I submitted a script for 'Cocoon 3', but got rejected, with the producers saying it contained too much sex and violence ( Read more... )

I was just talking with my uncle Eugene. He spent most of his life as a family doctor, but never really developed a successful practice ( Read more... )

I quit my job as a hostage negotiator. After a while you get tired of talking to homocidal maniacs ( Read more... )

I see some Arab company is going to be running port security in the northeast ( Read more... )

I'm in between programing assignments so I've been working as a hostage negotiator. I haven't had much luck so far, though. I'm 0 for 5, but I'm optimistic.

You just have to know how to talk to these people before they open fire. Otherwise, it's been going pretty well.

What's up with Kim Jong Ill? Too much caffeine? He seems a little tightly wound ( Read more... )

My manager was bugging me to do some benefit for dying children the other day. It had something to do with cancer or emphezema. Something like that. I can't really remember because I got some food stuck in my teeth. Eventually I just said, "I'm trying to eat a sandwich here ( Read more... )

I was telling someone about my record sales and action figure the other day, but he didn't seem as interested as he might have been ( Read more... )

I'm thinking of writing a book on how to pick up women, since I'm such an expert on the subject. Most people think you have to look like George Clooney to score with the ladies, but the truth is, all you need is the ability to communicate well. Women really appreciate a good conversationalist. And in my experience nothing will get a woman out of ( Read more... )

I got yelled at the other day for asking if someone was a housewife?

"I'm not married to my house! I'm a homemaker!"

"How many houses have you made? I'm thinking of having an addition put on mine and was wondering what it would cost."

A homemaker. And Martha Stewart wasn't really in prison, she was 'Living in a gated community.'