Best Laid Plans | 2

[dugindeep]

Previous

The one thing Jensen has always admired in Danneel is her dedication to stick to her plans. It’s wavered a bit over the past two years, but she’s resilient and bounces back, and always with a smile. Which means her promise to conduct more positive thinking is almost too much for him to take. She walks around the apartment with an overly sunny smile, sticks post-its with life affirmations to every surface, and twists any complaint into an opportunity.

When the vacuum dies mid-cleaning, she beams at him. “This is your chance to learn how it works. We can work together to fix it right up! We’ll strengthen your handyman skills.”

Three days later, he realizes there’s a tear in his favorite jeans from where they snagged in the dryer, and she suggests he cut them off at the knees and use them as shorts when summer comes.

And when the power goes out for an entire weekend, she insists they spend more time outside, even though it’s pouring, and there’s not a flash of electricity in a four-block radius.

Instead of fighting her on these matters, he smiles back with a “Yes, honey,” and goes as far into her ideas as he can get without swearing. The minute one curse slips free, he’s done, and looks into buying a new vacuum, plans a spring cleaning of his closet and shopping trip to replace anything too worn out, and he calls Jared when he can’t stand the darkness of their apartment any longer.

Even when he’d been adverse to the weekend storm, he’s not too disappointed to get a little wet as he makes his way over to Jared’s apartment by a bus transfer and a two-block walk to his building.

“So, the mom’s back?” Jared asks with a smile as he lets Jensen into his living room.

“No, thankfully,” he laughs. “The electricity’s out, and I was getting stir crazy.”

“If you guys don’t have power, Danneel could’ve come, too. It’s gotta be pretty stuffy and lonely.”

Jensen leans against the doorway to the kitchen, watching Jared bend into the fridge to grab cans of pop. This is much better than whatever he and Danneel would be doing all weekend. “I actually think she could use some time to herself. She’s got a tall stack of Harlequins to get her through the night.” He doesn’t bother adding that sometimes she’ll read them aloud to mock together or give him a high-scale recount of the damsel in distress being saved by the Fabio look-a-like.

Suddenly, he feels bad for leaving her back at the apartment - even when she was positive it was okay that he got out - and he frowns.

“Everything okay?” Jared asks, standing right in front of him and handing him a can.

“Yeah, she just … she hasn’t been feeling well lately.” To Jared’s sad look, Jensen smiles lightly. “But she’s on the mend. She’s got a positive outlook, and she could probably use a quiet night in.”

“Is it something serious?”

This is only the third time he’s facing Jared; he’s not ready to tell him what they’re doing. Besides, this is just something fun for the meantime, Jensen’s own stress relief, and it doesn’t need to be boggled down with that kind of conversation. Even when he doesn’t consider his interest in Jared anything serious, Jensen’s not up for scaring him off just yet.

“She’ll be fine,” Jensen smiles. To change the subject, Jensen glances around and realizes it’s incredibly quiet. “Where’s Harley?”

“Old coot’s hiding in the bathtub. He hates thunder.”

“All bark and no bite?”

“You bet,” Jared nods.

In no time, they settle on the couch to watch whatever they can find on TV, but it doesn’t last long. Jared is a warm line at Jensen’s side. He can’t focus on the low-grade crime noir unfolding on screen because he’s thinking too much about the guy beside him.

He thinks back on his last time in this apartment and how little they left the bedroom, and more importantly how good it all was. So when Jared leans into him to point out that the detective should know better than to enter an empty warehouse without backup, Jensen ignores the complaint and pushes him down to the couch and starts kissing.

Jared mumbles about the movie, but it’s half-hearted because he’s kissing back with his hands sliding under Jensen’s shirt and tugging him in tight.

They rut against each other, hips digging just right, and make out for what feels like hours. After a while, the TV quiets down through the movie’s credits and there’s a soft patter of rain on the windows being drowned out by their harsh breathing and slick lips and tongues moving in, out, and all around.

“Move to the bedroom?” Jared mumbles between kisses.

Jensen palms Jared through his jeans, smirking when Jared’s breath catches and his hips jump into the motion. “Good right here.”

“I’ve got … stuff … in there.”

He rises a little and stares at Jared, eyes combing over his face and logging his small, flirty smile. Everything but Jared’s intent gaze and the potential for more than just hands and mouths leaves him, and he slowly nods. “That is a great idea.”

They kiss and paw at one another on the way to bed, and soon enough they’re completely naked and Jared’s slicking up a finger to push into Jensen. He keens and rocks down onto Jared’s hand, especially when there are then two fingers and Jared’s mouth roams over his chest, all clever tongue and soft lips.

Once Jared slides in, it’s a slow rock of their bodies together, so unlike the frantic mess they were last week. Jensen grabs at Jared’s shoulders and back, pulling him tight to his chest, and leaves wet kisses along Jared’s neck and jaw. It draws on for longer than Jensen can comprehend, but when he feels his orgasm building, it’s a quick thing he can’t slow down. He strokes himself off and softly bites at Jared’s ear when he comes with a long, satisfied groan. A minute later, Jared’s just shallowly sliding in and out, and he kisses Jensen hard as he breaks.

When they’re back to their senses, Jensen suggests a drink to clear his dry throat, and Jared mentions dinner, so he hangs around for a while longer.



It’s late when he gets home, but there’s the soft light of a candle burning on Danneel’s bedside table. She’s sitting up in bed with a weathered paperback in her hands, blinking at him in the doorway then smirking when he comes inside. “Hey, you. Did you have a good field trip?”

“I did. How was you-time?”

She waves the book as he lies down next to her. “Stefano is currently rigging the masts and Evangeline is admiring the waves of the lonely ocean as much as the waves of his butterscotch mane.”

Jensen chuckles and settles in with his chin at her shoulder so he can read a few lines of the trashy novel. “Has she overcome her hatred for his rough-and-tumble lifestyle to confess her undying love yet?”

“Maybe in another twenty pages. But they did just sleep by bonfire then outrun the pirates on shore. Now they’re headed east for hidden treasure.”

“Ten bucks says he uses it to buy a suit and win her over in the end.”

She laughs and slides a little lower in bed so they can rest comfortably. Then she sniffs and glances at him. “You smell like man.”

“Well, thank you,” he smirks.

“Like a real man,” she clarifies.

He’s ready to laugh, but he also suddenly feels guilty and unsure of how she’d take to the idea that he’s been escaping the apartment to see Jared, even though it’s only been twice now. His eyes flip to hers then back down to the book. “I was hanging out.”

“With who?”

“People.

Danneel sets the book face down in her lap and glares at him. “Tell me, Ackles.”

After all the years they’ve been together, he’s certain he can’t hide much from her, but he’s still not willing to say there’s anything really going between he and Jared beyond a few good orgasms. “You told me to find myself some drama, so I’m getting up to that.”

“And who is this mystery man?” she asks with a leading tone.

“Just a guy.”

She gets a twisted smile and raises an eyebrow. “Is this the guy you ran to when my mom was here?”

“Yeah, but it’s nothing,” he insists and picks the book up so they can get to that.

“Is it any good?” Danneel asks with a glint in her eye.

“It is a very healthy hook-up,” he nods.

She hums and takes the book back, propping it up for them both to see. “Well, at least you’re finally being healthy.”

“So, are they sailing by moonlight?” he asks to get away from the conversation.

Smiling, she lets it go. “Oh, you betcha.”



Over the course of the next month, Danneel ups her yoga classes at the gym to strengthen her core and find peace within, concocts a handful of other vitamin-rich juices, and goes in to Dr. Stewart for regular hormone shots.

Jensen chokes on every shake and decidedly keeps quiet about how his stomach rebels each time. He sits beside her at every appointment with his same soft support, and also stays silent on the fact that he sees Jared again, more often than he had ever planned in fact.

He also continues to evade most conversation about Danneel when he’s with Jared (and vice versa) so when Jared texts him one morning to meet for lunch, he has to turn him down for meeting Danneel at Dr. Stewart’s, but doesn’t say why. It happens a few more times during the week, and Jensen feels guilt nag at him for it, but he can’t imagine telling Jared that he and Danneel are trying to have a baby would lead to anything but being cut off from their good times together.

Though there are moments where he gets close to letting the cat out of the bag, like when he’s got a day to himself and invites Jared over. He’s sifting through the cupboards to find them something to eat while watching the game, but there’s nothing outside of organic and whole grain foods thanks to Helene’s impromptu visit the day before.

“She cleared out all my Cheetohs, Oreos, and pizza rolls,” Jensen groans. “What’s a guy supposed to eat?”

Jared laughs and waves a delivery menu before dropping it onto the counter towards the living room. “We could just order a pizza?”

“No,” Jensen sighs. “Danneel’ll probably smell it.”

“Man, they’ve got you on a tight leash, huh?”

Jensen moves to the fridge, not finding anything better. “It’s for her diet. I can’t complain.”

“Much,” Jared says with a smile. “Is she still making you carotene shakes?”

He pulls a glass canister out of the fridge and motions it towards Jared. It’s all green with dark spots peppered throughout. “Yesterday Helene made alien juice. Celery, melon, and broccoli.” Jensen shivers at the sick memory of the taste and texture of all those little broccoli bits. He can’t stand to look at the canister any longer, puts it back inside, and closes the door. “I didn’t even know broccoli could be juiced.”

“It’s all that newfangled science. They can pull a nut from a piece of tree bark.”

“What?” Jensen laughs high, and keeps on chuckling when Jared moves in with a grin and kisses him. “You’re crazy.”

“Crazy about you.”

“And corny.”

Jared nods and squeezes at Jensen’s side. “It’s been said.”

Jensen leans against the fridge and smiles. “We should run out for some snacks and something to drink.”

Leaning down, Jared nips at Jensen’s jaw. “I can think of something to snack on.”

The front door whips open and slams shut, followed be the sound of things being dumped to the floor. Jensen nudges Jared away and feels his nerves flare and guilt rise at Danneel being home early.

“Jensen!” she yells madly.

“What’s wrong?” he asks as he hurries out of the kitchen. Her hair’s pushed messily off her face like she’s been pulling and picking through it and her face is all red with anger. “I thought you were out with Katie?”

“I was, and she invited Steph. You know how much I hate Steph.”

He knows there are times Danneel’s coworkers can be a bit much, but Katie has been a good friend to Danneel for the last few years. Steph is more of an acquaintance that Danneel jokes about behind closed doors, yet is mostly too kind of her own good.

“God,” she sighs loudly and angrily. “She just kept going on and on about her daughter and how she’s number one in soccer and is being elevated to third grade math. And she’s reading Great Expectations for the third time.” Her voice keeps rising to higher levels of manic ire. “Hemmingway, Jensen! The girl is reading Hemmingway!”

“Okay,” Jensen says as evenly as possible, dropping his hands down in a calming motion. “So Steph has a Mensa kid on her hands.”

“She read it three times!” she nearly cries. Jensen’s about to try more rational words, but she looks sharply to his right and points with an even sharper tone. “Who is this?”

“Uh,” Jensen breathes out. “This is Jared.”

“Jared? Jared, who?”

Oh Christ, Jensen’s defenses are faltering and now he’s just filled with horror for how much further Danneel’s going to carry her rage. Danneel might lash him - figuratively and literally - right before Jared’s very eyes, and this is the worst possible way to introduce the two. Not that he ever planned to do such a thing, but this is a fresh nightmare he’s got on his hands.

She snatches up the pizza menu on the counter and flaps it in the air. “Oh my God, you were going to get pizza? You can’t eat this crap, Jensen! What are you doing to me?!”

“Danneel, look-”

“No, Jensen!” she finally cries out, tears spilling down her face. “You can’t have pizza! There are rules, and none of them include ordering greasy cheese buckets, letting Steph have amazing kids, or sleeping with Jared!”

“Oh my God, Danneel!” he shouts at her, but he can hear the worry slip into his voice. “What is wrong with you?”

Her hands fly to her face and her eyes go wide in shock. He’d probably laugh at her for the way she looks, but this sudden change is downright scary. “What is wrong with me?” she shrieks. “What is happening? Jensen, what am I doing?”

He carefully closes the space between them and rubs at her shoulders. “Honey, you’ve gotta calm down.”

“Oh my God, it’s the hormones,” she whimpers, still stunned by her behavior. “I can’t even - how can I?”

Jensen pulls her in, holding tight around her shoulders and shushing her through the crying as he tries like hell not to smile.

“I am a wretched human being,” she sobs, sniffling into his shirt. “I’m not fit to live. I can’t be a mother.”

He runs his hands down her hair and back, humming against her temple to calm her. They’ve seen outbreaks of emotion at inopportune times, but it’s never been like this, and now he’s just going for damage control to bring her back to sanity.

Jensen’s distracted by a soft creak in the kitchen and his stomach turns at the thought that Jared’s been watching this whole episode. He shoots him a shaky smile. Jared’s eyes are wide and his shoulders high and tense as he stares at Jensen, and Jensen gives him a guilty look, mouthing I’m sorry. Jared waves it off, but it seems like he’s still incredibly awkward witnessing the incident.

He puts his palm up to ask for five minutes, Jared nodding in understanding, then he steers Danneel to the bathroom, murmuring to her that she’s okay, and they’re going to take care of this.

She drops onto the closed toilet seat as he starts the bath water. Her crying has subsided to soft hiccups, and he grabs her hand tightly as he tests the water. When warm, he plugs the drain, shakes out some of her lavender bath salts, and mixes it a little with his free hand. He sits at the edge of the tub and pulls both of her hands into his.

“He’s really cute,” she says, lacking any real emotion, yet like she’s trying. He gives her a long look and she smiles meekly. “You haven’t brought anyone around in a while.”

He thumbs over her knuckles. “I thought you were gone for the day.”

“I ruined everything didn’t I? What a shitty first impression.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m more worried about you.” She frowns and he tugs on her hands for her attention. “What’s going on in your head?”

“It’s the hormones,” she replies with a solid nod. “Nothing else. I’m so sorry for … all that.”

“Dan?”

She looks down at their hands and flicks her fingers out before holding his hands tightly. “Steph’s pregnant again, and they weren’t even trying. Happy surprise, she says. And suddenly she and Katie are talking about shopping for blue bears and baseball mitts.”

“I thought you wanted a girl anyway?” he asks with a small smile.

“I just want something,” she admits quietly.

“It’s gonna happen, Dan. Positive thinking, remember?”

She snorts. “Yeah, and low stress.”

“Right,” Jensen nods and shuts off the water when the tub is filled high enough. “Which means you’re going to get in this bath and relax. And you’re going to will your mind and body as one.” Her eyebrows go up high and he smiles encouragingly. “Positive thinking.”

Danneel nods and squeezes his hands again. “I’m sorry for blowing up in front of Jared.”

“It’s okay,” he says, even though he’s not sure it is.

“Is he the guy you’ve been seeing?” He shrugs a little and her nose scrunches up in thought. “You like him?”

There’s the want to enthusiastically answer YES!, but he can’t manage to say it. Not to her, and not right now. “It’s fun,” he allows. “You gonna be okay?”

She breathes deeply and lets it out through her nose as she looks at the bath, now a light purple tint. “I’ll be okay. I’ve got a first class bath waiting for me.”

“You want me to hang around?”

“No, you go on with Jared. I think I need to decompress.”

“Okay,” he murmurs. He leans forward and kisses her forehead, stroking her hair as he stays there for a few seconds.

She quietly thanks him on his way out, and after Jensen closes the door, he turns to find Jared at the end of the hallway.

“Is she okay?” Jared whispers.

He meets Jared near the kitchen and nods. “Yeah. Let’s go out for the game.”

Jared nods and follows silently, only bringing up the incident when they’re settled at a nearby sports bar and both have beers coming. “I don’t know where to start,” Jared admits quietly.

While he’s sure he owes Jared a real explanation, he can’t come up with the right words or the confidence that this won’t wreck what he and Jared are doing. “She’s having some … women’s issues. Hence the hormones and her breakdown.”

Slowly, Jared shakes his head and glances across the half-filled bar rumbling with football on widescreen TVs. “She said there are rules, about sleeping with me.”

Jensen stalls for the waitress bringing them pints of beer and taking their order. They each take a long drink, and Jensen clears his throat. “She’s just, she’s having a hard time with this. There are a lot of ups and downs, and we’ve been …” He drifts off, fighting the right explanation without giving away the whole situation. “We’re extremely close. We’ve known each other since damn near day one of college and we go through everything together. I think it’s just a lot for her to deal with right now.”

“What’s a lot?” Jared asks hesitantly.

Jensen takes another sip and clears his throat. “Just the health stuff. Her emotions and mood swings.”

“What about us?”

Jensen looks right into Jared’s eyes and though he looks uncertain and sad, Jensen softly smiles at him because he can’t not when Jared is so earnest and beautiful.

Jared begins to smile, too, then looks to the table for a few seconds, as if he’s tempering his reaction right now. “But you and her -”

“We’re not together,” Jensen insists, like a written transcript he’s had to repeat over the years when friends and family side-eye them. “Me and Danneel, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“So, it’s okay? That we’re like, whatever?” Jared asks, waving a hand between them.

“Yeah, Jared, it’s okay” Jensen murmurs, even if he’s not sure it’s true. He wants it to be.

Jared sighs with a shaky laugh. “God, I felt like I walked into a nightmare where you’re in the closet and your wife found us.”

Jensen laughs a little, too, glad to see Jared smiling and accepting the little bit of explanation he’s feeding him. “No, not at all. It’s like how people have work spouses? We’re like life spouses,” he jokes then frowns. “Or, well, you know what I mean.”

“I think I do,” Jared smiles. He reaches across the table and rests his hand lightly over Jensen’s. “It’s pretty admirable that you two are that close, especially when she’s like that. You’re starting to put my hero complex to shame.”

He turns his hand over so their palms are warm and sliding together. His chest goes tight with the soft smile Jared’s aiming at him and the realization that Jared is incredibly understanding.

They continue to gently smile at one another, and for the first time since Jensen and Danneel ever discussed having a baby, he’s wishing things were different.



The next week, he’s back to the grind of work and Danneel’s appointments. She’s reserved when they go in for egg retrieval, but there’s an undercurrent of hope when they part so Danneel can go through the process. While he’s in the waiting room, Jared texts, asking about meeting after work for dinner.

He closes his eyes and holds his breath. It’s been two months of them hanging out and it’s become more than just a quick break from doctor’s appointments and Danneel’s stress. Jensen knows this, and he also knows it’s unfair to Jared to not tell him what’s going on. All the same, he’s feeling the weight of it on his shoulders when he’s with Danneel and doesn’t share a single thing about Jared aside from vaguely answering her curious questions.

Beyond the guilt that he hardly sees Jared during the week no matter how often it’s suggested, there’s the fact that he can’t imagine leaving Danneel alone today. She’ll be woozy from the twilight anesthesia and need a bit of attention, not to mention company.

Jensen steps out to the hallway and calls Jared, catching him on his lunch break. He leans against the wall and stares down at his shoes, tipping the toe against the shiny white tile that covers every hallway of the outpatient center. Jensen’s seen it enough to get the same feeling when he looks at it: anticipation.

“Hey, how’s it going?” Jared asks happily.

“It’s going. How about you? What’re you up?”

“Out grabbing lunch. Hopefully I won’t have to stop and save any strangers from tripping on a crack in the sidewalk. I’m pretty hungry.”

Jensen smiles a little. “You’re always hungry.”

“Very true,” he laughs. “How about you? What’re you doing for lunch?”

“I have an appointment, so I’ll probably just grab something on the way out.” It’s not a total lie, though he’s beginning to recognize guilt all the same for omitting the truth these days.

“So you do go out during the week? I was beginning to think you were a vampire or something.”

Jensen snorts. “I’m pretty sure vampires are adverse to sun, not Monday through Friday.”

“You could have mutated.”

“We met on a Wednesday,” he points out.

“Alright, I’ll allow it,” Jared says airily. “So, what’re you planning for lunch?”

Jensen tips his head back to the wall and closes his eyes against the fluorescent glare above. “Maybe a sandwich? I haven’t thought that far along.”

“What kind? I haven’t decided what I want and maybe you can come up with something I can top.”

He chuckles to himself and nods. “Not sure. Probably just whatever’s on special.”

“Man, that’s the sucker’s way out of good decision making. I’m embarrassed to be with you.”

Jensen wants to laugh, so much he wants to continue on with a jab, but his stomach twists at Jared saying they’re together. “Yeah, I know,” he mumbles. “I’m awful.”

“Though I’m not sure what it says about me.”

“That you’re even more despicable?”

“You are so harsh,” Jared says with a shocked laugh. “I’m gonna bet it’s the hunger pains. You better eat soon.”

“Yeah, I’ll get to working on that,” he snips back.

“Mr. Ackles?” Judith, a blue-scrubbed female assistant, calls from the office he’d been in earlier. “She’s ready.”

He smiles and waves at the woman and then quickly apologizes to Jared for having to go.

“Gimme a call later and we’ll get together,” Jared insists.

“I might be stuck a little late, but I’ll give you a call,” he promises.

Back in the office, Jensen knocks on the exam room’s closed door. “You decent?”

“Jensen?” Danneel slowly asks from inside.

He opens the door and finds her dazed and struggling to yank at the neck of her gown. “Hey, not just yet, you tease,” he jokes as he shuts the door . He grabs her clothes from a nearby chair and sets it in her lap as he passes a glance over her.

She keeps blinking and starts to sway a little. “I’m like Humpty Dumpty,” she mumbles. “But no one put me back together again.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” he insists with a warm smile.

As he unclasps the back of the gown, she grunts. “Don’t go sneaking peeks now, Ackles.”

“Oh, sweetheart, you wish you were my type.”

“I do,” she nods tiredly. She closes her eyes as he helps her into a zip-up, hooded sweatshirt. “Think of all the time and money we could’ve saved.” He chuckles as she attempts to move her legs so he can get a pair of workout pants up her legs. “And the pain. I could’ve been prodded in a much more satisfying manner.”

“Yeah, but I wouldn’t be able to witness you like this. You hopped up on drugs is the highlight of my week.”

“You are awful.”

“I know,” he replies, echoing what he and Jared had joked about just five minutes ago. Thinking of Jared while with her like this makes him frown.

Danneel wobbles as she stands and he holds her upright, but he’s surprised when she falls against him, arms loose around his waist. “You’re not awful. You’re wonderful.” She kisses his chest where her head rests and squeezes as well as she can. “I can’t wait to see you be a father.”

He pulls back and softly strokes over her cheek, slipping hair behind her ear. “And you’re gonna be a great mom, Miss Harris.”

Her smile is lazy and her eyes are drooping, but he can’t help the warm feeling he gets as he imagines that this time it’s going to happen.



They take their time stopping at the pharmacy for minor pain medication, the video store for a few movies, and then getting home to put Danneel into bed to sleep off the anesthesia.

After they’ve both changed, he rounds up a glass of water, a few magazines, the remote to Danneel’s TV, and a box of tissues at her bedside table. They’ve been through this enough times to predict that Danneel will likely nap on and off for a few hours, sprinkling in some light gossip reading and random TV, which usually turns into some Hallmark or Lifetime movie followed by a bout of hormonal crying.

Jensen’s ready to settle in with her, but there’s steady knocking at the front door. He’s surprised to open it to Helene on the other side.

“Hi there, Papa,” she gushes and hugs him unbearably tight.

He gasps at her hold. “Horse before the cart, Helene.”

When she pulls back, she’s smiling warmly and pats her heart. “I’ve got a good feeling about this one.” Then she pinches his side, making him flinch away, and tsks happily. “Getting a little weight on you. I’m happy to see it.”

He frowns as she walks into the apartment and he’s wracking his brain for any memory that Danneel told him her mother would be stopping by.

Helene must read the confusion because she rests her purse on an arm chair and gives him a knowing look before walking towards Danneel’s room. “I figured she could use a li’l maternal touch.”

“She’s down to nap now, so maybe we should go back to the living room,” he whispers.

With surprising fondness, Helene pats his cheek. “Jensen, honey, sometimes a daughter needs more than just a nap.”

“But I think maybe-”

“Call it motherly intuition,” she interrupts before shooing him away. She enters Danneel’s room and closes the door to stop further conversation.

He scratches at the side of his head and feels strange to be cut off from this. He absolutely understands that beyond all of their ribbing about Helene, Danneel adores her mother and cherishes the time and love she showers her with. But this whole experience has been Danneel and Jensen together through it all, and to be excluded right now is a bit unnerving.

Besides, he feels strange with the two women holed up in Danneel’s room while he just hangs out. He’d had the whole afternoon and evening mapped out for he and Danneel to relax with trashy movies and more Harlequin readings, but now, he’s clueless about what to do with himself.



“It lives,” he hears before he sees Jared approach.

He’d wasted an hour or so window shopping, including a long trip inside a baby shop where he’d read more witty bibs than he’d like to admit. As the afternoon slid towards evening, he bit the bullet, bused it over to Jared’s, and has been sitting on his front stoop to the point of his ass going numb on the hard cement.

“I took an antidote so I could manage to be out on a Tuesday,” he says sagely.

Jared grins as he leans down. “The things you do for me.” He kisses Jensen soundly, but frowns when he pulls back. “Everything okay?”

Jensen nods. “Yeah, things are good. Though I heard Harley going nuts about twenty minutes ago, so I’m thinking he might’ve ripped up your living room.”

“He was probably distracted by a bird. Or smelled you.”

He follows Jared inside and upstairs, groaning just for good measure. “Did you forget the part where I’m sacrificing my secret weekday cover to see you? You could be a little nicer.”

“How about if I promise to feed you?”

“That has the possibility of going badly,” Jensen quips.

“How about if I do other bad things to you?” Jared asks as he strokes his hand over the small of Jensen’s back and down to his ass.

“I’m up for negotiating such things.”

Jared laughs as he nudges Jensen inside his apartment. “You are too easy.”

Once Jared’s changed, they take a walk around the neighborhood to let Harley stretch his legs and race through a nearby park. When Harley’s burned enough energy, they head back, picking up Chinese take-out and settling on the couch to eat and talk.

It’s as easy as it’s been at their best, and Jensen only barely remembers why he’d left his apartment in the first place. He does begin to wonder why he hadn’t bothered meeting Jared for dinner before, but the concern is erased when he realizes how comfortable, how normal it feels.

Simple is more like it, because when Jared’s hand rests at the back of Jensen’s head and his fingers stroke aimlessly, Jensen ignores the primetime drama on screen and smiles at him. Jared moves in to kiss slowly and their tongues tangle together like all the times before. And as always, they move onto the bedroom and burn off dinner together.

After, Jensen lies on his side with Jared beside him on his stomach. With soft fingers, he traces small patterns over the curve of Jared’s back, smiling as Jared hums at the touch.

“You staying the night?” Jared murmurs.

He keeps his eyes to his hand palming Jared’s shoulder blade. “I should probably go soon.” Jared hums and Jensen adds, “Gotta work tomorrow.”

Jared slips close and rings his arm around Jensen’s shoulder to pull him in. “One of these days I’m gonna convince you to actually sleep in my bed.”

“I need to check on Danneel,” he insists softly.

“How is she?”

Jensen stops with guilt and instead goes for a joke. “Her mom showed up this afternoon, so probably dying for someone to deflect the attention.”

Jared chuckles. “She springs herself on you guys a lot.”

“It’s not so bad. Danneel appreciates the support.”

“Is she doing okay now?”

Jensen smirks. “No more rage, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“That’s good news,” he nods and Jensen does, too. “How much more time do we have before you have to bail on our good night?”

He glances over Jared’s shoulder to the clock on the nightstand. It’s near ten; he thinks through time for walking and buses and figures he should leave soon. “Maybe twenty.”

“Just enough, I’d say,” Jared grins as he slips his hand between them and palms Jensen’s dick.

“Oh,” Jensen chuckles with surprise. “You are distracting.”

Jared tugs at him with a tight grip and twists his wrist just right. “In a good way?”

“In a very good way,” he responds, shifting to get his hand between them and return the favor.

They stroke each other together, kissing messily in between low moans. Jensen nudges Jared’s out of the way and wraps his hand around them both then looks down to watch how his fingers slips over their heads together and how Jared rolls into it. The feel of them in his hand and the hard press of Jared’s dick against his is more than enough to get him off in due time, and they come seconds apart.

“That’s definitely a good way,” Jared murmurs against his lips, and Jensen’s pretty apt to agree.



Thursday night, Jensen’s only half asleep, but full of worry for the next day. They’re going in for Danneel’s implant and from there, they’ll wait and cross their fingers that her body takes the egg and keeps it. He knows the night is passing, but he’s also completely aware that he’s not staying asleep for longer than twenty or thirty minutes at time. Looking at the clock is more punishment than knowledge at this point.

He turns towards the wall and shucks his pillows into a different arrangement then wills his brain to chill out.

He’s just about to sleep, he can feel the wave of rest coming over him, when the mattress bends and there’s a weight behind him.

“What’s wrong?” he mumbles thickly.

Danneel slides against his back and rings her arm over his waist, grabbing his hand where it rests within the sheets. “Nothing.”

“Did you watch The Grudge again?”

“That was one time.”

“Two times,” he corrects, remembering when they’d found it on replay a few years ago and she fought to keep her eyes closed without seeing the creepy girl’s eyes.

“Okay, two times,” she relents. He’s about to again ask what’s wrong when she quickly says, “Jen, I’ve been thinking.”

He pushes his head into the pillows, fighting for a more comfortable position. “And now we’re all in trouble.”

“If it doesn’t work tomorrow-”

“It will,” he insists.

“If it doesn’t,” she repeats with more force to her voice. Then she presses her face to his shoulder and the rest of her words are muffled. “I don’t think we should try anymore.”

Jensen turns immediately, pausing on his back and staring at her. In the pale light coming in through his bedroom window, he can see enough to tell that she’s looking right at him, appearing completely convinced and lacking any real emotion other than something akin to guilt. “What’re you talking about?”

She shifts back to let him fully face her and she sadly smiles. “I’m tired, Jensen.”

“Yeah, ‘cause it’s like four in the morning.”

“I’m tired of doing this,” she sighs. “Tired of the procedures and the ups and downs. I’m tired of dragging you through it.”

“I don’t - you’re not dragging me through it.”

Her eyes roam his face, like she’s working out her words.

“Danneel, you’re not,” he asserts.

“You like Jared,” she says more than asks.

Instead of confirming it, he says, “Dan, it’s the middle of the night. Why are we talking about this now?”

She takes a deep breath and her brow furrows and mouth twists. “You like Jared. You’ve been spending a lot of time with him, and you like him. “

“That has nothing to do with us here.”

“It has everything to do with us,” she pushes on. Her voice takes on a soft yet emotional tone and he can’t help but listen to her go on. “We agreed on this because we’re getting older and we’ve had only each other for so long. We’re all we have, and it’s easy and comfortable. And you just went along with me because I asked, I know that.”

Jensen moves closer and sets his hand at her shoulder, squeezing hard. “I didn’t say yes just because you asked. I want a kid, too, Dan. And we’ll be doing this together.”

She rests her palm over his heart and she shoots him the sad smile that cuts right to his gut. “But you deserve more than all this. You deserve to be happy, and to be with Jared.”

“Jared and I are … it’s only been a few months. It’s nothing,” he argues, even while his heart twists at the lie.

“I know you, Ackles,” she smirks, but it feels empty in the middle of this conversation. “I know when you like someone, and you really like Jared. And I’m happy for you, I really am. But we also can’t go forward if this happens with you and Jared making it work, too. And I can’t ask you to sacrifice that if this doesn’t happen.”

It stings to hear her say it, no matter how aware he’s been of that fact this whole time. “You - and this - is much more than anything Jared or I could have.”

Her fingers twist in his shirt. “You don’t know that. You don’t know until you try.”

His eyes comb over her face and he can’t fathom a decent response outside of no, but that will get them nowhere. For nearly two years, he and Danneel have been focused on nothing but trying to get pregnant, with all the crammed doctor’s appointments, hormone treatments and their side effects, and the hopeful procedures brought down with sad news. He has no clue what he would do with himself if he suddenly didn’t have Danneel and this whole arrangement to deal with.

“Just make one more promise for me? Try with Jared if you can?”

Jensen can’t lie enough to say he wouldn’t want an opportunity to keep Jared around and see where it goes. And even while he’s ready to argue more with her, he doesn’t want to go around in circles on the matter. He pulls her in closer and rests his face in her hair. “We’ll see what happens.”



They hardly sleep, but Danneel is surprisingly calm where she’s usually been anxious with worry or excitement. Jensen appreciates not having to soothe her, but it’s strange all the same. He remains quiet except when she speaks, and then he’s foggy and slow to respond.

He just follows her determined direction when they head to Dr. Stewart’s, and he’s so fixed on trailing her that he can’t comprehend the kind voice or hand at his shoulder. He stares at Danneel but she’s looking to his side, and when he turns, Jared’s standing there smiling at them both.

“Jared,” Jensen mumbles. “What’re you doing here?”

“I’m heading into work early,” he says, pointing down the street. “What’re you guys up to?”

Jensen’s sight roams towards the medical office building in front of them for just a second, but it’s long enough for Jared to follow and then look at him with confusion. Jensen struggles to answer, being so close to telling Jared the truth and also having hardly slept. “We have … Danneel has an appointment.”

Jared glances between them and seems to pick up on the tension. “Oh, right.” Nodding at Danneel, he asks her, “How’s everything going? Are you feeling better?”

Danneel looks at him for a few long moments then turns towards Jensen with a flat look. Jensen’s certain she gets that she’s not the only one Jensen’s been hiding things from. “Yes, thank you,” she replies kindly enough to satisfy Jared. With a strange look, she says to Jensen, “Just meet me upstairs when you’re done,” and heads inside alone.

“Did I say something wrong?” Jared asks. He looks and sounds confused and guilty, which tugs at Jensen’s insides because he’s the one who’s been doing everything wrong. “What’s going on, Jen?”

Jensen snaps to attention with Jared’s tense question. “I can’t talk about it right now,” he answers flatly. He’s certain that in another week he can. When they have a positive or negative on the pregnancy test then he can tell Jared what’s going on and he can make a decision on what do between the most important people in his life.

Jared sighs and shifts away. “Look, I get that she’s sick and it’s a sensitive thing. We’ve only been together like four months and I really don’t have any right to know what she’s going through. But I get the distinct feeling that there’s something else you’re not telling me, or like you’re trying to keep me at arm’s length.”

His heart says to argue that it’s not true, but his brain is feeling defeated and he barely meets Jared’s narrowed eyes. “It’s a long story,” he mumbles.

“I’m willing to listen.”

Jensen shakes his head then stares at the office building before them. “I need to get upstairs with Danneel. This is a bad time.”

“Well, when is a good time?” Jared snaps.

Some twisted part of his mind hopes that Jared snaps entirely and breaks this off, just so he doesn’t have to. Give Jared the power to say no and let Jensen avoid breaking the man’s heart. But he can’t let that happen, especially not now, on a city sidewalk while Danneel’s with Dr. Stewart and preparing to start the rest of their lives.

When Jensen is quiet too long, Jared laughs bitterly. “Man, I get that some people hate getting serious, but you’ve been a freaking lock box for weeks now.”

“Jared,” Jensen sighs, but Jared rolls right over him, raising his hand between them.

“No, forget it. Forget I asked. And forget this right now. I gotta work, you gotta do … whatever,” he says tightly, waving at the building.

Jensen’s heart and stomach sink and his mouth goes dry, unable to choke out any plea to keep Jared in place when Jared shakes his head and walks away.

He rubs at his brow when he finally makes it into the office, and Judith, with her comfortable and sympathetic smile in place, directs him to Danneel’s room.

Danneel is on the medical table and already in a gown, fidgeting with the hem. She sits up straighter when he enters, obviously seeing the distress in his body and how he dumps himself into the chair off to the side. “He doesn’t even know, does he?” she asks softly.

Jensen brings his head up enough to catch her eyes. He figures there’s no point to lie now; he lacks the energy to fight it anyway. “No, he doesn’t.”

“Oh, Jensen,” she murmurs.

He scrubs his palms over his face then stares at the bright lights overhead. “I didn’t think it was gonna get this far,” he admits, knowing there’s no point in keeping quiet anymore. “It was just supposed to be a break between all of this.” She sighs gently and purses her lips in a sad smile, and he shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter.” He tries on his best smile, but he’s sure between his exhaustion and the weight of what just happened with Jared that it’s truly pathetic. “We’re here now. You and me, Harris.”

“You are a moron.”

“What?”

She laughs harshly. “You are such a moron, lying to us all, even yourself. You realize that if this doesn’t work this time, we’re not doing it again, and we’re free to do anything else with our lives without freaking out over hormones and my uterus. You and Jared have a chance and you’re just gonna let him walk away, aren’t you? Are you deranged?”

“He willingly walked,” he weakly argues.

Danneel tips her head and glares at him, ready to fire back some other jab when Dr. Stewart enters with his easy smile and Danneel instantly shifts gears to return it.

Next