LJ Idol, Topic 26: "Nuclear Intensity" [fiction]

[dslartoo]

"So.....was it good for you, then?"

"Oh geez. I'd really hoped for better from you, after an experience like that. Men are so insecure. You really couldn't tell

Comments

[traumedy]

Brilliant, sir! Truly well played...er, written.

For whatever it may be worth, I have the same insecure need for validation whenever I make chili.

[dslartoo]

Hey! Good to see you again, man. How are things?

Glad you liked the piece. I'm not a chili expert myself, but I do love the stuff and will happily try any version of it around. Regrettably I am a spice wuss so I don't do very well with the fiery hot stuff, but I do love me some good chili. :)

cheers,
Phil

[genesisdesire]

I will honestly sit and stare at my friends until they bite into whatever I've baked for them. Once they're moaning and writhing in sugar bliss, I feel rather pleased with myself.

Well played, for the theme, and the switch ending.

Two points, however. If you want to use a pure dialogue format, stick with it to the end. Instead of 'he whistled', perhaps put "Wheeeew.", like a whistling sound. Instead of "pushing back from the table", maybe he could say, "Give me a minute to stand up, here'". Draw out the joke for the chili until the last moment. Perhaps even create it as his own line of dialogue, which then segues to her, like, "Quit slacking, I need it now!"

And then deliver the twist as the last line.

But I enjoyed it.

[dslartoo]

Glad you enjoyed the piece! The comments are appreciated, but your points appear to be more a matter of personal style and taste. Your mileage may vary, of course. :)

Thanks for dropping by!

cheers,
Phil

[similiesslip]

Non-fiction?

If so, sounds like you are the master of more than just writing. Do you like cornbread with chili? Sly ending. You really had me going:)

[dslartoo]

Oops. I usually do tag the fiction pieces as such. Need to fix that now. :) Yes, it's just fiction (I am actually more or less helpless in the kitchen and don't possess the skills to create chili that good).

But I'm glad I had you going till the end. That was the general idea, anyway.

Thanks for coming by!

cheers,
Phil

[myrna_bird]

Ha ha! Good one. You had me going there but yay chili, bring it on!!

[dslartoo]

Heh! Another chili lover weighs in. Awesome. Are you like this when you eat chili, I wonder? :)

Thanks for dropping by!

cheers,
Phil

[tigrkittn]

I knew it wasn't what it sounded like, but I was stumped as the to the actual reason for the screaming and thrashing. Good chili, yum!!

[dslartoo]

Aw, so I wasn't able to fool at least one person. Shame, that. At least it wasn't completely obvious where it was going. I can consider that a success of sorts. :)

Glad you liked it! Thanks for dropping by.

cheers,
Phil