I can't get a job, I've failed at the lap band surgery, and I haven't had a girlfriend in almost 10 years. I'm the definition of a failure. I'm so fucking sad. I've been crying for four days straight. I literally hate myself.

A friend Ross just posted something from Jay Reatard's art to my wall stating "Death is wack." Look where that got him. He prolly got mad cash for it. Somehow, my plans got out. I don't know how. Now THAT'S embarrassing. I'm starting to come out of this, but that just makes me want to swallow poison more. Jesus Christ. I was lured right back into ( Read more... )

The past couple of days I've thought about nothing but my death and killing myself. I am so selfish when it comes to human interaction. I know very little about anyone's lives and feel immensely guilty even asking when I should know (see: forgetting someones name after meeting them twice ( Read more... )

I find myself thinking about her in everything I do right before I'm hanging out with her and it alters my decisions. Even if it's just when I'll be in the same place as her on any given night. In my entire life I have never had someone whip me like she has. I can't shake her. I hate it. I hate that I can't shake her. This might just be love. Am I ( Read more... )

I feel like everyone is sick of me bitching. But these are real feelings. It's a macho game, or they ignore. But their opinion of me always drops.

I have an albatross flying above me. When I am weak it swoops down and cackles in my ear, it tells me it will feed on my thoughts. Sometimes I feed the albatross just because it's hungry ( Read more... )

A sentence was sweet spoken before. I had the verbs with me. These verbs said they would always complete my thoughts for actions. This new revolution makes me spit up demons. I want nothing more than to to speak fluently, but the old verbs are polluting the air with rude assholishness, making me feel rude and wanting nothing more from me but than ( Read more... )

I just lost 2 hours on you, LJ.
But it was worth it in every way.
I relived a bunch of memories.
"For the man who hates the past"
Yeah nostalgia, take that!
Fag!

I haven't been here for a bit. It's like stepping into a house you used to live in. But in your dreams. So everything is a bit crazy here or there. How should I phrase it? George Bailey here. I wish I was never porn. Ugh. Terrible. Gotta ring a bell ( Read more... )

Ha! Yeah, it's been a while. It doesn't really matter though. Most of my blogs (on myspace) nowadays are unlike any of yours, do not indicate what I did that day and are completely selfish in nature. Cryptic, painful, ecstatic and terribly written - but that's the way I like em. I might return here for nostalgia's sake, but it seems like my ( Read more... )