there are a few things i want to talk about, so i'll just start with the first one.

i feel like the internets eat me alive. i feel like it drains me of energy and creativity. it brings me joy, but a certain kind of joy. a superficial joy - when it's not from being in touch with people directly, that is. (and even when it is, maybe?) it's not the ( Read more... )

i'd like to bring up a funny thing about words.

i've been wandering around on the internet in corners filled with people with more unconventional sexualities, and people who like writing about it. people who have ideas about it, perhaps unconventional ideas, and strong feelings about LGBTQA+ issues. i like that. i'm interested in that, because i ( Read more... )

Met mijn benen in het hete bad slokjes appelsapmetwodka stelen en kletsen met broeder, z'n lover en zijn BFF in het bad. De geur van rook en herfst in de lucht.

Mama’s cocktails op zaterdagavond. Tegen de televisie schreeuwen met mijn ouders om de waanzin en de drama. Giechelend en rozig onder een dekentje.

Ontbijten met vers brood dat papa haalde op ( Read more... )

so let me talk about make-up for a little bit. today i came across something called no make-up week. now, i don't know if this was a widely spread thing and i've just been living under a rock, but i'd never heard of it. the title appealed to me though, so i found out what it was. apparently writer rachel rabbit white realised putting on make-up ( Read more... )

things i want to change in my current life:

1. food.
i generally go through stages, sometimes i'm mildly health obsessed, sometimes i eat all the sugar and white bread i can get my hands on. lately i've been going through the latter, and i'm not happy with it. there are occasions where i'll naturally move back into a more healthy pattern, but that ( Read more... )

my favourite time of day is during summer, at the end of the afternoon when the shadows are long and the light is golden. after the day has been hot and you've spent hours in the sun, sweating and reading and swimming and laughing in the water. at the end of the afternoon, the last swim and sitting on the side of the pool with your legs dangling in ( Read more... )

time for a picture update, just because i want to. things that made me happy recently...

( click for joy )

i feel like the words i once had have left. evaporated along with the humidity in my breath. sunk down, from the back of my mouth not even to the tips of my fingers, but the soles of my feet, where they descended into the earth. lost forever among the roots and worms, so silent when instead they should have been said out loud or thought so ( Read more... )

on some days i write down things i'm grateful for that day, however simple they may be. since it's oftentimes almost miraculous to find a substantial amount of things on even the shittiest days, i like doing it. i love reading it back even more.

this is today's ramble, a little less personal than i usually make it.

that i get to take a million dance ( Read more... )

the thing about being sad is this. it's that when i'm sad, i tend to think i'm sad. and thinking i'm sad (or i'm really sad or i'm so fucking sad.) does two things. one, it helps me accept the fact that i'm sad. i'm sad right now. that's okay. there will be a point where i'll feel happier. right now, i'll just enjoy this sadness while it's there. ( Read more... )