Fic: RPS (Jared/Jensen): In It for Love [16/18] | NC-17 | 8350 words
Title: In It for Love [ 16 / 18 ]
Author: dragonspell
Fandom: RPS
Pairing: Jared/Jensen (and Jared/a slew of other characters including Misha Collins, Tom Welling, Mike Rosenbaum, Danneel Harris, Sandy McCoy and some OMCs and OFCs)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: AU. Cheesiness. Fandom cliches. The usual drill.
Summary (fic): After a drunken dare, award-winning writer Jensen agreed to on a reality television show to vie for the attention of megastar Jared Padalecki who he's had a crush on for years. Only Jensen doesn't know how he's going to be able to tolerate all the other contestants and their widely varying personalities and he's pretty sure that you're not supposed to be able to get used to somebody filming you 24/7.
Summary (part): Three months is a long time.
Word Count: 8350
Disclaimer: Never happened, no affiliation.
Master Post: Master Post
A/N: GAH. Sorry about the delay--between school and a wedding, RL swallowed me whole. The chapter count has gone up on this again because I know that I'm not going to be able to get everything done in one more chapter--it's going to take me at least two. =(
Part 15 | Master Post | Part 17
Hiatus - First Half
The phone was ringing but Jensen didn’t care. He leaned back on the couch, kicking his feet up on the table in front of him because, damn it, his editor could just fuck off. She wasn’t Jared and all she wanted to know was when he was going to have his next chapter ready for her to read. He’d already assured her that he would make his deadline and she was starting to drive him up the damn wall. He’d been waiting for two weeks for the damn show to start and he was five minutes away from the first episode. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t spent any time writing since he’d gotten back-he had. Maybe not as much as usual, sure, but fuck it. He was busy, damn it.
Besides. He didn’t want to clog up the phone in case that Jared called-not that he’d ever admit that because, again, there was pathetic and then there was pathetic. Jared had been calling about every two days, whenever he was able and, even though the calls were short and hurried, usually shoved in between other activities like interviews and meetings, Jensen treasured every one. His first had been before he’d even gotten off the plane. He’d been sitting in his seat, with the annoying kid behind him kicking the back and the panicking girl across the aisle when a flight attendant had told him, “Sir, a call for you.” Jensen had never been more excited to pick up a phone.
He’d never been much for phone calls. It was the lack of body language and facial expressions. The whole interaction depended on how well you could talk and, for an introvert, that was sometimes a lot to ask. With Jared, though, it seemed to come so incredibly easy. He didn’t even have to try and any time that Jensen fell quiet, Jared would pick up the slack.
Jensen, for the first time in his life, found himself loving the sound of his ringing phone. He wasn’t allowed to call Jared-against the rules because of how many promos Jared had and other reasons that Jensen wasn’t too sure on-but Jared could call him and Jensen found himself sitting around like a teenage girl, waiting for Jared to call.
Of course, it wasn’t always Jared calling him. Which was why caller ID was so damn important-there was only two people in the world at the moment that weren’t Jared that Jensen was willing to talk to and one had given birth to him. The phone finally fell silent and Jensen sighed and turned up the TV. Three minutes away. Three minutes away from reliving the few weeks of his life that felt like an eternity-where everything had changed. And, sadly enough, three minutes away from getting to see Jared again-Jared, not whatever character he played in a movie.
Jensen wanted to ignore the loud knocking at the door, too, but he knew that he didn’t have that choice. It was harder to make a person go away than a phone call, especially the person that Jensen knew that it was. Jensen sighed and darted up from the couch and peered through the peephole of the door, just checking. Christian was staring back, scowling at the door with his arms full of beer. Apparently he’d made it in time, after all. Jensen had just been about to lock him out for the duration.
Jensen slid open all the locks of the door, swinging it open. “Hurry up,” he hissed, running back to the couch, too keyed up to stand still.
“Hi to you, too, Jenny,” Chris said, stepping in. Jensen waved him off as he threw himself back on the couch, kicking up his feet again. Chris rolled his eyes and dropped the beer on the counter, grabbing two before walking over. “You’re so fuckin’ gone, Jen.” He flopped down beside Jensen and handed him one of the beers. “Seriously, man. He’s just a guy.”
Jensen knew that Chris was aiming a pitying look at him but Jensen ignored it. He was tired of playing the avoidance game with Chris. Jensen wanted to tell Chris the whole sordid story, that he’d won, if nothing else than to stop Chris for thinking that Jensen was pathetically pining over a guy that may or may not have rejected him. Unfortunately, he couldn’t and it grated more and more as the days went on.
Of course, Jensen knew that Chris wouldn’t tell anyone. Well. Besides Steve. Who’d then probably tell the rest of the guys and then the whole damn cat would be out of the bag and Jensen would end up getting sued and then the next time that he’d be able to see Jared would be at a court hearing and that was just something that Jensen would rather avoid. And if Jensen told one person, he knew that he’d been too tempted to tell one more. It was a whole, big, slippery slope.
Jensen would rather just stare blankly at the TV and pretend that Chris wasn’t thinking that he was just a few steps away from becoming a sad stalker bidding for Jared’s supposed used underwear on eBay. After all, he was sure that if he actually wanted a pair of Jared’s used underwear, Jared would probably just laugh and overnight them to him.
Chris had already been instructed not to talk except during the commercial breaks. He’d insisted on watching the episodes with Jensen but Jensen didn’t need to be mocked while he was busy mooning over Jared. Chris could just save up his comments for the three minute commercial breaks.
“Whatever, dude,” Chris said, taking a sip of his beer and Jensen didn’t bother to reply to that, either, because the opening promo was flashing across the screen.
“I’m Jared Padalecki,” Jared said on the TV, grinning.
“You may have heard of him,” Chad added, popping in beside Jared. “He’s kind of a big deal.”
Jared laughed and threw an arm around Chad’s shoulders. “And this is my buddy Chad Michael Murray. And you’re watching the Jared Padalecki edition of In It for Love.” Jared started to walk to the side, the camera following him and Jensen realized with an odd little pang of his heart that Jared was standing in the mansion, the shot no doubt gotten before Jensen had even steeped foot in it. “This is my new mansion and I’m about to invite fourteen people to live with me as they all compete for, well, me.”
“Fourteen hotties,” Chad clarified and there was a quick cut to the outside of the house. Jensen felt his stomach twist into a knot seeing himself standing on the end of the line, staring at the pavement. And there was Mike and Tom again-Misha and Ben and Danneel and Sandy... He’d never even gotten their numbers, too wrapped up in all the drama. He’d have to see about doing that at the reunion show-just not for everybody because, honestly, there were some from the house that Jensen could happily live without ever seeing again.
Chris smacked his arm, pointing at the TV and Jensen smacked him away because the picture on the TV had switched back to inside the mansion, focusing back on Jared. Jared pointed at himself and looked amazed that anyone would ever want to compete for someone like him. “Kind of crazy, right? You don’t know the half of it.”
The screen exploded with various shots, memories hitting Jensen hard and fast and leaving him dizzy with all the fastforwarding and rewinding of time and, dear God, but he remembered Lita and Danneel going at each other. He remembered Felicity coming after him. He didn’t remember Katrina going for Justin’s throat. And the shot at the end made Jensen flush from head to toe. It was him, staring directly at the camera, whispering, “Jealousy’s gonna eat me alive before this is over.”
Oh God. And now his weak, pathetic insecurities were being highlighted nationwide. Awesome. “Dude,” Chris whispered. “You made the credits!”
“I’m in the show, dumbass,” Jensen hissed in embarrassment and the TV was switching to a wide, panning shot of all of fourteen potential wallflowers awaiting their fate.
“Not what I meant,” Chris shot back and Jensen smacked him in the chest without even looking.
“Shut the fuck up!” Chris rolled his eyes again but did just that and Jensen watched, feeling poleaxed as the show started to unfold, close-ups of each of the contestants, followed by a few ‘confessionals’ on what they thought that they had to offer. Felicity was stating that she was Jared’s biggest fan ever right before it cut to Katrina confidently saying that she was going to make it all the way. Misha wanted the world to ‘Save the Pandas,’ Mike winked and told the world just how sexy he was and that ‘bald was beautiful,’ and Sandy just placed a finger over her lips. Jensen would rather forget his awkward, stumbling mess, just like he’d rather forget Chad’s opening gambit with the Polaroids.
Especially afterward when Chris-during the commercial break like he was supposed to-smirked at Jensen. “Nice picture.” Jensen hit him harder. Fucker deserved it. Chris didn’t need to hit him back because after the commercials, the sucker punch that was Jared’s gorgeous face came across the screen and hit Jensen straight in the gut. Jensen was cringing in embarrassment at watching his own awkwardness with Jared but he couldn’t look away because it was too amazing to watch just how well Jared had handled an entire mansion full of strangers, laughing and talking to everyone.
The party in the backyard, though, had Jensen flushing all over again because, sure enough, there he was, sitting behind the bushes with Jared and even though there was no sound because evidently their whispers had been too quiet for the mics to pick up, somebody had decided to put subtitles across the bottom of the screen. Jensen was horrified to “see” himself confessing to “I’ve always wanted to **** you…”
“Dude!” Chris said. “You seriously told him that?”
“No!” Jensen said, burying his head in his hands. “No, I didn’t!” Okay, so maybe he kind of did, if you extrapolated it, but Jensen definitely hadn’t said those words!
“So what did you say then, Jenny?” Chris teased, elbowing Jensen and pointing at the screen where Jared was grinning at Jensen and Jensen was staring determinedly at the ground. “You can’t expect me to believe that that conversation was entirely innocent.”
“I just told him that I blamed you and shut up and watch the damn show!” Jensen tried to sink into the couch and just what the Hell had he been thinking inviting Chris to watch him relive his humiliation first hand? Oh, that was right. He wasn’t really thinking about this moment and, well, Chris had invited himself. Invited himself as in he didn’t believe that it would be ‘healthy’ for Jensen to watch the show alone.
Jensen really wanted to tell Chris that he wasn’t as pathetic as Chris was thinking. He didn’t need to be watched over. Really, he didn’t.
Onscreen, Katrina and Justin were hissing at each other and that really explained why Jensen hadn’t known about the fight-he’d been too busy focusing on Jared. Watching it now, though, he was rather glad that he’d been elsewhere because he would have been cringing in embarrassment for the both of them, the way that they were yelling and looking just short of pulling each other’s hair. Jensen wasn’t even sure about the reason for the fight because the whole damn thing just looked incoherent and pointless.
“Damn,” Chris said, taking a swig of his beer and, for once, Jensen didn’t mind that he was talking in the middle of the show. “How you manage to live with such crazy bitches?”
Jensen shrugged. “Surprising what you can get used to, I guess.” It really was. In a matter of just a few days, he’d gotten so used to the antics of the other houseguests that, without them, the house had seemed pitifully empty.
Chris winced when the show cut to Katrina’s “singing” but it thankfully cut out before some of the worst parts that Jensen remembered and then he had miles of Jared’s bare skin plastered across his screen as Jared dove into the pool. At the hot tub scene that Jensen remembered as being much more awkward than what it came out as, Chris nudged him with an elbow again, waggling his eyebrows suggestively and Jensen punched his arm. “Need a moment?” Chris asked and Jensen rolled his eyes.
“If I did, I wouldn’t-” The phone started ringing again and, out of habit, Jensen automatically stood up to glance at the caller ID. And immediately picked up. “Hi,” he said, feeling like his heart was about to beat out of his chest.
“Hi,” Jared replied back. “Sorry. I couldn’t wait. Are you watching the show right now?”
Jensen nodded even though Jared couldn’t see him while Chris raised an eyebrow. Fuck. Chris couldn’t know who he was on the phone with! “…Just a minute,” Jensen said before putting his hand over the phone. “Dude.” He nodded at Chris. “I gotta take this, okay?”
“…Okay?” Chris answered, raising both eyebrows now. He made no move to leave, just sat on the couch but Jensen hadn’t expected him to get up, either. Instead, Jensen moved to the bedroom, shutting the door behind himself.
“Sorry,” Jensen said as he leaned against the door. “I, uh…” Jensen’s mind stalled, trying to think up a good reason for why he’d have to effectively put Jared on hold for a few seconds without letting Jared know that there was someone else in Jensen’s apartment. It was only Chris, but Jensen clearly remembered a proviso in his contract that stated that no one else could be present when he was on the phone with Jared. Plus, he…
“…Are you watching the show with somebody?” Jared guessed accurately enough and Jensen’s heart skipped a beat.
He was caught, but he couldn’t lie. “Yes. But I’m alone now,” he said.
“Aw, dude, you didn’t have to kick your mom out,” Jared teased.
“Wasn’t my mom and I didn’t kick him out,” Jensen shot back, not even bothering to try and keep the goofy grin off his face. It was impossible enough anyway and at least there was no one around to see.
“…Him?” Jared asked. “…Your dad?”
Jensen shook his head, even though Jared couldn’t see that any better than he could the nodding, and stepped towards the bed. “No, Chris,” he said. “He didn’t want me watching alone.”
“Oh,” Jared replied. “Your buddy Chris, right? That’s a good friend.” Jensen’s smile fell a little because he was pretty sure that he wasn’t imagining the slight stress on the word ‘friend.’
“Yeah, he really looks out for me,” he said quietly and, just like that, Jared’s mood turned a 180. He laughed, loud and clear just like Jensen remembered and Jensen’s heart ached, wishing that he could see Jared laughing in person again. Thinking about that, Jensen fumbled for the remote to his bedroom TV and pushed the power button. Jared splashed across his screen, sitting on his monster bed, staring straight ahead and talking about the various merits of the houseguests. Chad was standing against the wall with the picture frames that Jensen remembered, tacking up the Polaroids that he’d taken earlier.
“You looked real good in that hot tub, Jen,” Jared purred and Jensen grinned even as he blushed.
“Thanks,” he said and worked up the nerve to add, “you didn’t look too bad yourself.”
“So what are you wearing?” Jared asked, like it was completely normal.
“No!” Jensen laughed, sitting down on the bed. Chad was practically drooling over Lita’s Polaroid-no big surprise there.
“You’re wearing ‘no?’”
“No, I’m not having phone sex with you!”
“Aww, Jen.” Jared laughed again and Jensen echoed him.
“Chris would throw a fit.” That would be all that he needed-for Chris to find him jerking himself off to Jared growling dirty talk and just the thought made Jensen flush. No, phone sex was definitely out. Just like it had been for the past two weeks. Jensen was well aware that Jared’s casual comments about it were only half-joking.
…Well. Maybe if Jared had better timing, Jensen might be willing to…try it. So far, however, Jared had yet to call for any good amount of time when Jensen was alone and that just kind of sucked.
“So lock the door,” Jared teased.
“No.”
“Right. Your moaning would probably let him know anyway.”
Jensen’s jaw dropped. “I don’t,” he protested. He knew for a fact that he wasn’t that loud.
“Oh, you do,” Jared shot back. “And I love it.”
Jensen flushed again and floundered for a subject change. “So…”
“Right,” Jared said, laughing over the phone line again. “So. First episode’s just about over.”
“Yes it is.” Jensen pulled absently at the blue bedspread, gathering it into his fists before letting it slip out of his grip. On the screen, he was lined up with everyone else on that stupid little podium, waiting for Jared to pronounce their fate. It seemed like such a long time ago.
“I miss you.” Jensen flushed, feeling ridiculously pleased by the admission.
“Miss you too,” he admitted quietly and knew that he was going to have a damn hard time making it the next two and a half months that they had left. All he could think about was Jared’s dimples and how much he’d love to be able to kiss them. Fuck. Jensen rubbed at his chest as he listened to Jared babble on and pretended that everything was perfectly normal.
It even worked until about two seconds after he hung up the phone.
Jensen was already well prepared. He swung the door open before Chris even had a chance to knock because Chris was starting to become just as regular as clockwork. The third week into the show and Chris had shown up at the exact same time every Sunday that it was starting to just become a thing, now.
Sure enough, Chris was carrying beer. What was unexpected, though, was how Chris was slowly folding up his cell phone and narrowing his eyes at Jensen. Jensen’s smile started to fade. “That was your editor,” Chris said and, oh, yeah, the phone had been ringing just a little while ago, hadn’t it? But it hadn’t been Jared or his mother, so Jensen had ignored it. “She wants to know why you’re not answering your phone.”
Okay. So, yeah, he was pathetically pining. But Jensen still thought that he was entitled to do so. Only two months left to go, after all. “She already knows I’ll have the next part done by the deadline,” he said, shrugging. She was acting like he hadn’t talked to her at all since he’d gotten back. He had. Once.
Chris stepped inside, setting down the beer on the counter. “Whatever, man, I’m not your momma.” Well that was good, Jensen thought. His mother might be good but she had nothing on Chris in the nagging department. Chris gave him a hard look that had Jensen standing up just a little straighter. “You need to get out of the house, though, man.”
“What?” Jensen asked, heading back to the TV. The show was due to start in just minutes and he needed to be ready. It was his one chance a week to actually see Jared and, yeah, it was pathetic but he was considering actually taping it just so he could watch it over again. The cringing embarrassment would be worth getting to see Jared. Besides, it was fascinating learning about all the things that had been going on while Jensen had been otherwise occupied. Or not allowed. Last week had been the volleyball game and Georgie’s date and Jensen had thrummed with a low-grade level of jealousy but the scene later with Felicity and Jared in Jared’s bedroom? Now that was worth it. Jared had told her in no uncertain terms that, yes, he really would date a guy and that, yes, he found the guys of the house very attractive. It had cut away at that point but, when Jared had called afterward, Jensen had also learned that Jared had actually asked Felicity to leave, just because of the scene that she’d pulled with Jensen. Jensen was no damsel in distress but he couldn’t deny that Jared’s little bit of white knighting had made his heart pound.
The only really sad thing about him at the moment was possibly just how much he was looking forward to the coming episode. He was starting to feel like a middle-aged housewife watching her soaps. And of course Chris would call him on that. “Dude, I get out of the house.”
Chris snorted. “Jenny, you had me deliver your groceries last week. You haven’t actually walked out your front door in ten days and don’t try to deny it.” Jensen frowned. He was certain that he’d…
…Okay, so maybe he hadn’t. That didn’t mean that he was turning into a hermit or anything. He just didn’t want to miss a call from Jared, that was all. Yeah, so Jared only called every couple of days and, well… Jensen stared at the floor. Wow. “Yeah,” Chris said, picking up on Jensen’s unspoken conclusion. “You’re getting out of the house. Next weekend.” He chucked a white envelope into Jensen’s lap. It looked vaguely familiar and Jensen picked it up, flipping it over. Oh, right. It was an invitation for the big ‘to do’ that his editor wanted him to go to. Lots of schmoozing and small talk with people that Jensen hated. He’d set that one aside for more than one reason. As he glared at it, though, Chris added, “You’re going,” in no uncertain terms.
Jensen grimaced. “Dude, I’m going to hate it-” He could hear the opening strains of the intro credits for In It for Love and maybe it was sadly pathetic how his heart started beating faster, but Jensen didn’t care at this point. Fuck it. He turned his eyes to the TV.
Chris grabbed a hold of his face, forcing him to turn away and meet Chris’s eyes, though and, shocked, Jensen let him. “It’s a party, Jen. You can go to a party. You don’t need to sit around here pining for Mr. Hotshot Movie Star, you get me? So you’d better be ready for come Friday because it says that you can bring a guest and I’m taking you.”
Jensen shook him off. “Just like that?” he asked sourly. He knew he shouldn’t bitch about Chris inviting himself to a party-Chris had more than returned the favor dozens of times.
“Just like that,” Chris shot back and plopped himself down beside Jensen. Well. Apparently he had a date for Friday. Jensen huffed a laugh, making Chris raise an eyebrow curiously but Jensen couldn’t let him in on the joke because he was just wondering what Jared would think about him having a ‘date’ while Jared was thousands of miles away.
It was just after Misha’s latest confessional manifesto, right after the opening credits, about how he was going to start up a dolphin swat team to conquer the world and stop whalers or something or other, that Jensen was suddenly hit with a very real reason why watching the show could be bad for his health. He’d thought that sitting through Georgie’s date with Jared and watching him sweetly kiss her last week had been excruciating but that had absolutely nothing on watching twinktastic Justin weasel his way into Jared’s bedroom.
As Jensen watched, teeth grinding and trying to not show it because he knew that Chris was staring at him in concern, Justin sweet-talked Jared into letting Justin into his room and then, later, onto Jared’s bed. And, really, he’d been okay with it-it was just kissing after all. Jensen had done a lot of that himself-not while he was seeing another guy, perhaps, but hey. He’d known that the reality show world didn’t exactly follow normal rules-he could deal with it. No, it really wasn’t until Justin had just reached out and shoved a hand down Jared’s pants that Jensen had realized that he definitely had a problem with it. The kissing had been bad enough but Jesus fucking Christ.
The anger flowing through Jensen, he knew, was just a little bit irrational and he wasn’t going to even try to defend it but he still felt justified. The little fucking slut. It didn’t help matters that right after Justin had fucking molested Jared (not that Jared was complaining, oh hell no, he’d definitely been into it), the show had cut to right outside Jared’s door. Presumably because what was going on on the other side was too pornographic to put on TV. And the show editor’s had apparently decided that that would be a fantastic place to put a commercial break. Jensen knew that it wasn’t a personal slam but, Jesus, did it feel like it. His own personal ‘fuck you’ from whomever had edited the damn footage.
Fuck this. He needed a beer.
“Jen?” Jensen ignored Chris’s call and peered into the refrigerator, hoping for a cold one. He stared for a few seconds before finally remembering that Chris had never gotten around to actually putting the beer in the ‘fridge. With a sigh, he closed the door and grabbed one of the sweating, nearly warm beers off of the counter. Good enough. “Jensen? You okay?”
Jensen took a swig. “Yeah,” he replied. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Why wouldn’t he be? He just was apparently going to be privy to watching what was supposed to be his boyfriend make out with about ten different people each fucking week. That was just peachy, right?
“Because you don’t look it.” And Chris was like a goddamned dog with a bone sometimes. Jesus.
But Jensen didn’t want to get into this. He couldn’t and he didn’t want to. So he put on his best smile. “No, dude, I’m fine, really. You want me to grab you a beer?”
Chris, to his credit, still didn’t look convinced. “Sure,” he said, his tone letting Jensen know that the only reason that he was dropping it was because Jensen wanted him to, not because he’d pulled anything over on Chris and Jensen was pathetically grateful. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate Chris wanting to look out for him but there were just some things that he had to deal with. This was one of them.
Jensen grabbed another beer out of the six pack and put the rest in the refrigerator so that maybe they might actually have some cold ones later before walking over. So Jared had made out with other people in the house. Jensen would have to be completely and totally naïve not to fucking realize that he would-Jensen was going to ignore the fact that, before tonight, he really hadn’t even been thinking about the possibility. After all. He’d gotten pretty damn far with Jensen while there’d still been other people in the house. If Jensen had lost and, say, Sandy had won, she would have been jealous just like him, too, right? She’d been surprised enough to learn all the shit that Lita had gotten up to with Jared.
Then again, Jensen had been surprised to learn about that as well and fuck. Just how far had Jared gotten with Lita? How far had he gotten with any of the other houseguests? Ben? Misha? Jensen didn’t even want to think about just how far the Jared might have gotten with Sandy because, Jesus, by that time that Jared had finally decided against choosing her, Jensen had all but been throwing himself at Jared. Had Sandy been doing the same?
“Jen? Show’s back on.” Jensen snapped out of his own horrified ponderings and focused on the TV again. Justin was sneaking out of Jared’s bedroom in the dead of night, just before dawn, looking like a thief dressed all in black, and Misha’s little bit of crypticness suddenly made a lot of painful fucking sense. “The dark angel flies at dawn” was only too fucking true, apparently. And an accurate enough description. He debated just shutting the damn TV off, not wanting to watch anymore but he knew that then Chris would know that something was up and wouldn’t let him get away with shrugging him off again and also…
It was pathetic, but, even with the roiling jealousy currently eating at Jensen’s gut, he still wanted to see the date with Jared that he knew was coming. And, fuck it, this was the episode that Justin got voted off on anyway, right? Even after possibly fucking Jared, Jared still hadn’t picked him, so Jensen should count that as a win.
Even if he was currently watching himself squirm through Chad’s all too personal questions. Jensen ended up sitting through the whole sordid, awkward mess again and even put up with Chris mocking him when he was shown being shoved and poked and prodded and just made to look generally uncomfortable in a darkened fashion warehouse on TV.
But, on the other hand, it was almost kind of worth it for Chris’s sharp intake of breath after everything was all said and done and his little “Damn, son…” Jensen even had to agree because, if he didn’t know that he was, in fact, standing in that line up, he would never have guessed. The guy in the eyeliner and the make-up and the designer clothes draping himself all over Jared wasn’t anybody that Jensen recognized. The guy on the TV was just so damn confident and…
And he looked so damned good with Jared. Jensen’s heart lurched painfully when his onscreen self’s eyes came face to face with Jared’s, right before the photographer took the shot. That was the one that they’d decided to use on just about all the promos but none of the reproductions really quite did it justice and even just the echo of what that had felt like sent a shiver down Jensen’s spine.
So maybe he hadn’t had a damn clue how Jared had started it, but, from Jensen’s perspective, that had been a damn good day. “So maybe that’s kind of hot,” Chris admitted grudgingly. “You’re better than he is.” Jensen felt a small bit of humor coming back because of course Chris wouldn’t want to acknowledge anything about Jared. Chris was kind of convinced that Jared was the devil incarnate at the moment but Jensen knew that it was just because Chris was a good friend.
It was because of that fact, too, that Jensen graciously decided to ignore the sound mocking that Chris gave about the date on the yacht. In other time Jensen might have hit him just for the sheer hell of it because, yes, it had been cheesy, he couldn’t argue that, but he’d also loved the shit out of it. Since Chris waited until the commercial break, though, Jensen decided to allow him to live.
Which, really, was good. Because Jensen also had to sit through Jared’s date with Lita and fuck but that was hard. Much harder than watching him with Georgie had been because Lita was a lot freer with her hands. Jensen spent the entire painful five minutes trying his hardest not to growl while Chris went back to shooting him concerned looks. “We don’t have to watch this,” Chris said.
Jensen didn’t bother to answer because he knew how much he wanted to agree but that would be wrong because he so totally did need to watch. He needed to watch a lot. Because even though he was utterly aware of just how much a good editing team could cut out or manufacture, he just had to know what happened. So he forced himself to stare at the screen and take in every single last detail of Jared’s date with Lita, right up to where it looked like she jumped him in the limo. Fucking Christ.
The camera centered in on Lita sliding onto Jared’s lap as she tried to extract his tonsils with her tongue and Jensen felt his stomach lurch sickeningly. There was no damn way that he was going to make it through the rest of the episodes, was he? Lita had lasted a hell of a lot longer than Justin had and if this was their first date what must they have gotten up to-
Jensen shut that thought down. No. He was going to trust Jared. Right? And even if something had happened, well then, he should just take Danneel’s advice on it-after all, it wasn’t as if Jared and him had actually been together yet, right?
…Except for the fact that Jensen couldn’t shake the idea that they had been, or that at least he’d seemed to recall feeling so.
“…You wouldn’t think that a date could last for so long,” the onscreen Jensen muttered, glancing off to the side and even though Jensen cringed at just how lost and pathetic he sounded, he so completely agreed. This seemed to have a lot in common with torture.
The date with Lita had eventually ended-it had to sometime, Jensen supposed-they really couldn’t dedicate the entire episode to one date, even if it had been starting to feel like it-and led right on into a scene Jensen trying his best to erase Lita from Jared’s mind that had Jensen starting to cringe in embarrassment because of the way Chris’s eyebrows were starting to raise. Maybe he really should start watching this by himself… Jensen really didn’t remember the kisses from that night lasting so long. In fact, he seemed to recall that they’d barely had enough time to ‘get acquainted’ with each other before they’d been interrupted but the editing crew had somehow seen fit to include absolutely everything that they could get their hands on. Chris was starting to squirm by the time that they were done and Jensen was beat red. Luckily, for his sanity, the segment had then gone into another one of Misha’s confessional monologues, this one about armies of dancing bears doing the meringue and Chris was fast becoming absolutely fascinated with Misha. He’d mercifully let the whole damn kissing scene drop and hadn’t even mentioned it when all was said and done and he’d left for the night.
Jared, on the other hand…it had been the first thing out of his mouth when he called. There wasn’t even a “hi” just a “Want to kiss you so damn bad, Jen…” and Jared panting in Jensen’s ear. Jensen had reacted as predictably as a Pavlovian dog. Jesus.
Jensen pressed awkwardly against his half hard cock as he sat down on the bed. “Dude,” he said, already turned on and mildly scandalized because of it. “What if I had been my mother or something answering the phone? She would have thought that you were an obscene caller.”
“Unless your mom’s got a deeper voice than normal, Jen, I don’t think that we’d have that problem,” Jared replied. “And, she wouldn’t have been too far off base, anyway.” Jensen could hear the leer in Jared’s voice and it made him smile. “So, what are you wearing?”
Jensen snorted. “You need a better pick up line.”
“If I think of one, does that mean you’ll put out? You were so hot, tonight, Jen. Watching you on the screen.”
“Jared…” Jensen stared at the wall in front of him, feeling his face start to heat already at the thought of even attempting phone sex. He was bad enough at just dealing with phones, he didn’t want to throw the extra complication of sex in there. And besides… “Speaking of the show…” Jensen just had a few questions that he needed to get answered but he was wondering if he could get away with saying them without coming across as pathetically clingy. He tried to form a few different sentences in his head and rejected each and every one.
“Jensen?” Jared asked when Jensen didn’t continue.
Fuck it. “Did you really spend the night with Justin?” As soon as the damn line was out of Jensen’s mouth, he wished that he could take it back. Then again, though, he was also glad that he couldn’t.
Jared went quiet for a few seconds, long enough for Jensen to start to worry that maybe he had crossed a line-just what was the etiquette for reality TV shows, anyway? Were they like Vegas? Even after they followed you home? “It didn’t go anywhere,” Jared said finally. His voice was quiet and unusually subdued for him. “They edited it to make it look a lot worse than it actually was.”
“Oh,” Jensen said. He didn’t know how else to respond to that comment-he was well aware of just how editing teams could work and Jared didn’t have a reason to lie. Right?
Jared sighed. “I pushed him away after that, Jen. We just cuddled. Please don’t be mad at me for this.”
“I’m not,” Jensen replied automatically. Because he wasn’t. He wasn’t mad. That would be irrational and stupid. No, he just wanted the facts straight-wanted to know what he was dealing with. But, since the cat was already out of the bag… “What about with Lita?”
“Jen, do we have to do this?” Jared asked and Jensen’s blood went just a little bit cold. How many of the former houseguests did Jared sleep with? How many times? …Should he be hurt by this-after all, it wasn’t as if Jensen should have expected any kind of exclusivity in a situation like a reality dating show… “Nothing went below the belt, I swear.” Jensen wondered if Jared’s statement had an unspoken “this time” attached to it-Lita had spent much more time with Jared, after all, than just one measly date-no matter how long it had looked on TV.
“What about Sandy?” Jensen asked, unable to stop himself now and he just wanted to know, damn it. He had to know.
“Jen, I’m not doing this,” Jared said, his voice turning hard, letting Jensen know that this really wasn’t up for discussion and that, more than anything, made up Jensen’s mind for him.
“Okay,” Jensen said, staring at the wall as he summoned up his courage. “Well, listen, I’ve really got to go.” It was a lie and they both knew it but Jared didn’t bother to call him on it, just sighed again.
“Sure. I’ll call you in a little while then.” Jensen nodded even though Jared couldn’t see him, saying goodbye as he hung up the phone.
Because, yeah. Jared might be calling him in a little while but it was really up to Jensen whether he picked up the phone or not.
Chris was decked out to the nines. It was a rather good look on him, actually, all suit and tie, if a little unexpected. It was rare to see Chris in anything but his regular street clothes and it was throwing Jensen for just a bit of a loop. Not like the upscale freaking ballroom that they were in wasn’t doing a good enough of a mindfuck as it was. Jensen glanced warily around at the rest of the party guests like they were sharks and he was just chum in the water. It was certainly what he felt like.
He’d already had to avoid no less than two critics and three journalists but, luckily for him, his editor was just so overjoyed to even have him here that she hadn’t insisted on him clinging to her like glue and making the regular rounds. Thank fuck.
It was a party but Jensen really wasn’t in a mood to talk. Hadn’t been all week, actually. Matter of fact, he hadn’t even answered his phone at all.
Maybe Chris had had a point, though. Maybe Jensen really did need to get out of the house. He’d been going just a little bit stircrazy with nothing but the TV and the blinking cursor of the blank word document on his computer to keep him company. This was step one, though, right? Jensen had actually gone somewhere, just like Chris had said that he should. He gotten all dressed up and had shown his ‘pretty little face,’ as Chris put it, in public. That deserved a drink.
Jensen headed for the refreshment table, slipping away from Chris’s side-he’d been distracted by a certain Miss Alona Tal-and carefully avoiding the little clusters of happy, talking people. Chris hadn’t left Jensen’s side all night and, even if Jensen found it more than a little bit annoying to be treated like a five year old, he’d been pathetically grateful at the exact same time. He didn’t want to be left alone with the vultures of high society. Still. Contrary to what Chris though, Jensen was more than capable of taking care of himself.
Not that he’d exactly done a stellar job of showing that lately. Jensen winced because, deep down, he knew that the way that Chris was acting around him was completely justified. He was acting like a lovesick and heartbroken teenager for fucks’ sake and Jensen had definitely moved passed puberty. He didn’t have that excuse anymore. So, he’d quietly endured Chris’s little lecture and apology earlier-“ Dude, man, if I knew that you were going to take it this hard, I never would have had you go on that stupid show but please, please try to have fun tonight?”-and was even going to try and maybe enjoy himself a little tonight. He just needed a little alcohol to do that first and he wasn’t going to think about what that meant.
It still grated that he wasn’t allowed to tell Chris that he actually won and that Chris was still thinking that he was walking around like a jilted lover or something. Instead of the possibly cheated on one that he really was.
…That wasn’t fair, either, though, and Jensen knew it. He’d signed the damn contract and he’d known full well what he’d been getting into and yet he’d decided to lose his head anyway. And, right now, all he had to operate on was his own paranoia and a badly edited reality show anyway. Jensen knew that and, really, he was just giving Jared time to realize that as well. Wasn’t he?
And of course Jared was right back on his damn mind. Jared was never far from his mind and Jensen was just really damn sick of it. He’d only just met the man a few weeks ago, had spent less time with him all together than he had his last summer fling back in college and Jensen certainly hadn’t had any kind of expectations during that so just what did he think that he was doing? He was being ridiculous, really.
Matter of fact, maybe Jensen should just apologize to Jared or, even just start picking up the phone again. What did it fucking matter if Jared had slept with everybody else in the damn house? Provided, of course, he didn’t do it now that Jensen had actually ‘won,’ right?
Jensen rolled his eyes at his own melodramaticness and grabbed a glass of wine before retreating to a nearby corner, out of the way of the main crowd. It was Friday night and that meant that, if the pattern held, Jared was going to call him around ten and maybe, just maybe, Jensen would pick it up and not let the whole damn mess bother him.
Okay, and maybe there was some oceanfront property to buy in Arizona but still. Jensen knew that it was his own problem to deal with, not Jared’s. Jared, after all, had only been doing what he’d been supposed to and reality dating show relationships were not exactly normal under the best of circumstances. The sooner that Jensen got that through his head, the better. Jensen knew that he really should just be grateful that he’d even had a chance to meet Jared let alone be dating him and what had happened ‘before’ should just be water under the damn bridge. That had been Danneel’s attitude on the whole thing, right? She’d probably been more cut out for shit like this. Maybe Jared should have chosen her…
Jensen tipped back the entire glass of wine, not even caring what the wait staff might think of him, and promptly choked because speaking of complicated, he knew the man that had just sidled up next to him, smiling brighter than the sun. It wasn’t as if Jensen would ever be able to mistake someone as famous as Jean-Claude anyway. Not especially when the man opened his mouth and Jensen got to hear his all too familiar accent caressing his name again. “Jensen!” Jean-Claude said happily and Jensen tried to surreptitiously wipe away the thin trail of wine he felt running down his chin before Jean-Claude grabbed a hold of him and pulled him into a hug. “How have you been?”
Jean-Claude, unlike Jared, was not taller than Jensen but, pulled off balance, it certainly felt that way. Jensen caught himself against Jean-Claude’s shoulder and tried not to fall over as arms twined around him and squeezed him tight. He knew that he really should be trying to formulate an answer for Jean-Claude’s little opening question but fucked if he could actually remember what he should say. Luckily, Jean-Claude wasn’t the type to mind a little bit of silence-he plowed straight on through. “You look fantastic,” he said appreciatively, pulling back to eye Jensen up and down and Jensen felt himself flushing. “Ah. Now you look even better,” he added with a wink. “I did not expect to ever see you again. Imagine my surprise when I came over for a drink!”
“S-same,” Jensen stuttered, wincing and hating himself just a little for how off-balance he felt. Why couldn’t he ever be smooth? Really?
Jean-Claude’s hands were definitely wandering-perfectly polite, though, of course. They’d moved down from Jensen’s shoulders to circle his wrists and Jensen didn’t know what it meant that his pulse was currently going at double time. He wondered if Jean-Claude could feel that-if he knew. “I’m normally not one for the parties. I only came as a favor to an old friend but, seeing you, I’m glad that I did! It is…like kismet.”
Jensen nodded stupidly before he even realized what he was agreeing to but he couldn’t be sorry, not with how Jean-Claude’s eyes lit up. “So you must live here? In this city? Or are you like me and just visiting?”
The hands that were now entwined with Jensen’s were smaller than Jared’s and they didn’t do that distracting as hell thumb-circling thing and Jensen cursed himself for even noticing that. He couldn’t deny, though, that they felt good. “I, uh, I live here,” Jensen admitted.
“Oh! That is good. I might have to visit Texas more often, then.” The man had a million dollar smile-worth just as much as Jared’s, Jensen was sure. “I’m not too familiar with the area, though. Perhaps you could give me a tour? Perhaps tomorrow night?” So why the fuck was Jensen staring at Jean-Claude’s face and only seeing Jared?
Jensen glanced away, staring at the wall and trying to get himself under control. Sure, the first time that he’d met Jean-Claude was back in Tahiti but damn it, he could actually talk to the man and not think about Jared Padalecki and just how much Jensen may or may not be missing him.
“Oh, I’d forgotten,” Jean-Claude said quietly and Jensen glanced up to see his fond smile. “Just how shy you are.” And then he was kissing Jensen and Jensen’s eyes went wide. Holy flying fuck. Dumbfounded, Jensen let it go on for a few moments and, besides, Jean-Claude was apparently a damn good kisser.
Still. Jensen braced his hands against Jean-Claude’s shoulders and pushed him away, almost regrettably-really good kisser. “I’m, uh…” Jensen took a deep breath, forcing it out. “I’m still seeing someone,” he said because damn it, he was. He might not know just how many people Jared had slept with or even, really how invested Jared was in their quasi-relationship brought on by the surreal bubble of reality TV but Jensen considered himself taken. At least until he found out otherwise. He was turning down one of the most gorgeous men that he’d ever met in his life but, maybe, hopefully, it would all be worth it.
“Oh.” Jean-Claude blinked at him and stayed where he was, not moving any closer. “I am sorry. I didn’t see anyone and with you here and I know that he is there…”
“It’s…it’s complicated,” Jensen confessed. He couldn’t meet Jean-Claude’s eyes anymore and so dropped his gaze down to stare at the man’s shoes.
“Alright,” Jean-Claude said. “That is fair enough.” He didn’t let go, though, or step away until Jensen looked up at him again. “But, if you ever are free, I’ll take that tour anytime.”
Jensen flushed again and nodded as he backed away, saying something vaguely nice and positive. When Jean-Claude pressed a business card into his hand, though, he didn’t throw it away. Maybe he should have.
Jensen wasn’t home by ten either. When he finally got home, Chris smiling as he dropped him off at the door, his caller ID told him that he had two missed calls.
Part 15 | Master Post | Part 17
Author: dragonspell
Fandom: RPS
Pairing: Jared/Jensen (and Jared/a slew of other characters including Misha Collins, Tom Welling, Mike Rosenbaum, Danneel Harris, Sandy McCoy and some OMCs and OFCs)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: AU. Cheesiness. Fandom cliches. The usual drill.
Summary (fic): After a drunken dare, award-winning writer Jensen agreed to on a reality television show to vie for the attention of megastar Jared Padalecki who he's had a crush on for years. Only Jensen doesn't know how he's going to be able to tolerate all the other contestants and their widely varying personalities and he's pretty sure that you're not supposed to be able to get used to somebody filming you 24/7.
Summary (part): Three months is a long time.
Word Count: 8350
Disclaimer: Never happened, no affiliation.
Master Post: Master Post
A/N: GAH. Sorry about the delay--between school and a wedding, RL swallowed me whole. The chapter count has gone up on this again because I know that I'm not going to be able to get everything done in one more chapter--it's going to take me at least two. =(
Part 15 | Master Post | Part 17
Hiatus - First Half
The phone was ringing but Jensen didn’t care. He leaned back on the couch, kicking his feet up on the table in front of him because, damn it, his editor could just fuck off. She wasn’t Jared and all she wanted to know was when he was going to have his next chapter ready for her to read. He’d already assured her that he would make his deadline and she was starting to drive him up the damn wall. He’d been waiting for two weeks for the damn show to start and he was five minutes away from the first episode. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t spent any time writing since he’d gotten back-he had. Maybe not as much as usual, sure, but fuck it. He was busy, damn it.
Besides. He didn’t want to clog up the phone in case that Jared called-not that he’d ever admit that because, again, there was pathetic and then there was pathetic. Jared had been calling about every two days, whenever he was able and, even though the calls were short and hurried, usually shoved in between other activities like interviews and meetings, Jensen treasured every one. His first had been before he’d even gotten off the plane. He’d been sitting in his seat, with the annoying kid behind him kicking the back and the panicking girl across the aisle when a flight attendant had told him, “Sir, a call for you.” Jensen had never been more excited to pick up a phone.
He’d never been much for phone calls. It was the lack of body language and facial expressions. The whole interaction depended on how well you could talk and, for an introvert, that was sometimes a lot to ask. With Jared, though, it seemed to come so incredibly easy. He didn’t even have to try and any time that Jensen fell quiet, Jared would pick up the slack.
Jensen, for the first time in his life, found himself loving the sound of his ringing phone. He wasn’t allowed to call Jared-against the rules because of how many promos Jared had and other reasons that Jensen wasn’t too sure on-but Jared could call him and Jensen found himself sitting around like a teenage girl, waiting for Jared to call.
Of course, it wasn’t always Jared calling him. Which was why caller ID was so damn important-there was only two people in the world at the moment that weren’t Jared that Jensen was willing to talk to and one had given birth to him. The phone finally fell silent and Jensen sighed and turned up the TV. Three minutes away. Three minutes away from reliving the few weeks of his life that felt like an eternity-where everything had changed. And, sadly enough, three minutes away from getting to see Jared again-Jared, not whatever character he played in a movie.
Jensen wanted to ignore the loud knocking at the door, too, but he knew that he didn’t have that choice. It was harder to make a person go away than a phone call, especially the person that Jensen knew that it was. Jensen sighed and darted up from the couch and peered through the peephole of the door, just checking. Christian was staring back, scowling at the door with his arms full of beer. Apparently he’d made it in time, after all. Jensen had just been about to lock him out for the duration.
Jensen slid open all the locks of the door, swinging it open. “Hurry up,” he hissed, running back to the couch, too keyed up to stand still.
“Hi to you, too, Jenny,” Chris said, stepping in. Jensen waved him off as he threw himself back on the couch, kicking up his feet again. Chris rolled his eyes and dropped the beer on the counter, grabbing two before walking over. “You’re so fuckin’ gone, Jen.” He flopped down beside Jensen and handed him one of the beers. “Seriously, man. He’s just a guy.”
Jensen knew that Chris was aiming a pitying look at him but Jensen ignored it. He was tired of playing the avoidance game with Chris. Jensen wanted to tell Chris the whole sordid story, that he’d won, if nothing else than to stop Chris for thinking that Jensen was pathetically pining over a guy that may or may not have rejected him. Unfortunately, he couldn’t and it grated more and more as the days went on.
Of course, Jensen knew that Chris wouldn’t tell anyone. Well. Besides Steve. Who’d then probably tell the rest of the guys and then the whole damn cat would be out of the bag and Jensen would end up getting sued and then the next time that he’d be able to see Jared would be at a court hearing and that was just something that Jensen would rather avoid. And if Jensen told one person, he knew that he’d been too tempted to tell one more. It was a whole, big, slippery slope.
Jensen would rather just stare blankly at the TV and pretend that Chris wasn’t thinking that he was just a few steps away from becoming a sad stalker bidding for Jared’s supposed used underwear on eBay. After all, he was sure that if he actually wanted a pair of Jared’s used underwear, Jared would probably just laugh and overnight them to him.
Chris had already been instructed not to talk except during the commercial breaks. He’d insisted on watching the episodes with Jensen but Jensen didn’t need to be mocked while he was busy mooning over Jared. Chris could just save up his comments for the three minute commercial breaks.
“Whatever, dude,” Chris said, taking a sip of his beer and Jensen didn’t bother to reply to that, either, because the opening promo was flashing across the screen.
“I’m Jared Padalecki,” Jared said on the TV, grinning.
“You may have heard of him,” Chad added, popping in beside Jared. “He’s kind of a big deal.”
Jared laughed and threw an arm around Chad’s shoulders. “And this is my buddy Chad Michael Murray. And you’re watching the Jared Padalecki edition of In It for Love.” Jared started to walk to the side, the camera following him and Jensen realized with an odd little pang of his heart that Jared was standing in the mansion, the shot no doubt gotten before Jensen had even steeped foot in it. “This is my new mansion and I’m about to invite fourteen people to live with me as they all compete for, well, me.”
“Fourteen hotties,” Chad clarified and there was a quick cut to the outside of the house. Jensen felt his stomach twist into a knot seeing himself standing on the end of the line, staring at the pavement. And there was Mike and Tom again-Misha and Ben and Danneel and Sandy... He’d never even gotten their numbers, too wrapped up in all the drama. He’d have to see about doing that at the reunion show-just not for everybody because, honestly, there were some from the house that Jensen could happily live without ever seeing again.
Chris smacked his arm, pointing at the TV and Jensen smacked him away because the picture on the TV had switched back to inside the mansion, focusing back on Jared. Jared pointed at himself and looked amazed that anyone would ever want to compete for someone like him. “Kind of crazy, right? You don’t know the half of it.”
The screen exploded with various shots, memories hitting Jensen hard and fast and leaving him dizzy with all the fastforwarding and rewinding of time and, dear God, but he remembered Lita and Danneel going at each other. He remembered Felicity coming after him. He didn’t remember Katrina going for Justin’s throat. And the shot at the end made Jensen flush from head to toe. It was him, staring directly at the camera, whispering, “Jealousy’s gonna eat me alive before this is over.”
Oh God. And now his weak, pathetic insecurities were being highlighted nationwide. Awesome. “Dude,” Chris whispered. “You made the credits!”
“I’m in the show, dumbass,” Jensen hissed in embarrassment and the TV was switching to a wide, panning shot of all of fourteen potential wallflowers awaiting their fate.
“Not what I meant,” Chris shot back and Jensen smacked him in the chest without even looking.
“Shut the fuck up!” Chris rolled his eyes again but did just that and Jensen watched, feeling poleaxed as the show started to unfold, close-ups of each of the contestants, followed by a few ‘confessionals’ on what they thought that they had to offer. Felicity was stating that she was Jared’s biggest fan ever right before it cut to Katrina confidently saying that she was going to make it all the way. Misha wanted the world to ‘Save the Pandas,’ Mike winked and told the world just how sexy he was and that ‘bald was beautiful,’ and Sandy just placed a finger over her lips. Jensen would rather forget his awkward, stumbling mess, just like he’d rather forget Chad’s opening gambit with the Polaroids.
Especially afterward when Chris-during the commercial break like he was supposed to-smirked at Jensen. “Nice picture.” Jensen hit him harder. Fucker deserved it. Chris didn’t need to hit him back because after the commercials, the sucker punch that was Jared’s gorgeous face came across the screen and hit Jensen straight in the gut. Jensen was cringing in embarrassment at watching his own awkwardness with Jared but he couldn’t look away because it was too amazing to watch just how well Jared had handled an entire mansion full of strangers, laughing and talking to everyone.
The party in the backyard, though, had Jensen flushing all over again because, sure enough, there he was, sitting behind the bushes with Jared and even though there was no sound because evidently their whispers had been too quiet for the mics to pick up, somebody had decided to put subtitles across the bottom of the screen. Jensen was horrified to “see” himself confessing to “I’ve always wanted to **** you…”
“Dude!” Chris said. “You seriously told him that?”
“No!” Jensen said, burying his head in his hands. “No, I didn’t!” Okay, so maybe he kind of did, if you extrapolated it, but Jensen definitely hadn’t said those words!
“So what did you say then, Jenny?” Chris teased, elbowing Jensen and pointing at the screen where Jared was grinning at Jensen and Jensen was staring determinedly at the ground. “You can’t expect me to believe that that conversation was entirely innocent.”
“I just told him that I blamed you and shut up and watch the damn show!” Jensen tried to sink into the couch and just what the Hell had he been thinking inviting Chris to watch him relive his humiliation first hand? Oh, that was right. He wasn’t really thinking about this moment and, well, Chris had invited himself. Invited himself as in he didn’t believe that it would be ‘healthy’ for Jensen to watch the show alone.
Jensen really wanted to tell Chris that he wasn’t as pathetic as Chris was thinking. He didn’t need to be watched over. Really, he didn’t.
Onscreen, Katrina and Justin were hissing at each other and that really explained why Jensen hadn’t known about the fight-he’d been too busy focusing on Jared. Watching it now, though, he was rather glad that he’d been elsewhere because he would have been cringing in embarrassment for the both of them, the way that they were yelling and looking just short of pulling each other’s hair. Jensen wasn’t even sure about the reason for the fight because the whole damn thing just looked incoherent and pointless.
“Damn,” Chris said, taking a swig of his beer and, for once, Jensen didn’t mind that he was talking in the middle of the show. “How you manage to live with such crazy bitches?”
Jensen shrugged. “Surprising what you can get used to, I guess.” It really was. In a matter of just a few days, he’d gotten so used to the antics of the other houseguests that, without them, the house had seemed pitifully empty.
Chris winced when the show cut to Katrina’s “singing” but it thankfully cut out before some of the worst parts that Jensen remembered and then he had miles of Jared’s bare skin plastered across his screen as Jared dove into the pool. At the hot tub scene that Jensen remembered as being much more awkward than what it came out as, Chris nudged him with an elbow again, waggling his eyebrows suggestively and Jensen punched his arm. “Need a moment?” Chris asked and Jensen rolled his eyes.
“If I did, I wouldn’t-” The phone started ringing again and, out of habit, Jensen automatically stood up to glance at the caller ID. And immediately picked up. “Hi,” he said, feeling like his heart was about to beat out of his chest.
“Hi,” Jared replied back. “Sorry. I couldn’t wait. Are you watching the show right now?”
Jensen nodded even though Jared couldn’t see him while Chris raised an eyebrow. Fuck. Chris couldn’t know who he was on the phone with! “…Just a minute,” Jensen said before putting his hand over the phone. “Dude.” He nodded at Chris. “I gotta take this, okay?”
“…Okay?” Chris answered, raising both eyebrows now. He made no move to leave, just sat on the couch but Jensen hadn’t expected him to get up, either. Instead, Jensen moved to the bedroom, shutting the door behind himself.
“Sorry,” Jensen said as he leaned against the door. “I, uh…” Jensen’s mind stalled, trying to think up a good reason for why he’d have to effectively put Jared on hold for a few seconds without letting Jared know that there was someone else in Jensen’s apartment. It was only Chris, but Jensen clearly remembered a proviso in his contract that stated that no one else could be present when he was on the phone with Jared. Plus, he…
“…Are you watching the show with somebody?” Jared guessed accurately enough and Jensen’s heart skipped a beat.
He was caught, but he couldn’t lie. “Yes. But I’m alone now,” he said.
“Aw, dude, you didn’t have to kick your mom out,” Jared teased.
“Wasn’t my mom and I didn’t kick him out,” Jensen shot back, not even bothering to try and keep the goofy grin off his face. It was impossible enough anyway and at least there was no one around to see.
“…Him?” Jared asked. “…Your dad?”
Jensen shook his head, even though Jared couldn’t see that any better than he could the nodding, and stepped towards the bed. “No, Chris,” he said. “He didn’t want me watching alone.”
“Oh,” Jared replied. “Your buddy Chris, right? That’s a good friend.” Jensen’s smile fell a little because he was pretty sure that he wasn’t imagining the slight stress on the word ‘friend.’
“Yeah, he really looks out for me,” he said quietly and, just like that, Jared’s mood turned a 180. He laughed, loud and clear just like Jensen remembered and Jensen’s heart ached, wishing that he could see Jared laughing in person again. Thinking about that, Jensen fumbled for the remote to his bedroom TV and pushed the power button. Jared splashed across his screen, sitting on his monster bed, staring straight ahead and talking about the various merits of the houseguests. Chad was standing against the wall with the picture frames that Jensen remembered, tacking up the Polaroids that he’d taken earlier.
“You looked real good in that hot tub, Jen,” Jared purred and Jensen grinned even as he blushed.
“Thanks,” he said and worked up the nerve to add, “you didn’t look too bad yourself.”
“So what are you wearing?” Jared asked, like it was completely normal.
“No!” Jensen laughed, sitting down on the bed. Chad was practically drooling over Lita’s Polaroid-no big surprise there.
“You’re wearing ‘no?’”
“No, I’m not having phone sex with you!”
“Aww, Jen.” Jared laughed again and Jensen echoed him.
“Chris would throw a fit.” That would be all that he needed-for Chris to find him jerking himself off to Jared growling dirty talk and just the thought made Jensen flush. No, phone sex was definitely out. Just like it had been for the past two weeks. Jensen was well aware that Jared’s casual comments about it were only half-joking.
…Well. Maybe if Jared had better timing, Jensen might be willing to…try it. So far, however, Jared had yet to call for any good amount of time when Jensen was alone and that just kind of sucked.
“So lock the door,” Jared teased.
“No.”
“Right. Your moaning would probably let him know anyway.”
Jensen’s jaw dropped. “I don’t,” he protested. He knew for a fact that he wasn’t that loud.
“Oh, you do,” Jared shot back. “And I love it.”
Jensen flushed again and floundered for a subject change. “So…”
“Right,” Jared said, laughing over the phone line again. “So. First episode’s just about over.”
“Yes it is.” Jensen pulled absently at the blue bedspread, gathering it into his fists before letting it slip out of his grip. On the screen, he was lined up with everyone else on that stupid little podium, waiting for Jared to pronounce their fate. It seemed like such a long time ago.
“I miss you.” Jensen flushed, feeling ridiculously pleased by the admission.
“Miss you too,” he admitted quietly and knew that he was going to have a damn hard time making it the next two and a half months that they had left. All he could think about was Jared’s dimples and how much he’d love to be able to kiss them. Fuck. Jensen rubbed at his chest as he listened to Jared babble on and pretended that everything was perfectly normal.
It even worked until about two seconds after he hung up the phone.
Jensen was already well prepared. He swung the door open before Chris even had a chance to knock because Chris was starting to become just as regular as clockwork. The third week into the show and Chris had shown up at the exact same time every Sunday that it was starting to just become a thing, now.
Sure enough, Chris was carrying beer. What was unexpected, though, was how Chris was slowly folding up his cell phone and narrowing his eyes at Jensen. Jensen’s smile started to fade. “That was your editor,” Chris said and, oh, yeah, the phone had been ringing just a little while ago, hadn’t it? But it hadn’t been Jared or his mother, so Jensen had ignored it. “She wants to know why you’re not answering your phone.”
Okay. So, yeah, he was pathetically pining. But Jensen still thought that he was entitled to do so. Only two months left to go, after all. “She already knows I’ll have the next part done by the deadline,” he said, shrugging. She was acting like he hadn’t talked to her at all since he’d gotten back. He had. Once.
Chris stepped inside, setting down the beer on the counter. “Whatever, man, I’m not your momma.” Well that was good, Jensen thought. His mother might be good but she had nothing on Chris in the nagging department. Chris gave him a hard look that had Jensen standing up just a little straighter. “You need to get out of the house, though, man.”
“What?” Jensen asked, heading back to the TV. The show was due to start in just minutes and he needed to be ready. It was his one chance a week to actually see Jared and, yeah, it was pathetic but he was considering actually taping it just so he could watch it over again. The cringing embarrassment would be worth getting to see Jared. Besides, it was fascinating learning about all the things that had been going on while Jensen had been otherwise occupied. Or not allowed. Last week had been the volleyball game and Georgie’s date and Jensen had thrummed with a low-grade level of jealousy but the scene later with Felicity and Jared in Jared’s bedroom? Now that was worth it. Jared had told her in no uncertain terms that, yes, he really would date a guy and that, yes, he found the guys of the house very attractive. It had cut away at that point but, when Jared had called afterward, Jensen had also learned that Jared had actually asked Felicity to leave, just because of the scene that she’d pulled with Jensen. Jensen was no damsel in distress but he couldn’t deny that Jared’s little bit of white knighting had made his heart pound.
The only really sad thing about him at the moment was possibly just how much he was looking forward to the coming episode. He was starting to feel like a middle-aged housewife watching her soaps. And of course Chris would call him on that. “Dude, I get out of the house.”
Chris snorted. “Jenny, you had me deliver your groceries last week. You haven’t actually walked out your front door in ten days and don’t try to deny it.” Jensen frowned. He was certain that he’d…
…Okay, so maybe he hadn’t. That didn’t mean that he was turning into a hermit or anything. He just didn’t want to miss a call from Jared, that was all. Yeah, so Jared only called every couple of days and, well… Jensen stared at the floor. Wow. “Yeah,” Chris said, picking up on Jensen’s unspoken conclusion. “You’re getting out of the house. Next weekend.” He chucked a white envelope into Jensen’s lap. It looked vaguely familiar and Jensen picked it up, flipping it over. Oh, right. It was an invitation for the big ‘to do’ that his editor wanted him to go to. Lots of schmoozing and small talk with people that Jensen hated. He’d set that one aside for more than one reason. As he glared at it, though, Chris added, “You’re going,” in no uncertain terms.
Jensen grimaced. “Dude, I’m going to hate it-” He could hear the opening strains of the intro credits for In It for Love and maybe it was sadly pathetic how his heart started beating faster, but Jensen didn’t care at this point. Fuck it. He turned his eyes to the TV.
Chris grabbed a hold of his face, forcing him to turn away and meet Chris’s eyes, though and, shocked, Jensen let him. “It’s a party, Jen. You can go to a party. You don’t need to sit around here pining for Mr. Hotshot Movie Star, you get me? So you’d better be ready for come Friday because it says that you can bring a guest and I’m taking you.”
Jensen shook him off. “Just like that?” he asked sourly. He knew he shouldn’t bitch about Chris inviting himself to a party-Chris had more than returned the favor dozens of times.
“Just like that,” Chris shot back and plopped himself down beside Jensen. Well. Apparently he had a date for Friday. Jensen huffed a laugh, making Chris raise an eyebrow curiously but Jensen couldn’t let him in on the joke because he was just wondering what Jared would think about him having a ‘date’ while Jared was thousands of miles away.
It was just after Misha’s latest confessional manifesto, right after the opening credits, about how he was going to start up a dolphin swat team to conquer the world and stop whalers or something or other, that Jensen was suddenly hit with a very real reason why watching the show could be bad for his health. He’d thought that sitting through Georgie’s date with Jared and watching him sweetly kiss her last week had been excruciating but that had absolutely nothing on watching twinktastic Justin weasel his way into Jared’s bedroom.
As Jensen watched, teeth grinding and trying to not show it because he knew that Chris was staring at him in concern, Justin sweet-talked Jared into letting Justin into his room and then, later, onto Jared’s bed. And, really, he’d been okay with it-it was just kissing after all. Jensen had done a lot of that himself-not while he was seeing another guy, perhaps, but hey. He’d known that the reality show world didn’t exactly follow normal rules-he could deal with it. No, it really wasn’t until Justin had just reached out and shoved a hand down Jared’s pants that Jensen had realized that he definitely had a problem with it. The kissing had been bad enough but Jesus fucking Christ.
The anger flowing through Jensen, he knew, was just a little bit irrational and he wasn’t going to even try to defend it but he still felt justified. The little fucking slut. It didn’t help matters that right after Justin had fucking molested Jared (not that Jared was complaining, oh hell no, he’d definitely been into it), the show had cut to right outside Jared’s door. Presumably because what was going on on the other side was too pornographic to put on TV. And the show editor’s had apparently decided that that would be a fantastic place to put a commercial break. Jensen knew that it wasn’t a personal slam but, Jesus, did it feel like it. His own personal ‘fuck you’ from whomever had edited the damn footage.
Fuck this. He needed a beer.
“Jen?” Jensen ignored Chris’s call and peered into the refrigerator, hoping for a cold one. He stared for a few seconds before finally remembering that Chris had never gotten around to actually putting the beer in the ‘fridge. With a sigh, he closed the door and grabbed one of the sweating, nearly warm beers off of the counter. Good enough. “Jensen? You okay?”
Jensen took a swig. “Yeah,” he replied. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Why wouldn’t he be? He just was apparently going to be privy to watching what was supposed to be his boyfriend make out with about ten different people each fucking week. That was just peachy, right?
“Because you don’t look it.” And Chris was like a goddamned dog with a bone sometimes. Jesus.
But Jensen didn’t want to get into this. He couldn’t and he didn’t want to. So he put on his best smile. “No, dude, I’m fine, really. You want me to grab you a beer?”
Chris, to his credit, still didn’t look convinced. “Sure,” he said, his tone letting Jensen know that the only reason that he was dropping it was because Jensen wanted him to, not because he’d pulled anything over on Chris and Jensen was pathetically grateful. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate Chris wanting to look out for him but there were just some things that he had to deal with. This was one of them.
Jensen grabbed another beer out of the six pack and put the rest in the refrigerator so that maybe they might actually have some cold ones later before walking over. So Jared had made out with other people in the house. Jensen would have to be completely and totally naïve not to fucking realize that he would-Jensen was going to ignore the fact that, before tonight, he really hadn’t even been thinking about the possibility. After all. He’d gotten pretty damn far with Jensen while there’d still been other people in the house. If Jensen had lost and, say, Sandy had won, she would have been jealous just like him, too, right? She’d been surprised enough to learn all the shit that Lita had gotten up to with Jared.
Then again, Jensen had been surprised to learn about that as well and fuck. Just how far had Jared gotten with Lita? How far had he gotten with any of the other houseguests? Ben? Misha? Jensen didn’t even want to think about just how far the Jared might have gotten with Sandy because, Jesus, by that time that Jared had finally decided against choosing her, Jensen had all but been throwing himself at Jared. Had Sandy been doing the same?
“Jen? Show’s back on.” Jensen snapped out of his own horrified ponderings and focused on the TV again. Justin was sneaking out of Jared’s bedroom in the dead of night, just before dawn, looking like a thief dressed all in black, and Misha’s little bit of crypticness suddenly made a lot of painful fucking sense. “The dark angel flies at dawn” was only too fucking true, apparently. And an accurate enough description. He debated just shutting the damn TV off, not wanting to watch anymore but he knew that then Chris would know that something was up and wouldn’t let him get away with shrugging him off again and also…
It was pathetic, but, even with the roiling jealousy currently eating at Jensen’s gut, he still wanted to see the date with Jared that he knew was coming. And, fuck it, this was the episode that Justin got voted off on anyway, right? Even after possibly fucking Jared, Jared still hadn’t picked him, so Jensen should count that as a win.
Even if he was currently watching himself squirm through Chad’s all too personal questions. Jensen ended up sitting through the whole sordid, awkward mess again and even put up with Chris mocking him when he was shown being shoved and poked and prodded and just made to look generally uncomfortable in a darkened fashion warehouse on TV.
But, on the other hand, it was almost kind of worth it for Chris’s sharp intake of breath after everything was all said and done and his little “Damn, son…” Jensen even had to agree because, if he didn’t know that he was, in fact, standing in that line up, he would never have guessed. The guy in the eyeliner and the make-up and the designer clothes draping himself all over Jared wasn’t anybody that Jensen recognized. The guy on the TV was just so damn confident and…
And he looked so damned good with Jared. Jensen’s heart lurched painfully when his onscreen self’s eyes came face to face with Jared’s, right before the photographer took the shot. That was the one that they’d decided to use on just about all the promos but none of the reproductions really quite did it justice and even just the echo of what that had felt like sent a shiver down Jensen’s spine.
So maybe he hadn’t had a damn clue how Jared had started it, but, from Jensen’s perspective, that had been a damn good day. “So maybe that’s kind of hot,” Chris admitted grudgingly. “You’re better than he is.” Jensen felt a small bit of humor coming back because of course Chris wouldn’t want to acknowledge anything about Jared. Chris was kind of convinced that Jared was the devil incarnate at the moment but Jensen knew that it was just because Chris was a good friend.
It was because of that fact, too, that Jensen graciously decided to ignore the sound mocking that Chris gave about the date on the yacht. In other time Jensen might have hit him just for the sheer hell of it because, yes, it had been cheesy, he couldn’t argue that, but he’d also loved the shit out of it. Since Chris waited until the commercial break, though, Jensen decided to allow him to live.
Which, really, was good. Because Jensen also had to sit through Jared’s date with Lita and fuck but that was hard. Much harder than watching him with Georgie had been because Lita was a lot freer with her hands. Jensen spent the entire painful five minutes trying his hardest not to growl while Chris went back to shooting him concerned looks. “We don’t have to watch this,” Chris said.
Jensen didn’t bother to answer because he knew how much he wanted to agree but that would be wrong because he so totally did need to watch. He needed to watch a lot. Because even though he was utterly aware of just how much a good editing team could cut out or manufacture, he just had to know what happened. So he forced himself to stare at the screen and take in every single last detail of Jared’s date with Lita, right up to where it looked like she jumped him in the limo. Fucking Christ.
The camera centered in on Lita sliding onto Jared’s lap as she tried to extract his tonsils with her tongue and Jensen felt his stomach lurch sickeningly. There was no damn way that he was going to make it through the rest of the episodes, was he? Lita had lasted a hell of a lot longer than Justin had and if this was their first date what must they have gotten up to-
Jensen shut that thought down. No. He was going to trust Jared. Right? And even if something had happened, well then, he should just take Danneel’s advice on it-after all, it wasn’t as if Jared and him had actually been together yet, right?
…Except for the fact that Jensen couldn’t shake the idea that they had been, or that at least he’d seemed to recall feeling so.
“…You wouldn’t think that a date could last for so long,” the onscreen Jensen muttered, glancing off to the side and even though Jensen cringed at just how lost and pathetic he sounded, he so completely agreed. This seemed to have a lot in common with torture.
The date with Lita had eventually ended-it had to sometime, Jensen supposed-they really couldn’t dedicate the entire episode to one date, even if it had been starting to feel like it-and led right on into a scene Jensen trying his best to erase Lita from Jared’s mind that had Jensen starting to cringe in embarrassment because of the way Chris’s eyebrows were starting to raise. Maybe he really should start watching this by himself… Jensen really didn’t remember the kisses from that night lasting so long. In fact, he seemed to recall that they’d barely had enough time to ‘get acquainted’ with each other before they’d been interrupted but the editing crew had somehow seen fit to include absolutely everything that they could get their hands on. Chris was starting to squirm by the time that they were done and Jensen was beat red. Luckily, for his sanity, the segment had then gone into another one of Misha’s confessional monologues, this one about armies of dancing bears doing the meringue and Chris was fast becoming absolutely fascinated with Misha. He’d mercifully let the whole damn kissing scene drop and hadn’t even mentioned it when all was said and done and he’d left for the night.
Jared, on the other hand…it had been the first thing out of his mouth when he called. There wasn’t even a “hi” just a “Want to kiss you so damn bad, Jen…” and Jared panting in Jensen’s ear. Jensen had reacted as predictably as a Pavlovian dog. Jesus.
Jensen pressed awkwardly against his half hard cock as he sat down on the bed. “Dude,” he said, already turned on and mildly scandalized because of it. “What if I had been my mother or something answering the phone? She would have thought that you were an obscene caller.”
“Unless your mom’s got a deeper voice than normal, Jen, I don’t think that we’d have that problem,” Jared replied. “And, she wouldn’t have been too far off base, anyway.” Jensen could hear the leer in Jared’s voice and it made him smile. “So, what are you wearing?”
Jensen snorted. “You need a better pick up line.”
“If I think of one, does that mean you’ll put out? You were so hot, tonight, Jen. Watching you on the screen.”
“Jared…” Jensen stared at the wall in front of him, feeling his face start to heat already at the thought of even attempting phone sex. He was bad enough at just dealing with phones, he didn’t want to throw the extra complication of sex in there. And besides… “Speaking of the show…” Jensen just had a few questions that he needed to get answered but he was wondering if he could get away with saying them without coming across as pathetically clingy. He tried to form a few different sentences in his head and rejected each and every one.
“Jensen?” Jared asked when Jensen didn’t continue.
Fuck it. “Did you really spend the night with Justin?” As soon as the damn line was out of Jensen’s mouth, he wished that he could take it back. Then again, though, he was also glad that he couldn’t.
Jared went quiet for a few seconds, long enough for Jensen to start to worry that maybe he had crossed a line-just what was the etiquette for reality TV shows, anyway? Were they like Vegas? Even after they followed you home? “It didn’t go anywhere,” Jared said finally. His voice was quiet and unusually subdued for him. “They edited it to make it look a lot worse than it actually was.”
“Oh,” Jensen said. He didn’t know how else to respond to that comment-he was well aware of just how editing teams could work and Jared didn’t have a reason to lie. Right?
Jared sighed. “I pushed him away after that, Jen. We just cuddled. Please don’t be mad at me for this.”
“I’m not,” Jensen replied automatically. Because he wasn’t. He wasn’t mad. That would be irrational and stupid. No, he just wanted the facts straight-wanted to know what he was dealing with. But, since the cat was already out of the bag… “What about with Lita?”
“Jen, do we have to do this?” Jared asked and Jensen’s blood went just a little bit cold. How many of the former houseguests did Jared sleep with? How many times? …Should he be hurt by this-after all, it wasn’t as if Jensen should have expected any kind of exclusivity in a situation like a reality dating show… “Nothing went below the belt, I swear.” Jensen wondered if Jared’s statement had an unspoken “this time” attached to it-Lita had spent much more time with Jared, after all, than just one measly date-no matter how long it had looked on TV.
“What about Sandy?” Jensen asked, unable to stop himself now and he just wanted to know, damn it. He had to know.
“Jen, I’m not doing this,” Jared said, his voice turning hard, letting Jensen know that this really wasn’t up for discussion and that, more than anything, made up Jensen’s mind for him.
“Okay,” Jensen said, staring at the wall as he summoned up his courage. “Well, listen, I’ve really got to go.” It was a lie and they both knew it but Jared didn’t bother to call him on it, just sighed again.
“Sure. I’ll call you in a little while then.” Jensen nodded even though Jared couldn’t see him, saying goodbye as he hung up the phone.
Because, yeah. Jared might be calling him in a little while but it was really up to Jensen whether he picked up the phone or not.
Chris was decked out to the nines. It was a rather good look on him, actually, all suit and tie, if a little unexpected. It was rare to see Chris in anything but his regular street clothes and it was throwing Jensen for just a bit of a loop. Not like the upscale freaking ballroom that they were in wasn’t doing a good enough of a mindfuck as it was. Jensen glanced warily around at the rest of the party guests like they were sharks and he was just chum in the water. It was certainly what he felt like.
He’d already had to avoid no less than two critics and three journalists but, luckily for him, his editor was just so overjoyed to even have him here that she hadn’t insisted on him clinging to her like glue and making the regular rounds. Thank fuck.
It was a party but Jensen really wasn’t in a mood to talk. Hadn’t been all week, actually. Matter of fact, he hadn’t even answered his phone at all.
Maybe Chris had had a point, though. Maybe Jensen really did need to get out of the house. He’d been going just a little bit stircrazy with nothing but the TV and the blinking cursor of the blank word document on his computer to keep him company. This was step one, though, right? Jensen had actually gone somewhere, just like Chris had said that he should. He gotten all dressed up and had shown his ‘pretty little face,’ as Chris put it, in public. That deserved a drink.
Jensen headed for the refreshment table, slipping away from Chris’s side-he’d been distracted by a certain Miss Alona Tal-and carefully avoiding the little clusters of happy, talking people. Chris hadn’t left Jensen’s side all night and, even if Jensen found it more than a little bit annoying to be treated like a five year old, he’d been pathetically grateful at the exact same time. He didn’t want to be left alone with the vultures of high society. Still. Contrary to what Chris though, Jensen was more than capable of taking care of himself.
Not that he’d exactly done a stellar job of showing that lately. Jensen winced because, deep down, he knew that the way that Chris was acting around him was completely justified. He was acting like a lovesick and heartbroken teenager for fucks’ sake and Jensen had definitely moved passed puberty. He didn’t have that excuse anymore. So, he’d quietly endured Chris’s little lecture and apology earlier-“ Dude, man, if I knew that you were going to take it this hard, I never would have had you go on that stupid show but please, please try to have fun tonight?”-and was even going to try and maybe enjoy himself a little tonight. He just needed a little alcohol to do that first and he wasn’t going to think about what that meant.
It still grated that he wasn’t allowed to tell Chris that he actually won and that Chris was still thinking that he was walking around like a jilted lover or something. Instead of the possibly cheated on one that he really was.
…That wasn’t fair, either, though, and Jensen knew it. He’d signed the damn contract and he’d known full well what he’d been getting into and yet he’d decided to lose his head anyway. And, right now, all he had to operate on was his own paranoia and a badly edited reality show anyway. Jensen knew that and, really, he was just giving Jared time to realize that as well. Wasn’t he?
And of course Jared was right back on his damn mind. Jared was never far from his mind and Jensen was just really damn sick of it. He’d only just met the man a few weeks ago, had spent less time with him all together than he had his last summer fling back in college and Jensen certainly hadn’t had any kind of expectations during that so just what did he think that he was doing? He was being ridiculous, really.
Matter of fact, maybe Jensen should just apologize to Jared or, even just start picking up the phone again. What did it fucking matter if Jared had slept with everybody else in the damn house? Provided, of course, he didn’t do it now that Jensen had actually ‘won,’ right?
Jensen rolled his eyes at his own melodramaticness and grabbed a glass of wine before retreating to a nearby corner, out of the way of the main crowd. It was Friday night and that meant that, if the pattern held, Jared was going to call him around ten and maybe, just maybe, Jensen would pick it up and not let the whole damn mess bother him.
Okay, and maybe there was some oceanfront property to buy in Arizona but still. Jensen knew that it was his own problem to deal with, not Jared’s. Jared, after all, had only been doing what he’d been supposed to and reality dating show relationships were not exactly normal under the best of circumstances. The sooner that Jensen got that through his head, the better. Jensen knew that he really should just be grateful that he’d even had a chance to meet Jared let alone be dating him and what had happened ‘before’ should just be water under the damn bridge. That had been Danneel’s attitude on the whole thing, right? She’d probably been more cut out for shit like this. Maybe Jared should have chosen her…
Jensen tipped back the entire glass of wine, not even caring what the wait staff might think of him, and promptly choked because speaking of complicated, he knew the man that had just sidled up next to him, smiling brighter than the sun. It wasn’t as if Jensen would ever be able to mistake someone as famous as Jean-Claude anyway. Not especially when the man opened his mouth and Jensen got to hear his all too familiar accent caressing his name again. “Jensen!” Jean-Claude said happily and Jensen tried to surreptitiously wipe away the thin trail of wine he felt running down his chin before Jean-Claude grabbed a hold of him and pulled him into a hug. “How have you been?”
Jean-Claude, unlike Jared, was not taller than Jensen but, pulled off balance, it certainly felt that way. Jensen caught himself against Jean-Claude’s shoulder and tried not to fall over as arms twined around him and squeezed him tight. He knew that he really should be trying to formulate an answer for Jean-Claude’s little opening question but fucked if he could actually remember what he should say. Luckily, Jean-Claude wasn’t the type to mind a little bit of silence-he plowed straight on through. “You look fantastic,” he said appreciatively, pulling back to eye Jensen up and down and Jensen felt himself flushing. “Ah. Now you look even better,” he added with a wink. “I did not expect to ever see you again. Imagine my surprise when I came over for a drink!”
“S-same,” Jensen stuttered, wincing and hating himself just a little for how off-balance he felt. Why couldn’t he ever be smooth? Really?
Jean-Claude’s hands were definitely wandering-perfectly polite, though, of course. They’d moved down from Jensen’s shoulders to circle his wrists and Jensen didn’t know what it meant that his pulse was currently going at double time. He wondered if Jean-Claude could feel that-if he knew. “I’m normally not one for the parties. I only came as a favor to an old friend but, seeing you, I’m glad that I did! It is…like kismet.”
Jensen nodded stupidly before he even realized what he was agreeing to but he couldn’t be sorry, not with how Jean-Claude’s eyes lit up. “So you must live here? In this city? Or are you like me and just visiting?”
The hands that were now entwined with Jensen’s were smaller than Jared’s and they didn’t do that distracting as hell thumb-circling thing and Jensen cursed himself for even noticing that. He couldn’t deny, though, that they felt good. “I, uh, I live here,” Jensen admitted.
“Oh! That is good. I might have to visit Texas more often, then.” The man had a million dollar smile-worth just as much as Jared’s, Jensen was sure. “I’m not too familiar with the area, though. Perhaps you could give me a tour? Perhaps tomorrow night?” So why the fuck was Jensen staring at Jean-Claude’s face and only seeing Jared?
Jensen glanced away, staring at the wall and trying to get himself under control. Sure, the first time that he’d met Jean-Claude was back in Tahiti but damn it, he could actually talk to the man and not think about Jared Padalecki and just how much Jensen may or may not be missing him.
“Oh, I’d forgotten,” Jean-Claude said quietly and Jensen glanced up to see his fond smile. “Just how shy you are.” And then he was kissing Jensen and Jensen’s eyes went wide. Holy flying fuck. Dumbfounded, Jensen let it go on for a few moments and, besides, Jean-Claude was apparently a damn good kisser.
Still. Jensen braced his hands against Jean-Claude’s shoulders and pushed him away, almost regrettably-really good kisser. “I’m, uh…” Jensen took a deep breath, forcing it out. “I’m still seeing someone,” he said because damn it, he was. He might not know just how many people Jared had slept with or even, really how invested Jared was in their quasi-relationship brought on by the surreal bubble of reality TV but Jensen considered himself taken. At least until he found out otherwise. He was turning down one of the most gorgeous men that he’d ever met in his life but, maybe, hopefully, it would all be worth it.
“Oh.” Jean-Claude blinked at him and stayed where he was, not moving any closer. “I am sorry. I didn’t see anyone and with you here and I know that he is there…”
“It’s…it’s complicated,” Jensen confessed. He couldn’t meet Jean-Claude’s eyes anymore and so dropped his gaze down to stare at the man’s shoes.
“Alright,” Jean-Claude said. “That is fair enough.” He didn’t let go, though, or step away until Jensen looked up at him again. “But, if you ever are free, I’ll take that tour anytime.”
Jensen flushed again and nodded as he backed away, saying something vaguely nice and positive. When Jean-Claude pressed a business card into his hand, though, he didn’t throw it away. Maybe he should have.
Jensen wasn’t home by ten either. When he finally got home, Chris smiling as he dropped him off at the door, his caller ID told him that he had two missed calls.
Part 15 | Master Post | Part 17