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so I realized tonight this won't last and for the first time that's what i want. I wouldn't be happy long term and that's totally okay because I can learn wonderful things and know that its just the means to further adventures. -
Always in class
I would say its wierd that I always end up updating in class. . .my running hypothesis is "if class is boring and stupid and taught by someone who clearly has never actually dealt with a mental illness, then i will probably become bored and therefore update my livejournal ( Read more... ) -
Bleh
Bleh...I feel so depressed. actually its more apathy than anything else. I'm just so fucking done...I can't help it but uggh. my heart is just breaking. I've been all over the map lately and really inconsistent, which frankly scares me but that's where I'm at.
I don't know...it just feels so cold sometimes and other times like the world isn't ( Read more... ) -
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It feels so good to write- its a release. I don't adore what I wrote but I'm so happy that I wrote something. . .I don't even care. I mean- it does have some pretty great lines and G is right, it is just a rough draft. I think thats a huge part of my problem- writing has always been such a release that the idea of tinkering with what I've ( Read more... ) -
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I will raze the past to embers in my quest for redemption.
This quixotic desire for solace can only end in self-immolation.
Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.
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A quest. . .
The real problem with putting together Ikea furniture high is that every 3rd hammer manages the chip away at the veneer to the shitty particleboard furniture. Still, the fact that after a bizarre twist in fate, I was fulfilling the simple act of hammering away cheap furniture seems surreal. I’m building a bookshelf/storage unit under which will ( Read more... ) -
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There is a place where hope and despair fracture and create the most beautiful anger. I used to live there. I used to drown my sorrows in hate, dream of quiet revenge, and wake the promise of destruction. Now I don’t know where I live. I am a nomad of circumstance; I guess that’s just a refugee. Who am I? What exists now that I have been ( Read more... ) -
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I want to write something prolific but I'm so scared of sounding sophmoric. . . -
work blues
I've been back at work for three days and its hard. its hard to well with people who are shitty and unkind and frankly don't give a shit. its hard to be somewhere and have your coworkers ignore you and pretend you are just a speck of shit on their shoes. its all too fucking much.
all my life I imagined that I would grow up and everything would ( Read more... ) -
Dog Days Are Over
I have literally no idea what dog days are but i know mine have ended. its time to go back to work and I have the typical end of vacation blues...not that this was a vacation but still it was a break. for a little I was moping because I saw what my life could be but what its not. then I realized that lounging around going to doctors and watching ( Read more... )