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Another year almost here
October 7th will be two years.
Two years that she has been gone.
I can’t say I ‘had’ a daughter. That seems like such blasphemy. The correct term to me is ‘HAVE’ a daughter. But she is no longer huggable. I can no longer hear her laughter or her voice. I can’t look forward to any more of her accomplishments because there are none.
Autumn again, ( Read more... ) -
Little Joys and Gentle Interactions While Loss is Nestled Firmly
So, I was doing morning prayers - albeit a bit late but I got started at just a tick or two before noon so - close enough. (slept in after being up late playing a new game that caught my attention) . I have been trying to keep to the offices of the day as part of my process of healing, as well as part of my ‘distance’ assistance to the AJC as an ( Read more... ) -
No, I've not abandoned it
This blog I mean. I just don’t feel like I have a lot to say. Some days are alright, some are horrible. Some days I go through the whole day without that sinking feeling, then other days (like yesterday) it suddenly hits me so hard I want to vomit.
I miss her.
It’s cold and icy.
I’m not living healthily.
Oh, I found something that I’m kind of ( Read more... ) -
A year has come, and passed.
How is it that a whole year just went by? I admit that I have, for the most part - been in a state of disassociation I think. Sometimes worse than others. But suddenly the day was here.
I had spent about 3 weeks FULLY completely dreading it. Then two weeks wondering what I should plan. Should I ask if her friends want to get together? How do I pay ( Read more... ) -
End of Summer
This is about the time that all the trees with their dried out leaves begin to whisper about the Fall.
It is a time of year I normally love.
This year it is tainted and darker.
There is more than just random stories in the chatter of the leaves.
More than just a collection of memories from the stretched days of spring and summer.
This year there ( Read more... ) -
Finding Comfort
When tragedy strikes, we are often faced with failure. Not failure of our own self - because it is expected that we break down during tragedy - but failure of belief systems to provide comfort or failure of the support from people we were sure we could have counted on.
Having your child die feels like the worst violation. It tears away everything ( Read more... ) -
Sharing a post I wrote on facebook
I’ve seen so many posts/meme’s from people who are aching to kick 2016 out the door and bring in 2017. Mostly due to celebrity deaths. Deaths of people that were known by the vast majority only for their outward presentation and not for who they really were. But anyhow - this was what I wrote:
2016 wasn’t a bad year to me. Most of it was great. I ( Read more... ) -
Three Months Tomorrow
Tomorrow will be December 7th. Three months since she died. Not only do Fridays in general sit in my memory as ‘The Friday the police officer told me my daughter had passed away that afternoon’, but now there is also the 7th of each month that stands out for me. And of course there is now her Death Date along with her Birth Date.
Those two days ( Read more... ) -
Tree time
It’s up, not decorated - though the lights are on it (but not turned on)
And two little thingies for my daughter.
( Read more... )