Best Laid Plans | 3
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For the entire ride back to the apartment they bicker over the whole ordeal until Jensen points out that she should be relaxed and stress-free after their fertilized egg has been implanted. She glares at him then relents, sighing and staring out the window.
In the living room, she settles on the couch like she always does after this process, on her back and shifting with her legs up on the top cushions. The TV remote dangles in her hand as she flips through the channels and keeps her eyes to the screen.
Jensen puts a glass of water on the coffee table. “You need anything else?”
“I need you to stop being so damn stubborn.”
“Stop worrying about me and worry about that,” he replies, pointing towards her stomach. “If you’re otherwise good, I’m going into work.”
“This late?”
He laughs flatly. “It’s better than sitting around here freaking out like we always do.”
She weakly smiles. “Okay. And I’m sorry.”
He sighs and gives her a tired smile. “Me, too,” he replies as he dips down to kiss her forehead.
Danneel grabs his hand before he moves too far. “And about Jared. I’m sorry it happened in the middle of this.”
“No, you’re right. I can’t be in two places at once.”
“Yeah, but you’re happy with him. You deserve something good.”
Jensen shrugs. “What good is a reward if you ain't around to use it?”
She stares at him then rolls her eyes. “Are you quoting Star Wars at me? About Jared?”
With a sad smile, he shrugs again. “I’m sure he would appreciate it.” He squeezes her hand then shakes their arms a little. “It is what it is. I’ll call when I’m on my way home to see if you need anything.”
In an effort to avoid disrupting anything, Danneel stays on the couch all of Friday and Saturday. When she comes home from work the next week, she does pretty much the same thing, no matter how often Dr. Stewart has said average activity won’t hurt; Danneel’s become protective of her body, and the embryos, so she’s not chancing anything.
It’s been five days of work and lazy living, and mostly Jensen trying to not worry over the state of his relationship with Jared or what Saturday morning’s appointment will tell him and Danneel. He’s made two half-assed calls to Jared - specifically when he knew he’d only get voicemail - and otherwise avoided any incoming calls. He feels like he can’t cut Jared off until he knows what his future will look like, but he’s scared to face him, too.
The living room gets dark with the night and Jensen shifts at his place in the corner of the couch, nudging her feet out of his lap so he can get more comfortable.
She shoots him a look, but it eases when he sighs and kicks his feet up to the coffee table. They’ve done this enough that stir crazy has become visually obvious. He’s not sure how she hasn’t lost her patience this week, but she’s managing well so far.
Another hour or so and Danneel toes at his thigh. “Why don’t you get outta here?”
“And leave you to your own devices?” he smirks.
“I don’t have a choice about being out on a Friday night, but you do.”
“What’m I gonna do? Might as well get used to staying in every night,” he jokes lightly, reaching out to fiddle with the hem of her shirt where it rests at her lower abdomen.
“You could go see Jared.”
Jensen resolutely turns his sight to the TV, even if they’ve seen this movie a dozen times before.
“I know you’re ignoring your phone. You should at least try to talk to him.”
Jensen doesn’t respond immediately, staying on the couch with her through the end of the movie. But then he can’t stand it any longer, just thinking about talking to Jared begins to drive him crazier than staying on the couch any more this week.
He rises and leans over to kiss her cheek. “Alright, I gotta stretch my legs.”
She has a strained smile and nods. “Tomorrow morning,” she reminds him of the doctor’s visit they’ll cross their fingers through.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
He’s nervous as he stands on Jared’s front stoop and pushes the button to his apartment, and even more when he has to reply to Jared’s blind greeting.
“It’s Jensen.”
The intercom clicks off, far too loud it seems, and there’s a long silence until Jared comes back on. “I’m on my way out.”
“Can I come up for a minute?”
“You wanna come up?” Jared asks slowly.
“Yeah, I do,” he answers strongly.
This time, the intercom’s click seems even louder than the first and the silence even quieter. Then the door buzzes and Jensen nearly trips with how fast he moves to push through the entrance.
He takes the steps two at a time then stops at the top of the stairs when he sees Jared in the doorway to his apartment. He’s definitely dressed to go out, with a nicely pressed button-up, dark jeans, and his normally loose hair styled back behind his ears. Jensen thinks he looks gorgeous, even hotter than he can remember no matter what they were doing.
In a flash, he thinks back to meeting Jared on the street, going to the dog park, even of them in bed and how smooth and loose his smiles always are. Jensen’s certain he doesn’t want to lose Jared, but he doesn’t know what else to do.
Jared shifts in the doorway with his hand gripping the wood frame. His face is tight and when he bites into the side of his mouth, a shallow dimple appears.
Jensen swallows. “You look really nice.”
He glances at his watch and nods. “Yeah, I gotta meet someone at ten.”
“You’re going on a date?” Jensen asks stupidly.
Jared smirks, a little angrily really, and then shakes his head. “No, just some friends getting drinks. I suddenly have a lot of weekends free.”
“Jared,” Jensen sighs emotionally. “I’m really sorry. I’ve been stupid and shady, I know. But I care about you. A lot. And you have no idea how sorry I am about all this.”
It’s a long moment for Jared to say anything, but it’s comforting that he loses the hard edge to his voice. “What is all this?”
“I can’t explain it.” Jared sighs and he adds, “Not yet.”
One of Jared’s neighbors exits their apartment, oddly eying them both as she moves around Jared then Jensen in the hallway. Even on her way down the stairs, she’s looking up at them, so Jensen steps closer to avoid drawing more attention.
It’s been a long time since he’s had to make these kinds of proclamations. It’s been years, many years, and he’s not sure what’s going to work on Jared, but he just goes with as much of the truth as he can manage right now. “I know it’s not fair to keep saying that, but please believe me when I say that you mean a lot to me. I am stupidly glad that some asshole knocked me over on 12th and that you were there to pick me up and dust me off.”
Jared’s face changes and he almost looks confused. “Seriously?”
“Yes, seriously,” Jensen pushes.
“Pick you up and dust you off? How fucking cheesy are you?”
Jensen’s shocked by Jared’s words, but he’s relieved when Jared smiles a little. “I’m not good at these kinds of things,” Jensen admits with a small smile of his own.
“You mean relationships?” Jared jokes tightly.
Jensen shrugs and nods. “Yeah, pretty much.”
Jared’s cell beeps and he pulls it from his front pocket, checking it then putting it back in place with a small frown. “I gotta meet some people.”
He nods slowly and steps back. “I just wanted you to know,” Jensen murmurs.
With a small nod, Jared says, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
As Jensen turns, Jared slowly says, “I’ll probably regret this, but you wanna come?”
Jensen’s mind reels at the chance to spend one more night with Jared. “Really?”
Jared flips his eyebrows up and laughs to himself. “Are you up for drinks with my friends?”
His nod is stilted but his smile is strong when he says, “Yeah, I’d love that.”
It’s a whole new thing to see Jared out with his friends, to see him joking and laughing so freely following the last week of them being tense and cut-off. Jensen laughs and quips with the group, feeling loose as well.
The drinks help let Jensen enjoy the night out, to be away from the stress of Danneel’s attempted pregnancies, the associated conversations, and the guilt of only giving Jared so much of himself.
After a few strong drinks, he completely forgets that Danneel is at home crossing her fingers alone or that there was any hiccup with Jared at all. They huddle together for their own conversations, hands at hips and heads close. There are many small smiles and a few quick kisses between longer conversations with Jared’s friends. Jensen can’t remember the last time he felt this comfortable with someone, and it stretches on when the bar’s closing and they walk back to Jared’s apartment.
Jensen thinks about going home so he can get up in the morning and be useful when Danneel needs him, but he excuses that guilt away. He tells himself he can manage to get up on time, no matter how little sleep he’ll get, in exchange for another night in Jared’s bed.
Jared settles between Jensen’s legs, sucking him down and softly moaning around it. Jensen grips at Jared’s hair when it feels like too much too soon, and Jared lifts off and moves up his body.
“You taste so good,” Jared murmurs just before licking into Jensen’s mouth.
Jensen fights him in the kiss and grips tight at Jared’s back. He runs his hand down to Jared’s ass and squeezes tight. “Wanna be in you,” Jensen mumbles around their kiss. “Wanna fuck you, and feel you.”
“You’re a smart man,” Jared smirks. He moves to the nightstand and Jensen straddles the back of Jared’s legs, licking his thumb and pressing it against Jared’s entrance, unable to stay patient. “And quick. Goddamn you’re quick,” Jared laughs.
“Then let’s make this one last, huh?”
Jared drops lube and a condom at his side and hitches his hips up to give Jensen more room. “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere right now.”
Jensen slicks up his finger and slides it in with slow, spinning motions to stretch Jared open. He squeezes Jared’s ass and works lube and a second finger in then a third when Jared’s ready for it.
Jared gets up to his hands and knees and rocks back onto Jensen’s hand. The bow of his back and strain of his muscles is hypnotizing and Jensen strokes over Jared’s back, watching and now feeling how the muscles twist with every moment. It goes on for so long and is such a breathtaking sight; Jensen’s beginning to wonder if they should just do this through the morning.
But Jared’s broken moans cut right to Jensen’s dick, and he wants to feel just as good as Jared does. Jensen rolls the condom on and slicks himself up before slowly pushing in, settling hips to ass and running his palms up and down Jared’s back until Jared slowly rolls his hips back. Jensen slides in and out and slowly builds his rhythm. Jared meets every thrust, pushing back to Jensen’s hips and groaning.
Jensen pulls Jared’s hips back and holds them, and he’s so fucking deep in Jared, he can hardly breathe. With his hands on Jared’s chest, he brings him back against his own chest, and they settle more comfortably on their knees with Jared’s head falling back on Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen slowly fucks Jared like this, licking and nipping over the tight column of Jared’s neck, moaning into his skin.
When Jared wraps a hand around his dick, Jensen joins him, and they slowly stroke him together. Jared’s breath is loud but shallow, and Jensen sucks at Jared’s ear lobe then breathes hard against the shell of it as he quickens his strides, unable to ignore his coming orgasm.
“God, you feel so good. So hot, so deep,” he rambles at Jared’s ear.
Jared’s rhythm breaks and he grips at Jensen’s thigh. “Stop talking, and just fuck me,” Jared mumbles as his head falls forward, even though he’s smirking and biting his lip. “I’m right there, just keep going.”
Jensen quickens his hips and wraps his free hand around Jared’s neck, fingers nudging Jared’s jaw so they can meet in a kiss. Their lips go wide, tongues barely moving, but wet and thick all the same. Jared’s moans go high and his pushes back hard on Jensen’s dick, stuttering and coming over their joined hands. Jared rests back against Jensen, and Jensen wraps his arms around Jared’s chest, fucking in a few more times. He presses his face into Jared’s shoulder and his moan is muffled when he comes buried deep inside Jared.
After cleaning up, they fall to the bed, all loose limbs and minds blown. The air coming in through the open windows is cool against Jensen’s sweaty skin and he pulls a sheet up to his chest.
Jared settles on his stomach and tilts his head on the pillow to look at Jensen with hazy eyes. “No need to be modest now.”
Jensen softly chuckles and turns his head to face him. He reaches over and moves a few strands of hair off Jared’s forehead with his thumb. “You are obnoxious,” he says, but he’s sure his smile betrays the complaint.
“It’s been said.”
“You should probably work on that.” Jared snorts and then his eyes flutter a few times, like he’s fighting to stay awake. Jensen softly slides his thumb down Jared’s jaw. “Work on sleeping first,” he murmurs.
Jared hums and closes his eyes, and Jensen follows soon after.
Jensen’s beeping cell wakes him. He can’t move far with Jared’s arm wrapped around his waist, but he shifts enough to snag the edge of his jeans beside the bed and bring them up to the mattress. He blinks against the light of the room and his heart stops at the text from Danneel.
I assume you’re meeting me at the Dr?
His brain registers how bright the room really is and when he goes to the home screen on his cell, he sees that it’s nearly eleven.
Danneel’s probably cursing him out for not being home - hell, Jensen’s doing that right now as he stumbles out of the arm Jared’s got clamped around his waist.
Jared’s shocked awake with a hazy, “What’s going on?”
“I have to go,” Jensen answers tightly. His mind runs through the Saturday bus schedule and he figures he can jog half the way and meet Danneel in decent timing.
“Are you serious?”
Jensen stands to tug his underwear and jeans up then slips his shirt back on. He holds his sweater in his hand when he leans over the bed and frowns. “I’m sorry.” He cups Jared’s cheek and kisses him softly. “I have to.”
“Wait a minute,” he argues, grabbing at Jensen’s other arm.
“Danneel has an appointment.” With a gentle smile, Jensen rubs at the corner of Jared’s mouth with his thumb. “Bye,” he whispers, and it feels final when he leaves.
He doesn’t make it as fast as he’d hoped, but he still finds Danneel in the exam room, just like he did months ago, just after meeting Jared. It’s unnerving how the similarities fall in place, especially with her in a blue paper gown, slumped into the curve of the reclined bench, and staring at a small slip of paper in her hands.
“Hey, kiddo,” he murmurs.
She looks up with red cheeks and wet eyes. She sadly smiles. “Hey you.”
Jensen stands at her side and combs hair away from her shoulder. “You okay?”
“My arm hurts,” she mumbles, motioning at the band-aid from the blood test. “And my ass, too.” She laughs, soft but a little rough. “Been sitting her for hours, it seems like.”
“They did it already?” he asks stupidly.
She shrugs and stares at her hands. “I couldn’t wait.” Her face goes flat as she pins him with a sad look. “I’m so sorry, Jensen.”
He leans closer and pushes hair away from her face, thumbing away the tears that had fallen before he came. “It’s okay, honey. We’re gonna be okay.”
“No, Jensen …” she trails off then turns the paper towards him.
His heart stops and his breath catches at the loose script of her name at the top of a checklist with one large X that’s punctuated with a loose circle around it. Five other times, the page has been mostly blank; right now it’s foreign to see anything added in the margins.
He looks up with wide eyes and she gives him a watery smile. “Congratulations, Papa.”
“Oh my God,” he whispers and then repeats it more loudly as he rushes forward to hug her. “Oh my God, Danneel!” he shouts at her ear.
He pulls back and holds her face in his hands and beams at her. When she returns the bright smile, he kisses her soundly on the lips, making her laugh and push him away.
“I told you!” he crows. “I told you this was gonna be the time.”
“God, stop being so damn smug,” she laughs. “You’re gonna have a young, impressionable child on your hands.”
He grins so hard his cheeks hurt and then places his palm to her belly. “Watch your language in front of my baby.”
Danneel puts both of her hands over his. “Our baby.”
“Yeah,” he says breathlessly.
“I told you!” Helene shouts as she pushes through the front door and hugs him tighter than ever before, which is really saying something.
Jensen gulps at her hard grip around his ribcage. “Danneel says being smug is bad for the baby.”
When Helene pulls back, she lightly slaps his cheek. “I’m that baby’s grandmother. Let me be self-righteous.”
He laughs, because it’s exhilarating that this is finally a reality, that all the ups and downs and extreme disappointments are finally worth it. He only remotely worries about how much more Helene will dote over them now.
“Where’s the proud mama at?” Helene asks, nudging him out of her way and walking into the living room.
“Cleaning out the office,” he replies, following Helene to sit on the couch.
“You mean the nursery?” she asks and winks.
“I think she’s nesting too soon, but don’t tell her that.”
“At least the place will be clean,” she smirks and pinches his side. Then she pats his knee and holds. “You doing okay with this?”
“Yeah, I’m ecstatic,” he laughs.
“You guys are stuck together forever now.”
“I’m aware.”
Helene turns towards him and her eyes are strangely soft, less overbearing in her own motherly way. “I love you two kids, and I’m excited for you both, you know that, right?”
Jensen covers her hand and pinches his mouth in confusion, and worry, of what she’s getting at. “Of course.”
“Being a parent is hard, Jensen,” she says seriously. “First you’re an adult with all your own things and a job and friends. You do all the things you want to do, and then this little baby comes along, this little blessing who becomes your whole world. And you struggle to stretch yourself to keep up all your Jensen things while still giving this li’l baby your life. You’re gonna get stretched thin, and at times, you have to sacrifice the Jensen things.”
His heart beats fast and hard, thinking over all the things that will become second rate, or third and fourth, in favor of their child. It’s thrilling that they’re bringing a baby into their lives, but there’s the small nagging feeling that so much will be left behind.
Helene flips her hand over to hold his tightly. “But it’s all worth it when you see your li’l baby smile. And between you two, that baby’s gonna have a killer smile.”
Jensen laughs emotionally, feeling tears prick.
“And the eyes, oh heavens,” she dramatically sighs. “You two with your sad sack puppy eyes. Now in one cute, little package? Your baby will want for nothing. That boy’s gonna be spoiled.”
He laughs again, knowing that Helene will probably do most of the spoiling. He nudges her shoulder with his own. “Who says it’s a boy?”
“Motherly intuition.” She winks then reaches for his face, bringing him for a nice kiss on the cheek. “You’re gonna be a great father. After all I’ve watched you do for Danneel, I know you’ll be great. I know you’ll make the best decisions for the baby. Just make sure you don’t make it too hard on yourself.”
Helene’s words weigh heavily on his mind, nagging him to call Jared. They plan to meet at Smithfield Park so Jared can let Harley loose.
Jensen’s captivated by a young brown-haired, fair-skinned boy chasing his dog into one corner of the fenced-off play area. The boy tugs on the dog’s tail and then laughs brightly when the dog spins around and licks his face. Jensen’s eyes follow the boy stumbling back and giggling when the dog butts its head into his side, then the boy runs to the gate happily calling for his mom. She swoops him up and over the fence and bops him on her hip, nuzzling the side of his face.
He’s broken from the scene by something knocking at the top of his head and when he looks up, Jared’s smiling and tipping a paper coffee cup at Jensen’s head.
“You awake?” Jared asks as he rounds the bench and sits next to him.
“Yeah, I just,” he mumbles, motioning towards the fence.
“They’re adorable aren’t they?”
Jensen’s sure Jared means the dogs, but he lets it go.
“So, whatever you had to take care of this morning, it all okay?” Jared asks awkwardly.
He takes a long sip of the steaming coffee and nods to himself for the courage to finally tell Jared the truth. “Danneel’s pregnant.”
Jared’s eyes widen. “Wow, I didn’t know she … is that what all the health stuff was about?”
Jensen smiles a little, because he’s still happy about it. “Yeah, she’s been trying for a while and it finally stuck.”
“Good for her,” Jared smiles back. “I didn’t even know she was with anyone. What’s that mean for you guys? Like living together, the apartment and everything?”
Here, he falters to say the words, but he forces them out. “Nothing changes.” He turns to face Jared and bites his bottom lip. “The baby’s mine.” The second Jared’s face drops, Jensen decides to charge right on with everything. “We did it through in vitro. It’s been two years of us trying. So many times it was a no, but this morning, it’s a yes.”
“You said you weren’t together,” he says flatly.
“We’re not.”
“But you’re …” Jared drifts off, gesturing vaguely.
Jensen takes a deep breath. “We’re doing this together.”
Jared shakes his head, looking angry then confused as he turns away to stare across the park. “You guys are having a baby? Jesus Christ, Jensen. That’s kind of an important thing to know.”
“That’s why I’m telling you now.”
He turns on Jensen quickly, bitter and hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”
It’s killing him to do this, but he has to. He has new responsibilities coming and he has to fully commit to those from today on. “Because I didn’t expect you and me to really happen. And before I knew it, I was so far in, I didn’t want to scare you off. I know it’s a crazy situation.”
“Crazy?” he laughs hysterically. “This is so far beyond crazy, it’s off the charts.”
“I’m so sorry, Jared,” he says emotionally. He shakes his head and feels the words break in his throat. “You don’t know how much I wish we’d met years ago so this could really work.”
Jared rolls his eyes, kicks his feet out to spread his knees, and sighs. “Funny way of showing it.”
“I know. I so know.”
“God, after last night, I thought things were fine. And then you just dump this on me.”
Jensen flinches at the harshness to Jared’s voice. “I didn’t know how to handle it until we knew for sure. She took the test this morning.”
“And what? If it wasn’t positive, you were just gonna keep stringing me along until it was and then you’d finally tell me about it?”
“No,” he says shaking his head quickly. “If it was negative, we’d stop trying and then I’d give us a try.”
Jared looks at him, eyes roving over his face as he otherwise freezes. “And you’re not now?”
“I can’t now.” Jensen drops his head to stare at his hands clasped in his lap and takes a deep breath. “I have a commitment to Danneel and the baby. I can’t be in two places at once. I can’t stretch myself beyond them.”
“I don’t even get a say in it, huh?”
“I can’t let Danneel down.”
“What about me, Jensen?” he asks quietly. “You said you really cared, but now you’re just ending it, not giving it a chance. Like, just, nothing at all?”
He sighs and licks his lips before he lets his final admission free. “I do care. I haven’t felt like this about someone in a very long time. You mean a lot to me.”
Just a moment later, Jared stands and walks towards the dog area. Jensen gets up and follows, calling his name, but Jared glares at him. “I oughta get Harley home. I’ve got a commitment to him and I can’t let him down.”
Jensen frowns and sighs, spinning away for a second as Jared gets Harley and tacks his leash to his collar. When Jared looks up, he pins Jensen with a sad, tormented look, as if he’s tired of being bitter, but is still hurt.
“We were good together. But I guess you don’t see that.”
“I do.” Jared shakes his head and Jensen mumbles, “I love you.” He feels pathetic for letting it out this way, but it’s all he has left to assure Jared that this is hard on him, too.
“Don’t,” Jared says, shaking his head more forcefully. “Don’t do that.”
“If things were different,” he says.
Jared frowns and walks away.
For weeks, Jensen knows he’s awful when it comes to thinking about Jared. He feels guilty and heartbroken. When he’s not focused on Danneel and the pregnancy, he feels a shocking loneliness, mostly when he’s trying to sleep and his bed seems strangely large and cold.
She makes comments about it, mostly caring and worried, but he doesn’t have the energy to insist he’s fine or even to discuss all that happened. Instead, he switches gears and concentrates on all they need to do for the next few months. There are new kinds of doctor’s appointments to handle the delicate nature of the procedure, baby supplies to start buying, and a shower to plan down the road. He leaves the last to Helene’s masterful skills for organization and sets to rearranging things throughout the apartment to make room for all that they’ll be bringing home.
It’s enough to distract him during the day. Thankfully, it also reminds him of the family he and Danneel are starting.
Danneel comes home from work and taps on the counter as she smiles at Jensen in the kitchen.
“Can I help you?” he asks, stepping up to the other side and feeling like they’re at some fast food joint. “Maybe a Nachos Bel Grande?”
“Ugh,” she grimaces. “And just when the morning sickness faded.”
“You are welcome.” He taps the counter with her. “What’s up?”
“Are you busy tonight?”
“It’s me and you ‘til the end of time, baby.”
Danneel fakes another grimace. “Don’t remind me.”
“What’s the plan?”
“Wanna go out for dinner?”
He nods quickly, more than willing to get out after spending the last two months just going to work and being home. “Yeah, sure.”
“Steph and her husband invited us out.”
Jensen stares at her because he’s certain she must joking.
“What?” she asks.
“I’m waiting for the punch line.”
“What? Steph’s my friend.”
Jensen smacks the counter with his palm and nods. “And there it is.”
Danneel rolls her eyes and rests against the counter. “Okay, she’s not my favorite person. But she invited us out for dinner.”
“Is it because you’re both pregnant? Is this what our lives have come to? Only pregnant friends and talk about breast feeding versus formula?”
“It’s a valid discussion,” she sighs.
Jensen laughs to himself, sets his hands on the counter, and leans towards her. “Can I remind you that in the last two years, I’ve learned more about your undercarriage than I care to think about? Talking about your breasts lactating is not my idea of a good time.”
“You think I’ve enjoyed discussing your prostate?”
He gives her a thoughtful look. “Well, it’s been helpful from my point of view.”
She pushes his face away, barely hiding her laugh. “Just for that, you’re going and you’re wearing a tie.”
Jensen sighs painfully. “Really?”
“Will you stop complaining if I pay?”
“I’ll stop complaining if Perfect Steph pays and I get to stay home.”
Danneel puts her hands on her hips and stares him down hard enough that it shakes him back to his childhood, and man, when did she nail the judgmental mother look?
“Will there be wine?” he asks tiredly.
“No more than two glasses,” she stipulates.
After a moment of thought, he counters, “Three and I’ll smile.”
“A lot,” she says strongly, pointing right in his face. “You will be your formerly charming self and smile a lot.”
He smiles more than he has in weeks. They’re mostly forced, but he makes an effort and Danneel aims kind glances his way for it.
Steph and her husband Adam really aren’t as bad as Danneel had ever said before. They’re polite when they ask Danneel and Jensen questions about the in vitro process, interested as they ask follow-up questions, and charismatic when they talk of their own family.
Jensen loses track of the conversation as he thanks the waitress for refilling his second glass of wine, smiling at her then taking a sip. When he tunes back in, Steph’s talking about their eight-year-old daughter tormenting their German Shepard in the most delightful ways.
“And Shaggy’s running in circles while Sheila’s just laughing her head off in the corner.”
“Was he chasing his tail?” Jensen jokes. The table goes quiet and he glances around, wondering what kind of mistake he’s just made.
“No,” Steph says slowly. “I’d just said Sheila wrapped her hair tie around his ankle.”
It’s not said in any bad manner, but Jensen feels a knife in his gut for having missed that part and showing that he did by implying their dog is stupid. “Sorry,” he says with a tense smile.
“Dogs chase their tails?” Adam chuckles. “Is this a Looney Toons video we haven’t seen yet?”
“No, I knew a dog that -” Suddenly he stops, distracted by memories of he and Jared taking Harley to the dog park and watching the crazy mutt spin around for minutes on end.
“Oh, what kind of dog did you have?” Steph asks with interest.
“I didn’t. My friend did.”
Danneel laughs and shakes her head. “Who was this?”
It’s a valid question, considering they’ve been standing beside one another for two decades and she’s never heard this before. With a passing glance in her direction, he quickly says, “Jared’s dog, Harley.” The table’s still a little awkward and he again feels foolish having said anything, especially when Danneel frowns a little and pats his knee.
Steph looks to Danneel with a raised eyebrow and Danneel lightly shakes her head.
Jensen brings his wine glass to his mouth and tries on an easy smile. “So, Shaggy was spinning?”
“Yes,” Steph says quickly, clapping her hands together and going on with the story.
Back in his room, Jensen’s pulling tie off as Danneel calls his name from the doorway.
He faces her with an even, “Yeah?”
“Are you okay?” she asks softly.
“I only had two glasses, Dan,” he sighs and works on unbuttoning his shirt.
“And thank you for that. Seriously,” she adds on with her hand out. “You just, you didn’t talk a whole lot?”
He laughs to himself and nods. “Well, the one time I did, I was a total Debbie Downer.”
Danneel leans against the doorway, resting her head on the wood and sadly smiling at him. “You are not a Debbie Downer.”
There’s an argument on his tongue, but he holds it in and lets his bitter tone drop. “I’m sorry I ruined the night.”
“You didn’t ruin the night,” she insists. “I just want to make sure you’re doing okay.”
“I am fine.”
“You are lying.”
He looks up to find her leveling a harsh glare at him. “I’m not-”
“You can lie to yourself all you want, but I know you’re not happy.”
“Well, now who’s the Debbie Downer?” he tries to joke, but it falls flat between them. He sighs and drops his hands to his sides. “What do you want me to say, Danneel? That I’m unhappy? That I don’t blame you?”
“That’d be a start,” she says, still looking upset yet now encouraging.
He sighs again and glances up to the ceiling before granting her a truer look, one that he’s sure clearly speaks to how he really feels. “Okay, I’m miserable. I know I fucked up, but I don’t regret it for you and the baby. And I certainly don’t blame you. I’m well aware I shit in my own bed.”
She looks even sadder when her eyes tip towards his mattress. “That’s a really sad visual. Disgusting really.”
“I don’t blame you,” he repeats louder than before.
“I heard you the first time.” She nods and bites at the corner of her mouth while her eyes tear up. “I’m just really sorry you feel this way. I wish there was something-”
“You can’t do anything.” He meets her in the doorway and wipes under her eyes with his thumbs. “Just, let me get over it, and then we’ll be the most ridiculously happy family that even Steph will be jealous.”
Danneel laughs and when more tears break free, she lightly kicks at his shin. “Damn you, Ackles. Being so damn pathetic and loveable at the same time.”
“It’s part of my charm.” He smiles and for the first time in far too long it feels genuine. “I’m so excited for us, though,” he murmurs. “So don’t ever doubt me on that, okay?”
“Okay,” she says with a nod and goes on her toes to kiss his cheek. When she pulls back, she searches his eyes for a few seconds. “Get yourself some sleep. You look tired.”
“Just as soon as you leave me be.”
She pats his cheek and turns away with a murmured goodnight.
Once he’s down to shorts and a tee, he turns off the lights, slides under the covers, and stares at the ceiling with countless memories brewing in his mind. They’ve all been the same for months, but he’s comforted a little that he and Danneel are relatively okay.
Jensen knows they’re jumping the gun, but they found a crib they were both excited about and it was on sale. He’s on the floor in the baby’s room with crib parts scattered around him and the frame of it upright in the corner. He shuffles to his back, sliding beneath it, and lines up a new slat to screw into place when Danneel comes home.
She calls his name before she finds him in the nursery. “Now who’s nesting?”
He glances through the frame and playfully scowls then looks back to where he’s placing the next screw. “I am not nesting. I’m being manly and rugged and building you furniture. I might even go hunt for dinner next.”
She sets a few shopping bags in the corner before softly humming.
“What?”
“I ran into Jared while I was out,” Danneel murmurs.
His eyes automatically meet hers and he goes back to his work, clearing his throat. “And?” he asks flatly, because there’s no way he wants to talk to her about it now, four months after the fact.
“And, that’s it, I guess” she draws out. “I’m going out for groceries. You need anything?”
“Wood glue?”
Danneel laughs and kicks his knee. “You’re asking for that now?”
“Better late than never.”
“Hey, Ackles.” When he looks up, she’s crouching beside him and squeezing his knee. “You know I love you for all this, right?”
He returns her warm smile. “You better.”
She scratches at seam of his jeans then tugs on it. “Just, don’t lose yourself along the way, okay?” Her free hand absently taps at the bump she’s starting to show. “I know you’re gonna be good to me and the baby, but be good to yourself, too.”
Being pregnant has brought a whole new rash of hormones into the mix, plus she’s been openly more loving, filled with the joy of the baby inside her. Jensen’s not too surprised by what she’s saying, but it feels odd all the same.
Jensen slowly nods and Danneel pats his knee and leaves.
Once he hears the front door shut, he goes back to the electric screwdriver in his hand, pushing a screw into place and grabbing the next one. Three more screws and he puts another slat up. He gets halfway through screwing it in when he hears a soft cough.
He sits up so fast, he smacks his head against the frame and groans, rolling to his side and holding his face. In seconds, Jared’s in front of him, pulling on his shoulders to help him shuffle out from under the crib.
“What’re you doing?” Jensen grumbles.
“Helping you?”
Jensen sits as upright as he can thanks to the dizziness and pain shooting across the bridge of his nose. “What’re you doing here?”
Jared clears his throat. “I ran into Danneel.”
He wipes at his nose and looks for blood on his fingers, but there is none, just a whole lot of pain. “Yeah, she said that, but I didn’t think it meant she brought you home.” Jared’s looking at him intently, like he’s afraid to speak, and Jensen tweaks his nose and thinks about the pain just so he doesn’t have to keep staring at Jared. “I thought you were the one into taking in strays. Now I’m gonna worry about her.”
Jared softly laughs and settles on his knees and Jensen moves to sit cross-legged. “Are you okay?” he asks, lightly running fingers over Jensen’s nose.
“I think so.”
“It’s like déjà vu,” Jared jokes lightly.
Jensen glances up to him and relives their first meeting. It still stings to remember.
Jared shrugs. “At least your pretty mug is intact.”
He smiles a little, but new pain flares across his brow and he covers his forehead. He takes the time to think about the aches in his head because he’s not sure what to say to Jared.
“Danneel looks good,” Jared says kindly. “All baby-bumped out.”
Jensen nods and crookedly smiles. “Yeah, she’s been excited to see it fill out. I’m waiting for her to really bloat up and cry about not having anything to wear.”
Jared chuckles. “That’s cruel.”
“It’ll be payback for all the veggie milkshakes.” After a tense stretch of silence, Jensen drops his hands to his lap and takes a calming breath. “So, how’re things?”
“They’re things,” he says like he’s not sure. “Not great, but not too bad.” Jensen nods because he’s not really certain how to follow that up, especially since he knows the not great portion is his fault. “It’s been some time, and I’ve had a lot to think about.” His mouth twists and gives Jensen a tentative look. “And I think you should give us another chance.”
Jensen immediately looks at the half-built crib and softly sighs. “Jared, I can’t.”
“You can. And I can. I can deal with all that this entails,” he says with confidence, waving around them. “You didn’t even give me a chance, didn’t let me make the choice about what I wanted. You took that right out of my hands and made it by yourself.”
His fingers twitch as a warm tingle worms its way up his arms and settles in his chest. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I’m miserable. And Danneel says you are, too. It doesn’t make any sense that we don’t try to make it work.”
“Jared,” he mumbles, shaking his head.
Jared leans forward and finds Jensen’s eyes to stare at him self-assuredly. “I’m saying I wanna be here and be a part of it all.”
He thinks briefly on Danneel’s words before she left and he wonders what else they talked about despite hardly knowing each other. He wonders when Danneel decided to open up their lives to let Jared in. Still, even if Jared contends it’s true, he can’t fathom it being a reality. “That’s not fair to you, always coming in third behind Danneel and the baby.”
Jared tips his head and softly smiles. “Why don’t you let me decide what’s fair to me?”
“Did Danneel force you into this?” he asks nervously. If this is real, he wants it to be all from Jared.
“No, it’s my idea.”
Searching Jared’s eyes, he sees nothing but care and sureness. Jensen’s heart is racing and his words are coming even faster. “You really want to be here in the middle of all this and be attached to the mess my life’s about to come? Danneel and the baby? Changing diapers and three a.m. feedings?”
With a tiny smirk, Jared scoots closer. “I told you I have a bit of a hero complex.”
“I’m building the baby crib,” he says stupidly. It’s his last chance to make a point that his priorities are completely changing.
“I can help,” Jared nods, coming even closer, just inches from Jensen’s face. “I’ve been told I have a good set of paws.”
Jensen laughs deliriously and slips his hands into Jared’s hair, pulling him in for a hard kiss, and Jared comes willingly, forcing him into the side of the baby’s dresser. He can’t care for the pinch of the corner at his back because he has Jared here again, and this is really going to happen.
He hums as he pulls back from Jared, feeling dazed and anxious when they smile at one another. He kisses him once more then sighs. “We probably shouldn’t do this in the baby’s room.”
Jared glances at the crib and frowns. “Yeah, this might be a li’l inappropriate.”
“We can get inappropriate in my room?”
He rises, helps Jensen up, and grins.
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