wow. surprise effect of my transition affecting my musical tastes and consumption: for the first time ever there is no industrial near the top of any of my charts.

top songs for 2023

1. brand new bitch - cobrah
2. boss bitch - doja cat
3. tempo - lizzo
4. bang - cobrah
5. treat me like a slut - kim petras

top albums for 2023

1. popsicle - ( Read more... )

i had a really horrible dream on christmas eve morning that i was on a boat in a lake and dutch and tonka were floating on surface, about 2 feet apart, unmoving. i dove into the water, trying to formulate how to give a cat mouth-to-mouth, and reached tonka as he began to slip away downward. i grabbed at him and ... i dunno, my mind freaked out and ( Read more... )

every so often i create a timeline of pictures, showing the progression of my transition. i think i've only ever posted one, and only in a discussion space with other trans people. so i have a few by now, but.. i've always felt weird about them ( Read more... )

she has a collar for me - just the idea of it puts butterflies in my stomach ( Read more... )

from a clinical perspective, it's fascinating how i'm reacting neurochemically to a new romantic partner not being here with me. it's so extreme ( Read more... )

well, this is pleasantly unexpected: for the first time in my life, i feel like i'm taking control of my life ( Read more... )

i want to scream at people today.
i want to collapse in a pile of tears and have people fawn over me until i feel better.
i want to post FML! on every social media outlet that i still sorta care about ( Read more... )

i have made this post public ( Read more... )

i had a dream last night that i'd had my bottom surgery already. it must have been already a couple of weeks post-op, because i was driving a car, and.. i could feel the difference between my legs. the sensation of something gone - that filled me with joy - ..and new sensations of something that was missing no longer ( Read more... )

read this.

i was joy.

do you know why i actually built the bagel? it wasn't to destroy everything. it was to destroy myself. i wanted to see if i went in, could i finally escape? like, actually die. at least this way... i don't have to do it alone.
watching EEAAO, i was one with her character. the angles of my paths are very different to hers, ( Read more... )