I WAITED ON KELLY BELL TONIGHT WHO WANTS TO FUCKING TOUCH ME

I've been crushing late night games of monopoly lately. It all about locking up the utilities early. People laugh when I make this claim, but we'll see who's laughing when 30 turns in you find yourself shivering next to a trashcan fire and drinking water out of the toilet. Don't fuck with me.

Recently I awoke from a two year coma. I feel refreshed. And the only thing I'm sure of is that I'm going to need a hell of a lot of citrus to cure a hangover of this magnitude. The gears must be greased. Before the rust sets in.

holy shit you know what i just realized in season 3 of weeds sullivan groff tells celia he cant get hard without popping magic boner pills and then a few episodes later nancy just shows up and is all hey fuck me and he just does it on the spot what a glaring inconsistency

I think it may be time to dust this thing off and give it another go round.

its hard to say for sure

the other night i was grating parmesan cheese at table 74 and the guy looked me dead in the eye and said you know its a really good thing you dont have parkinsons disease

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I wish I had crazy flipper fingers.

people who don't update enough are assholes

One day Vincent walked out his front door to retrieve the morning's paper, just as he had done every day for the past 37 years. But the paper wasn't there. And it never would be again.