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I have successfully driven away anyone remotely interested in my life...I am terribly depressed and my eyes burn with sorrow. I have started a short story called "suicide" no meaning to me except the lead seems to be more courageous then I'll ever be. All I ever do is fuck things up...It is what I am good at. I give up everyone I date ends up being ( Read more... )

I hate when people are right. I dunno I need some action I am bored outta my skull. All I do is work and go to school. I mean it is all good but I need a life. I bug people at work all day. I am so lonely it is driving me mad. I called it quits completely with Jenn. Something I never thought I could do. I feel somewhat happy. It was a bad situation ( Read more... )

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I don't know what to do about J... I am lost without her but our relationship is not on an even ground. I am lonely. I am depressed. I feel like a little company or good time out won't kill us. I don't know. Things are complicated and she won't make up her mind. I don't know if I care anymore. I don't know if I give a damn about anything anymore. I ( Read more... )

Ok I love Jenn more then anything in the world but for some reason I still feel drawn to the Dark side. Somewhere in my big fucking head I think it would be better if she found someone better than me. Someone who can provide for her in ways I cannot. It's complicated. My fucking situation is worse, I feel like I have hit rock bottom. I feel ( Read more... )

Topsy's pissed about Bobsy's being in Sharon with Marvin and Gary. I don't know my own Gnomes anymore behaving like bitches at a wedding dress sale ( Read more... )

I have made a choice which is secret for dramatic reasons. I am gonna live my life for me, no one else.Jenn and I are on good terms. It was nice to hear from her. I am going to go to UMASS Beantown. I have to go to the POst, the bank and the library today. TIme to get my Shite together, get a game plan and the tauts to get 'er done.

What do I do? I am torn do I play the heartstroke hero or the hustler? Too whom? Should I take the offer or should I wander? Shit man this is nuts...I miss they days where I just got a little no strings. Now I have a conscience and all that jive.

I sold some books on AMAZON.COM, getting some extra cash in the pocket. work is cool at least that is going forward. I feel like it's been like eighteen steps back since I have been denied an educaion by Simmons. It's cool I can just plug a long at the Hill. I goota get on the ball and figure out where I am going this spring.