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Torn
I wrote this just now, because this is what my heart and sanity is wrapped around at the moment. I'm so near the edge I'm scaring myself. This past week has been a headrush of emotion, feelings, doubt, and most of all- hurt. So this is for you, though I know you'll never see this. I'm sorry.
Verse 1
Never did I think that I would be caught between ( Read more... ) -
Speed
Well not really, but I feel like I'm on it. Thats what BPD, plus OCD, plus ADD does to you. You have no idea what the feeling is like. It would be awesome under different circumstances, but being as they arent, it fucking sucks. I haven't been able to stop moving for the past week or so, just cleaning and cleaning and moving and constantly needing ( Read more... ) -
Update
So I realized I still have this and haven't updated in a century and forever. Nothing big is going on at the moment. Ava turns 1 in a few days, and I'm pretty excited about that. I can't believe how fast time goes by when you have a child. I know thats cliche but it's absolutely true. It seems like just yesterday I was going into labor with her, ( Read more... ) -
Okay
So I can't stop stuffing my face. Nothing new. I'm fucking disgusting.
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LOOK!!!!
So....I have a new goal for myself. Having it be that I've gained 20lbs, I'd like to lose them all before summer comes. I want to look good in a bikini for once, and be confident enough to say "hey, I look okay." Not these constant horrible, negative thoughts that plauge my mind every waking moment of every day. "You're so fat- you cow, you just ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
Im losing weight. 25 lbs, no less. Don't try to stop me, don't tell me I'm crazy or stupid, because none of it is gonna matter. I ordered my Stacker 3s, and I'm going to start walking 5 miles a day using a pedometer to keep track. Im going to conquer my eating disorder (binge eating now) and I WILL be beautiful again. So fuck everything else ( Read more... ) -
So...
I'm starting my diet tomorrow, having it be I just got on the scale and realized I've gained a ton of weight. I'm going to be using diet pills and whatnot, so dont try and change my mind about this. I'm determined to do this. Lose 20. That's it. That's all I ask. So yeah. Pray that this works for me. -
So...
I've started yet another Thinspiration journal. Nothing too big...but I am getting big myself. I've gained 6 pounds in one week, all by eating chocolate and fatty foods. I don't understand why I'm having cravings like this all of a sudden, and I can't just control what I eat. It's sickening, the way I eat food too...I think I'm a binger. John took ( Read more... ) -
Sick of it
I'm tired of being overly disgusting.
I think it's time for a change.
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Webcam time!
So my friend ordered me this webcam off ebay, because a lot of people haven't seen little one yet, and don't have myspace. So I figured, why not get a webcam and let everyone see little one?! There's a website where webcams stream live, here's my profile ( Read more... )