feel you underneath your underwear?”
Jensen moaned, shoving his hand into his pants and doing just as Jared asked. Yeah, he could feel that. Jared was such a damn tease. Of course he’d want to palm Jensen overtop his boxers-teasing the hell out of him until Jensen was all but flat-out begging for him to do more.
“Love your dick, Jen. Love feeling it. Love holding it. Love watching you come undone just because I’m touching it. I like running my fingers up and down the length, to feeling out your size.”
“Fuck,” Jensen gasped.
“Mmm, yeah, you sound just like that. And then, when you’re good and ready, I like pulling you out of your boxers, pushing the band down underneath your balls so I can get full access. Do you like that?”
“Yeah, Jay…”
“That’s good.”
“I like touching you, too,” Jensen said, his voice breathy as his fingers feathered teasingly along his dick-mimicking Jared’s touch.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. You’re so fucking big. …Whenever I see it, just want to put my mouth on it…”
A harsh breath came over the line followed by “…Jesus” and Jensen grinned, knowing he’d gotten to Jared and feeling even more turned on because of it.
“Would you like that, Jay?” he teased, turning Jared’s own game back on him. “Would you like me sucking you? But you’re so damn big that I can barely get my mouth around you. Doesn’t mean that I don’t want to try-swallow you whole.”
“God, Jen, yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.” Jared’s voice was getting clipped, tense and focused, and Jensen knew exactly why.
“You thinking about that, Jay? You thinking about me touching you and licking you and sucking you? Thinking about how good it would feel? It’d feel real good, I know. I like giving you head. Love sucking on your dick. Spend all day on it and get myself off so many times, just because your dick’s in my mouth.”
“Oh, fuck, yes-Jesus, Jen. Yeah, fucking want you to suck me-only if I get to do the same because, God, I love your dick, Jen. So fucking perfect, you don’t even know. Lick it like a damn lollipop, swear to God…” Jared was panting harsh and loud into the phone as he said, “Jesus, Jen, I think I’m going to come…” and damned if Jensen didn’t beat him there because of it.
Jensen’s body shuddered as he orgasmed, one lone whimper squeaking past his lips as his hips bucked upward and his toes curled. In his ear, Jared was panting nonsense as he worked his way to climax, too, coming just as Jensen was sliding back down from Cloud Nine.
Jensen collapsed back against the bed and just let himself sprawl, his hand still trailing lazily over his groin and aftershocks rippled pleasantly along his nerves. Oh fuck, yeah. He had to do that again…
“So much for the shy, innocent thing, huh?” Jared teased, his voice still ragged, trying to catch his breath. Jensen thought it was just about the sexiest thing he’d ever heard. “What would your momma say?”
Jensen laughed, loud and open. “I really hope you wouldn’t be tellin’ my momma about this,” he shot back and Jared started laughing with him.
“Touché.”
Jensen didn’t know how it was possible but somehow he made it through the next few weeks. No, scratch that. He knew exactly how it made it through and it involved copious amounts of Jared and orgasms with some Chris, his family, and a whole lot of writing. Between all of it, Jensen had barely had time to think about anything else.
…He had to say, the phone sex thing had definitely been one of Jared’s better ideas. He still missed Jared but it was easier.
And he didn’t let the rest of the remaining episodes bother him. What did it matter? They were all kicked off eventually, right? The only interesting thing, really, was all that went on behind the scenes-such as Jeff and Jared reviewing the tapes on Lita before kicking her off or revealing just all the crazy shit that Lita had gotten up to while everyone’s back had been turned. Jensen had no idea that she was the one who’d turned Jared against Mike and Tom or all of her other scheming.
It was like reliving the time spent in the house all over but this time with more information.
Plus, Jensen finally got to listen to all of Misha’s ravings. That was a definite plus. He was eighty percent certain that it was all just Misha yanking everyone’s chain but still. Misha confessed his dreams of world domination and his love of all things pumpkin and his secret desire to become a dolphin. Plus, his never ending respect and adoration for the noble unicorn-especially when it was a robot.
By the end of the last episode, though, Jensen was just glad that it was all done-all except for that one last thing. The envelope with the plane tickets and the invite was sitting on his kitchen counter and it was almost hard to believe that in about a week’s time, Jensen was going to be able to see Jared again. He’d get to see everyone else-and this time, he’d definitely remember to get their phone numbers or at least their emails-but he’d get to see Jared.
So many reality show relationships, he knew, never even made it to the reunion show. They crumbled to dust as soon as the surreal little adventure was over, revealing themselves to be the shallow connections that they were. He was hoping-and he didn’t think he was wrong-that his and Jared’s would do better.
It would, he told himself. It definitely would. In just one more week, he’d get to see that for himself.
Part 16 | Master Post | Part 18
Author: dragonspell
Fandom: RPS
Pairing: Jared/Jensen (and Jared/a slew of other characters including Misha Collins, Tom Welling, Mike Rosenbaum, Danneel Harris, Sandy McCoy and some OMCs and OFCs)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: AU. Cheesiness. Fandom cliches. The usual drill.
Summary (fic): After a drunken dare, award-winning writer Jensen agreed to on a reality television show to vie for the attention of megastar Jared Padalecki who he's had a crush on for years. Only Jensen doesn't know how he's going to be able to tolerate all the other contestants and their widely varying personalities and he's pretty sure that you're not supposed to be able to get used to somebody filming you 24/7.
Summary (part): Three months is a very long time.
Word Count: 7150
Disclaimer: Never happened, no affiliation.
Master Post: Master Post
A/N: ...It's been over a month since I posted a chapter of this. D: RL and the ReverseBB getting in the way. On a related note: if you posted a comment about an update to this fic, I really didn't mean to ignore you. I just felt really guilty and wanted my reply to you totally to be "Next chapter is up!" Forgive me? ^^ I have no idea how long the next chapter will be but I really don't care how big it is, it will be all posted as one.
Part 16 | Master Post | Part 18
Hiatus - Second Half
He didn’t mean to do it. He really didn’t know what he’d been thinking. He knew that he hadn’t had much business with keeping it and yet, there it was the next day when he’d picked his pants up off the floor where he’d thrown them, fluttering out onto the floor. Jensen had stared at the little, innocent looking card with the abstract graphic splashed over the front though he hadn’t been thinking about anything all. Hadn’t let himself.
Eventually, he’d bent over and picked it up, shoving it into the pocket of his jeans. Just because. There was no sense in letting something sit on the floor, after all. That would be just silly. If he didn’t pick it up, who would?
He wandered out into the living room, bare feet padding along the carpet as quiet as a ghost. The answering machine on the kitchen counter brazenly declared a red accusing zero but that would be exactly why Jensen had deleted everything the night before-he hadn’t wanted to risk caving during the light of day.
He’d really love to hear a familiar voice right about now. With that in mind, he pushed past the telephone entirely.
His wanderings finally took him into the little guest room that he’d reserved for his laptop. He supposed that, yeah, he probably should try to write. If he didn’t, assurances to his editor aside, he’d blow right on past his deadline.
The only problem was, Jensen thought after he’d brought up the word document of the latest chapter, that it was complete shit. The flow wasn’t there like it should be and the plot…the plot had left the train station a few miles back and Jensen definitely hadn’t been on it.
Still. It was worth a shot. Studying the last few lines, he reacquainted himself again and typed a few sentences. But that reminded him-had he added in the part with Meghan and the dream in the beginning of the chapter? He should probably do that. And, since he was doing that, that second paragraph was really kind of rough-particularly the third and fourth sentences. And he’d forgotten that he’d really wanted Paul in the second scene, too…
Jensen highlighted the entire chapter with the blinking cursor and checked the word count. Just over 21,000. Then he pressed delete.
That was probably much better.
When he exited out of the program, though, he didn’t bother to save. It was, after all, always better to edit shit than to be just writing it and having to edit it later on.
He wandered back out into the kitchen, past the answering machine with its red zero and to the refrigerator. There wasn’t anything inside, of course, but that didn’t stop him from looking-a block of cheese, a stick of butter, a head of lettuce and two bottles of beer-the overpriced import that only Chris seemed to like-stared back. So he closed the door but he didn’t move anyway. Instead, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the card again.
Jean Claude Girard
Photographer
A cell phone number ran across the bottom, just above a studio address. Jensen flipped the card over, looking at the back-a black and white picture of a waterfall with a splash of green-and then put it up on the fridge, holding it in place with a letter magnet shaped like a J. He should probably throw it out. He knew what Jean Claude wanted-or at least had a hint. But yet-there was nothing wrong with keeping the man’s phone number, right?
Nothing wrong at all.
“We don’t have to watch if you don’t want to.” Jensen turned his head to look at Chris, ignoring the commercial for Tide that was now exploding across the TV screen. “The show,” Chris said. “We don’t have to watch. Granted, I love watching you squirm but we don’t have to.”
It was a thought-especially having to watch the nice little editing job at the beginning of the episode where it looked like both Mike and Misha had followed Jensen into the shower instead of just randomly showing up like they had. That had been awesome. And they were currently making their way through the clusterfuck that had been the fashion show that they’d put on for Jared so Jensen knew exactly what was next.
He was pretty sure that he didn’t want to watch it but, then again, he was also pretty sure that he did. It would be his first chance at getting to see a hint of how close Jared and Sandy might have gotten. Jensen was really hoping that Ben and Misha hadn’t gotten too far, not with how they went out-with a shrug instead of a bang-so that would just mean that Sandy was the only one that he had to care about during this episode.
But there was no way that he could honestly answer Chris’s question, so Jensen just shrugged and turned back towards the screen. If he didn’t actively say yes or no, it would almost be like he wasn’t buying into it. “Alright man,” Chris said quietly. “Your choice.”
Honestly, Jensen didn’t know what he’d be doing if he wasn’t watching the show. It wasn’t as if he had anything pressing. Sure, he hadn’t talked to Jared in a week after just about hanging up on him last Sunday and seeing Jared on the screen, laughing and happy and just being a gigantic shooting star streaking through everyone’s lives was hitting just a little too close to home but Jensen couldn’t look away either. He had to be here.
He just wanted to know. In just a little while, he knew that he’d be regretting it. He didn’t need to see Sandy giggling and happy and hanging off of Jared’s arm. He didn’t need to see Jared practically panting after Ben the way that he did the entire length of the show. He didn’t need to see Jared laughing at every little comment that Misha made. Even if Jared had ultimately picked him, Jensen didn’t need to see all the ways that he was coming up short.
Chris had tried to talk him out of watching two more times but Jensen had just shaken his head. He was going to try something new: If he didn’t let it bother him, then maybe it wouldn’t bother him.
Even if the only thing he could think about at the moment was the damn phone. He twirled the cordless in his hands, hoping that it would ring though he didn’t know if he’d pick it up or not. He’d already blown Jared off three times this week-there was a definite chance that Jared wouldn’t call.
And then, there was always the phone number that was still hanging up on the refrigerator door, right where Jensen had put it.
Jensen stared at the phone, hating himself for letting it dictate his life at the moment. Chris was gone, having left just shortly after the show had ended, and the phone was definitely not ringing.
Jared always called within a few minutes of the end credits. Sometimes even before. Jensen bit his lip-this wasn’t good, was it?
If Jared called, Jensen would pick up the phone. He just needed Jared to call first.
Would that appear weak, though? And what excuses could he give for not answering Jared’s calls all week? That he’d just been “busy”? No one in their right mind would buy that and Jared wasn’t exactly stupid.
No, Jensen couldn’t talk to Jared. If Jared called, Jensen couldn’t pick up.
Except that he really wanted to. He’d gotten used to talking to Jared, gotten used to having Jared there for him. This? Right here? This was like jonsing for another hit of crack. Jensen twirled the phone again wondering what number he would get if he just tried to call back the last number that had dialed him.
Probably his editor. He didn’t want to talk to her.
He didn’t want to talk to anyone, really-had barely even talked to Chris and Chris had actually been in his damn living room. That was stupid. So much for actually having a fucking life beyond Jared. Wasn’t that what he was supposed to do now that the show had ended? Wasn’t he supposed to “return to his real life”? And not sit around waiting for freaking Jared Padalecki to decide to call him? Jensen had thought he’d had a raw deal on the show but that was nothing compared to this. Here he was, supposed to be living his own life, and all he could do was sit around and wait for Jared to cross his path again-just like he’d been doing on the show.
Angry at himself, Jensen jumped up and stalked to where the base for the cordless was sitting by the answering machine. He slammed the phone down-he wasn’t waiting for Jared fucking Padalecki to call him. If he ever did. No, Jensen had other things to do with his time. He had other…
Jensen glanced over at the refrigerator, at the neatly scrawled name and number. He could do that.
…Except for the fact that he had no interest in doing so. God fucking damn it. Jensen snarled at himself. Jared had apparently ruined him. Jean Claude was someone that Jensen should be leaping at: gorgeous, successful, confident, sexy, and, for some crazy reason, interested in Jensen. But yet here Jensen was, with absolutely zero interest in calling him back besides some vague melodrama about making Jared jealous or some such thing.
“Doesn’t fucking work that way,” Jensen growled to himself. Sure, Jensen could be jealous because all of Jared’s escapades were being broadcasted into Jensen’s living room on a weekly basis. What the fuck would going out with Jean Claude Girard accomplish?
And how sad was it that, as awesome of a man as Jensen was sure that Jean Claude was, all Jensen could think of doing with him was using him to get back at Jared? He didn’t deserve that. Nobody deserved that.
He’d just get out of the house, that’s what he’d do. So he wouldn’t call Jean Claude to have an excuse, but he’d still…go for a walk. Or something. That was exactly what he’d do. Jensen snatched his coat up off the back of the chair and hauled open the front door, dead set on maybe going down to the park. He never even made it a step.
A tall man was standing at the door, nearly completely buried in an oversized hoodie but looking just about as startled as Jensen felt and it took Jensen a few long seconds to get it. In his defense, it wasn’t often that Jared wore a hoodie.
“Jensen?” Jensen gaped because he was pretty sure that he hadn’t just stepped into the Twilight Zone which meant one of two things: either he’d somehow nodded off somewhere or Jared was at his front door.
“What are doing here?” Jensen asked. It came out blunter than he’d intended but, Jesus, Jared was at his front door!
Jared flinched and Jensen felt instantly guilty. “I, uh, wanted to see you.” Jared ducked his head, dropping his eyes to the floor. “Can I come in?” he asked. “If nothing else, so nobody will see me? If I get caught here, I’ll owe Jeff three million dollars…”
“…Seriously?” Three million dollars? And Jared was here? Jensen thought that if there was a chance that he’d be fined three million dollars for being somewhere, he’d probably be on the opposite side of the world.
“Jen.”
Jensen shook himself and opened the door wider, stepping out of the way. “Yeah, sure,” he said. “Come in.” He was still kind of stuck on the fact that Jared was here, in Texas, standing in Jensen’s doorway and not out in L.A. where he should be, schmoozing with famous people.
Jared waited until Jensen shut the door behind him before he took off the hoodie-like people wouldn’t be able to recognize him from height alone, Jensen thought inanely. It was almost as if he’d forgotten just how tall Jared really was-he wasn’t used to looking up anymore. Jared walked to the middle of the living room before turning around. “You wouldn’t pick up your phone,” he told the floor.
Jensen nodded because there was no sense in denying it though, “I’ve been busy,” popped out all by itself despite his wince.
“Yeah,” Jared said, reaching into his hoodie. “I got that.” He pulled out a stack of glossy rolled paper and handed it to Jensen, waving it slowly when Jensen merely stared in confusion. The paper unfurled in Jensen’s hand, revealing the cover of Us Weekly with Angelina Jolie’s smiling face and a million and one scenarios flew through Jensen’s mind before one definite possibility came front and center and the bottom of his stomach dropped out. “It’s on page 17.”
The magazine felt alive in Jensen’s hand. He knew in his head that it wasn’t but he wanted to drop the glossy pages like a snake. Jared knew. Jensen hadn’t even done anything and Jared already knew. What did this mean?
“And I…” Jensen jerked his head up, preferring to stare at Jared than Angelina’s pitying grin but Jared was staring at the floor again, his hands in his pockets looking anything but Jared Padalecki. For the first time since Jensen had met the shooting star that was Jared, Jared looked completely unsure of himself. Like he didn’t know where he stood….like Jensen was about to tell him no.
The past few weeks were hitting hard and heavy, running through Jensen’s mind-the strange limbo that they’d been suspended in and all the various bits of jealousy, both warranted and unwarranted, and the exact reason why he’d stopped taking Jared’s calls. Why he’d tried to take his life back. And now Jared was here, right in front of him. What did he want to say? What did he need to say?
“I owe you an explanation, Jensen,” Jared said and then Jensen was staring at Jared’s all too earnest eyes again and he couldn’t think, couldn’t move, couldn’t even breathe. He was a deer caught in the headlights. Jared looked away. “After you hung up on me, I did some thinking. And I think I finally realized something.” He huffed a laugh. “I get paid the big bucks for my looks, Jen, not my smarts.”
Jensen blinked at the self-slam. Where was Jared going with this? “It’s all right,” he murmured, just because it was something to say, not that because he actually thought it made sense.
“No, it’s not alright, Jensen, and don’t pretend that it is.” Jared took a few steps forward and there hadn’t been a whole lot of room between them in the first place-not for Jared’s long legs. Jared stopped directly in front of Jensen, making Jensen have to tilt his head or end up staring at Jared’s chin. “If it was really alright, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t need to be here. Not that I didn’t want to see you again, but if it was alright, I could have waited the next month and a half.” When Jared paused, waiting for a response, Jensen nodded. “I’ve been a dick,” Jared confessed. “It’s just…there was just the show and me being me and all these normal rules that you operate under just don’t apply to our situation, do they?”
Jensen shook his head, his mind still blank as he stared downward at Jared’s shoulders, analyzing the dark blue seam line of Jared’s sweatshirt. “No, they don’t,” he answered by rote, though, because that was something that he’d figured out long before now.
“No, they don’t,” Jared repeated and then his arms were wrapping around Jensen and Jensen found himself getting pulled that last bit further to be pressed up against Jared. He took a deep breath, breathing in the scent of Jared’s shirt and felt a ball of emotions tumble through him. “I don’t want to lose you,” Jared mumbled, his face pressed against Jensen’s hair. Not knowing what else to do, not even pretending that he didn’t want to, Jensen raised his arms awkwardly and hugged Jared back.
Then, just as suddenly as he had stepped forward, Jared stepped back. He took a deep breath and leveled a look at Jensen. “I’m sorry, Jensen. You deserved this a long time ago and I just wasn’t thinking. Nothing happened with anyone, I swear. Nothing serious. There was a lot of kissing and making out and I know how they can make it look but I swear, Jen. I’m not…I’m not…you know. Because we were being filmed and, yeah, I forgot that sometimes but there are lines, I always knew that.”
Jensen closed his eyes, letting the words sink into the swirling hurt that he hadn’t let himself acknowledge. It still had an edge and the jealousy was still there but he couldn’t deny that it was exactly what he wanted to hear. Well, not exactly what he wanted but the only thing that would make sense-that would make Jared not a liar. “Sandy?” Because, yeah, Jensen remembered handjobs in the ocean-too far out to be filmed.
“Sandy has different rules,” Jared answered and Jensen jerked his head up, an uneasy thought crossing his mind. Jesus fucking Christ, had he unknowingly violated some kind of reality show rule? Had he been so tied up in how normal life would operate and how it was so different from the surreal fishtank that he’d been dropped in and then spun around by the whirlwind that was Jared Padalecki that he’d crossed a line that no one else would.
As if guessing his thoughts, Jared winced. “Not that I’m saying that you don’t and fuck, I’m screwing this all up. I showed up to fix it and Jeff is totally going to be suing me for $3 million just as I soon as I get home and I’m just fucking it up, aren’t I?” He pushed a hand through his hair, getting it out of his eyes. “It was a dating show, Jen. I was dating everyone on it.”
Jensen nodded slowly. “Okay…”
“No, not okay. I’m not saying that it’s normal for me. God, Jen, that wasn’t anywhere near normal for me-I’m not like that. I mean, I know that some guys, if you give that chance, there’re just going to go crazy but I wasn’t there looking for a good time, you know? Well,” he corrected, “not just a good time some people. I actually wanted something worthwhile out of it. Was hoping, anyway. And I did! Find something worthwhile. I hope.”
Jared was staring at Jensen again and it took Jensen a few beats to realize that, there at the end, Jared had been talking about him. Jared’s puppy dog hopefulness had been starting to crumble before Jensen managed to work himself up to an answer. “Me too,” he blurted and then winced. He picked up Jared’s words and pushed them back at him, because it was easier than coming up with his own. “I hoping it’s worthwhile, too.”
The tension left Jared’s shoulders, like the determination that had been holding him suddenly left and Jared breathed a deep sigh. Then he laughed. “I’m over here babbling, Jen. Scared that I might be…”
“You’re not,” Jensen said hurriedly, cutting Jared off. Whatever it was that Jared was scared that he thought that he might be doing, he wasn’t. Jensen was sure of that.
Jared nodded, letting a little smile pull at his mouth. “I’m not going to lie and say that Sandy didn’t mean anything to me but, Jen, I picked you. You’re the one that I wanted. And I’m pretty sure that I was getting close to knowing that when we decided to go to Tahiti. I mean, God, look at all the stuff I did with you! You make me stupid, Jen. My mother’s horrified watching the show and my little sister’s traumatized.”
Jensen allowed himself a small smile and ducked his head. “Yeah, mine too,” he admitted. His mother actually refused to even talk about the show due to the general uncomfortableness that she felt. Jensen noted that she was still watching faithfully, though.
“So,” Jared said. “Please go back to talking to me?” Jensen wasn’t sure how it was possible but 6’5 Jared Padalecki was managing to look all of five at the moment and there wasn’t anything that Jensen could do but nod helplessly. He couldn’t say no to that face, not with the pleading puppy dog eyes. And it was totally worth it for the grin that broke across Jared’s face. “Yes!” he shouted, fist pumping the air. He rushed toward Jensen before Jensen could even blink and scooped him up into a hug. “And then phone sex?”
Jensen froze, his hands clutching Jared’s shoulders as his face went red. All it took was Jared’s voice saying the word “sex” and he was stuck, his mind in a never-ending loop. “Or maybe just sex?” Jared asked with a grin and once again, Jensen was stuck nodding helplessly. Yes please?
Weeks with nothing but his right hand and seething jealousy and then suddenly Jared Padalecki showed up on his doorstep offering heartfelt apologies and orgasms? Somebody really should have told him that it was his birthday. Called, maybe. Something.
‘Cause Jensen was pretty damn sure that life didn’t get any better than this.
Jared seemed bound and determined to lick every inch of Jensen’s skin. Except, of course, exactly where Jensen needed that clever tongue the most. Jensen squirmed on the bed, arching upward despite Jared’s hands trying to hold him flat. Too much damn teasing… Jensen was dying over here.
Jared’s tongue licked down Jensen’s leg, flicking at his knee and Jensen moaned in frustration. Jared chuckled. “Just mappin’ out the territory, Jen…”
“Fuck…” Jensen replied. He couldn’t take it anymore. He reached down and buried his hands in Jared’s hair. “Show you mappin’ territory,” he muttered and pulled Jared upward. Jared went willing, grinning until their mouths met, wet and slick, and then he was all business again, pushing Jensen down against the bed as he licked inside his mouth. Jensen skated his hands down over Jared’s shoulders and past his chest to follow the fine line of hair that started about midway up his stomach. Jared hissed and squirmed as Jensen’s fist closed around his dick, his hips rocking forward.
“God, yeah,” Jared mumbled, pushing as close as he could possibly get and finally-fucking finally-moving his hand to Jensen’s dick, wrapping his long fingers around it and stroking with long, hard pulls. Jensen’s vision started to dim around the edges.
He kissed Jared harder, his own hand following Jared’s rhythm, trying to get Jared off and loving each moan and whimper Jared rewarded him with. He’d forgotten just how damn vocal Jared was during sex and it was making him shiver in response. “Fuck, Jen,” Jared was muttering in between hard, bruising kisses, “yeah, just like that, Jesus, so fucking good…” Jensen thought that he was going to explode from sensory overload long before he actually made it to orgasm.
With a shudder and a bitten off whine, Jared beat him there, his hips rocking into Jensen’s fist, pushing Jensen upward and Jensen didn’t even have time to brace himself before his was coming too, purely out of sympathetic response. His vision grayed and then went dark as pleasure flooded through his body.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” Jared was saying and Jensen hovered in a haze as Jared bent his head to nip and lick ruthlessly at Jensen’s neck. There was the faint worry about hickeys but it quickly slipped away, replaced by the sheer immediacy of Jared.
With one last shudder, Jared collapsed on top of Jensen, pressing him into the bed, nearly crushing him. It was hard to breathe but Jensen just wrapped his arms around Jared and held him there. Breathing was overrated anyway.
Jensen frowned as he slowly moved to wakefulness. He had no idea what time it was, but he knew that the sun wasn’t up yet and that meant that he wasn’t about to open his eyes let alone get out of bed.
Except he wasn’t alone. Jensen’s eyes snapped open, just in time to catch sight of Jared bending down before the world went fuzzy and a quick kiss was being pressed to his lips. “Sorry, Jen…” Jared whispered.
“Jared?” Jensen asked, confused for a few moments before the previous night came rushing back. His heart skipped a beat. Jared had stayed. He looked over at the clock. 4:34 A.M. He had no idea how much sleep he’d really gotten-Jared had woken him up several times. Jensen had vague recollections of that, though he couldn’t be sure how much he’d dreamed and how much had actually happened. The relaxed sprawl of his body, though, with the pleasant hum of contentedness told him it was probably more of the former than the later. Jensen’s dreams had never been able to achieve such an effect, no matter how good they were.
“I’ve got to go,” Jared said, staring down at Jensen regretfully.
“You do?” Jensen’s mind couldn’t quite fathom why at the moment. He wasn’t to that point yet. Coffee would probably help or, barring that, a couple more hours of sleep. Like twelve or so.
“Yeah. Jeff will kill me, remember? Can’t let anyone know that I’m here.”
And just like that, the pleasant little bubble that Jensen had been floating in popped. He felt a surge of disappointment and was too tired to fight it. But he nodded, slowly waking up. “Okay,” he said.
Jared nodded too. “Okay,” he repeated. “So, listen: I’ll call you in a little while. You know, when you’re more awake.” He smiled down at Jensen, his hand petting alone Jensen’s hairline. “And you’ll answer, right?”
Jensen nodded again, unable to understand at the moment why he wouldn’t. He scrubbed at his eyes and then pushed off the blankets. “I’ll walk you out,” he said.
Jared shook his head and pulled the covers back up. “No, stay here. You’re tired. Just…pick up when I call you.” He smiled, small and quick. “It’ll make the next six weeks go by faster.”
That was right. This was going to be the last time that he’d see Jared for awhile. And he wasn’t even supposed to be seeing him now. Jensen swallowed hard. Six weeks-a month and a half-without Jared. Sure, he’d done it before, but it wasn’t anything he particularly cared to repeat. But it wasn’t like they had a choice.
Jensen surged upward before Jared had the chance to move away and surprised him by pulling him back down and kissing him hard. If Jensen had to make it through the long weeks ahead, he was going to get his fill now, damn it. Jared gave in easily, submitting and letting Jensen take charge until Jensen finally let him go. They both breathed slow, looking at each other.
Jared licked his lips. “I’ll see you later,” he said and Jensen nodded one last time and then Jared was gone, moving out the door, hoping to get gone before any paparazzi managed to put two and two together.
Jensen watched him go and then snuggled back down into his blankets. Six more weeks. He could do that, right?
The next few days were a bit of a haze, though Jensen thought that he was entitled to it. It was a Jared-flavored haze, after all, and he should be allowed a little bit of self-indulgence. He had to relive the past Sunday night over and over so that he could commit it to memory. Hell, he’d write it down if he was shameless enough. Luckily, he flushed a solid red whenever he thought about doing so. That was all he needed-if he died, Chris would totally have to find it and hide it from his mother.
He’d also never been more productive, writing-wise. It was as if all his basic needs had finally been met so he could focus again. It was glorious, actually. He had the rough draft of the next two chapters done, banged out in the past few days. The only times that he bothered to stop was with the phone rang and then only if the caller ID listed Jared’s number. He’d talk with Jared for a few hours and then he’d be right back in front of his computer, fully recharged and ready to go for another ten hours or so. Matter of fact, he’d still probably be in his studio, typing away, if Chris hadn’t shown up with food.
Jensen hadn’t even realized that he was hungry. He did now, though. He was wolfing down the Chinese that Chris had brought like a starving man. Which, now that he thought about it, he pretty much was-he hadn’t eaten since early yesterday…
“Spill,” Chris said, leaning forward and Jensen stared at him in confusion because, um, no, he really didn’t want to spill any of the food-he’d prefer it to be in his mouth, thanks. Chris rolled his eyes at the protective way that Jensen was cradling the take-out box. “Not the food, jackass. You new lease on life. You finally give up on that jerkwad celebrity?” He snapped his fingers. “No, I know-you went out with that photographer guy from the party.” He grinned. “He give good head?”
Jensen made sure to actually swallow the food that he was deadset on choking on if Chris kept it up. “Jared’s not a jerkwad,” he said, deciding that, out of all that Chris had said, that was probably the safest to explore.
“Jerkwad for keeping you hanging like this, yeah,” Chris replied, taking a swig of his beer. “So you didn’t go out with what’s-his-name?”
Fuck. Sometimes Jensen really hated that Chris wasn’t as dumb as he liked to pretend he was. “No,” Jensen answered, trying to inject a note of finality into the word. The first thing that he’d done when he woken up after Jared had left was to throw Jean Claude’s card into the trash. He’d felt a little guilty afterward-everyone could use a good photographer, right?-but he’d felt that it was the right thing to do.
Chris sighed and let it drop with a “Your choice, man” and switched the topic over to his latest gig as Jensen concentrated on stuffing his face with more noodles.
Jensen thought that the episodes of In It for Love: Jared Padalecki were really starting to improve. Of course, he was probably biased and basing it entirely on how much screen time Jared seemed to spend with himself. Just like the Jared-induced haze of earlier in the week, though, Jensen thought that he was entitled to think so. He even confessed that to Jared, making him laugh.
“That’s probably true,” Jared said. “I think that the more the episode features you, the better it is. Especially if it features you on top of me in a bed. Now if only you had been shirtless…”
Jensen smiled happily to himself. “I don’t think that my mother would have appreciated that.”
“Mine either but I gotta confess, Jen, I really wasn’t thinking about anyone’s Momma there in that room.” Jared paused while Jensen suppressed his blush, thinking about the massage scene again, broadcasted in full glory to millions of viewers TV sets. “I’m not now, either. And I’m not wearing a shirt.”
Jensen blinked as his mind started to slowly connect the dots. Too slowly because Jared followed up his previous statement with, “I’m not wearing any pants, either, Jen.” Oh. Oh.
“That’s uh…” Jensen swallowed. Jared. Shirtless. With no pants. Dear God. “Aren’t you cold?”
Jared laughed. “Practical, aren’t you?” he teased. “I think the hand down my underwear is keeping me pretty warm.” And there went any hope of Jensen not being turned on. His brain sputtered and stopped, stalling on an image of Jared’s long body spread out over a bed with nothing but his underwear on as he slowly teased himself to hardness. “Well. It’s keeping my dick warm at any rate. How about yours, Jen?”
That was a cue, wasn’t it? Jensen was supposed to say something here. Unfortunately, the only thing he had at the moment was, “Uh…”
“Heh. I’d love to help you out of your clothes, Jensen. How about that? Picture that for me? I’d start by pulling down the collar of your shirt, just so I can lick at the junction of your neck-that little spot that makes you twitch. Would you like that?”
Yeah, Jensen was hard. Painfully. He leaned forward on the bed, folding himself over as he nodded desperately before remembering that Jared couldn’t see him. “Uh…” He cleared his throat. “Yeah…”
“Yeah?” Jared asked. “Then I’d run my hands down your chest until I reached your stomach. I’d hold them there, just feeling you underneath me, feeling you suck in that quick breath that you do right before I kiss you-like you’re afraid that I might not ever let you up for air. ‘Cause you know me too well. You with me, Jen?”
Jensen nodded again, but, this time, followed it more quickly with his vocal affirmation. “Yeah.” Oh yeah. He was definitely with Jared. His face was flaming with whatever left over blood wasn’t in his dick but he was definitely on the same page.
“Good. I’d slowly lift up your shirt, running my fingers underneath the hem, touching your skin… How about you do that for me? Wanna touch you so damn bad…”
Jensen bit his lip. God, he couldn’t believe that he was doing this. But yet he was obediently moving his right hand to his stomach, sliding his fingers underneath his shirt. He sighed and pushed them upwards, pretending that it was Jared the entire way. “Feel that?” Jared asked. “Me touching you?”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah. I’d lick my way up your chest because you taste so good, Jensen-stop to flick at your nipples because they’re just so damn perfect and I love how you shudder-” Jensen moaned, touching himself exactly the way that Jared was describing. “-and how you moan, just like that. So damn responsive, Jen… Time to take that shirt, off, right?”
Jensen sat up and pulled his shirt off, tossing it to a corner of the room and then collapsed back onto the bed, ready for Jared to continue purring instructions in his ear. God, they should have done this before. What the hell had Jensen been thinking? “I can see you, Jensen. You’re so gorgeous, spread out and waiting…” Jensen nodded again, even if Jared couldn’t see it. “What do you want to do next?”
Jensen groaned. Jared couldn’t expect him to actually talk right now, right? Except that talking was the only way to reciprocate here and Jensen mentally smacked himself for being a selfish bastard. But what could he say? “I, uh…”
“Do you want to touch me, Jensen?” Jared prompted. “Want me to touch you?”
Aw, to Hell with it. “I want to touch your chest,” Jensen said, closing his eyes.
“Yeah?” Jared asked interestedly. “How do you want to touch my chest, Jensen?”
“I want to run my hands over your ridiculous muscles,” Jensen confessed. With his eyes squeezed shut, this seemed easier-easier to picture Jared as right there instead of thousands of miles away.
“You think I got ridiculous muscles?” Jared asked.
“Yeah,” Jensen replied, getting into it. “Yeah, I do. And they’re so hard and firm but your skin’s so soft and I love feeling it when you flex-love feeling your body move.”
“Yeah,” Jared breathed.
“Yeah, and I like to cup your pecs and thumb over your nipples because it makes you twitch and your whole body ripples.”
“God, that’s good…”
“And then I like your hips, that little divot before your thigh starts-like to run my finger down that line because it leads right to…” Jensen sucked in a harsh breath. Jesus…
“Leads right to...?” Jensen didn’t want to answer that-couldn’t-so Jared answered for him. “Leads right to my dick, doesn’t it, Jen?” Jensen’s dick twitched in his pants, jumping up at the sound of Jared’s voice, and he was starting to pant.
“Yeah, I like it when you touch me there, too,” Jared said. “Can feel it right now. Feels so damn good… Can you feel me, Jen? Feel me pushing down your jeans? Getting my hand inside just so I can hold my hand over you? Feel you underneath your underwear?”
Jensen moaned, shoving his hand into his pants and doing just as Jared asked. Yeah, he could feel that. Jared was such a damn tease. Of course he’d want to palm Jensen overtop his boxers-teasing the hell out of him until Jensen was all but flat-out begging for him to do more.
“Love your dick, Jen. Love feeling it. Love holding it. Love watching you come undone just because I’m touching it. I like running my fingers up and down the length, to feeling out your size.”
“Fuck,” Jensen gasped.
“Mmm, yeah, you sound just like that. And then, when you’re good and ready, I like pulling you out of your boxers, pushing the band down underneath your balls so I can get full access. Do you like that?”
“Yeah, Jay…”
“That’s good.”
“I like touching you, too,” Jensen said, his voice breathy as his fingers feathered teasingly along his dick-mimicking Jared’s touch.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. You’re so fucking big. …Whenever I see it, just want to put my mouth on it…”
A harsh breath came over the line followed by “…Jesus” and Jensen grinned, knowing he’d gotten to Jared and feeling even more turned on because of it.
“Would you like that, Jay?” he teased, turning Jared’s own game back on him. “Would you like me sucking you? But you’re so damn big that I can barely get my mouth around you. Doesn’t mean that I don’t want to try-swallow you whole.”
“God, Jen, yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.” Jared’s voice was getting clipped, tense and focused, and Jensen knew exactly why.
“You thinking about that, Jay? You thinking about me touching you and licking you and sucking you? Thinking about how good it would feel? It’d feel real good, I know. I like giving you head. Love sucking on your dick. Spend all day on it and get myself off so many times, just because your dick’s in my mouth.”
“Oh, fuck, yes-Jesus, Jen. Yeah, fucking want you to suck me-only if I get to do the same because, God, I love your dick, Jen. So fucking perfect, you don’t even know. Lick it like a damn lollipop, swear to God…” Jared was panting harsh and loud into the phone as he said, “Jesus, Jen, I think I’m going to come…” and damned if Jensen didn’t beat him there because of it.
Jensen’s body shuddered as he orgasmed, one lone whimper squeaking past his lips as his hips bucked upward and his toes curled. In his ear, Jared was panting nonsense as he worked his way to climax, too, coming just as Jensen was sliding back down from Cloud Nine.
Jensen collapsed back against the bed and just let himself sprawl, his hand still trailing lazily over his groin and aftershocks rippled pleasantly along his nerves. Oh fuck, yeah. He had to do that again…
“So much for the shy, innocent thing, huh?” Jared teased, his voice still ragged, trying to catch his breath. Jensen thought it was just about the sexiest thing he’d ever heard. “What would your momma say?”
Jensen laughed, loud and open. “I really hope you wouldn’t be tellin’ my momma about this,” he shot back and Jared started laughing with him.
“Touché.”
Jensen didn’t know how it was possible but somehow he made it through the next few weeks. No, scratch that. He knew exactly how it made it through and it involved copious amounts of Jared and orgasms with some Chris, his family, and a whole lot of writing. Between all of it, Jensen had barely had time to think about anything else.
…He had to say, the phone sex thing had definitely been one of Jared’s better ideas. He still missed Jared but it was easier.
And he didn’t let the rest of the remaining episodes bother him. What did it matter? They were all kicked off eventually, right? The only interesting thing, really, was all that went on behind the scenes-such as Jeff and Jared reviewing the tapes on Lita before kicking her off or revealing just all the crazy shit that Lita had gotten up to while everyone’s back had been turned. Jensen had no idea that she was the one who’d turned Jared against Mike and Tom or all of her other scheming.
It was like reliving the time spent in the house all over but this time with more information.
Plus, Jensen finally got to listen to all of Misha’s ravings. That was a definite plus. He was eighty percent certain that it was all just Misha yanking everyone’s chain but still. Misha confessed his dreams of world domination and his love of all things pumpkin and his secret desire to become a dolphin. Plus, his never ending respect and adoration for the noble unicorn-especially when it was a robot.
By the end of the last episode, though, Jensen was just glad that it was all done-all except for that one last thing. The envelope with the plane tickets and the invite was sitting on his kitchen counter and it was almost hard to believe that in about a week’s time, Jensen was going to be able to see Jared again. He’d get to see everyone else-and this time, he’d definitely remember to get their phone numbers or at least their emails-but he’d get to see Jared.
So many reality show relationships, he knew, never even made it to the reunion show. They crumbled to dust as soon as the surreal little adventure was over, revealing themselves to be the shallow connections that they were. He was hoping-and he didn’t think he was wrong-that his and Jared’s would do better.
It would, he told himself. It definitely would. In just one more week, he’d get to see that for himself.
Part 16 | Master Post | Part 18