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xanax.
i just had to take a xanax. i don't know why this happens to me, it's been so much better in the last few months, but recently, my mini "quakes" [what i call my little internal panic attacks] have been getting worse & i can't take it ( Read more... ) -
scraps
i've become kinda manically obsessed with making this thinspo journal ( Read more... ) -
Understanding confusion
Today was both amazing & awful.
I'm beginning to understand how depression & ED & cutting are all one big thing.
I bought the first pair of size 0s today. Extatic.
I misunderstood or understood or something the relationship developing between me & my best guy friend. I wanna make understandable pain. I get it now. I think I'm dying. Withering away, ( Read more... ) -
Promise.
I will not be like my mother.I will not be like my mother. I will not be like my mother. I will not be like my mother. I will not be like my mother. I will not be like my mother. I will not be like my mother. I will not be like my mother. I will not be like my mother.
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Cookies, hangovers & holiday "cheer"
Sometimes I hate the holidays bc you're "not allowed" to be a grump. I'm tired & hella hungover. I don't fucking WANT to bake cookies mom! In case you haven't noticed, which you clearly have NOT I don't EAT! why would I want to bake fucking cookies!? I'd need a lax to get the cookie IDEA out of my system.
Ps: I'm a big girl, don't tell me what to ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
What the fuck!?
I hate myself. I can notttt stop eating tonight.
Where the fucccck is my WILL POWER!?!?!
I feel the food, evil food stretching out my stomach I worked so hard to shrink.
I'll never make my goal weight.
Fuckkkkkkkkk
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Overloaded.
Totally went overboard today. 900 cals!? 1000!? Fuuuuck.
FUCK
Take two lax & call me in the morning.
fuuuuuck
Posted via LiveJournal.app.
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Ear muffs
My father is incredibly passive, my mother, agressive.
I'm a rotten mess that simply ignores the world.
I'm high on vaicatin, drinking wine & reading a book about a pathetic druggie girl whose life is way worse than mine.
Oh, & the laxatives I took are making my stomachs gurgle uncomfortably. I had more calories yesterday than I have had in a day over ( Read more... ) -
Face planting coulda been just awesome.
So I just went the grocery story (joy...) to do shopping for ma. She's making nasty shepard pie. Bad news: I have to smell it, might vom. Good news: she knows I hate it, so i don't have to make excuses.
I also had to drop like $40 on crap to make a god damn cake for a co workers bday. Ain't that some shit... The ED chick makes a cake for the girl ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
-Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
-Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love i hooked up with my ex over the weekend. on saturday ( Read more... )