You say that you have changed so many things, but when I stop mentioning them they return. You say that I have not and yet he I am ( Read more... )

Still depressed, just now i'm depressed, sick, hurting, and broke. There is nothing quite like going to an sca war while depressed. Oh and C is sick now as well so more work for me.

So i've been driving myself with a whip this last week doing every chore, cooking every meal, doing even those things others said they would do and routinely don't, and ignoring my health both physical and mental to do it. Today i was thanked for stepping up and doing my share. well there goes the reenforcing of negative patterns. oh and the ( Read more... )

everyone tells you to practice self care, until such time as your self destructive acts benefit them. at that point the become blind to the pain.

If you are going to walk a path of self destruction, you might as well dance.

There is a really good chance we need to talk about what was bothering you. But how you broached it, in that manner, precluded all talk, all chance at a meeting of minds, any way for me to speak on the subject. So even though your statement was vague I'll follow what manner of its spirit I can find ( Read more... )

The velocity of a shoe that takes four and a half years to fall is earth shattering.

I feel like i'm about to burst full manic and burn all the bridges. I can't... I just can't.

I think this is what giving up feels like. I ran the budget the other day and because my room mates are unemployed it is up to me and my fiance to cover all of the household bills. I am the only one of the two who can work more. so i'm giving up my asl my sca my game in orlando. I'm giving up on having any free time at all. I can't even afford ( Read more... )

I tell people i'm not a good person and very few believe me, they see what is on the outside and very few people have seen the darkness inside me and not turned away. Now we see. The darkness broke through thanks to a combination of many things. demons and doubts i didn't know were still there, anxiety ( Read more... )