Hmmmm, how do you start a journal entry and the first words you write are----- My boyfriend committed suicide. What follows that? What else is there to say? the why's are still very unclear. I do know that he was very mentally ill, manic depressive bipolar disorder. What does one say when one doesn't know there is an illness, how can one help ( Read more... )

Have you ever wondered why you've done what you've done, when you've done it. For example, ever wonder why you had children? Or wonder why you've chosen who you've chosen? What I'm wondering right now is why did I ever make the decision to have children. All mine ever do is find new ways to break my heart, new ways they can hurt me, new ways to ( Read more... )

Awww, that's nothing new, Nothing ever goes as I plan it.... so I should have remembered the lesson I learned a long time ago, don't plan anything, just go with the flow, and if it happens, good, if not, not disappointed. I still love Tony, can't think of anything that would change that. I just wish.......... nah, better not go there. Once a ( Read more... )

Every day that goes by I fall more and more in love with Tony, my Tony. In all my life I never thought it as possible to love anyone as much as I do him. I'm so wishing the next 2 weeks away. He's moving in with us, and we get to start our new life together ( Read more... )

Today was the best day I've had ever. I stayed home from work, as did, Tony. He got here just before the kids went to school, I was in the shower when he got here. So he came on back to the bedroom. Jill came back to say goodbye and give me a kiss, and get lunch money. I got out of the shower, dried off, and we got back in bed.... didn't leave ( Read more... )

Taking a vacation day today, guess what I'm doing and with whom. Plans for the day include my bed, the blankets, a razor, shaving cream, and... mmmmmmmmmmmmmm We're both playing hookey ( Read more... )

I think fate and destiny have taken a hand in my life. I've finally found the love of my life. I can close my eyes and I can feel his hand on my face. I can almost turn my face into his and to kiss his palm. With my eyes closed, I can lean to the side a bit, and I can feel him supoorting me. I so love the way he touches me. His touch brings ( Read more... )

Emotions are running so high here on the home front. No one is talking to anyone. Not saying a thing. Jorden has so much anger inside, won't talk about it, won't tell me what he's angry about. If I don't know what the problem is, I can't fix it ( Read more... )

Ok, so I plagarized the subject line from a song, sue me. LOL. So there are 3 of us who know what I mean... and one I said it too. and the pure unvarnished truth is, I really do. Was holding out on the words, mistaken belief that, it was protection of sorts. Sort of like, if not said out loud, then it's not serious..... Oh but it's been ( Read more... )

Time alone, and my brain doesn't stop.... Well anyway, someone, and we know who, that I wasted a year on, Karma stepped in, and we all know what happens when that happens, if you've not be so good, and hurt others, it's your turn. Well it's his turn, and I didn't have to do a darn thing, I didn't have to wish anything bad on him, I just let Karma ( Read more... )