The odometer on my car has grown considerably over the past 100 days. New cars have driving journals. The app on my phone shows +6,000 miles. It's hard to believe that since June, I've amassed 13,000 miles. My dealer drew shock when I arrived for my first service interval a few months after purchase. My life has been on the road touring most of ( Read more... )

California is on fire, again. The indoors are usually my haven, but haven's aren't a place of confinement. Everything has become a waiting game. Travel. Unemployment. Dating. Clean Air. The days are getting longer, and I'm writhing in anticipation. Why die of suspense when you can walk into traffic? That's the running joke with friends during the ( Read more... )

Finding my "center" has been my core focus this week. Since my final round with Coinbase last Wednesday (California 2049), I've had a lot to unpack. My level of unpreparedness was embarrassing. It was a senior role and the feedback that I got was disheartening. They were being honest. My answers weren't succinct. My presentation was sub par. Most ( Read more... )

Cycling has been my anti-cigarette drug. The lockdown didn't impact my weekly mileage, however the northwestern fires are suffocating the bay area. Two weeks indoors isn't healthy for anyone. It's worse when you cease expelling 150+ miles per week. Death of the outdoors. Death by atrophy. Queue the urge for a good drag because all else is lost. ( Read more... )

My math problem solving skills always came with a snap. The solution was just there. This caused trouble in grade-school because showing no work meant cheating. Teachers would have me explain myself, but there was no worthy explanation, so they'd watch intently as I worked it out. Still no work shown, but the solutions were right. It was "ok" ( Read more... )

The lease fell through. My hometown is considerably turning upside down. 3 shootings in the past 2 weeks was enough for the landlord. She wants out, and it's difficult to sell when someone is renting. It felt like it was all a lie, but you can never trust anyone to give the straight truth.

The moving plans were canceled, so I got a chance to really ( Read more... )

I had an interesting dream last night. It stood out because it didn't plague me with deja-vu related fear. My dreams occasionally have come with premonitions. These premonitions cause a lot of confusion, especially when I'm in the defa-vu related moment. I don't know what to do. I get tunnel-vision, my heart races, and I'm not sure whether to run ( Read more... )

I've come to enjoy bar-hopping and drinking until the rhythm moves me. It's petty confidence, and like the other night, I missed my opportunity to give at least some attention to a girl who's friend was getting all of it. I stood there like a fool debating about what to say and how to retort (if things didn't go well). It was there, but the trigger ( Read more... )

I've been considering the need for a psychiatrist. There are moments in-between natural-highs that send me deep and down into this spiral of hell. I'm not sure wether this is really a chemical imbalance or issues derived from money and loneliness. There times when mistakes and consequential rejections hit me hard, but I guess I'm just not that " ( Read more... )

There's been a robbery. This isn't anything new. Theft happens all the time, and it takes away from our level of completeness and security. It shouldn't though. They say depression is a condition, one in which a chemical imbalance is typically the source. They're is healing to the pain or the seemingly perpetual loss. An absence of a daily ritual ( Read more... )